Hard Core Swingers?

[Menage_a_Trois]

Something that has been an irritation, a source of confusion and frankly bewildered the three of us is the reference to the rather derogatory phase of "hard core swingers". Which seems to be used frequently on this board and some profiles on ad site such as Swing Lifestyle. So we have a couple of questions regarding this.

1 - What is your definition of a hard core swinger?

2 - Why do people use this term in such a negative way?

We are really curious to see what other's point of view on this might be. We will post our POV on this once we get some feedback from everyone. Thanks.

The Ménage’s

[ShellyM]

I can only tell you what I think of when I read or hear the term "hard core" swinger...whether its correct or not is another matter lol. When I read that I personally think of bed notchers, a couple that plays with different couples every week. Like I said, I'm probably wrong!!

Now, I am definately NOT saying there is anything wrong at all with now, because everyone involved are consenting adults. So definately there is nothing wrong with it.

[Dynamar]

When I think of the term hard-core swingers, I pretty much picture people who are truly living "the lifestyle"... day in, day out. Perhaps they're even "out" as swingers in their vanilla life, or their vanilla life is almost non-existent. It's not necessarily derogatory, but could be if the subjects in question are non-discreet or hurting others.

I would term somebody like VegasLee a hard-core swinger, and in his case, the term is not derogatory at all.

[dayhiker]

I have the impression that hardcore swingers are those that swing amost every weekend. That is fine, but there is so much more to experience in this world. Its like when I tralk with a hiker. SOme go almost every weekend from as sooon as they are out of work Friday till Sunday night. NOw I love to hike, did 23 miles this weekend in the Whites with a full backpack! But I have not desire to spend every weekend hiking. There are many other things I'd like to do with my wife.

so hardcore is singlemainded. a specialist or a generalist ... I'll pick being a generalist every time ... but specialists understand their specialty best quite often.

[TNT]

In our opinion, 95% of the people define "hard core swinger" as anyone who goes further than they themselves do or does something that they are not comfortable with.

We've done things that most swingers probably wouldn't be comfortable with and probably have done it more often than many (even though we are in a drought at this time ) . We really don't mind being characterized as hard core and many probably think we are but, we're comfortable where we are and can and have toned things down when necessary to meet comfort zones.


TNT

[northindycpl]

Originally Posted by TNT

In our opinion, 95% of the people define "hard core swinger" as anyone who goes further than they themselves do or does something that they are not comfortable with. TNT

When I think of my definition of Hard core, this is a huge part of it.

Additionally, I do think of hard core as a derrogatory term... a lable. I think it describes the kind and frequency of play that I would judge another couple. Notch collector, non-protected frequent play with many different partners, etc.

[2jersey]

When I read that I personally think of bed notchers, a couple that plays with different couples every week.

I pretty much picture people who are truly living "the lifestyle"... day in, day out. Perhaps they're even "out" as swingers in their vanilla life, or their vanilla life is almost non-existent.

I have the impression that hardcore swingers are those that swing amost every weekend.

The first three respondents captured the essence of the term. I don't think the term is meant to be insulting - merely descriptive. Hardcore implies "avid".

We have had people send us introductory messages saying they aren't hardcore. To these people, hardcore is probably not a complimentary term (judging by their eagerness to disassociate themselves with the label).

[ohash01]

Now...I think I may disagree with most of the previous posters...I don't think it has anything to do with the AMOUNT of swinging. Cause who knows? They could swing every other night, but if they're in a "monogamous" swinging relationship..still not hardcore.

I think it's like hardcore vs. softcore porn. I think rather than people labelling themselves as "tame, mild, or wild" they are labelling themselves as hardcore or softcore. I believe I may be part of the guilty party who has used this term before saying we're NOT hardcore...because we're a soft-swing couple. Hardcore swinging, IMHO, is full swap, anything goes swinging. Softcore swinging is soft-swap or same-room sex, no swap or just the females play, ect ect.

