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  1. #1
    Julie's Helper funcoupledayton's Avatar
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    Default Separated vs divorced

    My policy thus far has been to only play with singles who are divorced or single, not in a committed relationship. We don't want to be drawn into drama, shoot outs or legal issues.

    Recently I talked to a "single" guy who is separated but they are not planning to divorce due to legal issues and having children. He says his wife is also seeing other people and aware that he is.

    What do you think about this situation? Is this equivalent to a married couple with hall passes (something we'd be ok with)?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Separated vs divorced

    To be clear, you would be ok with someone in an open marriage but not a cheater, correct? The only way to be positive is to meet the other half or to trust the person you're with. If he no longer lives with her I would say he's probably telling the truth. If they are still in the same house then I would say proceed cautiously.

    No matter what their is always going to be drama. Just learn to minimize it and be understanding when there are conflicts. As always, honesty is the best policy. Tell him your reservations and if he is telling the truth he should have no issues.

  3. #3
    Julie's Helper funcoupledayton's Avatar
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    Default Re: Separated vs divorced

    Yes, we would be fine with someone in an open marriage.

  4. #4
    Swingers Board Addict DigginIt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Separated vs divorced

    It's a risk. I imagine they are still living together if they don't want to divorce for the sake of children and legal issues. She may decided to divorce him later and subpoena you months after you stopped seeing him. You just never know.

    There are too many fish in the sea. I'd move on and save the drama.

  5. #5
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Separated vs divorced

    I would say that yes it is equivalent to a married couple with hall passes... if he's telling the truth. In either case I'd go so far as to talk with the wife and make sure.
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    Default Re: Separated vs divorced

    I would be interested to understand what legal issues would cause a couple to not get divorced. That makes no sense to me unless there is plenty of drama to go with it...

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    Default Re: Separated vs divorced

    Nothing nefarious about that. When my wife of 13 years and I separated, with no plans to ever re-unite, we stayed "married" for 6-7 years before actually filing the paperwork. No reason in particular, just neither of us was in a hurry. We finally got divorced when she met someone she wanted to get serious with. Maybe subconsciously we were using each other as a "safety barrier". But we were both "single" in our minds and never thought much about it. A side benefit was at tax time. There wasn't hostility between us.. it was just over..

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    Better than Ice Cream two4youinswva's Avatar
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    Default Re: Separated vs divorced

    I think this is a case-by-case thing. Theoretically a lot could go wrong, but that is going to depend on the couple in question.

    I think with a little conversation and analysis, you two will figure out if it's a good move or not.

    Good luck!
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  9. #9
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    Default Re: Separated vs divorced

    Quote Originally Posted by junglecouple View Post
    Nothing nefarious about that. When my wife of 13 years and I separated, with no plans to ever re-unite, we stayed "married" for 6-7 years before actually filing the paperwork. No reason in particular, just neither of us was in a hurry. We finally got divorced when she met someone she wanted to get serious with. Maybe subconsciously we were using each other as a "safety barrier". But we were both "single" in our minds and never thought much about it. A side benefit was at tax time. There wasn't hostility between us.. it was just over..
    That's a different case than claiming there were legal issues stopping you from filing from divorce. You just never bothered to get divorced until there was a compelling reason for it.

  10. #10
    Swingers Board Addict Coupleerotic22's Avatar
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    Default Re: Separated vs divorced

    Quote Originally Posted by funcoupledayton View Post
    He says his wife is also seeing other people and aware that he is.
    She may be okay with him seeing "other" people but how does she feel about swinging and what drama could arise from her thoughts on the idea.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigginIt View Post
    She may decided to divorce him later and subpoena you months after you stopped seeing him. You just never know.
    My thoughts exactly

    Quote Originally Posted by JustAskJulie View Post
    ... if he's telling the truth.
    It sounds like a HUGE if to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by slevin View Post
    I would be interested to understand what legal issues would cause a couple to not get divorced. That makes no sense to me unless there is plenty of drama to go with it...
    Doesn't make much sense to me either. I guess I can see issues involving owning a company together or something that would involve dissolving it, but that is a stretch. Cost of a legal battle maybe?

    In the end, I think we would pass unless we have known them both prior to the separation. But then again, knowing them both might prevent us from playing with one and not the other.

    Echos of future drama keep ringing in my ears. Best to avoid it unless you are completely comfortable with the situation, and since you are asking I am guessing you have some reservations, or at least a little voice telling you the stop and think about it.
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  11. #11
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    Default Re: Separated vs divorced

    I think the best bet is to talk to his wife and see if his story bear out. If he isn't willing to arrange that that in its self will tell you something.

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