Worried about the repricussions of involving a third

[clearlykt]

Ok- so after a plenty of discussing - what can everyone else tell us about the "slippery slope" of envolving a third or fourth person in their bedroom? I have discussed this AT LENGTH with my husband and finally have determined that we need the input of those that have been in the situation. We DO NOT want swinging to morph itself into individual activites. I want to swing- but have a hard time picturing my husband with any other woman. His suggestion was to just add another man- but I am not sure that is fair to him. I think that my main concern goes back to that "slippery slope". HELP!?!

[Spoomonkey]

The idea of a "slippery slope" is rather fatalistic. And it seems like you picture it only being slippery if their is another woman involved - which is a bit confusing.

The secret to successful swinging is communication. If you have boundaries and talk to each other - before, during, after - then the slope is much reduced to the occasional gentle grade. Swinging does not have to "morph" into anything that you do not want it to. Sharing a couple is not the first step to your husband going to hedo alone with some drunken floozy - actually, I think the first step in that direction is getting an earring when you're over the age of forty...



Spoomonkey

[akamgaxoxo]

The secret to successful swinging is communication. If you have boundaries and talk to each other - before, during, after - then the slope is much reduced to the occasional gentle grade. Swinging does not have to "morph" into anything that you do not want it to. Sharing a couple is not the first step to your husband going to hedo alone with some drunken floozy - actually, I think the first step in that direction is getting an earring when you're over the age of forty...



Spoomonkey[/QUOTE]

Dito to what Spoomonkey has said above! I agree with the conversations and communication being very important! My hubby and I started out with just adding another male friend for fun in the sack....actually my hubby is the one not interested in adding a female in the mix at this time! So it really is all about what the TWO of you want together.

[good times]

Dito what Spoomonkey said.

It is actually pretty common for people to not know how they will react when seeing their partner with somebody else. for my wife and I, we had some concerns but it turned out that seeing the other enjoying sex with someone else is a major turn on for both of us. So although we were worried about it, after the fact we couldn't believe we were so concerned. On the other hand, we have seen couples that it didn't turn out this way, and one or both had serious issues with it. So we always recomend that you take it slow and, especially at first, be ready to step back at any time and reevaluate weather this is for you or not.

[WesternSwing]

How does your husband feel about swinging in general? Is he really into the idea? Who brought it up originally? Is one of you pushing more for it than the other?

Mr. WS

[clearlykt]

This is Mr clearlykt. Our boundries are clearly defined and agreed upon. We will also be together during our excursions (no going to different rooms).
We both think Mr Spoomonkey is very funny.

From the Mrs....Very good points, all...Spoomonkey - I appreciate you putting things into perspective. I suppose a sudden earring would definately concern me more than anything that Mr and I will be doing together. And Goodtimes hit the core of the issue when talking about reactions. I think that my biggest fear is how I will react seeing my husband with another woman. However, we have discussed everything at length and I know that we have a mutual understanding of each others feelings. At any rate- I knew that comments from those that have gone before us would help - thanks, and keep 'em coming!!!

[fun_pairTX]

Our #1 rule is that we NEVER separate while playing. Misunderstanding and lack of communication are the first indications that something isn't working the way it should. It is near impossible to misunderstand if you are both there. Hey Spoo, I'm just getting earring at 50 where does that leave me?

[inbeachcouple]

It sounds like the two of you have normal apprehensions. In fact, from our experience, the overwhelming majority of couples play together only. Not that it doesn't happen though. Just stick to your boundries, and talk ALOT afterwords, about your likes, dislikes, and what you might, or definately want to do/try again.

Spoo: I got my earrings(3) when I was 16 (now 30). What does that mean for me in 10 years?

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by fun_pairTX

Hey Spoo, I'm just getting earring at 50 where does that leave me?

You're a musician - you're allowed to be eccentric

Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by inbeachcouple

Spoo: I got my earrings(3) when I was 16 (now 30). What does that mean for me in 10 years?

I have suddenly become the Mrs. Cleo of earring fortune telling

It was really just a joke... But to answer your question - if you are a woman, nothing... If you are a guy... Three earrings???

Spoomonkey

[SexhoundDog]

Mr. & Mrs. Clearlykt,
One of your posts shows that you're both on the board here. What a great start! I'm envious that you have the feelings you do, Mrs. Clear. I'd love to get my wife involved, and much like the akamgaxoxo's, I'm not necessarily that interested in adding another woman to the mix. I don't know if my wife thinks that by me bringing up another playmate for her that it means I'll ultimately expect her to reciprocate or not. Like you, I suspect she has a hard time visualizing me with another woman. I guess I just need to do a better job of letting her know I don't expect reciprocation on her part.

That being said, am I correct in reading that your husband is OK with bringing another man into your bed, even if he may never end up doing the same with another woman? If so, get over your feeling that it isn't fair to him and have fun! You never know, at some time down the road you may decide you're OK with him being with another woman. As you've probably read alot, your boundaries can change.

The key thing is, you've communicated. And Mr. Clearly, if you don't expect that turnabout is fair play and you are just using this as an in to get the Mrs. to swing so you can have another woman down the road, you'll be fine. It may happen, it may not. But in the meantime, enjoy the woman you love in the throes of orgasm being delivered to her by you and another while you get to watch to. As a beer commercial says "It don't get no better than that!"

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by clearlykt

We both think Mr Spoomonkey is very funny.

What do you mean "funny"? You mean like funny - haha? Or more of an odd kind of funny?



Spoomonkey

[inbeachcouple]

Spoo: I know you were joking. For the record, I'm the Mr. of us. 2 small gold hoops in the left and 1 in the right. And to answer the next question, they don't symbolize anything or any lifestyle. Just something I did that I thought looked good, and still do.

[clearlykt]

Spoomonkey, I'm 36 (Mr) with no earrings! (couldn't have them even if i did want them)

from the Mrs. - we meant funny "haha". I am always up for sor good old fashioned sarcasm. Is there any other way to be?

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by clearlykt

from the Mrs. - we meant funny "haha". I am always up for sor good old fashioned sarcasm. Is there any other way to be?

It would be a sad place indeed if all of us on the board forgot how to have fun with each other

I was trying to quote a movie... I forget which one... I think it was Robert Deniro... But only because I know it was one of those violent italian flicks with plenty of testosterone coated tough-guy moments...

But - I am proud of the fact that I even remembered the line. Heck - most of the other monkeys at the zoo don't even know what a movie is...

Spoomonkey