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  1. #1
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
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    Default What's wrong with a couple wanting to only do threesomes?

    This post in CuriousinOregon's interview combined with some other recent comments from folks where one partner does most of the playing made me wonder.

    Why do we take so much issue with a couple who swings unselfishly? I often say on here that there are as many types of swinging as there are swingers, yet so often we see some swingers who take a huge issue with others who don't swing with couples. Where one partner just really wants to see the other partner enjoy themselves - and that alone is their enjoyment and the extent of their participation.

    I guess unselfishness really isn't the right word, because when you get down to it, even those of us who just enjoy seeing our partner enjoying themselves are really just being selfish too. We all just do what we enjoy. I have one couple whom I've been friends with for years where she plays (with men, women and groups) and he just watches (and occasionally joins in to play with HER). He has no desire to play with anyone else. Myself, I would LOVE to see my guy enjoying himself with another man.

    All that said, there is a line. While I might love to see my guy with another man, I wouldn't want him to do it just to please me. Therein (I believe) lies the difference between those who we can look at and say "they are just enjoying themselves" and those where we look at them and say "he (or she) is being selfish".

    All that really matters is that everyone leaves happy, right?

  2. #2
    South of disorder WesternSwing's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unselfishness?

    Here, here, Julie. I've always said that nobody does anything for no reason, they are always getting something out of it. Even the most seemingly unselfish of acts are indeed selfish in that the giver gets some kind of satisfaction from doing it. Whether it's a charitable contribution, feeding a stray dog, doing charity work, putting their life in danger to protect or save someone else, watching their partner receive pleasure, or swinging however any other of the zillion ways there are to swing. Everybody gets some kind of reward in some personal way from everything they do. And who am I to judge why they do what they do.

    Mr. WS
    "Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are." ~ Anna Freud

  3. #3
    Here to Stay parcarcaliente's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unselfishness?

    I think that something we have learned from swinging is that there is something for everybody and it's probably that the things that may thrill and excite others, won't do the same to you, but it comes with the territory.
    Real voyeurs get as much pleasure watching as touching, even more perhaps, myself I'm quite exhibionist, and I really just get excited at the thought that someone else is enjoying watching me and viceversa, so like any other taste in swinging we should respect people that just stand aside and let the action flow and just enjoy it like a great (if not the best) movie he/she has ever watched.

    Carlos

  4. #4
    Here to Stay
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    Default Re: Unselfishness?

    The friend who introduced us to swinging is a paraplegic...no feeling from about his belly button down. He can't get an erection and he can't even feel any sensation at all in his genitle area. His wife married him because he promised her she would not have to be without sex with men and that he would enjoy knowing that she was getting great pleasure. He always watches her when she is with others...says that the mind cum he gets from it is as good as any climax he ever had before the wreck. He also says he would never consider denying his wife pleasure and can only hope that he would have felt that way if he had never been paralyzed. I tried to get him to join this board and post to this thread, but he is a little bashful about his situation. What true swinger would want to deny him the pleasure of watching his wife fuck?

  5. #5
    Only slightly cracked... BradAndJanet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unselfishness?

    That's cool, jstlkng. Tell him I think he's one helluva guy.

    -B
    "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain
    All about us...

  6. #6
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unselfishness?

    That is very cool. We've had posts in the past about how people would feel about swinging with those in wheelchairs. This is a bit different since he can't participate (actively) but just proves the point, he is participating passively and still getting enjoyment out of the situation.

  7. #7
    Swingers Board Addict De and Ci's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unselfishness?

    Quote Originally Posted by JustAskJulie
    While I might love to see my guy with another man, I wouldn't want him to do it just to please me
    Are you saying you wish your man was bisexual? Just curious.

  8. #8
    Canadian, eh? intuition897's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unselfishness?

    Wow, that's great jstlkng! This is the kind of situation right here that exemplifies how love and sex are not co-dependent. I sure hope your friend will join the board; he'll get a very warm welcome.
    Fear is a symptom of ignorance. Knowledge is the cure.

  9. #9
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unselfishness?

    Quote Originally Posted by De and Ci
    Are you saying you wish your man was bisexual? Just curious.
    No, I'm saying that I would love to see two guys together especially if one of those two guys was my guy (and being the ...ahem...unselfish... ahem.. person that I am I would love it even more if I could be involved) BUT, I would not want my guy to do anything whether it be be with another man, woman or even me if he were just doing it to please me (well...ok... there are times when I just want him to please me .

    That said, no I would not have a problem with my man being bisexual

  10. #10
    Swingers Board Addict De and Ci's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unselfishness?

    That makes me wonder Julie. What if just as many gals got off on seeing 2 guys together as guys do seeing 2 women. Would there be lots of guy/guy action on the dance floor at clubs like you see with women? Could you imagine if Brad Pitt gave a hot kiss to Colin Farrell at an awards ceremony! Hmm..I think all the fundies would die of shock.

  11. #11
    Not a potential *** Chicup's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unselfishness?

    You can see a lot of 'selfish' swinging when you run into newbies.

    Normally its the insecure male, a woman who really wants to play with other men but can't seem to say it, and the search for the unicorn.

    Obviously this doesn't apply to all doing this, but we see it quite often.

  12. #12
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unselfishness?

    Quote Originally Posted by De and Ci
    That makes me wonder Julie. What if just as many gals got off on seeing 2 guys together as guys do seeing 2 women. Would there be lots of guy/guy action on the dance floor at clubs like you see with women? Could you imagine if Brad Pitt gave a hot kiss to Colin Farrell at an awards ceremony! Hmm..I think all the fundies would die of shock.
    I'd say that based on my informal poles and threads I've seen here that there probably are just as many women who want to see two guys together as there are the other way around. I think, however, that women are more comfortable with their sexuality and thanks to changes in societal attitude it has become ok (even a trend) for women to be bisexual, while it's still a taboo for men to be. But, that's for another thread.

  13. #13
    Swingers Board Addict Sweet_Candy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unselfishness?

    For us the time spent here reading others concerns and advice has opened our eyes to the varied ways to approach the lifestyle. Where we started and where we seemed to be going has changed. This change adds richness beyond what we were hoping for. Neither one of us does anything we don't want to for the team!
    Last edited by Sweet_Candy; 09-14-2005 at 07:55 AM.
    Sweet_Candy

  14. #14
    Better than Ice Cream two4youinswva's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unselfishness?

    Sometimes I enjoy sitting back and watching Mrs two4you play. I don't do it "for her". I admit, I do it for me. I enjoy watching her having fun. I'll eventually jump in and play, but I like seeing her do her thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by JustAskJulie
    All that really matters is that everyone leaves happy, right?
    That is the bottom line!
    You can tell how much a woman likes you by her feet. If they're behind her ears, she REALLY likes you.

  15. #15
    Swingers Board Addict De and Ci's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unselfishness?

    [QUOTE=I'd say that based on my informal poles and threads I've seen here that there probably are just as many women who want to see two guys together as there are the other way around..[/QUOTE]

    I don't believe that-I personally don't know of any women who are into gay porn or who get turned by M/M booty action-I could be wrong, maybe you could start a poll-Do you get turned on by watching 2 guys together? or something like that

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