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Wan2Swing

Cheating and then Swinging?

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I have a burning question. I have always wanted to swing, swap and in general, be open and adventurous in my sex life. The long and short of it is that I am married, I love my husband and I have cheated on him. About a year ago, I had a short term affair with a man from the Netherlands. It was emotionally intense but we only slept together over a 4 day time span when we met and stayed at a hotel. Yes, my husband knows, we have been talking about it for the last 9 months and working towards healing the pain it caused us both.

 

The problem is, my desire to be with others and swap has not lessened. My husband is more vanilla than I am although he is pretty adventurous with just he and I. Obviously, this whole situation has caused huge trust issues. Regardless of everything, I want this as part of our lives. The idea of another woman touching him is very exciting to me. And Of course, I fantasize about another man for myself as well. Not the emotional side, but the sexual excitement and variety...

 

We have talked about this A LOT. Some of his comments include:

 

"So basically, all the variety you had before being with me wasn't enough..."

 

"You just want to be able to be fucked by another man again..."

 

"You are telling me that if I don't do this, you are leaving me..."

 

 

The answers are no, no, and no. But I want this and he says he is excited by the thought of it.

 

What should I do? I am not willing to forever be monogamous and I want to continue exploring and express my outward sexuality WITH HIM BY MY SIDE. We are extremely compatible in many, many areas and the thought of pushing him away hurts. I do not to want suppress this side of myself in order to stay together.

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Well... he does have the right to be wary - after all, that first encounter you have "cheated" on him in the past and that's going to take a long time for him to get back to the point where he feels he can 100% trust you again.

 

Keep talking to him... find out what his fears are and do your best to reassure him.

 

If swinging REALLY isn't something he's into (some just aren't "wired" for it) - then there's nothing you can do to change him. So if this is something you REALLY feel you need in your life... I hate to say it, but that is a serious area of conflict between y'all.

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We know of alot of reasons to swing.

 

The explanation you have given so far are reasons not to swing.

 

The real question is what is more important? Sex with others? Or the relationship with your husband?

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All you can do is be honest and prepared to deal with the consequences of your honesty. If you can express to him your desire to explore with him and boost his desire to have the experiences to benefit himself, then perhaps you have a shot, but... you can't guarantee this outcome. It doesn't sound like he views sexuality the same way most swingers do. He equates marriage with monogamy and fears competition. Can you convince him this is a fun endeavor which does not pose a threat to his marriage and which could actually enhance it?

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I've been married for over 36 years and know how you feel.

 

My wife thinks, and feels, a lot like it sounds your husband does.

 

She, actually, took the first step. There was a couple we knew really well and she and the husband, obviously, had the hots for each other. Anyway, with some alcohol and the total consent from me and the wife she indulged.

 

I loved the whole experience and, that night, knew this was something I wanted in our marriage.

 

We did explore this together several more times with other couples but, each time, she just couldn't deal with it afterwards.

 

This was all over 30 years ago and she hasn't changed her mind. We have discussed it many, many, times over the years. She knows I still would love to have some form of swinging in our relationship but she's even more against it now.

 

It's a real incompatibility in marraige and something you need to either accept or consider other options.

 

I just don't think you can change, or expect your partner to change, something of this nature. You, like me, have made if very clear that you want it. It's up to him to decide if he wants to join you.

 

Good luck, and thanks for sharing.

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I think it is very understandable that your husband is going to question the situation. You cheated on him, betrayed his trust and now it's out in the open that you cheated on him. With it out in the open now you tell him you want to try swinging with him; can you blame him for being suspicious? I'd wonder if this wasn't just a way to try and cheat on me without having to hide about it. I'd wonder if this was all because you weren't happy with me, happy with our sex life, not attracted to me or whatever other things came to mind as a result of the cheating. It is to be expected and I'd be more worried if he didnt have those reactions.

 

You are now dealing with the fallout of the betrayal of his trust. Personally I think that you need to put swinging on the backburner and work on gaining his trust back. Having his trust is important for having a healthy relationship between the two of you and having a solid/healthy relationship is important for involving swinging in your sexlife without causing issues to your relationship. As others have mentioned, you need to decide if this sex life is more important to you that your relationship with your husband. Right now it seems like it is, especially since, from the tone of your post, it seems like you are more concerned with introducing swinging into your relationship than you are about fixing the trust issues that you have created. At the very least, it seems that you're mostly concerned about the trust because you know you need it to get him swinging with you.

