People at work finding out we swing...

[fredandwilma200]

This last month, someone from work saw my yahoo ID (she said she searched for people in her area and saw my photo which the photo didnt see the face but a tattoe on my leg is like no other) she saw a link on the bottom of the page to sls and followed it there..where..she found a few pictures of my husband and my self.....and of course..as we all know it was about swinging and what we are looking for! She confronted me and I told her that I have no idea what she is talking about! Two days ago, I was on our work computer and found that she had made up a yahoo ID....thinking the name was one that sounded as though I had heard it before..I went home and looked...Two days after she asked me if it was me....she added me...I sent her pics and we talked alot....Now what do I do...I should add that she is this "better then you person" and thinks that swinging is nasty and dirty...she has been acting really strange..and I think she has told a couple of people at work...so what do you all think...should I ignore it...say something even though I had denied it before? What now...thanks

[Greg & Sheryl]

Tough situation! As long as she doesn’t bring it up again, we don’t think there’s any need for you to bring it up. Although she may be “acting really strange,” it’s probably best to ignore that as long as the situation doesn’t interfere with work. If her behavior does start to interfere with the job, there’s no need to go into the reasons for her behavior. Simply tell her that productivity needs to improve, and leave it at that.

If she does bring it up again, it’s up to you as to how you want to handle that. You can continue to deny it, or you can confess. Personally, we would confess. We are proud to be swingers and we won’t lie about it to anyone. But we understand that not everyone is in a position to be as open as we are. Good luck!

[CB_n_Red]

If it comes to the crunch I think I would agree with Greg & Sheryl - admit and brazen it out! If she is so narrow minded as to find swinging so objectionable then that is her problem, not yours.

Can't give Red's opinion this time - she's at work until 8am

CB

[fredandwilma200]

Thanks for the advice so far....but just to add ( I dont know if this will help) If I tell ANYONE in my job that I am a swinger I risk loosing my job...
At this point..I feel like saying what the hell! If I loose it then I get another one...Right?
The only thing I would be worried about are my kids and having it affect them or if the lady at work would call DCF or something like that since...she has done this stuff before..to other people!

[Elusive BiFem]

Certainly this is a tough situation and I think I would be inclined to heed the advice of previous posters. However, something I want to bring up to just keep in the back of your mind...what would the boss think if he knew that she was using a work computer to browse swinger sites? Most companies have policies against this sort of thing. They don't have policies against swinging. If you decide to talk to her, you might want to "gently" mention that.

- EBF

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by fredandwilma200

Thanks for the advice so far....but just to add ( I dont know if this will help) If I tell ANYONE in my job that I am a swinger I risk loosing my job...
At this point..I feel like saying what the hell! If I loose it then I get another one...Right?
The only thing I would be worried about are my kids and having it affect them or if the lady at work would call DCF or something like that since...she has done this stuff before..to other people!

I would be interested in what type of job you have that you feel you can lose your job for being a swinger? You work at a church? Swinging is NOT against the law. Some states jobs can fire you just for the fun of it but many states there is laws against firing people unless it is for just cause.

As far as DCF, I personally would not be concerned. Once again, you have not broke any laws. I have had to deal with DCF in Nevada. I was a single father of three little girls, one 9 months old and I owned a PORN company. Now that was not fun dealing with them but I made their job harder for them the more they looked at me.

Now I am not single and only one child at home and it is very well known in Vegas that Laura and I are in the lifestyle. I end up on Radio, TV and in the paper very often. We are not ashamed of who we are or our life and in all reality, there is NOTHING the law or anyone else can really do to you because of being a swinger. If you can not deal with people knowing then maybe you might want to rethink being part of it. Not trying to be mean, just realistic.

[fredandwilma200]

Originally Posted by Elusive BiFem

Certainly this is a tough situation and I think I would be inclined to heed the advice of previous posters. However, something I want to bring up to just keep in the back of your mind...what would the boss think if he knew that she was using a work computer to browse swinger sites? Most companies have policies against this sort of thing. They don't have policies against swinging. If you decide to talk to her, you might want to "gently" mention that.

- EBF

I dont think that would matter since, the boss is stuck up her butt!
She as I said in my other post...said she looked on yahoo and followed the link not knowing what she was getting into...she said she confronted me for my own good.....Yea right..

[Mich149]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

I would be interested in what type of job you have that you feel you can lose your job for being a swinger? You work at a church? Swinging is NOT against the law. Some states jobs can fire you just for the fun of it but many states there is laws against firing people unless it is for just cause.

I don't know about everywhere, but many companies in around here have clauses where they can fire you if you outside activities reflect poorly or embarass the company.

[biblonde]

I personally think she needs to be taken out back at beaten but ya know...kinda illegal.. Anyway, I understand the worrying about your job..although they may not say that is why they are letting you go, it could happen. If she keeps it up I would say something but if she drops it i would let it go away. Confronting her could cause alot of problems at work.As for her turning you in...swinging isnt illegal and as long as your kids arent around when you play you have no worries. Think about it....there are alot of swingers with kids. If she does push the issue i would personally tell her your private life is just that and to quit being a busy body. You dont have to admit or deny anything. Besides, what you do on your off hours (that is legal of course) is none of your works business!! And yep there is always another job out there if it comes down to it. Best of luck to you!! And hopefully she will get the stick out of her ass and leave you alone!

