Threesome - worried if we do it she will always want a third

[pghcpl43some]

My wife and I have started to discuss the possibilty of having a 3 some with my best friend for starters then slowly move into swinging for about 4 months now. Now my best friend is a male and he really thinks my wife is attractive and hot looking. My wife really wants to try it with another male because she has only been with her first bf and me so she wants to expierence with someone else while I am present. The biggest problem I have is the whole jelousy issue or he is pleaseing my wife more than I could and she is really into more than how she is while we have sex. we are both are concered that if this does happen that she will like it so much that our sex life will suffer because she would want my best friend to be present.I am looking for some advice that will help ease my worries and make this into a reality for me cause I would really like to see my wife with another guy. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated. I sugegsted to her that we attend a locl swingers club to talk with other people but she said she would feel more uncomfortable in going to a place like that but she might consider.

[miamicgcouple]

I think to a certain extent, the problems you described are things you can work out with fantasy before you actually make the move into sex with other people. When I first started to fantasize with my GF about her hooking up with other men, it began slowly and evolved organically. Initially, my fantasy revolved ONLY around her giving head to another guy. We talked about this a lot in bed and eventually, as that particular fantasy became more standard in our sex life, it fleshed itself out.

When we first actually talked about playing with other people (over a year ago and we just did it for the first time last week) the boundaries I wanted were totally different than what they were when we actually hooked up. At first I said, only oral sex, no intercourse, no kissing, must come with me etc. But as our fantasies progressed, so did our boundaries. By the time we actually hooked up with other people, not only was I OK with, but I was actively fanstasizing about another man making her come, another man going down on her, kissing her, etc.

I think the main thing is to be confident that no one knows you wife/SO better than you, no one knows how to push her buttons the same way, etc. I absolutely loved having my GF come while another man was inside her, but I also really enjoyed the fact that she only came because I told the guy how to rub her clit the right way. If you are in a healthy, committed, relationship with an active and multi-orgasmic sex life, then adding someone else in the mix should only make things better. If you're legitimately worried that you're not pleasing your wife well enough solo, then I would make a big push to improve your one-on-one sex life before bringing someone else into the mix. If you know in the back of your head that you are the best sex she's had (and if you're in love and have good sexual communication, you should be) then watching her be pleasured by another man should turn you on, not make you jealous.

[intuition897]

Ironically, we'd recommend the opposite: avoid swinging with close friends (because things can get "weird" really easily and you could end up losing a good friend) and try going to a swinger's club. When you say "a place like that", it tells me that you have a preconceived notion of what goes on there, and what the people are like. Drop whatever you've heard or imagined and just go some evening with an open mind. Promise one another you're only going to check it out - not to have sex with other people yet, no matter how comfortable you may end up feeling. Stick to that rule. Dance and flirt, enjoy others' company, and play only with each other for that one night. Go home, hump like bunnies, and talk about what you liked and didn't like. It's not a meat market, there are no expectations of anyone (especially those new to the lifestyle), it's a gender-neutral zone (where, if anything, women have slightly more veto power than men), and polite, courteous, respectful behaviour is not only expected but enforced. If anyone breaks the golden rule ("No means no"), they risk being ejected by the bouncers. Clubs are a lot of fun, actually.

But I would seriously avoid trying to make a swinger out of an already close friend. It works well the other way around (making friends out of your swing partners), but rarely works this way. If you are serious about wanting to revisit this fantasy after you've gotten some experience under your belt with strangers who, otherwise, have very little impact on your day-to-day life, then by all means do so. But right now, you're in the experimental phase. Do you really want to turn your friend into your guinea pig? You'll be dealing with all sorts of new feelings and dilemmas that don't need the additional complication of putting a friendship at risk.

