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Well it's been a long drought with a lot of bad meetings and posers over the last two years. We've walked away more than once shaking our heads over the lies and untruths people told compared to what arrived at the meetings. One of the biggest problems was the "one party" is attractive in some fashion but the other is a dud. We finally decided to just try a threesome again and only have to focus on one person. We ran a craigslist ad and actually got what seemed like a pretty good prospect (male) met him for a beer. He seemed pretty good so we had him over Sat night. Wifey was a little unsure about screwing a just-about total stranger so I drew her up a 12 step program for guidance complete with cutouts and power point presentations only to have her go from step 1 to 12 when she just took him upstairs and screwed him. I had agreed to stay out of the first one so that neither one of them was nervous but would be in on the second one. We had the second session after and all went really well we had a great time. So the issue is this and frankly it's a stupid little issue. We realized the next day he had showed up empty handed. We paid the bill for his two beer when we first met and had discussed the fact that he liked red wine. Accordingly we bought three selected bottles for the evening along with chips, nuts, etc. We probably shelled out $80 bucks altogether. Now don't get me wrong we don't do this with expectations other than sex but still it bothered me in that at some level it seemed to indicate contempt or cheapness or thoughtlessness. None of which impressed us. I personally couldn't show up for an event like that without some flowers or chocolates or wine or even a plant it just seems like the "right" thing to do. So I thought I would ask others their opinion. Am I out to lunch here or is this an indication of bad behaviour? ****************** edit in response to another point brought up below the invitation was not for sex directly. It was a get to know us better meeting and something MIGHT happen but no guarantee. -
Reading Mr & Mrs Naughty's thread regarding Single men and profiles got me to thinking that maybe it would be a good idea to have a thread where single guys can post a link to their SLS profile (or other external profiles/ personal ads on other sites) and let the couples who are interested in single guys review said profiles to give them an idea of how to make it better and more appealing to said couples. So single guys, here's your opportunity, post your link. And couples, be honest and let them know what you think.
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Ok, so right now you are part of a couple. But what if something happened? What if you got divorced/ split up or (god forbid) your partner died. Would you want to continue to swing as a single? Would it be something you might maintain and interest in but would prefer to find a new partner to enjoy it with? Would you continue to swing as a single? Or would you drop the idea of swinging altogether?
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Hi Gang, We've been in the Lifestyle for going on 5 1/2 years now, and we've played with couples, single females, and single males. We've enjoyed all aspects of these fun times. Lately, I've been feeling more and more excitement and arousal in seeing my wife being fucked by another man. It's been getting more and more interesting, and I have more and more feelings of compersion (and less "hey, I'm left out"). It's totally hot to watch her take another man, revel in the sexual feelings and lose herself in the pleasure he's giving her. Making sounds she has NEVER made with me, and fucking him for HER pleasure, not mine (although it's SOOO hot to watch). I'm not sure what has cause this rather interesting change of arousal and interest patterns, but I wondered if any of you have gone through this as well. No cuckolding here, but just when there's a guy she wants to fuck, I TOTALLY enjoy setting it up for her and watching (and participating) her be completely satisfied. The change from even Steven to loving when she gets it has been totally non-volitional and I wonder if any of you others, male or female, have gone through the same?
