Definitions: Open relationship vs. swinging

[WesternSwing]

Mrs. WS and I were talking on the way home about what sounds better to the unitiated, "we are swingers" or "we have an open relationship." Obviously from another post I feel there is a definite difference, but here is the deal:

We were talking about a single guy she had been chatting with online and she flirted pretty heavy with him and may even be interested, but being he is not in the Lifestyle to not freak him out would it sound better for her to say "we have an open relationship, so this is okay" or "we are swingers"? Somehow when approaching a prospective vanilla single, the term "swinger" seems to freak the uninitiated single guy out, like he likes the idea of a wanton woman, but not the idea of her husband being okay with it... like that's just a little too weird for the vanilla mind to wrap itself around.

"Swinging" vs. "Open relationship"... talk amongst yourselves...

Mr. WS

[Tybee Swing]

Hi Mr WS,

I think it will depend on the individual as to how he'll perceive the difference in the terms, if he even knows the difference, not being familiar with the Lifestyle. I have a feeling that by expanding on the conversation with him and explaining more about how your relationship really works, he'll get it, either way.

Some people's perception of "open relationship" is that the spouse is allowed to not only have playmates on the side, they're also allowed to develop a relationship with them. Whereas the perception of "swinging" is that this is just for play, for fun.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

Somehow when approaching a prospective vanilla single, the term "swinger" seems to freak the uninitiated single guy out, like he likes the idea of a wanton woman, but not the idea of her husband being okay with it... like that's just a little too weird for the vanilla mind to wrap itself around.

I think it depends on the situation you are leading the guy into. I mean - if the husband isn;t going to be there, then "open relationship" seems pretty fair. But, if he is - the it would be a bit misleading, I think.

People hear "open relationship" and they think, "yeah, whatever. Just get naked already." It sounds like a code word (to the uninitiated) for "I sleep around."

"Swinging" implies (to me anyway) that the couple is involved together (to some degree) and sends a clear message that husband knows about it and may be there.

Now - how those terms are used by everyone - I have no idea... But when you put it like this, it is the impression I get.

"Open relationship" = "Just you and me, babe."

"Swinging" = "Hope seeing my hubby's furry, purple ass doesn't freak you out."

Spoomonkey

PS - I'll admit this could have a lot to do with how often we hear a single guy say "my wife's okay with it."

[CuriousInOregon]

I have not had as much experience as some but Heres what we do. I Ms curious am very active within certin "cliques" and Verbaly initiate alot of flirtingwith the male crowds when asked by them about my beautiful ring I tell them that Its my wedding ring, I know almost imediatly weather hes a SLIMEBALL or a nice guy, because the Slimeballs (Personal opinion here) will jump at the fact that they dont have to do anything in the long run and that you probably wont tell the husband now the Nice guys (again personal opinion) will question you and want to know "if your married what are you doing here with out him, Or what would your husband say about this topic" I WOULD THEN tell him about my husband and I's Lifestyle and if he seemed a bit Uneasy and I really was interested I would let him know what we do and Why. Now WITH MY GIRFRIENDS I just say I have an open relationship its so much easier than trying to explain who what when where and why, Girls can be so judgemental if they want to as can guys. Not sure if this was a real explanation but I said what I thought

[NandTfromCA]

I agree with the Spoo and Tybee on the difference between the two but I don’t think that’s how the public perceives us. I believe that most people perceive both swinging and open relationship doomed to failure.

They see open relationship as a license to cheat, and something that two people might do if they have questionable morals and don’t satisfy each other.

They see swingers as perverted freaks. Sex fiends who will fuck anyone that steps in front of them. Mostly old and ugly people.

Mr.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

Mrs. WS and I were talking on the way home about what sounds better to the unitiated, "we are swingers" or "we have an open relationship." Obviously from another post I feel there is a definite difference, but here is the deal:

We were talking about a single guy she had been chatting with online and she flirted pretty heavy with him and may even be interested, but being he is not in the Lifestyle to not freak him out would it sound better for her to say "we have an open relationship, so this is okay" or "we are swingers"? Somehow when approaching a prospective vanilla single, the term "swinger" seems to freak the uninitiated single guy out, like he likes the idea of a wanton woman, but not the idea of her husband being okay with it... like that's just a little too weird for the vanilla mind to wrap itself around.

"Swinging" vs. "Open relationship"... talk amongst yourselves...

Mr. WS

Hi WesternSwing,

Excellent avatar! facelick

I'm going to be difficult and choose "neither of the above". If you and Mrs. WesternSwing might be interested in this man, why not say (gently, of course) something like "Mrs. and I sometimes enjoy including another man to share Mrs. and show her a really good time"? Then if he is comfortable with the concept, you can talk about terminology...if you're talking at all.

[WesternSwing]

Thanks!