 

Take a step back and assess the situation honestly with yourself. It's ok to realize that perhaps your marriage doesn't make you happy. It is ok to realize that there are things in your relationship that you don't like and can't live with. Figure out what is important to you and you will have an answer about what to do.

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You put the cart in front of the horse.

 

Now he says "your leaveing him if he doesent go along" ?

 

Why do you think he feels that way ?

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Wow, this is a tough one. The two ideas that come to my mind are very different in concept. The first is that it is still too soon after the emotional pain caused by unfaithfulness. A lot of guys that have been cheated on feel a sense of inadequacy (what's he got that enticed her so much that I don't have?), and this could be playing into it. He may be feeling that because you cheated on him in the past and it hurt him and caused some insecurity, and now you are talking about swinging which would bring to his mind the idea of you being with another man more than the idea of being with another woman. These feelings may never go away for him, but it might, especially with the help of a counsellor.

 

My other thought, and it again plays into the feelings of insecurity he is probably having would be to start out with either FMF or with softswap. Once he begins to see that this isn't just something for you, it may help him get over his feelings and see that it is just sex, and a fantasy that can be a lot of fun.

 

What should I do? I am not willing to forever be monogamous

 

Although, this part of your post does concern me. Maybe this is something that you do want more for your experiences than for his, and maybe he is picking up on this. You may also want to do some more searching within your own heart.

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You need to work on building him up and rebuilding his trust in you, as well as rebuildling your relationship as a whole. He's asking these questions because he has doubts. He's turned on by the idea but at the same time he's afraid because of what you have already been through. Take some time and rebuild. Continue to let him know that it's not just about you having sex with others, and that your relationship is important.

 

He needs to know he can trust you and that you aren't going to leave him (OR CHEAT ON HIM AGAIN) if he does not choose to swing with you.

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I wonder if the answers would be a bit different if the question were written from a male perspective.

 

This question comes up with these types of threads and I believe the answer would be different from time to time.

 

Each thread is commented on based on the information given and I think appropriate answers have been given so far.

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Thank you everyone for the honest and open answers you have given so far.

 

I brought my husband to this site last night and we read through the answers everyone had given so far. We talked again, he expressed his concerns, I expressed my understanding and we came up with a solution for now.

 

Every year we attend an outdoor festival for 5 days. It is a very free-spirited event and as one might imagine, there are many situations that present themselves for some play time with other couples. We just came back from this years event and during the time we were away, I encouraged him to reach out and flirt. he did but it was uncomfortable for him. He is very, very shy when it comes to these things.

 

One of the things that came up while we talked last night was that he regrets NOT doing things more so in his life than he regrets having done things. This idea of swinging and our discussions are not new. Throughout our 9 years together, we have spoke often about swinging, but something always seemed to get in the way... work, kids, health... And his reservations. Looking back now, I realize I was not clear in my true interest and perhaps he thought it was only talk, something to fantasize about and never actually do.

 

We have been going to counseling and have been working on being completely up front with each other. Last night I told him that he is the one that I want by my side, to help raise the kids, to grow old next to, to have wonderful adventures with... I also told him that this is something that is part of my makeup, that this is a way that I am wired, there was never any false modisty on my part. Hell, I stripped for him in front of the dining room lace curtains when he lived next door to me, KNOWING that he was watching.

 

What happened with us was awful, I hurt him by lying and WE are both paying for it. But part of this new commitment to each other means telling him the truth, and that truth is that my hunger for adventure has not subsided.

 

Anyways, the solution we have come up with is to do "fact finding" during the next year, to ask questions, to continue working on our relationship and to approach the very real prospect of swapping at the next annual outdoor festival. We agreed that in no way does that mean we MUST do anything at next years festival but that he can take this next year to explore his feelings about this and I can take this next year to work harder on healing the pain I caused.

 

What do you think?

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You really can't blame him for having trust issues. I know I would definitly have a hard time believing it wasn't just about what you wanted after you had an affair. And like someone said he may not be wired for swinging, but I will say he may have been more receptive to the idea if you brought it up before your affair.

