Approaching Co-worker for a threesome

[txdallas_couple]

The wife and I have talked about it, and I think we are ready to get our feet wet and see if this swinging thing is all it's cracked up to be. I can't even remember the last time we made love without talking about having someone else there!

Most of our fantasies involve a single woman at my office. She and I have had some flirty moments, and she's mentioned how pretty she thinks my wife is and made comments about our sex life. I'm just not sure if she's adventureous enough for this! Since today is April Fools, I thought it might be a good chance to say something suggestive; if she's interested then we could take it further and if not, I could pass it off as a prank. (She's got a fun personality and makes sexy jokes anyways, so I could bow out gracefully).

What do you all think? Do you have any suggestive suggestions?

[JustAskJulie]

I think you are walking on very thin ice with this. It goes back to the old saying of "don't shit where you eat".

The good news would be if you brought it up and she shot it down and you got away with saying it was just a prank.... but just as likely and a lot more painful outcomes....

1. She could get pissed off and go after you for sexual harrassment - even saying it was a joke won't get you out of that.

2. She spreads around the entire workplace what you mentioned.

3. She's up for it, you all go for it. Something happens and things don't work out and she gets pissed off... then we are back to #1 and #2 will probably also happen.

Is it really worth the potential affects to your career?

[txdallas_couple]

I've had the same thoughts myself, but we have both picked up strong vibes from this woman that she is at least curious. We've become good friends over the past couple of years and she's been rather flirty. For example, I recently looked really tired one morning and commented on how tired I was, and she said, "At least someone has a good sex life!"

But if the prevailing opinion here is that this is a dangerous trick, maybe I'll take a pass on this one. Does anyone else have any thoughts?

[cracker60479]

I would never swing with a co-worker. I would never swing with a personal friend. There are just to many things that could cause problems. If you had a falling out it could cost you your job, the rest of your friends might be told about your activities to your embarassment, other family members could find out includung parents and your children and even your childrens schoolmates, not to mention the "Harper Valley PTA". I would only consider swinging with people I had newly met with a mutual intention to establish a swinging relationship.


Do u diddle? I dodiddle


If you cant be good.... be good at it!

[good times]

Dito what Julie says, I'd recomend that you pass.

[Alura]

This really is dangerous territory, TxDallas_Cpl. Only you and your wife can properly assess the situation and decide whether or not to proceed.

If y'all decide to chance it, I'd suggest taking it out of the workplace. You and your wife should invite her over or out for dinner. The purpose should be to learn, not to convince.

Ask questions that show a sincere interest in her personal ideas, questions that can't be answered by "yes" or "no." The goal is to get her talking about herself so y'all can learn how her mind works.

Answer her questions with sincerity; don't try to be witty by avoiding committing yourself to an idea. A question, answered with a question, is both unproductive and, to some, wildly irritating.

You may learn enough in the early part of the evening that y'all will abandon the idea or press forward (gently!) with the knowledge that you're in friendly (and like-minded) territory.

Good luck, and please keep us informed.

Mr. Alura

PS: If y'all run into Mrs. Alura around the Trade Mart this week, tell her I miss her and am looking forward to her return home.

[DBL D]

Unless you have lots of experience in interpersonal relationships like this, I'd stay away from propostioning her. If you were to meet her at a bar somewhere and have a couple drinks then maybe you can get into a talk about the way things are. Otherwise...I'd call this a work related issue and leave it at that. Too dangerous. I know it makes us sound like wimps but you can't have everything you want. Just realize that there is someone like her in the lifestyle already and someday you'll find her without the BS. Something has changed with me since we've swung. I almost look at these potentials with pity, knowing that they probably are just all talk! We already have some folks who we can have sex with so why take a chance like that?

You horny son-of-a-gun!

Male D

[curiousagain]

I don't date people at work because I have dated people at work. It hasn't always been bad in the end, but that's the way to bet. Swinging with people from work is full of even more potential bad things. I would wager the grocery money that in the end, when all is said and done, you would wish you hadn't.

[WoodyInSoCal]

Think of the long term consequenses of working with someone both you and your wife are playing with. Think about how your wife is going to wonder about you two at work.

What happens if you 3 decide to stop playing?

How will your office mate react? What happens if she can't handle the "it's just sex" part of swinging and becomes emotionally attached to either one of you?

One of the two of you (or maybe both) could lose your jobs.

If you are going to pursue this, be prepared for the downside.

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by WoodyInSoCal

Think of the long term consequenses of working with someone both you and your wife are playing with. Think about how your wife is going to wonder about you two at work.

This is a very important point to bring up.

Since you and your wife are new to the scene, you don't yet know if either of you are going to have regrets about adding another person to your sex life.

It's better that your first experience be with someone that you're not going to have daily contact with. This arrangement has the potential to get ugly.

Good Luck!

[Alura]

Vespertine wrote:

It's better that your first experience be with someone that you're not going to have daily contact with. This arrangement has the potential to get ugly.

This paragraph is loaded with wisdom. It would make y'all's life a lot simpler to pursue your first experience away from work.

I'd say y'all are facing a challenging decision.

Mr. Alura

[holstash72]

i dont know if this helps but i grew up on the basis of "don't screw around with family's friends or friends family" (its not like most of us dont have friends at work in most cases )it has worked well to keep peace for me and keep a neutral grounding with most people. ive broken a few hearts this way though but better that than to ruin a good friendship. sex is everywhere but good friends are not.

[BiDrywallChick]

I just wanted to add.. Never get your honey where you get your money! We use this all the time. You never know when something is going to go to shit at work and then it all just roll from there. She may very well be a great person and partner but you never know what may happen at the next company meeting. If you or she ar ein a position over the other, think how awkward that would be if there was an employee review or something of the sort. Just bad ju ju in my opinion

[dutch51]

We would definitely pass on this one as well. WAAYYY too many potential dangers ahead and really, do you want to chance all that has already been mentioned? The co-worker is not the only flirty female out there who may take you up on your offer, so we'd definitely look for someone else. We would never swing with someone either of us worked with- we are in this as a couple and daily contact with a play partner when your spouse is nowhere around keeps someone too far out of the loop, then it's no longer a couples activity.

Don't worry, you will find someone who is compatible, but comes with a lot less risk. Good luck!!

[lovecatspurrv]

eeep! i agree with all the above, too complicated and almost like an easy target for you to try at, i am sure searching out there for others who are sexually at the same level as you and your partner will be more rewarding even if it takes a while. U have your whole lives together right?!
On the flirty comments, the example you gave, is exactly the way my cheeky female collegues and myself talk with the guys who we know can appreciate the humour and cheek with out reading more into it. Kind of brightens the day harmlessly to us. So be carefull of your interpretation of her behaviours. You are looking for a gal to 3some with, she may be just breaking dull monotony with some1 cheeky enough to not take offense!