Or perhaps the "hardcore" swingers are the ones who have committed to the lifestyle, and the "softcore" swingers are the ones who are just dappling or toying around with the idea.

I definately don't think it's meant to be deragatory...I think it's just a way to label and classify.

[EvilMJ]

When I think hard core swingers, I think as someone else stated, someone who lives and breathes the lifestyle. I know quite a few people that are into swinging so much that it almost feels like they plan the rest of their life around it. They go to every event, they play as much as possible, they are on the computer constantly chatting, setting up dates, meeting people. I also tend to think of them as the bed notchers, they are into volume rather than making long term play mates. It doesn't necessarily have to be a derogatory term.

But that's just me

[Sweet_Candy]

If you make every M&G in your area, every Saturday night party/club, more than 20 validations and more pics of other people in compromising situations in your profile then of yourself then you must be hard-core right? We know of a few couples who fit this description.

[Dooode]

Originally Posted by ohash01

I think it's like hardcore vs. softcore porn. I think rather than people labelling themselves as "tame, mild, or wild" they are labelling themselves as hardcore or softcore. I believe I may be part of the guilty party who has used this term before saying we're NOT hardcore...because we're a soft-swing couple. Hardcore swinging, IMHO, is full swap, anything goes swinging. Softcore swinging is soft-swap or same-room sex, no swap or just the females play, ect ect.

Yup. That's how I'd define it.

[Chicup]

To us hardcore swingers are the kind that have swinging and finding new playpartners as their #1 main activity in life.

When we first started swinging, this type of couple was a turn off, now its not as big a deal to us, but we still like 'hobby' swingers who do it now and then but not every chance they get.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Chicup

To us hardcore swingers are the kind that have swinging and finding new playpartners as their #1 main activity in life.

This would be pretty much my definition as well. However, I might take it a step beyond this for those who have completely lost focus of other priorities (kids, family, jobs) in search of swinging.

I knew a couple several years ago that went to a club my ex and I frequented. They could have been a great couple to hang out with, and SHE was great to hang out with as well as play with. However, the male half was only interested in one thing. Everything else was just a means to the end for him. To me that was a turn-off.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Menage_a_Trois

1 - What is your definition of a hard core swinger?

I've never heard the term honestly. Maybe that says something about us

I'd have to say that a "Hardcore Swinger" is whatever someone means that they are not. In other words, "We are not hardcore swingers (i.e. we don't play every weekend - we have something else in our lives - and we want you to think we have a life outside of this PM)." or "We are not hardcore swingers (i.e. we don't have sex on the first meet - may not ever actually have sex - so if you are expecting sex, you may want to back off)." or "We are not hardcore swingers (i.e. we don't go to swing clubs, parties or conventions. We have sex with people we meet serendipitously)."

I think it is probably impossible to know exactly what someone would mean by that. If we received a PM that said it, we'd probably pour over their profiel for clues as to what rthey might mean - because they could very well mean "We aren't hardcore swingers (i.e. we aren't like you)."

Originally Posted by Menage_a_Trois

2 - Why do people use this term in such a negative way?

It is probably the same reason people use "us and them" style labeling. Obviously, labels can be helpful and descriptive when they are applied fairly and honestly, but when they are meaningless (like this one) they are bound to be negative.

Spoomonkey

[WesternSwing]

hard core
n.
1. The most dedicated, unfailingly loyal faction of a group or organization: the hard core of the separatist movement.

I feel the dictionary definition of hardcore describes it for me. I don't think it's bed notchers, or how they play, so much as has been said here, someone who is really IN the lifestyle, not just dabbling in it. I don't feel it has to take over your life, or that a hardcore swinger is meeting new people every week and hitting every party. I would clasify many on this board as "hardcore" since they are knowledgable about, and believe in the lifestyle and how it works for them. These are people that could hold their own in a debate about swinging.

Mr. WS