Awkward: work situation and ex play partner

[Tybee Swing]

Okay, this was awkward! Last week at work, I realized while working with one of our vendors over the phone - a longtime vendor that does a lot of work for my company - that he was one of our past swing partners. In fact, he and his wife were one of our very earliest newbie experiences (and not a good one).

I will have to be in contact with him again. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before he realizes who I am. Awkward!

Who's experienced something like this, and how do you handle it?

[Mr. HW Sharona]

If he's a long time vendor who does a lot of work for the company, haven't you come face to face with him before?

[WesternSwing]

We have never had that exact experience, however in the industry I'm in (and Mrs. WS used to be with me) there seems to me many in the lifestyle. So we have been at parties where an account rep for a vendor comes in and sees us and you can see him/her mouth the words "oh shit". After a laugh or two it all seems to be okay.

Mrs. WS now works for a very big company and she's ran into three people we know from the lifestyle. Again, no big deal. There seems to be an unspoken code of conduct that you know each other and nobody needs to know how you know each other.

In our experience with those we've met from the lifestyle in the workplace it has always been "work is work, play is play", and they don't mix the two.

So in your case I'd just conduct business as usual. If he finds out it only has to be as awkward as you make it. If you shrug-it off and don't make an issue of it than it won't be.

Hope that helps a bit.

Mr. WS

[randynsunny]

We have had a similar experience. We had just moved to town and hubby started a new job. We had contact with a couple and agreed to a meet and greet and realized the male half of the couple was the person whose job it was that I had taken, after he was fired. It was awkward at first, but we ended up playing with them on several occasions, we just had one subject of conversation that was off limits.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Mr. HW Sharona

If he's a long time vendor who does a lot of work for the company, haven't you come face to face with him before?

Nope, I've only been with the company for a short time....new job.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by randynsunny

We have had a similar experience. We had just moved to town and hubby started a new job. We had contact with a couple and agreed to a meet and greet and realized the male half of the couple was the person whose job it was that I had taken, after he was fired. It was awkward at first, but we ended up playing with them on several occasions, we just had one subject of conversation that was off limits.

I can see how awkward that would be! It's good that you all worked through it.

In my case though, this is running into somebody from our past in swinging, whom we had ceased contact with and didn't wish to be involved with any longer. But, now I'm going to have to be involved with him to a certain degree through work.

[Mr. HW Sharona]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

Nope, I've only been with the company for a short time....new job.

Ahh, I see

Well I'm sure he's going to be shocked as shit to see you to. Probably even more so because you've already figured out who he is and he hasn't caught on to who you are yet. You're having time to digest it.
I think it'll be fine. He's not going to yell out in front of everyone 'Hey I know you, your that swinger I've played with before!'

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Mr. HW Sharona

I think it'll be fine. He's not going to yell out in front of everyone 'Hey I know you, your that swinger I've played with before!'

Yikes, I sure hope not!!! I think what will probably happen is that he'll be "familiar" with me, though. He'll ask, "How've you been, how's Mr. Tybee, what have you been up to?" People might ask, "Oh, where do you know ___ from?" (They are a nosey bunch.)

Mr. Tybee and I already talked about this, and the most likely story is that they knew each other in school, old friends, and we met a couple of years ago. I don't like to make up stories, but in some situations, maybe it's for the best.

We ran into them at a restaurant about a year ago, and they asked us to call them and get together with them again. We dodged that. This is part of my discomfort about the situation. They want to get together again, we don't.

[The Fuse]

Well, maybe this is the perfect excuse to dodge the question permanently... just say over the phone, "Gee, I apologize that Mr. Tybee and I never got back to you two after we saw you at xxx... but now that we're to do business together, I hope we can agree that it'll be strictly business, it's for the best." You could manage to sound regretful that you won't get to see him socially anymore, or at least let him think so. Then he saves face and you can go from there without too much awkwardness... would that work?

[LFM2]

This sounds soooooo insensitive, but all I can think of is how glad I'm not you today. I'm not sure what I'd do, but I wouldn't lie to him if he recalled what might have been a wonderful to him although it was a crappy night to you. In fact, I think I'd probably tell him the truth if he asked why we never called again. Just that we didn't think we meshed all that well. Hopefully, after all this time, he's gained some maturity and will think, "OK... We had an Ok time, but if they didn't, things are still cool. " *shrug*

What a difficult situation!! I don't envy you, at all!!

[Tybee Swing]

Thanks, ladies!

Fuse, the saving face idea sounds like a good one. If he should bring it up, I could opt out with that.

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

Then he saves face and you can go from there without too much awkwardness... would that work?

One of Dale Carnegie's rules of How to Win Friends and Influence People: Always allow the other person a way to save face.

Mr. WS

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

Mrs. WS now works for a very big company and she's ran into three people we know from the lifestyle.

When she meets them at her new place of employment and recognizes them from the Lifestyle, does she acknowledge knowing them in a friendly way (showing anybody else around that they already know each other)? Or, do they just pass by and exchange a quiet look or smile?

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

When she meets them at her new place of employment and recognizes them from the Lifestyle, does she acknowledge knowing them in a friendly way (showing anybody else around that they already know each other)? Or, do they just pass by and exchange a quiet look or smile?

Two of them she acknowledges in a friendly manner since nobody else has to know HOW they know each other. The other one acknowledges he sees and knows her but refuses to make any verbal contact with her at all outside a party or club situation. Kinda' strange, you know?

Mr. WS

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

One of Dale Carnegie's rules of How to Win Friends and Influence People: Always allow the other person a way to save face.

Mr. WS

Yep... that was the first book that changed my life, when I read it at 12. It's a good rule, even if the other person knows you're bullshitting them .