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realharddriver

Why swapping partners instead of group sex?

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My wife and I started getting acquainted with this lifestyle about 4 months ago after some long-term friends suggested this. We come from a BDSM background and have been involved with this a little over 5 years. We were somewhat used to getting together with one or two other couples and having what we considered ‘group sex’.

 

Here is my concern; we’ve met with 4 new couples from a swing site and each time they automatically want to swap partners – not group sex but a swap! For the life of me I don’t truly understand swapping for the sake of swapping. I mean, there is no way some other woman is going to do for me what my wife can’t do so much better – and believe me we share much I would never consider sharing with another – we’re pretty fucking kinky and the swing community I’ve experienced and have had hundreds of conversations with on-line would in most cases not understand us. Some would suggest it’s just something ‘different’ but what is different for its own sake? Or change for its own sake? Unless there is some other reason to qualify these items I can’t understand it. I can reason boredom, dissatisfaction, the taboo, attraction, but not swapping partners just because that’s what your used to doing or because that’s what most people do.

 

What’s so wrong with group sex that so many people have a problem with? Now that’s something really different – not just fucking some other mans wife or other woman’s husband; too boring to me. I ask myself why would I want to swap my wife for another’s? She would have to be pretty fucking hot, at least as hot as my own wife or hotter in which case my wife would not want to know this.

 

This swap thing – why do so many people in the community do this automatically? What’s wrong with having group sex?

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THANK YOU

 

I can totally agree, and just thought I/we were a bit out of our element. Hubby & I are still very new to swinging and have only had a few couple/couple experiences and thus far then have been primarily swapping, which is not our intent. Although our experiences have been brief, we have learned a few valuable lessons. Number lesson, everybody's definition of group sex is not the same.

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We think both swapping and group sex are fun. Swapping, especially early-on in the friendship, helps to get to know each other but group sex is probably the most fun.

 

I have to agree that no woman has ever been as exciting to me as my wife. Every time I've swapped her, I've gotten screwed in the deal ... if it weren't for that... ;)

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I think you need to be more specific with the couples you're going to play with, before things get to the taking off the clothes stage.

 

For us, we enjoy swapping in both same and separate rooms, 3 sums, and the beloved tangle of 4, as well as occasional 1 on 1 "dates" within the same 4 partners. I think we'd have to say that the most intense times are with all four of us together, but it isn't practical to do that every time.

 

There are times one or more of us will want to pair off...and so we do. We're pretty kinky at heart and I think that many who want to swap are just looking for a grade above vanilla sex with a different partner. That's why for you it may be important to spell out what you want to do beforehand with the other couple. It may scare quite a few couples away, but you don't seem to be enjoying those folks anyway.

 

The other thing is the club option.

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Thank you Bonnie and everyone for your input – “we’re not alone!” I keep getting responses like “it’s different” which is not reason enough for me but sounds like a cover for my significant other doesn’t really do everything for me I need, or something else… I have not received one legitimate reason for swapping partners although I can name a few I would consider legitimate – like ‘this woman is so hot for me I have to fuck her’ in which case I probably would but this is outside the norm so I don’t understand the automatic swapping thing AT ALL! There is no one who can do what my wife does for me – it’s been a development for 23 years. If you want to join me while I fuck my wife I’ll invite you and you will have a great time no doubt!

 

Dear 4SUM

“I think you need to be more specific with the couples you're going to play with, before thing get to the taking off the clothes stage.”

 

You are so right – this has already been done! We are new to this and have made some mistakes along the way. We’ll try to minimize these with your suggestions from now on.

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I have a problem with terminology as in many cases (this one included) it's just not descriptive enough.

 

When you mention group sex, are you talking about just two couples (or more) having sex in the same room... or is everyone having sex together. Meaning are you swapping (i.e. exchanging partners) within this group sex scenario... or is it just a group of people having sex in the same room?

 

I don't want to comment on the question unless I'm sure I understand it completely.

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Thank you Julie for the question - when I mention group sex it includes most everyone having sex together and of course swapping partners is a 'natural but not expected part' and a consequence of that experience - it can be 2 on 1, 3 on one... or any other possible combination there of - all done in the context of a group - the effort is to keep everyone engaged so no one is left out unless they feel like taking a break:)

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Group sex is one thing. In that case, we like to make one person the "star" and the others concentrate on them. Don't worry, we can take turns. :) But there's nothing particularly exciting about a mass of bodies for it's own sake.

