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Thread: Is the difference in males & females desire for multiple partners instinctive?

  1. #31

    Default

    Have you ever met someone that really strikes you but the situation is somehow one in which you do something unmeant or foolish?

    There are so many lonely females and males out there that really have a hard time finding MR. or Ms. RIght. If there were only three people of the opposite sex that you knew, I'd bet that most of us would have the ability to fall in love with one of them.

    After all, familiarity often is the main enticer for attraction. If you see the same person over and over again you begin to see the sould that thrives inside that person. You see things that you had no way of seeing without lots of time to be with him/her.

    That is why so many office relationships start up. The people that work in close quarters statistically have more relationships. I can go into a club and rarely even start a conversation that is much more than light talking and joking, flirtation, whatever; leave and forget about it the next day. But if I work with someone that attracts me I will almost inevitibly fantasize about that person at some point. Often there was NO initial attraction though.

    The initial attractions seem to be false in many cases. Someone looks HOT, but when I get to know her I may or may not find many negative personality traits that are a total turnoff.

    I guess that is why I am such a tough person to seduce. I used to be really easy...when I was very young and resembled a junk yard dog. On the other hand I find it to be distasteful to just try to seduce someone. The word seduce seems to be thesaurasly (word? lol), associated with decieving someone for the purpose of getting something. Maybe I am rambling again though.

    John

  2. #32

    Default Impressive

    That's pure poetry PaulKing , it states it intelligently and precisely. Thanks!
    Every so often, I try to masturbate a large word into conversation, even if I'm not really sure what it means.

  3. #33

    Default

    "Every so often, I try to masturbate a large word into conversation, even if I'm not really sure what it means."

    Thanks for the compliment. On the above subject, I think the worst form of rejection is when your hand goes to sleep while jacking off.

    Best wishes,

    Paul

  4. #34

    Default

    Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN
    The initial attractions seem to be false in many cases. Someone looks HOT, but when I get to know her I may or may not find many negative personality traits that are a total turnoff.
    So true John. How many times have you gone on a date and thought wow. But then the next time around you realized that it just isn't happening.

    If I have learned anything between my first marriage and my second, it's that it takes time to really love someone the way that you need to love them in order to form a lasting bond.
    I put the "grrrr" in swinger baby, yeah!

    --Austin Powers

  5. #35

    Default

    Originally posted by PaulKing
    I think the worst form of rejection is when your hand goes to sleep while jacking off.
    ...Paul King you are full of surprises! (I was preparing myself for a much more serious response!)
    I put the "grrrr" in swinger baby, yeah!

    --Austin Powers

  6. #36

    Default

    Paul you got me in stitches with that one.

    Of course I just gotta add to it.

    If your right hand falls asleep you gotta use your left hand to wake it up. I for one cannot masturbate with my left hand.

    It just doesn't have the "chemistry" i desire.

    John

  7. #37

    Default

    Lefties Rock!
    April in Tulsa - it's fun for everyone!

  8. #38

    Default That's why I've stopped looking for "someone special"

    In order to "look" for a mate, you have to have an idea of what you are looking for. Unfortunately, most people get distracted by physical appearance and forget the mental, emotional, and spiritual side ... until they find out that person is a complete moron (like the woman I stopped seeing last night).
    "Style is not lusting after somone because they are cool. Style is loving yourself till everyone else does too."

    Prince

  9. #39

    Default Re: That's why I've stopped looking for "someone special"

    Originally posted by EternallySingle
    In order to "look" for a mate, you have to have an idea of what you are looking for. Unfortunately, most people get distracted by physical appearance and forget the mental, emotional, and spiritual side ... until they find out that person is a complete moron (like the woman I stopped seeing last night).
    When I hear "the woman i stopped seeing last night" I tend to hold reservations...usually they end up back together anyhow,

    But god luck either way.

    John

  10. #40

    Default OK so...

    OK so what I'm hearing over and over is, look deeper and you might just find each other.

    But let me ask any experienced couples this question...

