Do Couples ever trade off for threesomes

[shy_femme]

Hi, I have some questions, and am not sure about how some things are supposed to work...we're new!

My husband and I have played with a female friend, had a great time. I'd really like to have a MFM, or even a MFMF, but he is not comfortable with that. Of course he's loving the FMF action, but I'd like to have some 'attention' as well! I have brought up the idea of another couple, but he just doesn't know how that would work.

My idea, was that perhaps another couple might be willing to 'trade off', until he decides if he is ok with another couple. I suggested that if 'she' had a threesome with us, then 'I' could go and share a threesome with that couple. I thought perhaps that way he'd be more familiar with all of us together, and that way maybe at some point he'd be comfortable enough to try a couples evening.

Has anyone done that, as a way to work up to a MFMF? Or is that 'not done' and against some rule of etiquette? We are new at this.

I don't even know how to begin to introduce the MFM scenario to him.

I've told him that I'd like to, but he doesn't like it, so I don't say much about it. Our female friend has mentioned having a MFMF, but he's just 'selfish' I guess...

I've even said that there'll be no more FMF until I get some MFM action! But he knows I'd play, if the situation arises.

I've talked to another couple; and since we've never gone any further than the FMF, I wouldn't even know how the 'festivities' just happen? I thought perhaps if the guys are outside doing the beer-and-bbq thing, and us women are inside having a nice pitcher of margaritas, lounging on the sofa and watching porn ( ), we could get the idea across by "letting them" catch us nuzzling and making out a bit?

I think I need a Husband-Swapping For Dummies book.

Any thoughts on how to "let things happen"?

[turnuptheheat]

The common answer will be tell him exactly how you feel and exactly what you want.
If you do not feel you are getting a "fair share", that will eventually show up and may already (from the way I read the post) lead to some degree of resentment.
Open, honest communication is the key to all of the successful swinging relationships you will read about on this board.
Good luck!

[Mr. Truelove]

Playing with her while the hubbies are out is just fine, if you could be sure that he would be okay with that. Otherwise he might just feel tricked. That could be a dangerous line you would be dancing.

You say that he "doesn't know how that would work." Does he elaborate on this? It is hard for us to give advice when we don't truly know what his issues are with the MFM or MFMF.

I do know that trickery, ultimatums, and begging aren't the best routes.

Keep it simple. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Show him this board. Let him post is issues with it if he is willing. I know I was hesitant with the MFMF at first thought, but eventually I actually became more comfortable with that setting than threesomes because I like the idea of playmates being attached. It has a certain stability that I can observe when we go out.

I would be interested on the husbands thoughts, something more than just a single line. Obviously your thoughts on the issue required more than that to fully understand.

Mr. Truelove

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by shy_femme

My husband and I have played with a female friend, had a great time. I'd really like to have a MFM, or even a MFMF, but he is not comfortable with that. Of course he's loving the FMF action, but I'd like to have some 'attention' as well! I have brought up the idea of another couple, but he just doesn't know how that would work.

Doesn't know how it would work? I think it sounds more like he doesn't feel comfortable with you and another man.

My idea, was that perhaps another couple might be willing to 'trade off', until he decides if he is ok with another couple. I suggested that if 'she' had a threesome with us, then 'I' could go and share a threesome with that couple. I thought perhaps that way he'd be more familiar with all of us together, and that way maybe at some point he'd be comfortable enough to try a couples evening.

Julie we need a 'red flag' emoticon

Now if what is bothering your husband what bothers 99.9% of all new husbands in swinging, its you being with another man. For most new couples, doing things at the same time in a different room is bad enough on the imagination. I can't see you being gone while he sits at home and paces a good thing. Not to be harsh but this is most likely the worst thing you could do.

Also even as a 'seasoned' swinger, I'd not be comfortable with my wife doing this, not only on the sexual level, but also on the safety level. I happen to love my wife and as such I'd be very reluctant to let her go off with what are basically strangers into their home under such circumstances.

I don't even know how to begin to introduce the MFM scenario to him.

I've told him that I'd like to, but he doesn't like it, so I don't say much about it. Our female friend has mentioned having a MFMF, but he's just 'selfish' I guess...

