discrimination by employer towards our lifestyle

[stoco]

i recently resinged from my job due to what i feel was an unfair employer.
i was working for a county sheriffs office and was due for promotion when some of the other deputies started rumors about my wife and me and our lifestyle. we never involved any one we worked with and even tried to only meet people from outside the county. as far as we knew or secret was safe. after the sheriff heard the rumors he started an investigation and when it was all said and done the rumors were found to be not true. but when i was interviewed by the detective he asked me very personal and intimate questions into my sexlife with my wife, to include if we video taped ourselves and what would be found on a video tape of ours. i felt that that was private and personal information and refused to give an answer.

due to that i was demoted, my pay cut over and beyond what i was payed prior to my promotion to corporal, loss of training, and put on probation for 6 months. i felt that i had no choise but to resign, knowing that i would be forced out as soon as the chance came up.

i contacted several attorneys and was told that nothing could be done, because i work in an at will employment state.

i dont feel that my lifestyle or my relationship with my wife should be my bosses business. nothing had ever happend while i was on duty and no laws were violated.

if anyone can help or know how to deal with this please let me know. im going crazy just knowing that i lost my job and that guy is still in office violating peoples rights to thier private lives.

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Don't think I can offer any other help . . I would have suggested a lawyer but you have already done that. Other than looking futher to another lawyer (sort of a second opinion) or checking with some fair labor relations organization. I don't know.

I agree totally with you though what we do in our home and our bedroom is no ones business and really has no bearing on how well I can perform my job.

Good luck to you and if you do find a way to file against them at all I'm sure besides me others would like to know the out come.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[eroticsensation]

that is pretty damn bad!
look for a GOOD lawyer.

[jsnps]

As long as their is no impropriety on the job, what is done in your private life is simply that, private. They have no legal right to demote you, cut your pay or force you out without your ability to claim harrassment. I would check into another lawyer or many until I at least got a general concensus that may case was not going to stand a chance. I would then talk to some organizations that help with harrassment such as the civil liberties union.

I think I would see what chance you have of winning the case, first and foremost. I'd also start looking for a new job - even if you could go back, why would you want to? That seems like a horrible environment to be in.

Either way, no matter what you do, best of luck.

Mrs. JP

[NotSoSure]

Ok...here's my $.02. I am not an atourney, but I do know a few things. I believe what your atourney said is correct. Because you "voluntarily" quit, you technically have no grounds to sue. If your employment had been involuntraily terminated (ie. fired) you would definately have grounds. I know hind sight is 20/20, but what you should have done is hired an atourney while you were still working for the sherrifs department. Because of federal laws, they could not fire you while there is pending litigation (except for neglegence), and you could have sued them for discrimination for demoting you without grounds. As far as I know, this is still america, and preference of sexual activity is not grounds for demotion or firing.

That being said, Keep in mind this is still america. You can sue for anything. Sometimes event he threat of litigation will get them to cave. Even if you don't want back in the job, you could get some money out of this. Personally, I think you've got a pretty good civil rights case on your hand. Talk to a better lawyer, this guy sounds lazy, because civil rights cases are always long and drawn out. Also consider contacting the ACLU...I'm sure they'd be interested in this. Finally, I'm sure there are some news agencies out there that would definately be intersted in this (if you don't mind being outed). Maybe even at the national level like dateline or 20/20. I know they have done stories on the lifestyle before. The key here is to put pressure on them...sometimes that's enough even if you don't technically have a strong lawsuit. But I definately think ACLU may be the way to go here. Check out their website. Sorry for the length, but this outrages me too. Hates government imposing on people's private lives. Fight Back Bro!

[2New2it]

The missing and very relevant link here is the reason they gave for your demotion and probation. Refusal to answer personal questions is by itself not a valid reason for diciplinary action. That said, your resignation was voluntary and will be difficult to fight without you being prepared to open your entire lifestyle to the world. Your choice.

[djjwp]

Dito Well, liable will not work because you are in the lifestyle and his "rumors" are fact, not fiction.

The only case I see is demotion w/o cause. That could justify your resignation as you would not have resigned had they not demoted you. They were the cause and you enacted the effect by resigning.

Get a good ,(God I can't beleive one exists!) laywer and go after them if you have the will. I know I would but I don't care what others think of me as I have no shame in what we do, it's our life.

I too would get the ACLU to look at this as well, better they spend their time on this which matters than removing crosses from city seals.

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by NotSoSure

Because you "voluntarily" quit, you technically have no grounds to sue. If your employment had been involuntraily terminated (ie. fired) you would definately have grounds.

I'm not a lawyer either, so I'm not saying this is the gospel, but, as someone who used to train managers on HR issues, you can voluntarily quit a position and still sue AND WIN if you can prove that they in fact "forced" you to quit by providing a hostile work environment, etc. If you have your performance appraisals and any other "atta boy" information and information from co-workers stating that you have always done a good job, etc., and there's been no reprimands for your perfomance, I'd say you have a pretty good case. If a reasonable person could assume from the picture you paint that you were fired only because of your participation in the lifestyle, it could go your way. True, you would have to expose a lot of your personal life to do it. You just have to decide if it's worth it.