 

OTOH, going one-on-one is simply a different experience. You can grok with *each other* in a way that you can't in group sex.

 

For us, we pretty much function as a unit. We're never far from each other in a sexual situation. I'm in this for her, and she's in it for me. If we're apart, it doesn't work. So swapping, in the sense of each couple splits up and ignores the other, just isn't in the program.

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Some would suggest it’s just something ‘different’ but what is different for its own sake? Or change for its own sake? Unless there is some other reason to qualify these items I can’t understand it.

 

The statement sounds to us like you have no real reason to be there in the first place. A lot of people have great enjoyment over the simple fact that this is another 'different' partner. So why not swap? Our concern is why take the time to meet with these people if you know beforehand there is no way they can compare with your partner and from what we can tell, have nothing to offer other than a new partner to 'swap' (something different). The clarification idea mentioned before should help with the expectation of 'swapping' with future couples but the root issue is still an understanding of what you're actually after. Is it a melding of four people in pure group scene or are you assuming that when these couples 'swap' with your partner, they are trying to 'replace' their own?

 

Let us know if we're way off the mark.

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We prefer group sex where everyone is in one bed getting attention from everyone/almost everyone else. When we play it is for "US" and we like to touch, kiss, etc while with another couple/single. Going off to "do our own thing" with someone else is not something we are comfortable with. On occasion we have done same room/separate bed play and although it is fun it isn't as fulfilling as sharing the swinging experience with each other.

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I prefer group sex also where everyone is on the same bed mingling, touching, sucking and fucking. Any out right swap of my wife for another would be short changing myself and my wife as we both have great sex...but to share that sex with others is and will be wonderful. We are really hoping to find others with like interests.

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When we swap, we don't just "swap." I mean we do all combinations, except the guy/guy thing. We aren't into that. But it has never been strictly, my hubby-the other wife & then me & the other hubby. That would be just to boring to us.

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Hmmmm.....

 

We thought group sex is a bunch of folks having sex in front of each other and taking turns playing around with others.

 

From the first post it seems like soft swing, but with more than 2 couples in the same room without a full swap.

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Prefer group sex in the context of four in the same bed/space. Do not like straight swapping. Far more fun to explore situations. Same opinion as HotCoupleGnS.

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Group sex....endless possibilities :facelick:

 

Everybody in a free for all fucking, sucking, and touching any and everyone!!!

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Although I liked everyone's input, I don't feel as the question asked has been answered. I'm not even certain that I will answer it, but I do feel that my opinion has its place on this thread. Having recently traveled to Gatlinburg TN for a getaway weekend with another couple, the lil lady and I were rather disturbed when the lady half of the other couple admitted that she wanted to be in a separate room from her husband during a full swap. At first I was curious, so we talked for an hour before I began to understand.

 

They have been married for 10 years and although they play together in some demeaning and kinky ways, he has never seen her gobble another man's cock, being a virgin when they met, she doesn't want him to lose that image of her in his mind. And at the same time, she didn't want to see him cumming on my girl's face after the first 2 minutes and having to think to herself, gee he never cums that fast at home...

 

I hope that this has placed some insight into your situation. The aspect of psychology seems to reflect on how we perceive ourselves and how we assume others perceive us. I once heard it put like this - a man feels that there are 2 kinds of women in the world, the woman he fucks and the woman he marries. He would rather throw $20 at a crack whore to have her finger in his ass than to have his sweet innocent pure wife know that he has such lecherous fantasies.

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Some would suggest it’s just something ‘different’ but what is different for its own sake? Or change for its own sake? This swap thing – why do so many people in the community do this automatically?
You probably have a favorite food. It will likely always be your favorite food. But that doesn’t mean you will eat that food for every meal. Whatever you favorite food might be, it is still fun to go to a new restaurant and eat something you’ve never tasted before. Even if you are eating the same food, every restaurant cooks it differently, so it’s interesting to taste the different variations.

 

As the cliché says, “Variety is the spice of life.” That is our primary goal in leading this lifestyle. Regardless of how well we know each other as husband and wife, there is still a unique thrill to having sex with a new partner. If the new partner is significantly different from your spouse (e.g. age, hair color, body type, race, nationality), that can enhance the thrill. Having sex with a variety of partners is akin to trying out all the snacks at a party buffet. Going to a swing party can feel like being a kid in a candy store. Baskin-Robbins has nearly 1000 flavors; wouldn’t it be fun to try them all?

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