Easier to start with MMF?

[elfman36]

I have a question for all here:
It seems the MMF experience is more popular than ever these days.
When a wife is a trebidatious or apprehensive about experiencing the lifestyle, is it easier to begin with a MMF to ease her into things?
I'm not talking about tricking her, confusing her, or seducing her with another lover and thereby clouding her mind sexually, but just letting her try this out before moving into more advanced scenarios.
My thinking is once experiencing it and seeing that sex can be just sex and not always a "running in a meadow of daisies" moment that most are programmed from birth into believing, maybe the "slow to go" ones can dip their toes in the water and see that it's just fine!
This is what we did (although actually it was her and another couple while I sat out and just watched) and worked wonderfully.
Curious as to other's opinions....

Cheers,

Elf

[hpydan721]

I neither agree or disagree, I have found MMF in my expierience to be very comfortable to get started. At the same time seems women are much more comfortable in conversation about it. So its a pickem

[LikeMinds321]

You and your wife's first experience isn't what I would consider the typical MFM, because you were with another couple and you chose to sit out.

Usually, when couples mention MFM, it involves bringing in a single male to join you and your wife. In the 'single male' MFM scenario, I wouldn't say it is an easier way necassarily, mainly because it can be challenging to find a suitable single male. If you do find one it can be a great first experience. A couple usually plays together and has the single male join in to give the wife the pleasure of two men at one time, or for the husband may sit out and watch them part of the time.

Originally Posted by elfman36

When a wife is a trebidatious or apprehensive about experiencing the lifestyle, is it easier to begin with a MMF to ease her into things?

There must be some discomfort your wife has in having you play with another woman, since you were with a couple and you didn't play with the other woman. It would help to understand how you decided on this. My advice could be off because I'm making this presumption.

Your wife isn't going to know how she will react to seeing you play with another woman until you give it a try. She could put that off indefinately. She may never get comfy with the idea. What you have to ask yourself is, would you be okay with that? If you want to play with other woman, then I think you should let your wife know this and find out why she is apprehensive.

If she continues to play with men and women while you sit by and watch, she may not want to move past her present comfort zone.

I think you both need to talk about what you each want from swinging, and if your goals are the same. If your goals are never to merge, then you may find that one of you feels shortchanged and uninterested in pursuing swinging.

LM

[elfman36]

There's no problem with us now, it was just how we started was with her playing with another couple.
As I said, a MMF wasn't exactly how we started. It just eased her into the transition of this lifestyle.She did have some jealousy issues at the beginning, but I think after her experience and seeing that I wasn't bothered by it, she was more receptive to me experiencing things later.
(She actually wrote a story here about it entitled: "Over the Hump" and our 2nd adventure will be coming soon)

Elf

[mfmyeahbaby]

That was our start into this wonderful world. We have tried and liked fmf (straight sex never ffm), and we just like the mfm (again straight sex never mmf) partly because it is less likely to have any problems, which we've never had anyway, and secondly because there is something special in the pleasure of watching your wife give and receive great sex. I feel that we may always stick to this form of swinger pleasure but are open.

[captainbob]

I agree with LikeMinds on this. I am still a newb but recognize that my sweetie has jealousy issues about me with another woman. An MFM might satisfy her desires but won't do much to eleviate her jealousy. I'm still where I started with the added bonus that now there's another single guy I have to worry about when I'm away for a few days.
I want her to learn that it's a two way street from the beginning. The 2 on 1 that she fantasizes about will happen with the other couples as we get to know them better.

[deanncat]

When we get time to finally go to a club or meet somebody, I do think the MMF expercience will be a easier first experience,my husband has talked about it alot and that fact that he is ok with a another man being in the picture makes me feel that if we have fun with are first experience I would feel open to the mff or couple soft swap

[oddcouple2841]

We haven't had the opportunity to play yet but the MFM is a good possibility. We have met a few nice, solo males nearby that are open to "bi" as well as straight play.