Do yourselves a favour: find a nice couple who have been into the lifestyle for a while. They're more likely to be a very "together" couple, fully relaxed, non-pushy/non-aggressive, fun to be with, with fewer hangups...because they've dealt with theirs already and found what's worked for them. TRUST me on this. Our first meeting sucked big time. They were a newer couple who were into swinging for all the wrong reasons (He, just to get some fresh ass, and she, just to keep him happy so he wouldn't cheat on her), and we were immediately turned off by their unpreparedness. The next couple we met (and played with our first time) were 180 degrees the other way. They had experience, they had a great relationship, they were very relaxed and put us at ease right away, and they were a lot of fun to hang out with. They showed us exactly how and why the lifestyle works, and how it can fit into a healthy relationship. Our first experience (although there were some snags...entirely our fault) went beautifully.

Just my 2 cents. Hope it helps some.

[Thrax]

I'll Dito what Intuition said about the friends thing and about clubs.

From your original post I got the impression that you two have never been to a club, but in your Board profile you list a favorite club. Have you gone there? Or did you list that club just because it is the closest to your area?

If you do decide to visit a club to talk to real live swingers, I suggest you do a little homework first. There are at least three on-premise clubs, each within about an hour or so drive from Pittsburgh. All three are "safe" for newbies -- No means No in each place -- but each club has a unique vibe and varying facilities. You should check out their websites and read the club descriptions in detail, view pics of their rooms and amenities, and if you can find them, read reviews of each club. That way you can choose an environment in which you are both more likely to feel comfortable enough to engage people in conversation.

You could also expand your club-visiting range to Eastern Penna. or maybe the Columbus, Ohio, area.

There are club reviews on this Board -- see the Club Listings on the toolbar above -- or you can find listings on NASCA and other sites.

If you both eventually want to do the club visit thing, I think it would be wise, and more comforting, to pick a place that appeals to you and won't make you feel quite so nervous as first time visitors.

But I must warn you, although there are many friendly people at on-premise clubs, YOU will most likely have to initiate conversations. Most couples would probably be very happy to talk with you for awhile about their experiences, their club, and give you tons of advice, but people won't always approach you and introduce themselves. If you do end up at a club, tell the owner(s)/host(s) who give you the tour that you are not yet swingers but have a lot of questions, and maybe they can point you to knowledgable and friendly couples for you to talk to.

Good luck!

Thrax

[MoonLightKiss]

Originally Posted by pghcpl43some

My wife and I have started to discuss the possibilty of having a 3 some with my best friend for starters then slowly move into swinging for about 4 months now. Now my best friend is a male and he really thinks my wife is attractive and hot looking. My wife really wants to try it with another male because she has only been with her first bf and me so she wants to expierence with someone else while I am present. The biggest problem I have is the whole jelousy issue or he is pleaseing my wife more than I could and she is really into more than how she is while we have sex. we are both are concered that if this does happen that she will like it so much that our sex life will suffer because she would want my best friend to be present.I am looking for some advice that will help ease my worries and make this into a reality for me cause I would really like to see my wife with another guy. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated. I sugegsted to her that we attend a locl swingers club to talk with other people but she said she would feel more uncomfortable in going to a place like that but she might consider.

I am going to Dito what everyone else here said about swinging with friends. They are right, its easier to make friends with people you swing with than to make swingers with people you are friends with. IMHO this hold especially true for those new to the scene. For example, lets say you start swinging, find out it isn't your cup of tea, but you and your wife walk away from it with no hard feelings. How are you going to feel about your friend? Don't just jump at the answer. Think about it. Now, think about what if you had been with others you might never have to see again? Easier to deal with maybe?

I wanted to touch on something else you said though about jealousy issues. Talk to your wife about them. Tell her your insecurities BEFORE you play with others. And take comfort in the fact that what you are feeling is probably very very normal.

My husband and I both had these insecurities starting out. I even started to have second thoughts after our first encounter. What we did was talk it out and put our fears to bed. We both realized we loved each other, and that while the actual act of sex with each person would be different, making love with him would surpass all others. Having sex with other men is fun and don't get me wrong, I like it. But I love my husband. He knows all my buttons from memory and can have me shrieking in less time than it takes to open a can of soda. Other men may find some of my buttons, but not all of them at one time, and they definetly aren't going to love me like my man does.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by pghcpl43some

The biggest problem I have is the whole jelousy issue or he is pleaseing my wife more than I could and she is really into more than how she is while we have sex.