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I do not to want surpress this side of myself in order to stay together.

 

Your last sentance says it all. You will have to make your choices and live with the consequences.

 

One way to go is to come up with a long-range plan. Prepare to be patient. Bringing your husband with you into an open marriage will take time, and willingness to delay getting into swinging until he warms up to the idea (and of course he may never warm up to it.) How long will it take? No way to know. How long are you willing to be patient?

 

You wronged your husband, but no doubt you are also struggling to be true to yourself as a sexual being. Swinging is the way to go - being completely honest - but you've hurt your chances of bringing your husband into the lifestyle by cheating. You've made it more difficult than it needed to be by breaking his trust. Maybe you should be prepared to be doubly-patient, as he works through his feelings? Good luck!

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I want to believe you, I think your husband wants to.... even more.

 

It seems your really sincere.

 

I think Spoomonkey made allot of sense (We know what would hurt each other and we respect each other enough, to not do those things) I like that motto.

 

We wish you both, peace and understanding :)

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hello all... this is wan2swings husband... i have read all your replies to her posting... and i thank you all for your thoughts... we have been talking about this very seriously... she has discussed a 'long term plan' as you put it with me... and i have made it clear(i think) to her that i am interested but i need time... to think... time to regain trust... time also because i'm kind of shy as she stated... i am not very social... and she is... i have told her i want her to kind of 'push' me... in a good way... i guess encourage me is more like it... it is true what she said about me having regretted not doing things in my past... i can think of many exciting experiences i could have had but didn't have the 'guts' or whatever you might call it... i always think of something i could have done after it's too late... you know hind sight is 20/20... i don't want to miss out on exciting things with my wife... i love her so very much... and i want her to be happy... but i need to be comfortable too... and i think she's coming to terms with that and has accepted that she needs to go at my pace on this... again thanks for your thoughtful responses...

 

-j

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It's cool to see you both posting here! Just keep talking, take things slow and stay in your respective comfort zones. Good luck! :)

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It's great to see you two really talking things through and being honest. We are at the point in our relationship where we are willing to deal with the hurt that honesty sometimes brings. Sometimes it's been very difficult, but it's served us well, and it should you as well.

 

I (the male half) understand all too well about regrets, almost exclusively from things NOT done in my life. Swinging has been a great adventure in our lives that has enriched both of us, and we only regret that it took us so long to get to this point.

 

We can only speak from our perspective, so here it is: if one of us felt that we HAD to have sex with others in order to be happy, that would indicate fundamental problems in our relationship that MUST be dealt with, especially before partaking in swinging. We both have had long-time fantasies of sex with others, and we probably always will, regardless of whether we were swingers or not. If one of us wasn't into swinging, being monogamous wouldn't be denying who we are--it would merely be making the choice that the relationship itself is more important than sex with other people. If the male half of you doesn't know, without any doubt, that the relationship is more important than sex with other people, I see no good eventual outcome.

 

If the female half doesn't come to a point of *truly* being able to be happy with monogamy, I think one of two outcomes is likely: she will suppress her feelings and live a life of internal misery (quiet or otherwise), or the relationship will eventually end in disaster, neither of which are agreeable. I could be wrong, but again, that's the perspective we have from our own experience. I hope you both stay in counseling and continue to be honest with each other until you can work this out.

 

Good luck, keep talking, and keep hanging around here asking questions. Let us know how things are working out for you.

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I don't have any advice that hasn't already been offered, but I would just like to take the time to encourage the two of you. You obviously have had some problems, but you guys are opening up to each other and being honest. You're reaching a place where you will soon know everything about each other and there will no longer be an reason to hide. You will know each other fully and love each other for all that you are. Most marriages never get to be as honest as you guys have started to be. You guys should be proud of yourselves. Keep going to counseling. Be patient. Keep being open. Find ways to meet each other's needs that take each other into account. Don't push each other. You've got some healing still to do but it sounds like you're on a very good path. We wish you guys the best and if we can help let us know.;)

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What should I do? I am not willing to forever be monogamous and I want to continue exploring and express my outward sexuality WITH HIM BY MY SIDE

 

What you are doing to yourself, and your marriage is creating a brick wall. Those of us who play with others always are concerned about communication, and the level of play amongst the four of us. The play is restricted to the level that the most conservative player is comfortable. If "they" don't swap, we don't swap. If they don't do anal, we don't do anal. No one is forced to do something they are uncomfortable with. What you are telling us here, is that YOU are not willing to be as conservative as your DH.