I think there are a lot of reasons that MFM (or MMF ) are easier to get into. Here are some below

#1 There are so many solo males and their opportunities are often limited but their numbers really expand a couple's possible play dates.

#2 We have found that many we have talked to are more open minded or at least honest about it than the male half of a couple who may be curious but fears what his female partner will think of him.

#3 You have only one other person's schedule to deal with and solo males can often drop everything for a meeting.

#4 One less person to "click with" as opposed to two couples needing to get four people to hit it off.

[J & J in CO]

We started in a voyeur mode by having sex (with each other) in a room in front of another couple who was having sex. We did this a couple of times with the same couple before all of us were comfortable to move onto the next step of swapping.

We have also talked with several couples who find a FFM combination to work better then a MMF for the initial time.

- J & J

[Bad Sandy]

For the record, we just jumped into full swap with another couple. How to start really depends on what turns her (and you)on. For me it was the idea of switching partners and having sex with our new lovers side by side. So that's what we did. And it started us on a fun adventure.

As far as jealousy goes, I was VERY concerned about this. I was afraid I'd want to scratch the other girl's eyes out! LOL To "test the waters" we started dancing with other couples. I watched him dance with, rub on, and generally flirt like crazy with other women and it didn't make me jealous, it turned me on. So we went forward. I haven't had any issues during full swap either. (And neither has hubby.)

[havefuninsun]

We full-swapped as well. Now we're more interested in exploring 3somes with another couple -- be with a couple and someone sits out and gets to enjoy the view. The one thing we enjoy is watching, which is very hard to do if you're intertwined with another body at that moment.

It's all fun fun fun!!!

[luv2buck]

In a lot of personal ads, a couple is looking for a hot, single bisexual female and the ad also sez absolutely no single guys. To me that ad seems like it was posted by the hubby and the wife is just going along. (And only because she wants him to stop pestering her to do a threesome. )

I dunno if they have much success finding one of those semi-mythical single women. You think he'd try to entice the wife by having a guy join in the fun. Maybe I think this way cuz that is what my wife and I tried first. MFM situations seem a lot easier to arrange.

best regards,

buck

[Chicup]

Personally I view couples that need an MFM to start no different than the ones who need a FMF to start. In fact I'd be willing to bet that far more couples(husbands) start out looking for the FMF than MFM but they never get anywhere, where as MFM's are not nearlly as difficult to arrange.

I don't think easing either member 'into' it is a good idea as a rule. What can happen is that perhaps she will enjoy her MFM but that doesn't mean she will feel better about the husband being with another woman. We have seen such couples here before.

So if your turn on is mainly MFM thats fine but if you really want to be swinger with other couples, I'd say go for couples first. It can take more time to arrange as finding a single horny guy isn't exactly difficult, but it may be worth it in the long run and you can slay your jealousy demons together.

[Nitati]

We have no experience yet, (and this is actually our first post LOL) but we are considering starting out with a MFM. We've actually been searching for a couple whose female is willing to just sit out and watch... but we've had no luck. The hubby has no desire to see me with another female... but he'd like to see me with another guy & have the option of joining in at any time. This is also something I'd love to have happen... but it seems like most of the female halves of couples are bi... and that those couples are seeking some girl/girl action or a full swap. Now, while I'm bi-friendly, I've never had any experience with another woman LOL. I just never gave it any thought... not even while I was in college! (And I went to a women's college at that!!!) lol. Anyway, the point is... hubby has no desire right now to be with another woman... I am not sure whether or not I'd like to give the bi thing a try... but we both want to share me with another man.

We're thinking about just searching for a mature, experienced single male to help us out, but we have our reservations about that. We're unsure of exactly WHAT to do right now lol but hopefully, something will "come up" soon Advice & experiences are greatly appreciated LOL!

~Mrs. Nita
(perhaps Mr. Ati will have something to say about this when he comes home LOL)