    What does "the couple" look for in a 3-some with another male?

    Is it just physical attraction?

    In other words, is what you're looking for in a MMF 3-some different than what you suggested I look for in a single female?
    Every so often, I try to masturbate a large word into conversation, even if I'm not really sure what it means.

  11. #41

    Default The trick is...

    to be at the right place at the right time. Meeting someone special is about meeting them when you are both(all) in the right frame of mind to create a rapport. That is easy to do when you work with someone, because you see them every day and, on that one day when both of you are in sync, things start to snowball.

    That goes from meeting anyone, from your best friend in grade school, to your high school sweetheart, to that couple or single person you swing with. The 'Lifestyle' is not that different from the rest of your relationships. Its just more intense.

    When you go out to meet someone, you have to have a clear head and not be bogged down with concerns about work, what friends and family have been doing or will do, or wondering what you're going to do if things don't work out. You have to NOT have any expectations, which will keep you from seeming too eager or showing any nervousness, which others will misread as being dishonest.

    Trust me. I'm a man. I know this. I mean, I've screwed it up sooooooooooo often by not doing these things that THIS HAS to work.

    "Style is not lusting after somone because they are cool. Style is loving yourself till everyone else does too."

    Prince

  12. #42

    Default and of course

    You have to be witty, charming, and appropriately groomed.
    "Style is not lusting after somone because they are cool. Style is loving yourself till everyone else does too."

    Prince

  13. #43

    Default

    We aren't an experienced couple in the respects of having had swung with one, but we have had some experience.

    My husband was dead set against single men, but when he realized it was something that I really wanted we began a search. We finally contacted one single and did meet with him. We all had a nice evening over dinner, we all got along fabulously, and then agreed to meet at a later date. (We do not swing on first meet.) In between the time some things happened that made my husband back out completely.

    On one of the pay/ad sites that we belonged to, we were being bombarded by single males and their attitudes really made him do an about face. (This site had no way to block singles). As a result a single male went to the back burner again.

    In the mean time, I started to change my desire due to some postings on this board. I've yet to regain the desire that I had prior to these incedences. In my opinion this is what you need to do for someone like us.

    Of course there must be some sort of physical attration but for us that lies in being respectable and well groomed (meaning showered, clean clothes, clean teeth, etc.)

    For us, we would need to see that you are giving equal attention to both the male and the female. Join in on coversation, or start one, just don't soley hone in on the female.

    Another pointer: Don't contact or agree to meet someone if you don't share some of the same interests that they do. (Over and above those that don't include sex.) If you don't and you try to fake it, it will show up on the first meet.

    Don't worry about being nervous, we probably are too.

    Choose your couples as wisely as they have chosen you when they contact you. Don't be afraid to say no, and don't do anything just for the sake of doing so.

    And last but not least, to all single men. I believe the most important thing you can do is police your ownselves. Especially where this board is concerned. There are many great single men on this board, but when the typical 'yahoos' come strolling through, most of the time ya'll good ones are dormant. That leaves the couples to have to try and respond to them, where the majority of the couples that post are the females. In actuality they should be glad that we are the ones that respond as I am sure if my husband were the poster, he would be one heck of a lot less kind than I am. I am sure many other husbands are the same.

    Moral.....don't let the rotten apples spoil a good thing for you guys. Stand up for yourselves and your right to be a swinging single male.

    Stepping off my soap box now...
    Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

  14. #44

    Default Is it just me?

    Grooming is a big deal for me, I'm squeaky clean, and always try to be a gentleman.

    But where I fall from grace is when I start thinking like a man, because I am one. I unconsciously focus on the female because she IS the attraction to me. And secretly deep down inside me, I fantasize about having sex with that female, so much so that it clouds my judgement as a gentleman. Then before you know it, I feel totally stupid for letting my dick get in the way and end up saying something inappropriate.

    What's up with that?
    Every so often, I try to masturbate a large word into conversation, even if I'm not really sure what it means.

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