Are you fucking, playing, having sex...

[Tellya Later]

or making love?



Okay as a lucky single guy I've had the oppurtunity of being welcomed into the bedrooms of a few couples many several times over. I've been the live dildo that was fucked and it doesn't feel too good. Those are the minority as I learned that I can't do that and it seems a good number of couples (the sane ones it would seem) can't either. For the most part I've taken to calling it "playing".

Well this one couple that I've been chatting with for a good 2 years now is almost free to meet (schedules have sucked on both sides but we kept chatting). The problem is the more we chat the more she refers to how much she wants to "make love" to me.



Um...okay. My number one rule, especially after being used almost like a live dildo, is that I would never ever ever come between a married couple. Its easy for the most part since most of the people I play with are 10 years older than me but in this case her insistence on saying how she wants to "make love" to me weirds me out.

At first I thought she likes gentle sex which is fine with me and I'd much rather know that ahead of time instead of meeting the husbands fist first hand. However it seems that I'm wrong cause she's talking more and more about emotion. Now don't get me wrong I consider the couple I'm meeting now (different from the one I'm talking about) to be good friends and I care about them but never would I say I'm making love to the wife.

Does anyone know what I'm talking about here? I barely do but I know that her refering to our future play time as "making love" is weird. any thoughts?

[Roxysbayou]

Sounds pretty weird to me too. That is something that is sacred, between me and my husband. I may share pleasures with another man and hubby, but emotions are reserved for him only. I think that if it were me, I would pull back a little and possibly ask her what exactly she means, or what she is looking to get out of this.

[Brit_Pair]

It could just be her particular use of terminology – some people I’ve known have had a hard time applying terms like ‘fucking’ and ‘screwing’ to the act of sex. They’ve shied away from what they see as verbal vulgarity.

That said, her constant referral to emotions does suggest that there may be more on the agenda than just pleasurable sex. You said in your post that you’ve been talking with this couple for a good two years. That’s a long time. Enough time for her to form (or imagine she’s formed) an emotional bond with you?

We don't engage in full swapping with other couples, but even when we play as a foursome, we wouldn't consider what we're doing as a couple as love making. That's something that only happens when we're alone together.

If you’re genuinely concerned about being drawn into something you never signed on for, it would probably be worth clarifying with her what you’re all looking to gain from this experience, well ahead of the event. Incensed husbands can throw some pretty mean punches.

[Quin]

If it was me, I'd RUN as fast as my legs could take me away from this woman. She appears to have no distinction between making love and having sex/getting fucked. And there is a very very BIG distinction between the two.

I don't buy into the premise that she may have a problem saying screw or fuck. There are many other words that can be used that don't imply any interjection of emotions such as boink.

You need to have a serious talk with her and find out where her head is at and bring up the fact that you don't make love to her because there's no emotional ties but you would boink her.

Just MHO.

Quin
()()

[OhioCouple]

I'm kind of at a toss up for this one, Tellyalater.

Since we have become involved in swinging, naturally we have had more communication with people that we 'do not really know'. Over the course of this time, we have come across people who use the word 'love' or say 'love ya' in closing posts, etc. (Generally this occurs after several exchanges of mail).

I had a HUGE problem with this, but have since learned to take it with a grain of salt. (Believe me that took a lot of work on my part.) What I discovered was, 'it was their way of communicating' and had nothing to do with what the word 'love' means to me.

This is how I learned to figure out the meaning behind the other's usage of the word 'love'. I toss it out of the equation completely and review the rest of the content. In other words view their e-mail and take out the word 'love' completely. What does the rest of the content say to you, less that verbage? Does it give you an odd feeling? Or does it seem perfectly normal?

True story here. We had one couple that we swung with (they never used the word 'love') but the feelings from the male half of the other couple displayed in exchange mail and IM's (in addition to the one time we did swing with them) led to the fact that there was something a little more going on emotionally than I was comfortable with. Result: Dropped 'em like a hot potato.