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by stoco

i contacted several attorneys and was told that nothing could be done, because i work in an at will employment state.

Before I retired from my "real job" I had to deal with 1000's of employees in a few states.

One thing about a "right to work or at will employment state" was that I could fire someone if I just did not like the way they looked at me. I could demote them for the same thing. I really did not have to have a reason for my actions in those states.

I ended up in court many times because of this but my right to fire in those states always held up in court.

If he really does life in an "at will employment" state, then there will not be much to sue over here.

Quiting also does not help in many cases but not all the time.

It sucks what happened to you but until people are willing to come out of the closet and fight things like this it is going to happen.

[HotMama]

Long time lurker, first time poster.

Lee hit the nail on the head....At least in PA, you can fire someone if you find out he is an Eagles fan, and you are a Steelers fan...END OF STORY.

So when I see "Why don't people stop hiding" "Why is the males face not shown on the profile" threads... Most people that are either too ignorant to have a clue about discression, or don't care what people think of them... Thats great......

We also don't care what Larry, the neighbor, or Dan the garbageman think of US... HOWEVER we do care what my husbands employer thinks of him......
Puts bread on our table, a roof over our heads, and two very nice cars in the garage.... You think we are going to risk that to prove to "hardcore swingers" that we have nothing to prove....? Dream on.

Maybe everyone should learn from this and be a bit more hush hush about it.

Some rules we follow are:
1) No face pics.
2) No mixing friends. (Vanillia and Swingers)
3) No emailed pics.
4) No phone #'s given out before we know you are not crazy and have the same level of discretion that we do.
5) We have designated email addy for this.
6) We only meet people for the first time @ meet and greets.
7) keep the personal info down to a minimum (ie. how many kids, what you drive, location..ect ect) at first.

Even if you do not live in a "right to hire" state.... I am sure once you are on the bosses radar, he will find something work related to get rid of you.

Chances of you winning a case like that are sliim to none. Keep your private lifes PRIVATE.

[Dave_kat]

Gosh, and we thought we had it hard. For those of us in the Military, it's the same as this. The Uniform Code of Military Justice can be used against a person if they have sex in anything other than the Missionary Position. Does it happen? No, but we have seen several soldier's end up getting punished for adultery or other things.

Good luck to you. Only thing we can ever say is deny everything when/if anyone asks.

[betty1213]

hi: wanted to add my $0.02 here. I agree Dito with most of what has been said. But we also live in an "AT Will State". I am not a lawyer but am a manager and recently learned that "At Will" only applies if you have no other policies goverining disciplinary action.

So in addition to finding a different lawyer I would also suggest getting a copy of your policy manual as if your previous employers have written policies which show proof of a disciplinary process you cannot be let go at will. I also agree that you can sue for being forced to quit due to hostile working conditions. Sometimes you need to find a lawyer out of the area if you worked for a large organization or a government type.

Good Luck to you!

[jcbicouple]

Dito to VegasLee, Hotmama and some of the others. Probably not much legal ground to stand on. Being on the employer side of things in an employ at will state, we deal with the legal side of this issue on occasion. Firing someone for a behaviour (I.E. swinging) is not considered discrimination in most cases. Actually, if either of us is ever found out by our employer, we would expect that our employment would be terminated, or at the very least would lose any chance of further advancement. We've heard all of the arguments....get another job, it's none of their business, etc. However, we both knew about the morals clause at our respective employers when we accepted the positions we are in. We chose to accept that based on the security and financial rewards that came with the job. Neither of those are things we'd be willing to give up. Honestly, we'd understand if we were fired for our lifestyle choices. Frankly, if one of our employees were swinging, and it caused a disruption at work, or was something that could cause a problem with a customer or the community in which our company is involved, we wouldn't hesitate to fire them. We may be called hypocritical by some for this position, but it wouldn't be the swinging that was the issue. It would be the disruption in the work place.

Let the bashing begin!

[DanBridget]

Ok... I think I am going to be one of the few that will help you. Being that I am a Firefighter, I will fall into almost the sames rules as the PD and SO. Alot of public service jobs such has, police, fire ems have what they call moral rules/laws. These sometime un written laws establish a precident that will allow a employer (town or county) to terminate, fire or demote anyone that they feel is not living a moral life. So if you live in a very religous town where the churchs tend to be a major power you will find that if you are involved in a life style or activity that is not excepted in the community you will get flack. Its just a simple thing of tring to make the community feel better. This example might be far from what you want.. Say you are in a dry town no drinking allowed and your known for drinking although its your choice your proving to the town you don't follow their rules. Not saying swing is wrong.. don't hit me with that everyone.

Now a way to fight this would be to come out clean and say eys we have swapped.. But if your state helps prevent gay/lesbain un fair termination then use that as a basis.

Second. Ask for a copy of all your reviews done while on the job. If you have had great reviews no problems and they can't explain to you why you were demoted then you should have a case.

But you mentioned you were a at will employee at the SO office. If so they can fire, demote etc with no good reason. Doesn't matter what the state says it matters what the department says unless they have written that the rules are the same as the state. You are entitled to a written release as well. Have you thought about a sueing the others employees for public defermation of character.

[rocketship]

definately get a lawyer