Not selfish, he is typically male. FMF isn't a threat to him on any level, MFM is a threat on a great many levels.

I've even said that there'll be no more FMF until I get some MFM action! But he knows I'd play, if the situation arises.

Joking is good, but where jealousy is involved don't play with fire. Don't try to coerce him into doing something he really doesn't want to. We have all seen it end in tears here too often.

I've talked to another couple; and since we've never gone any further than the FMF, I wouldn't even know how the 'festivities' just happen? I thought perhaps if the guys are outside doing the beer-and-bbq thing, and us women are inside having a nice pitcher of margaritas, lounging on the sofa and watching porn ( ), we could get the idea across by "letting them" catch us nuzzling and making out a bit?

Don't over think it, just do it. Things often start slow because everyone knows why they are there but are too reluctant to make the first move. Someone has to get naked first, might as well be you.

[shy_femme]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Doesn't know how it would work? I think it sounds more like he doesn't feel comfortable with you and another man.

Yes, that's got to be it. He knows it doesn't bother me when he is playing with another woman, because we're both enjoying it. Not sure how to get him to understand it is really the same thing, for me.

You are right about a 3some to start. It isn't fair to ask 'her' to join us, without her husband, so I'll have to come up with something else. And yes, he wouldn't like being left at home while I went out.

Don't over think it, just do it. Things often start slow because everyone knows why they are there but are too reluctant to make the first move. Someone has to get naked first, might as well be you.

Might as well!

He's already said it wouldn't bother him if he 'caught' me and another female making out. (go figure!) Perhaps if he and her husband would agree to "just watch" that might get him a bit more "in the mood" for things. But I won't try anything I know he will be upset about.

There's just so much more opportunity for playtime, with couples, rather than with a single female, that I would like to try it, as well.

[twobears]

Well being new at this ourselves,besides what everyone else has stated,I will say it again. Read on what you want to do,you and know get a book about "Swingers for beginers" I think is the name,has a red cover. We read and talk about everything that came to mind that might brother each other and write down what he says are his limit in a four with a new partner. We only did solf-swing for the first year we were swinging. Look of the words on site here, all the different terms give you an idea on what to talk about that brothers each other. He sounds like he is not sure he can handle you and another man,he has concerns,just talk and as you realize how your mate feels,that is what all of thisswinging is about,developing more trust,understanding one another,your marriage and your committment to each other is always first. Happy Swingering

[Mr&MrsSwing]

I hate to be an alarmist, but if you want to get some action and he is somewhat against it, it is unfair and you need to stop swinging completely until you figure out a way to swing that is fair for you both. I strongly dislike men who think they should be getting two women at a time, but get all huffy and puffy and alpha male on you when you mention another man in their wife. Its egotistical and sexist. Do not be taken advantage of. On side note, my husband is not comfortable with MFM. I guess some men just aren't. I don't push that as it would only be enjoyable if he enjoyed it too. BUT he of course has no problem with the MFMF set up or the solo setup. good luck and just talk things through.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Mr&MrsSwing

get all huffy and puffy and alpha male on you when you mention another man in their wife. Its egotistical and sexist.

Its also a part of our basic nature and make up. Its not just ego and sexism, its also a few million years of evolution. Male mammals spend a lot of time making sure other males don't mate with their females. It can be overcome, but don't treat it like its some personality problem like racism or the like.

[Mr. Truelove]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Its also a part of our basic nature and make up. Its not just ego and sexism, its also a few million years of evolution. Male mammals spend a lot of time making sure other males don't mate with their females. It can be overcome, but don't treat it like its some personality problem like racism or the like.

Yeah, be thankful we're not growing antlers and ramming our heads together.

Mr. Truelove

[Mr&MrsSwing]

I agree it is probably a part of you basic makeup, but the feelings should be fleeting since we are all rational human beings with logical minds. If he is getting action and she is not, it is quite obvious there is an imbalance. If he gets these "biologically driven" feelings to not allow any man to get near his wife, the thoughts SHOULD be fleeting, last a few seconds, then his rational human mind should take over, recognize the imbalance, and logically allow his wife to swing. We aren't animals. Don't allow for the behavior shy femme. Discuss how it is unfair for you and unequal and unhealthy for your relationship.