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A common question from single males.... "I am new to the lifestyle and am looking for a female to swing with as a couple. Any advice on how and where to find someone. Seems a lot of the ads on the internet are not for real." Any answers? -
We often talk about red flags couples look for when searching for singles, but for those who have or are swinging single, what are some things you are watching for in couples that if you see them would scare you off? -
I'm having trouble understanding something. I've looked all over the Internet and in books, and cannot find an answer to this question: When women are single, many times they do some or all of the following things: 1) Dating and sleeping with jerks who are disrespectful to them, or aren't concerned with her pleasure. 2) Being disrespectful themselves to actual gentlemen (making scenes, biting mens' heads off for talking to them, making phony complaints to bartenders about them, etc.) 3) Acting like sex is something bad or dirty. 4) Thinking they have to have sex only with their boyfriend. 5) Thinking that an orgy is the most disgusting thing in the world. 6) Being dishonest about what they want sexually. 7) Forcing men to take them on at least six dates, or buy them a bunch of stuff, before they will have sex with them. 8) Thinking every man they don't know at a vanilla bar, or even in public, is "creepy", without even talking to them first. 9) Saying, "I really need to get to know you first." before having sex with a man, and then that time period drags on for weeks or months. 10) Having sex for every reason except pleasure or love (such as being able to brag to their friends about the guy they had sex with.) Then women get married, discover the Lifestyle, and they do a 180-degree turnaround. Now they want respectful gentlemen, not jerks. They realize that it IS actually alright to have plenty of sex with different partners, even if they've only just met the man/men that evening. Sex becomes a beautiful thing to them, rather than something "dirty". They become honest about their sexual desires. They realize that orgies could be a beautiful, fun thing. If they are not interested in a man, they will politely decline, rather than making a scene. They don't brag to their friends about having had sex with someone. And of course, they don't ask a male they're interested in, whether he's part of a couple or single, to buy her a bunch of drinks and stuff before she'll have sex with him. I should know. I went to a swinger's club in my area a couple times, once being escorted in with a couple, and once as a single male by himself. There is a night-and-day difference in the behavior of swinger women as opposed to non-swinger women, and the swinger women's behavior is much, much better. Why is it that women change their tune about sex so hard only AFTER they get married and get into the Lifestyle?
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On another forum I am on there was a thread posted refering to several marriages and LTRs that resulted from singles meeting each other in the lifestyle. The OP of that thread has personally attended several weddings and has several more coming up in the near future and she was stating that people shouldn't bash singles for being open to actual dating and finding love in the lifestyle. I responded by taking a position that males and females will find each other regardless of the venue and that in reality the lifestyle is no better and no worse a venue to find their special someone than any other traditional vanilla dating venue. I also stated that singles that find each other in the lifestyle and become a couple are more likely to stay in the lifestyle as opposed to finding someone in the vanilla world and then returning to the vanilla world. I went on to state that people in the lifestyle should actually be more accepting and supportive of this as opposed to acting like singles are crazy if they are open to the idea of finding a legitimate date or SO in the lifestyle. I am wondering what your thoughts are here and what you think about singles finding love in the lifestyle. Do you think it is crazy and that singles should stick with E-Harmony and singles bars and church sponsored singles events for finding a legitimate mate or do you think that the lifestyle does offer a viable medium for finding someone? What are your thoughts?
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I know a great deal about Swinging; I have been exposed to the community itself a few times in my life and I have read the great book "The Lifestyle" which helped me greatly come to terms with my personal fantasies. I fully understand that swinging is not really about sex which is something that is very hard to explain which is why i rarely bring it up in conversations. I say all this because I am a single male. I am however a single male with an uncommon single male agenda (at least from what the community might be used to). After a long time not dating I am currently back in the dating scene and I feel at my age I really don't have time to fuck around with stupid immature views around sex however at the same time I do not want to freak people out for various reasons, some which could clearly get one fired. So with that, what might be the best way for me to filter out women who would be completely against this lifestyle while at the same time not being a complete and total freak (although I suppose this qualifies as being one). ALSO, for me, I would be 100% ok if I and the love of my life never swung more than a few times and decided we didn't like the Lifestyle. What is important to me is that she would be open to my freak side (which really is important for everyone I would thing). Thanks for the help! (added: what interests me most about the swinging lifestyle is allowing women to have complete and total fun for themselves while allow me to be turned on by other women. For me, its more about the woman's pleasure when it comes to swinging)
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How about some bad experiences that couples have had with single or maybe other couples...it would be nice to know what are some of the common stumbling blocks!!!!