If you cannot go into swinging with your wife's pleasure being just as important and pleasurable for you...i.e. you are receiving just as much pleasure and enjoyment from watching your wife really into it as you would be if you were the one giving her the pleasure....then you really need to take a step back and do some more talking. Swinging has to be about the both of you.

we are both are concered that if this does happen that she will like it so much that our sex life will suffer because she would want my best friend to be present.

Possible but...not very probable. Your sex life should be at the top of its game before you even consider swinging...if there are problems with it, fix those first before venturing into bringing someone else into the bedroom.

I am looking for some advice that will help ease my worries and make this into a reality for me cause I would really like to see my wife with another guy. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated. I sugegsted to her that we attend a locl swingers club to talk with other people but she said she would feel more uncomfortable in going to a place like that but she might consider.

Take the time and both of you read as many threads here on the board as you can. Ask questions if you can't find an answer to something you want to know.

Don't rush it. Talk, talk, talk and then talk some more. Regardless of how silly the question may be, it still needs asking and discussed between the two of you.

A club is a good way to get started. It allows you to sit back and watch other people interact with each other. I would suggest an off-premise club (no sex allowed on premise) for a first visit.

And...bringing a friend into your play time really isn't a good idea...it can work but unless you are absolutely sure of yourselves and your friend it could blow up in your face.


Teresa

[KenRachel]

I'll in some ways ditto the above advice. The first 3some I had with Ken, I figured that having someone we both knew would help. It made Ken more nervous. Of course then the other man was also an ex of mine.

3somes with friends can work, but you have to be careful.

Rachel

[wildwife1010]

All men look like delicious little boys when they cum, get ready to see your friend enjoy himself and you might feel a little jealious. You will get ove r it but remember she is free.

[menher1559]

Quick Question: Does your friend know that you 2 are interested in having sex with him?

[kush2112]

First of all don't do it with your best friend! I know it sounds like a good idea but, trust me it will be alot better in the long run if you don't. Try to find someone else, who you meet just for the threesome thing. This way you can find someone you are both comfortable with and all three of you will know that the end you are looking for is just hot threesome sex. With all that out in the open, it will be better for all three of you. Plus, if things do go wrong, he won't loose his best friend. Hope this helps.

Originally Posted by pghcpl43some

My wife and I have started to discuss the possibilty of having a 3 some with my best friend for starters then slowly move into swinging for about 4 months now. Now my best friend is a male and he really thinks my wife is attractive and hot looking. My wife really wants to try it with another male because she has only been with her first bf and me so she wants to expierence with someone else while I am present. The biggest problem I have is the whole jelousy issue or he is pleaseing my wife more than I could and she is really into more than how she is while we have sex. we are both are concered that if this does happen that she will like it so much that our sex life will suffer because she would want my best friend to be present.I am looking for some advice that will help ease my worries and make this into a reality for me cause I would really like to see my wife with another guy. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated. I sugegsted to her that we attend a locl swingers club to talk with other people but she said she would feel more uncomfortable in going to a place like that but she might consider.

[pghcpl43some]

Thanks for all the replies and the suggestions. I showed my wife what you all have said and she sees certain points of views from everyone. Hers the thing ever since we started to talk about this with him on msn she has been really really horney I guess you can say cause she really wants to do this. I say hes my best friend because I knew him since we graduated from Technical school together. ITs not like I hang out with him 24/7 I mean we hang out once in a blue moon and we go hunting together as well in Novemebr. If anyone has msn messenger that could maybe talk to us as a couple about this maybe this would help ease my worries that I will enjoy it and wont have a problem when it does happen. Like I said there is a club in Pittsburgh that we are thinking going to within the next month or two to see what it is like.