 

You have already made "your" decision, it is just very unsavory for you to accept that this decision is going to result in the end of your marriage.

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hello all... this is wan2swings husband...

 

Very glad to hear that the husband is posting and is open to the experience and that y'all are talking about it.

 

Keep up the communication... if either of you have any questions, concerns or fears... this is a great forum to talk them over with other people who have had varying degrees of experience in what you're going through.

 

I wish you both the best of luck in exploring this aspect of your lives together - keep on communicating... don't be afraid to talk about ANYTHING with us or (more importantly) each other... be open to new ideas... don't judge... be safe... and most importantly have fun!

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This lifestyle is not for everyone and there is no room in this lifestyle for people who is cheating on their spouse. You need to make a choice. Rebuild your marriage with your Husband or become a swinger.

 

For me if my husband told me no more swinging, there would not be a question about it. I would stop. I Love Him that much and more. My husband would do the same for me if I asked him.

The lady half.

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Wan2 Swing her again:

 

Help me understand why it has to be either/or? Some people are saying that we need to either be monogamous or get divorced. That seems very balck and white to me and I think that this situation is neither one way or the other, there are many, many shades of gray. I came here to seek advise and I appreciate every bit of information we have received so far.

 

My husband has never said "No, I don't want to consider this, period." If he had, we would not still be thinking of this lifestyle. He has instead expressed his concerns about the situation in light of our current situation and before the affair, when we spoke of it, he was still very reserved. I understand that there are details that are unknown to everyone, and I will not bring them up but the fact is, we want to stay married to each other. When this affair happened (over for nearly a year now btw), we both had the choice to leave and start a life without each other. Fortunately, we have weathered the rough storms so far and there is no one I would rather fall asleep beside. I have always wanted to push the outer limits of my sexuality, it is an important part of who I am. He is reserved but kinky none the less, just not as open about it as I am, so it is hard for him to take action.

 

Anyways, we are monogamous, we are truthful and honest, and we are deteremined to make our marriage a strong one. When the time is right, for us both, then we will consider swinging. In the mean time, we will learn about the lifestyle and address some issues and sticking points we have.

 

One being that we will start this off with a FMF adventure. The sticking point is that he says I have "had mine" already and now it's his turn. I agree... and I disagree too. I am not attracted to females, shrug, I have had the opportunity and I'm just not interested so it will be strange to do this for my husband. I want him to enjoy himself and feel confident about everything so I am absolutely willing to try it. On the other hand, it give's me the impression that he will go along with this only so that he can "get revenge" of a sort. That is obviously something we still need to talk about further about until we understand and accept where the other is on the issue.

 

We've discussed the option of soft swap, to ease into things. Or maybe we could have someone watch us, or us watch someone else?? There are alot of avenues to explore and I know that he is the one that I want to have beside me when we go forward.

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Wan2 Swing her again:

 

Help me understand why it has to be either/or? Some people are saying that we need to either be monogamous or get divorced. That seems very balck and white to me and I think that this situation is neither one way or the other, there are many, many shades of gray. I came here to seek advise and I appreciate every bit of information we have received so far.

 

It is possible that the last couple of posters did not read your hubby's response. It sounds to us like he is willing to consider the lifestyle and is very open to discussions, which is a great start. However, since there has been a breach of trust in your relationship, we feel that you should make sure that the wounds have completely healed from that before delving into the lifestyle.

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Finding a female for a "straight" FMF is pretty-much the proverbial needle in a haystack... it will be much easier to find couples you'll both enjoy.

 

Swinging is about sharing a sexual adventure with the love of your life. It's all about the two of you, and the good thing you share together. It's about seeing each other turned on and sharing intense sexual times. Make it all about each other's pleasure. Follow your turn ons together. Be all about pleasing each other, and seeing each other pleased. Have a blast, and good luck!

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One being that we will start this off with a FMF adventure. The sticking point is that he says I have "had mine" already and now it's his turn. I agree... and I disagree too. I am not attracted to females, shrug, I have had the opportunity and I'm just not interested so it will be strange to do this for my husband. I want him to enjoy himself and feel confident about everything so I am absolutely willing to try it. On the other hand, it give's me the impression that he will go along with this only so that he can "get revenge" of a sort..