Another couple that we had swung with have signed 'Love ya' from early on in communication with them. When I removed the last portion and re-read their mails, they are just two hot horny people looking for no more than what we are, they just happen to sign everything with 'Love ya'. Result: We still swing with them, however we do not reciprocate with the terminology of 'Love ya' as that isn't Our Style. (These people probably say 'Love Ya to the mailman when he delivers the electric bill. )

Trust your gut instinct. Remove the verbage that disturbs you and read the rest. If you still feel the same way, then as Quin said, run as fast as your legs will carry you!

[teknurse]

I agree with Ohio Couple. The use of the word love between anybody other than me and my spouse makes me very uneasy. It also might be possible that is it her way of communicating. However, I think Quin had the right idea here. I would run as fast as I could.

Good luck

[naughty A]

several people I know call every one... "hun"

they also use the words, love. darlin', sexy... sometimes it is just a matter of language...

at first it really bothered me and then I stated to catch myself doing it...

So it could be just a matter of language or it could be something else... might want to find out ahead of time...

For the record... we call it playing, playtime, or a playdate it is supposed to be FUN after all.

Good luck

Naughty A.

[fun_pairTX]

Go to Tennessee, especially the Nashville area and EVERYONE calls you "hun" from the grocery store checker on up.

For the record Mrs Fun and I as well as everyone else we know, "play" or just plain fuck. Making love is reserved for us and us only.

These facts in mind I would be very wary of the dynamics of your situation.

[danc694u]

I think you've missed something here.

The "make love" comment could just mean that person wants a bit of passion, or some detailed foreplay. More than just a simple fuck. Like you would do on a date leading to sex.

I'm not a "fuck" machine myself. It takes some foreplay/passion to even get me going/interested.

Drop me in a room, with a couple, and it's an instant limp dick until the foreplay begins. Drop me in a room FULL of people, say 6 or more. It's an instant hard on, and I can play fuck machine

But, I'd rather have the passion, than be a simple fuck machine/buddy.

[pna42]

Being a single guy, it's not really hard for me to let the difference be known. People call me hun or sweetie because I've been told I'm very likeable. I had the wife of a couple start showing up at my apartment while her husband was at work telling me that she really thought we could be close 'friends' and we could 'fuck' each other without the husband because they're so 'open' with their marriage. I respectfully declined. The next time we were all together he told me it was alright with him for me to 'screw' his wife while he wasn't around because he has several girls 'on the side' too. But hey, we could all be happy and care and love one another. Yeah Right!!! I no longer see these clowns. They're divorced now. When you're in a swinging situation, you're 'fucking'. When you're with your partner you're making love.

[Tellya Later]

I'll reply to everyone's posts tomorrow. But I will clarify one thing. When I say we've been chatting for two years or so its just that. Chatting. There could be breaks of 2-3 weeks in there and the notion of meeting was always "that'd be nice". Well there was a 4-6 month break where they were planning a daughters wedding and pretty much communication boiled down to emails to keep in touch.

Either way here is a portion of different woman's message that she accompanied with her picture post to a newsgroup. I think it gives a better idea of the tone the couple I know has:

As a side note, on another forum most of the responses I got were "go ahead and meet them" to "The difference between men and women is that women make love and men fuck." That last one was a poorly delivered punch line from a joke.


"The series of pictures accompanying this text is of me making love with a friend, Rob. We'd been online friends for almost a full year before he was able to cross the relatively large distance between us to spend some time with Joe and me. We made love on Friday evening from which this current series of pics is taken, and again on Saturday morning. Pictures from that session will be posted at a later time.

I love making love. Fucking can be fun occasionally, but making love is where it's at for me. I love having a man undress me, touch me, lick me, pleasure me. I've become multiorgasmic and can climax many times in a few hours of play. And, I love using my body to give a man as much pleasure as I can.

My lovers are gentle men. They're sweet, considerate, caring, and they touch me in a loving way inside and out. They take the time to get to know me through the mails, and to let me get to know them over time until I'm comfortable enough to invite them to make love with me. They have no problem with Joe being there while we play nor with him taking many pictures of our love making and sharing them on the net (without faces being shown)."

[JustAskJulie]

I had one response all worked out then I read down and read your last response and now I'm not sure what to say. A big part of me still says run.

I guess the best thing I can tell you is go with your gut. If you aren't comfortable, don't do it. If you are cool with it, go for it.