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Fantastic threesome/what next?

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We have been married for 15 years. My wife is really shy when it comes to talking about sexuality, but I have realized that she is bi-curious, and have no problems with that, and have told her that several times. We have discussed threesomes and some fantasies with each other, and what we would and would not be ok with. Anyway...

 

Last week we had a threesome, and it was awesome and totally unexpected/unplanned. It was with a friend of hers/ours (her name for the sake of this post is Unicorn) that we have known for a couple of years. Unicorn has been divorced for a long time, and her and my wife work together. I have noticed that they both have a crush on each other, because both their eyes light up when they are around each other, or talk/text, and I just get that vibe. Unicorn is a very cute girl, but very independent, and is used to guys hitting on her all of the time. A month ago, my wife and I went on a double date with Unicorn and her date. Unicorn is aware of the one and only other threesome that my wife and I had, so she knows/knew we are open to it. Somewhere during the date, when I was alone with Unicorn, I told her that I would love to repeat the experience again- but I did not say with anyone in particular, and I was just talking (meaning I was not trying to instigate anything with her or be creepy). That very night, Unicorn was the instigator in all of us getting naked and getting in her date's hot tub, that was as far as it went though, and we all had a good time. Since that time, I have not hung out with Unicorn, but her, my wife, and another lady went to Vegas for a couple of days for a business meeting. Who knows if anything happened that weekend, but I did give my wife a hall pass. My guess is that nothing happened though, but it really doesn't matter, just giving some time-frame background.

 

Fast forward to last Tuesday. My wife and I had a dinner date set up with another couple. My wife got off work late, so she texted me to meet her and Unicorn at the bar, since she was already headed there. Unicorn was not scheduled to go out with us, but the more the merrier I thought. By the time I got there, the other couple had not yet arrived, but Unicorn and my wife were two shots and a beer into things. This was odd since we all had to work the next day, so I was wondering what was going on, but of course not complaining.

 

The other couple arrived and we all had a good time eating. It ended up that my wife, Unicorn, and I started having little competitions. Mainly it was me against those two. It ended in them losing the final battle and my reward was that they needed to dance together at a place of my choosing. The other couple were just observing, but not participating.

 

When it was time to leave, Unicorn said she was too drunk to drive and wanted us to give her a ride home. I was fine with that because I was sober. When we got in the car, Unicorn wanted to go get a case of beer and hang at her house for a couple of hours till she was sober enough to drive. (I know, I know, that doesn't quite add up, but I thought she might be up to something so I went along with it and did not point it out).

 

When we got to her house, she totally turned into the instigator of the threesome. Of course I cashed in on my reward when we first got there. Unicorn continued to do things that just gradually built up to us all getting it on. I was really happy, since that is the way it should be right? I wasn't pushing, but def. was going along with it. Unicorn and my wife were having a ball, and I was so, so excited to see my wife be so excited and let it go. Bottom line is that I did not kiss Unicorn, or have sex with her. But I did play with her and had sex with my wife, while they played with each other.

 

It has been a week. My wife has been more relaxed and lovey this whole week. Her actions and attitude indicate that she feels good/ok with what happened. I have not seen Unicorn at all, but have texted her a couple of times, to clear the air and remove any possible tension. My wife and her have texted and worked together all week.

 

So finally, the reason for my post... is to get some advice on what to do, or what not to do next. I would love for this to happen again soon, but I don't want to scare Unicorn off, or my wife for that matter. I do realize that I should not push anything, but what is the coolest way to play it at this point? Below are my texts to Unicorn so you know what has been said or done since that night.

 

Me (the night after): had a blast last nite. U just moved up to my top 10 persons to hang with;) But seriously, u r adorable.

 

Unicorn: Aaaw thanks! I had fun too! Interesting night but that's what makes life fun.

 

Me: Sorry, I just saw your text. It was an unexpected mind expanding experience that (my wife) and I totally enjoyed! To relieve any possible tension... Friendships come first, but if u guys ever want to repeat or make a new adventure, u know I am in. But only at yours or (my wife's) desire, like it was the other night. Meaning I am chill either way:)

 

She did not respond the last text, but the same night she texted my wife and said how it was great that they could rub nipples but work together the next day without anyone knowing.

 

So again, of course I would love to repeat. But I am sensitive to the girls and would not want to repeat if it would cause them to be uncomfortable with me or each other. I do not want to creep them out. I am thinking that I should just sit back and let them continue, or discontinue, on future experiences. But is that the right thing to do? Is there anything I should/could do from this point?

 

Thanks so much for your input in advance.

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I'd back off contacting Unicorn directly, and let the women communicate.

 

Then talk to your wife... maybe as part of foreplay talk about the experience. Perhaps mention what they didn't do that you wish they had. That should get the two of you worked up for some great sex, and will perhaps get her thinking about planning another get together.