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Since there has been a lot of talk recently in different topics about swingers clubs, this topic seems appropriate. How do you feel about swingers clubs in general? Do you enjoy them, just on specific nights, not at all, what is a swingers club? Please vote and then feel free to share your experiences as to what you like or dislike about them. Lori
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A dime per dozen. This has been the value placed on single men repeatedly. Are single men really worthless? Aren't we all just people? I am apparently the pendulem of swingers. Having lost my mate to death after 10 years of swinging I was shocked at the way I was treated. She died suddenly. Suddenly I was an outcast in the very society that we had embraced. I am sure that divorced single men have gone through the same process. I don't harbor any ill feelings whatsoever though because we were the same way as a couple. When the mate left the package deal was different. We showed no sympathy toward the single guy that lost his wife. Now he was just a horny single guy. Little did I know I would be there soon. At first I was very angry though. When I managed to find a female I was again welcomed with open arms to the clubs that I frequented. That is the way of the world though. The knockout rate will get you if you let it. It appears that I am single again. I wish to publicly have my name changed to Flori_DAMAN and if Julie will let me do it then I will appreciate it. I know that Julie does not like to have name changes because it can confuse people. However considering that I have changed status and states and I have posted for a long time I think it would be appropriate, but its ok if not. I would also like to offer assistance to both single guys and married couples that like single guys. I am prepared to do a topic within this board that addresses the plight of both single males in the lifestyle and couples that seek single males. If my name continues to be michigancouple then thats OK. I don't want to change policies, but I do want to create a system that makes it less risky and more comfortable to engage with single men in my little tiny way. First of all I would like to really get to the nuts and bolts of single males. Personally I am not going to be swinging for quite some time unless I get really lucky, which I don't see happening. I would very much like to offer an exchange of feelings concerning single men and couples seeking them in the lifestyle. Do to the disparaging remarks so often heard, (i.e. a dime a dozen), about single males I think the quality, (which is reconizably most are married screwballs and single guys that can't get any), of true lifestyle single males should be recognized. I would like to be a spokesperson so to speak within this board to both defend the true lifestyle single male and the true couple seeking them. A good single man in the lifestyle is not worth a dime per dozen. He is worth some very good times. They are though truly hard to find. You can't really hope to go to the bar or the next superbowl party to just have someone fuck your wife and think its safe. My feelings are that a good single male that should be considered has qualities beyond the average single male that is just looking to dump a load. He may have experience in the lifestyle or just be genuinely intrigued by it. He may be a good looking man with lots of charisma or he may be an average guy with no desire to have a long lasting commitment due to his status. Maybe he is in between relationships and just wants to share himself. They are agreeably easier to find than the elusive single female but how do you know what he is up to? Is there any way to screen this guy? I believe so. I have preached on safety of meeting single males for a very long time. You should never meet without making him realize that he is indeed the lower status until you meet and verify his reality. You should take extreme caution. No holds barred. Don't meet him at your house or in a non-public place....blah blah blah. Some of the issues I hope to address are: How do you deal with single men at swingers clubs, (which I personally feel is the safest place). How do you screen single men online? How do you meet single men in the real world and know that the reprucussions of the meeting won't cause problems? What do you really want in a single male? And for you single guys: Why do you want to swing? Do you realize the impact you may have if you do something that is out of bounds? Many things that are totally acceptable with couples are not acceptable with single males. If you have the mindset that you are among the "dime a dozen" guys then you will have desperation written all over your face. Single guys are horribly trod upon in the lifestyle. Guys that call themselves swingers and are just looking for a piece of ass are the reason. Most (around 95% in my feeling), are married or just looking to get there rocks off. They have no clue to the swingers mindset. I hope to somehow seperate single men that have no clue to the reality of the lifestyle. I will post some polls that deal with what single men and couples that seek them really think. If you are a single man that is just looking to cheat behind her back then don't respond. If you are a couple that feel single males have no place in the lifestyle then don't respond. Because you don't have any interest in single lifestyle males anyhow. I would like to hear from both single males and couples that truly seek them. I would like advice on how to design the polls. I would also like to know if and why you consider that being "a dime a dozen" could be construed as insulting. John
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During our live chat Thursday night we discussed singles and swinging and one of the questions that came up was what do singles give up in order to swing. The main comment to this question was how hard it is for single swingers to enjoy "straight" relationships because they have to tell potential partners about their swinging experience and interest. Basically, making it feel as if you have to choose one world or the other. Is it possible to have both? Why is swinging worth giving up the ease of having a "straight" relationship?