That is a good way to put it. Maybe it wouldn't freak them out as bad. The problem seems to lie in that these vanilla guys like the idea of Mrs. WS cheating on me with them, but not the idea of it being okay, like that is somehow wrong; or they don't like the idea of not being the only naked man in the room. Hell, not one has even wanted to meet me.

The only think I can figure is that somehow the "cheating" angle gives them an ego boost, like "the old man isn't taking care of things at home, so she's seeing me." When it's okay for her to have sex with them it takes the ego stroke out of it.

Anyhow, either "swinging" or "open relationship", if they don't want me involved in one way or another it's a show-stopper.

Mr. WS

[Chicup]

Can anyone blame a single guy from freaking out in this situation?

Even when we were new swingers, the idea of an MFM seemed 'odd'. Even when I started to do MFM's with a couple it felt very uncomfortable (as I've posted).

So the idea of 'Hey want to fuck me while my husband watches' just seems odd to anyone who doesn't understand why a husband may want or enjoy such a thing. I know if a woman would have approached me for something like that when I was single, I'd have had to have been pretty drunk and raging horny to not run screaming.

[WesternSwing]

Lmao

[CuriousInOregon]

hahahahhaha well well well now the truth comes out with the drunken raging hormonal people lmao. JK Funny thing this post being brought out of hiding I was talking to a guy last night online and was doing the norm of flirting and asking questions and what not, He was local (with in say an hours drive) so we were talking about the possibility of meeting for coffee sometime soon as he was comming my way for some business in the next few days. I then had to fess up to the fact that I am married and my husband does know about it and that Yes we indeed are Swingers (his cam was on btw) as soon as I said that his jaw DROPPED he didnt believe me thought maybe I saw what he looked like and decided to change my mind So I turned on the cam on my end and told Mr Curious to Wave. Well needless to say he freaked out and BLOCKED me I got an email from him this morning saying to keep my "freaky married shit" to myself

OH WELL ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST

[Chicup]

I'm curious as to why the desire to bring in vanilla males into a MFM? Since single males complain they don't get enough action in the LS as it is, I'd think there would be more than enough who wouldn't be freaked out. Is it the quality of the SM's being low, or is there something about getting a 'virgin' so to speak?

[CuriousInOregon]

Originally Posted by Chicup

I'm curious as to why the desire to bring in vanilla males into a MFM? Since single males complain they don't get enough action in the LS as it is, I'd think there would be more than enough who wouldn't be freaked out. Is it the quality of the SM's being low, or is there something about getting a 'virgin' so to speak?

I know for us (as I cant speak for everyone) we are in a small town so discression is a must But in answer to your question we dont "seek out" the Vanilla's they seem to find us. I am a Slow poke I want to get to know someone before I hop in the sack with them and from my experience most LS people know what they want and are ready to just JUMP thats not me, So if I get the opportunity to get to know a single male in the Lifestyle then I would have no problems but they seem to be far and few between or Its a married guy looking to cheat on the wife where he "claims" to be part of the Lifestyle and the wife is "OK" with it well most o the time its an out and out LIE and I HATE LIARS but anyhow, in our little town I do nothing I am an internet kindof person lets you get plenty of "face time" with someone with out the uncomfortable silence between coffee.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

The only think I can figure is that somehow the "cheating" angle gives them an ego boost, like "the old man isn't taking care of things at home, so she's seeing me." When it's okay for her to have sex with them it takes the ego stroke out of it.

I bet this is true. Crappy, but true. Makes me think that the guy likes the idea of conquest -- not only the married woman, but her husband too, in a way. Swinging with a single male, on the other hand, would tend to be more focused on the positive things about recreational sex .

Also, there is the factor that a threesome with two men is something a vanilla male may simply have never considered. Unfamiliar sexual situation + another male involved = freak-out city.

Originally Posted by Chicup

I'm curious as to why the desire to bring in vanilla males into a MFM? Since single males complain they don't get enough action in the LS as it is, I'd think there would be more than enough who wouldn't be freaked out. Is it the quality of the SM's being low, or is there something about getting a 'virgin' so to speak?

That's an interesting question. We've never actually approached someone, though I have considered it recently (then reconsidered). There are a couple other single vanilla male friends I would loooove to do this with, if I thought it were feasible. I guess it's simple enough -- I already know and like these men, and desire them.

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by Chicup

I'm curious as to why the desire to bring in vanilla males into a MFM? Since single males complain they don't get enough action in the LS as it is, I'd think there would be more than enough who wouldn't be freaked out. Is it the quality of the SM's being low, or is there something about getting a 'virgin' so to speak?

Like CuriousInOregon it's definitely not searching them out to bring them into the Lifestyle, they find us. They'll hit on Mrs. WS and she may be interested in them, but...

The other problem is that sometimes there seems to be a shortage of "desirable" single males in the lifestyle, whether it's their attractiveness to Mrs. WS or the fact their married and pretending to be single. This is those situations where one in the vanilla world may spark her interest but it's difficult to approach them because they just don't understand.

Mr. WS