 

That's my 2 cents. Spend them however you see fit.

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I would sit back and enjoy. Oh yeah and we would incorporate the "fantasy" of remembering that night and/or doing it again in our own sex life.

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You might want to actually have a candid debrief with your wife. You mention communicating with Unicorn, but why haven't you directly communicated with the person who actually matters (your wife)? It seems like this is a new thing for you guys, so you can't expect her "actions and attitude" to give you all of the information you need.

 

And, I agree with the other responses...lay off communicating with Unicorn about this; she is your wife's friend and coworker, your wife is more than competent to deal with both you (that is, if you are candid with her) and Unicorn.

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I am going to just chill and let things happen or not happen between those two.

 

Like I said in the first post, my wife is not really one to talk about sexual things. It is always a barrier with her. So I have to let things settle down after experiences like this, then approach it later. After over a week, I did have a discussion with her about how she felt. I opened up with pretty much what I texted Unicorn last week- that it was a great experience, that I am happy to do it again if she wants, but if she doesn't, I am OK with that too.

 

My hopes of it happening again soon were pretty much dashed, but I am getting mixed signals, and a little confused. The just of what she said was that she is not really into women, that we live in a small town and does not want any rumors to go around, that doing this stuff is not good because it is like what 18 year olds do- that we have kids and need to be more responsible, and that she does not want to ruin any friendships.

 

I understand her feelings about the small town and the friendship thing. I don't agree about the 18 year old thing. As far as having kids and being responsible, I don't agree with that either. We can have fun, and still be responsible. But I did not use that moment to argue with her and disagree. It was not the right time, as I def. don't want to turn this into a negative experience for us both.

 

The mixed signals come in to play because we have had one other experience like this before about a year ago, and she said similar things then, but yet she did it again last week. Also if she does not like women in a sexual way, then that is OK. But she is always touching their breasts, letting them touch her, and provocatively dancing with them when we go out. I did not engineer last week's experience. It was my wife and Unicorn that initiated with each other and kept going. Maybe she is bi curious and realizing that she likes men more, that is a possibility.

 

This is a hard case. I need to figure out a way to break through with my wife so that she can talk uninhibitied. Based on her actions towards her friend and other women, and the way she has been so happy this week, I think she likes it, but also think she is too afraid to admit to herself what she actually likes, let alone admit it to me.

 

So, if there is any advice from others, that may have had a spouse so inhibited in talking about sexuality, I am all ears. I do have a caveat though. No judgmental responses please. I am doing my best in handling our sexual relationship, and relationship for that matter, in the most responsible way possible. I realize that for some it is easy for them to just talk about sex freely with each other. I am that type of person, but my wife is not, and I am trying to get through those barriers. I also realize that ideally we would have a conversation about what we both want to do, boundaries, etc. before anything ever happens. Trust me I have tried to do that, but it has always fallen flat due to the barriers. So this is an atypical situation, and I hope that is understood.

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Like I said in the first post, my wife is not really one to talk about sexual things. It is always a barrier with her.

 

How about non-sexual things? Do you two communicate well outside of this arena? Do you have deep, meaningful conversations of a vanilla variety? When you're driving down the road, do you discuss books you've both read, dreams you've realized, and those you're looking forward to? What kind of pillow talk to you engage in?

 

I ask this just to establish context, and am curious as to whether this is an issue with communication, or if it is just a sex talk issue.

 

Keep this in mind: If nothing EVER happens again, you've still already done something that many, many men and women dream of, but never get to experience. So you've got that going for you. :)

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'Rising' this whole scene sounds so familiar to me. My wife and I had a similar experience with a girl who we both REALLY connected with on every level. This girl is much more bisexual than my wife and fairly aggressive so she and my wife were VERY intimate. My wife definitely enjoys herself with women but still prefers men and is adamant that she has no bisexual proclivities.

 

Still, I know what I saw and I saw two women enjoying themselves with each other. In my case, I'll just enjoy these moments as they happen.

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From what you describe, part of the problem in communication is that your wife may be ashamed of what she feels, or maybe even about sex in general. So she might have an internal conflict between her sexual desires, and what she thinks is proper behavior. This could make her feel bad about herself. Couple that with fear about being judged by others in a small community, and it makes the situation difficult.

 

Having said all of that, I don't know the solution of getting through the barriers, other than not being pushy at all to talk about it (I know that you're being careful about that). You have to try to talk in a non-threatening manner or the defenses will go up. Maybe ask her how she would feel about discussing sex with you sometime to see what her response is (if you haven't already), without suggesting a particular topic about sex. That way she doesn't feel that the topic needs to be confronted right then, but allows her to think about her own feelings and get back to you when she's ready.

