Swapping Partners vs Group Sex

[realharddriver]

My wife and I started getting acquainted with this lifestyle about 4 months ago after some long-term friends suggested this. We come from a BDSM background and have been involved with this a little over 5 years. We were somewhat used to getting together with one or two other couples and having what we considered ‘group sex’. Here is my concern; we’ve met with 4 new couples from a swing site and each time they automatically want to swap partners – not group sex but a swap! For the life of me I don’t truly understand swapping for the sake of swapping. I mean, there is no way some other woman is going to do for me what my wife can’t do so much better – and believe me we share much I would never consider sharing with another – we’re pretty fucking kinky and the swing community I’ve experienced and have had hundreds of conversations with on-line would in most cases not understand us. Some would suggest it’s just something ‘different’ but what is different for its own sake? Or change for its own sake? Unless there is some other reason to qualify these items I can’t understand it. I can reason boredom, dissatisfaction, the taboo, attraction, but not swapping partners just because that’s what your used to doing or because that’s what most people do. What’s so wrong with group sex that so many people have a problem with? Now that’s something really different – not just fucking some other mans wife or other woman’s husband; too boring to me. I ask myself why would I want to swap my wife for another’s? She would have to be pretty fucking hot, at least as hot as my own wife or hotter in which case my wife would not want to know this. This swap thing – why do so many people in the community do this automatically? What’s wrong with having group sex?

[bonnie_clyde89]

THANK YOU
I can totally agree, and just thought I/we were a bit out of our element. Hubby & I are still very new to swinging and have only had a few couple/couple experinces and thus far then have been primarly swapping, which is not our intent. Although our experinces have been brief, we have learned a few valuable lessons. Number lesson, everybody's defintion of group sex is not the same.

Bonnie

[Alura]

We think both swapping and group sex are fun. Swapping, especially early-on in the friendship, helps to get to know each other but group sex is probably the most fun.

I have to agree that no woman has ever been as exciting to me as my wife. Every time I've swapped her, I've gotten screwed in the deal ... if it weren't for that...

Mr. Alura

[DragonsLair]

Oh, Mr. Alura,

"I have to agree that no woman has ever been as exciting to me as my wife. Every time I've swapped her, I've gotten screwed in the deal ... if it weren't for that... "

You just had to do that, didn't you?! You just couldn't resist.


Too funny. I appreciate a good pun. Whether it was intentional or not. But I think in your case, it was.

DragonsLair

He is T. I am A.

[4sum]

I think you need to be more specific with the couples you're going to play with, before thing get to the taking off the clothes stage.

For us, we enjoy swapping in both same and separate rooms, 3 sums, and the beloved tangle of 4, as well as occasional 1 on 1 "dates" within the same 4 partners. I think we'd have to say that the most intense times are with all four of us together, but it isn't practical to do that every time.

There are times one or more of us will want to pair off...and so we do. We're pretty kinky at heart and I think that many who want to swap are just looking for a grade above vanilla sex with a different partner. That's why for you it may be important to spell out what you want to do beforehand with the other couple. It may scare quite a few couples away, but you don't seem to be enjoying those folks anyway.

The other thing is the club option.

[realharddriver]

Thank you Bonnie and everyone for your input – “we’re not alone!” I keep getting responses like “it’s different” which is not reason enough for me but sounds like a cover for my significant other doesn’t really do everything for me I need, or something else… I have not received one legitimate reason for swapping partners although I can name a few I would consider legitimate – like ‘this woman is so hot for me I have to fuck her’ in which case I probably would but this is outside the norm so I don’t understand the automatic swapping thing AT ALL! There is no one who can do what my wife does for me – it’s been a development for 23 years. If you want to join me while I fuck my wife I’ll invite you and you will have a great time no doubt!

Dear 4SUM
“I think you need to be more specific with the couples you're going to play with, before thing get to the taking off the clothes stage.”

You are so right – this has already been done! We are new to this and have made some mistakes along the way. We’ll try to minimize these with your suggestions from now on.

[JustAskJulie]

I have a problem with terminology as in many cases (this one inclunded) it's just not descriptive enough.

When you mention group sex, are you talking about just two couples (or more) having sex in the same room... or is everyone having sex together. Meaning are you swapping (ie. exchanging partners) within this group sex scenario... or is it just a group of people having sex in the same room?

I don't want to comment on the question unless I'm sure I understand it completely.

[realharddriver]

Thank you Julie for the question - when I mention group sex it includes most everyone having sex together and of course swapping partners is a 'natural but not expected part' and a consequence of that experiance - it can be 2 on 1, 3 on one... or any other possable combination there of - all done in the context of a group - the effort is to keep everyone engaged so no one is left out unless they feel like taking a break

[JustAskJulie]

I think this discussion is interesting enough to bring back up. Do you prefer Group Sex to actually swapping partners? Or are you ok with both?

[DBStPete]

Group sex is one thing. In that case, we like to make one person the "star" and the others concentrate on them. Don't worry, we can take turns. But there's nothing particularly exciting about a mass of bodies for it's own sake.

OTOH, going one-on-one is simply a different experience. You can grok with *each other* in a way that you can't in group sex.

For us, we pretty much function as a unit. We're never far from each other in a sexual situation. I'm in this for her, and she's in it for me. If we're apart, it doesn't work. So swapping, in the sense of each couple splits up and ignores the other, just isn't in the program.

Mr. DBStPete

[omneesx]

Some would suggest it’s just something ‘different’ but what is different for its own sake? Or change for its own sake? Unless there is some other reason to qualify these items I can’t understand it.

The statement sounds to us like you have no real reason to be there in the first place. A lot of people have great enjoyment over the simple fact that this is another 'different' partner. So why not swap? Our conscern is why take the time to meet with these people if you know beforehand there is no way they can compare with your partner and from what we can telll, have nothing to offer other than a new partner to 'swap' (something different). The clarification idea mentioned before should help with the expectation of 'swapping' with future couples but the root issue is still an understanding of what you're actually after. Is it a melding of four people in pure group scene or are you assuming that when these couples 'swap' with your partner, they are trying to 'replace' their own?
Let us know if we're wayy off the mark.
A & L

[xxoticangel]

We prefer group sex where everyone in in one bed getting attention from everyone/almost everyone else. When we play it is for "US" and we like to touch, kiss, etc while with another couple/single. Going off to "do our own thing" with someone else is not something we are comfortable with. On occassion we have done same room/seperate bed play and although it is fun it isn't as fulfilling as sharing the swinging expierence with each other.

[dave110256]

I prefer group sex also where everyone is on the same bed mingling, touching, sucking and fucking. Any out right swap of my wife for another would be short changing myself and my wife as we both have great sex..........but to share that sex with others is and will be wonderful. We are really hoping to find others with like interests.

[HotCoupleGnS]

When we swap, we don't just "swap." I mean we do all combinations, except the guy/guy thing. We aren't into that. But it has never been strictly, my hubby-the other wife & then me & the other hubby. That would be just to boring to us.

[J & K]

Hummmm.....

We thought group sex is a bunch of folks having sex in front of eachother and taking turns playing around with others.

From the first post it seems like softswing, but with more than 2 cpls in the same room without a full swap.