[easygoin]

yeah im with biblonde...take her out back and beat her....LOL yeah i dont understand why they were being so nosey anyways ya know...i would just see if she does bring it up again....hope it all works out...i would be so mad....hope it all works out and you know we have your back...talk to ya soon

[wrnakedru]

Wilma -

I think I can understand how you are feeling and the kind of person you are dealing with. I worked with a woman who had a siimilar attitude. Every day as she walked through the door, before she even set her purse down she had a pen in her hand and was noting her time of arrival on her flip-page desk calendar. The time was followed by the notation of either "A" or "B" with my first initial, indicating whether she arrived before or after me. I suppose she kept this record against a time she might be dismissed and tardiness be given as a reason, believing she could do a comparison and demonstrate the inequity of it.

There are always going to be those who attempt to make themselves look good by making others look bad. The problem arises when they have the boss's ear and belief.

Texas is a "right to work" state, which more often demonstrates itself by the company's right to let you go without needing to have a demonstrable reason. I believe, though, even when a reason is required most companies are quite adept of being able to show a paper trail and provide a reason.

The lack of "out-ing" yourself is, to me, no indication of shame regarding your personal choice. I think instead it is an often wise recognition of the general unacceptance by others and categorization of you that results.

I would continue to deny/ignore this woman's remarks at work. Additionally, I would discontinue any yahoo chat and set my messenger to block her access to me. You already know what her opinion is, and it is unlikely anything positive could result from continued discussion. Given her "type", it is more likely a source for her to gather ammunition. And you know who the target is.

You know the "climate" of your employment better than the rest of us do, though. This is just how I would handle it, if it were me.

WR

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by fredandwilma200

I dont think that would matter since, the boss is stuck up her butt!
She as I said in my other post...said she looked on yahoo and followed the link not knowing what she was getting into...she said she confronted me for my own good.....Yea right..

It's always those that are looking out for our good that cause us trouble, isn't it? I understand what you are saying, and wouldn't advocate using this except as something of a last resort. Like others have said, I would ignore her from here on out like paint drying on a wall.
As for your kids, unfortunately, people can cause you trouble all to easily where your kids are concerned. Even an investigation by DCF would be a horrible experience to have to go through, but as long as your activities are not conducted anywhere around the kids, I don't see that it could have a great impact. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. It's sad that we all (or most of us) have to worry about this sort of stuff. - EBF

[Spoomonkey]

Well - honestly - it is kind of a tough situation. And certainly, rumors about your character (true or not) can affect your job - even if you don't loose it.

What you can do about it depends largely on the company that you work for. While letting it drop is the best thing to do at this point (lesson learned and all of that) - if you find that she is, in fact, slandering you, I would go to your HR department (assuming you have one) and report it as harrassment. I know this isn't an ideal thing to do - and it could actually make things worse - but if you drop it and she doesn't, it may just be your only recourse.

Spoomonkey

[mrs good times]

I know I could never admit it at my job for fear of losing it. So, I would remove the add, address, etc. and deny, deny, deny until things blow over. If she truly is a busy body then everyone else knows it too and her credibility would be in doubt.

I had a girl that worked for me that was similar and everyone thought she had her nose up my ass. But I'm not stupid and new that the little secrets she was telling me all the time about the rest of my staff was her way of trying to get everyone else in trouble. She obviously needed more work to do so I worked her until she quit.

[jcbicouple]

Originally Posted by mrs good times

I know I could never admit it at my job for fear of losing it. So, I would remove the add, address, etc. and deny, deny, deny until things blow over. If she truly is a busy body then everyone else knows it too and her credibility would be in doubt.

I had a girl that worked for me that was similar and everyone thought she had her nose up my ass. But I'm not stupid and new that the little secrets she was telling me all the time about the rest of my staff was her way of trying to get everyone else in trouble. She obviously needed more work to do so I worked her until she quit.

Dito
Afraid the IM name, e mail account, etc. would have to be changed, and in order to protect livelyhood neither of us would have a problem telling her she'd lost her mind, and we have no idea what she was talking about. Now, we likely wouldn't do that to someone who was not being malicious, but it sounds as though this lady could do you some real damage.
We also agree that from a management point of view: Many bosses are well aware of individuals personalities and the likelyhood to cause trouble. Unfortunately, If your boss is put into a situation as to where he/she can show no wrong on the individuals side, but has proof of your actions (especially if it causes any issues/upset in the workplace) they may have to take action against you even if they wouldn't want to on a personal level. It's all business. So, Do yourself (and your boss) a favor and change your login/ID/e mail name, send it to everyone you want to remain in contact with explaining what happened, and leave the malicious little player to dig her own hole.