 

Just my $.02.

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Thank you all for the nice responses! Sorry it has taken awhile to get back. I do have some updates. Sexyjc, I think you hit the nail on the head with the communication issues. A little more background is that we used to be pretty religious till 3.5 years ago when we took a step back and realized that the religion was not all it claimed to be. So with that, we are learning to live on our own terms, without some organization dictating what we should and should not do. Along with that is some baggage that we are overcoming, and I believe her barriers in communicating about sex stems from her/our upbringing.

 

Anyway, I decided to just hang back and observe, and not bring it up anymore with her, till the time seemed right. She has been texting Unicorn constantly the past few weeks, and they work together too. There has been no awkwardness between those two at work or through texting, which is a good sign.

 

This weekend, my wife was just bent on spending as much time with Unicorn as possible. We all went out to a local bar Friday night and had a good time. There were other friends there, so we were on the downlow with each other, meaning nothing sexual was happening. Though the sexual tension was. Saturday night my wife went way out of her way to cancel some plans we had originally had with some other friends, so that she could go out with Unicorn again. I was so tired from working that I mentioned that maybe she should just go out without me, which she amazingly enough jumped all over on. So since she was so determined to go out with Unicorn, I got the energy up and went out with them in hopes of a repeat.

 

We all ended up at a firework show, ha ha, literally. After tthat, Unicorn wanted to go home and get something she had forgotten. On the way, we all finally addressed the fun night we had a couple of weeks ago. They were completely assuming it was going to happen again, and that they would not be taking and sending pictures of themselves like they did last time(last time they were taking pictures of themselves topless and texting them to one of unicorn's friends). They talked again about how we live in a small town and we will not be telling anyone what we did/will do. Then they talked about each other sucking on each other's nipples, etc. My wife actually came right out and said that she had a good time. They were holding hands, hugging each other, and just into each other, and me- which was of course nice. I was thinking it was going to happen again since Unicorn wanted to go to her house again to something.

 

We got to her house and I stayed in the car for a bit. After they did not come out for awhile, I went in to go the bathroom. They said that they were just talking, etc. Unicorn was all about leaving, so we left to go to one of her boyfriend's (read booty call, not long term relationship) house to get in his hot tub. Maybe they were getting started when I was in the car, maybe I should not have come in till later, oh well.

 

The night ended with us getting naked in the boyfriend's hot tub, but it seemed that the vibe was too weird to do anything further, since we were at her friend's house. Finally we all went home with no repeat:(.

 

The whole night it took every ounce of energy to play it cool and not force anything. It was disappointing to be sure and maybe I should have taken a little more control... I am so new at this.

 

One thing is def. evident though, my wife is full of crap when she said she is not into women, well at least unicorn anyway. It is so, so obvious! It was good that the two of them opened up together and discussed the last occurrence and totally implied that it was going to happen again.

 

So now, I am trying to play it cool some more, and wondering if or what I should do next time we all get together to get the party going again. At the same time, I am still trying to figure out how to break through my wife's barriers on discussing what is going on in her mind. I do think that she feels some shame about what her true feelings and desires are, to the point that it is too hard for her to verbalize it and that it is easier to just shut any conversation down before it can really get started. It was interesting though that her barrier's were lowered in the presence of Unicorn, to the point of what it was the other night.

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Possibly your wife is just attracted to unicorn and no other gals?

 

Ive met a gal like that. She was all hot to trot with one other gal, but could care less about every other woman she'd met. Just one of those connections that happen.

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That may be true. I am not complaining:) She is so giddy for days after we go out with Unicorn.

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When your wife and the unicorn were taking pictures and texting them to unicorns friend...was it the guy whose hottub you ended up in?

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Yes it was. Seems from what I hear, sometimes a unicorn is more interested in another male, rather than a threesome with a couple. Trying to figure out how not to get cockblocked so that doesn't happen next time. Both girls insisted on going over there, even after I mentioned that the vibe could be strange- which it turned out to be. Unicorn did not end up staying with him that night either, she just went home to her own bed, alone. I don't know, maybe they wanted a foursome, but were too bashful to go after it.

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Oh ya, Unicorn's hot tub friend has no idea that we had a threesome, just that I was taking photos of them for her to text to him. I mean he may have his suspicions, but no one has or is telling him. They are not in a LTR. Just to be clear on that situation.

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Not knowing much about the situation, is it possible the unicorn was trying to setup a threesome for her boyfriend rather than a foursome? Since your wife jumped at the chance to go out with her alone...

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I don't think she was trying to set up a threesome with her, my wife, and that guy. It was such a last moment decision to hang out with her that night, and to hang out with that guy. I also don't think my wife and Unicorn are at the point of openly plotting something like that, that quickly. But that is def. thinking out of the box:)

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