 

On one hand, I think it'd only natural for him to want this...because technically, you have already had yours and the playing field isn't even in his mind...you are one up on him and most guys don't like feeling that way. Particuarly since the 'score' was done behind his back, it can be a pride/confidence issue. If you are open to the idea and it helps him get his groove back, why not do it? Revenge would be more of a 'We will only do FMF or you have to be tied to a chair and watch me fuck other women that I parade in front of you'.

 

Why is it automatically assumed that the females have to interact in a FMF? I've participated in only a couple of them...and I can tell you, NONE of them have played out like a porno. Most guys want to experience a FMF...the two of you could just concentrate on him, let him lay back and enjoy being the focal point.

 

I have previously been in your shoes...I cheated on my ex-husband...sometime later we broached the topic of swinging...and he also wanted a FMF as the first experience if we ever got to that point (for exactly the same reasons as you listed here that your hubby said)...we never got around to swinging because I don't think that he could get over the feeling that I was some how getting a 'get out of jail free' card and being able to fuck other people right in front of him.

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hello all... this is wan2swings husband... i have read all your replies to her posting... and i thank you all for your thoughts... we have been talking about this very seriously... she has discussed a 'long term plan' as you put it with me... and i have made it clear(i think) to her that i am interested but i need time... to think... time to regain trust... time also because i'm kind of shy as she stated... i am not very social... and she is... i have told her i want her to kind of 'push' me... in a good way... i guess encourage me is more like it... it is true what she said about me having regretted not doing things in my past... i can think of many exciting experiences i could have had but didn't have the 'guts' or whatever you might call it... i always think of something i could have done after it's too late... you know hind sight is 20/20... i don't want to miss out on exciting things with my wife... i love her so very much... and i want her to be happy... but i need to be comfortable too... and i think she's coming to terms with that and has accepted that she needs to go at my pace on this... again thanks for your thoughtful responses...

 

-j

Mr.W2S, I just want to first welcome you to the Swingers Board. Its good to hear from you :). I noticed you say you have regrets about not doing things in your past. No guts ? Why ? While you were married ? Its called having good character. Stand that ground, its honorable. Two wrongs don't make things right. I don't know everything and perhaps might never. I don't see you saying you want this to even the score or, now I get mine. Your dealing with something that can never change now... the past. Maybe its a catalyst that brought you here at this point in your life... I don't know everything. One thing though in the swinging lifestyle or what you two may have together in the future is.... You can't bring this past with you. Its not fair to your wife, its not fair to future playmates and its not fair to yourself..... It just wont work, we have seen it fail . The future must be new.... Thats what is possible... It sounds like that is what you are working toward. Isn't it ?

 

For us, because we came from a different path in life. It is still something you have to be clear on. In your heart, mind, and soul you have to know your marriage/relationship is on unshakeable ground. Thats how we came into this lifestyle, thats how we dealt with situations that have came up since swinging. There may be new issues. By having this unshakeable agreement, between Mrs.fun and I, we have a whole new way of dealing with things together. I truly hope you both find that.

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Wan2 Swing her again:

 

Help me understand why it has to be either/or? Some people are saying that we need to either be monogamous or get divorced. That seems very balck and white to me and I think that this situation is neither one way or the other, there are many, many shades of gray. I came here to seek advise and I appreciate every bit of information we have received so far.

We aren't saying get divorced.. We are actually pro marriage :) and we as swingers, cant hardly tell ya to be monogamous

 

People are saying take care of these issues you have now, before entering the lifestyle. Everyone has an opinion. Allot of people say swinging wont fix a bad relationship. But can make a good relationship better. Most cant say they share your path here. I can say your not alone.... We know a few great couples that have actually overcome your issues and live a very comfortable life together. And even a few who never survived their first play-date. Yep saw a wedding ring fly down the hallway in a motel with a man screaming FUCK ALL YOU PEOPLE. How do you think that ended :rollseye:

 

However there are rules. I used to get caught in the Grey area. Personally I don't do well in the Grey areas in life. Its hard to explain sometimes. But Mrs.fun has shown me so many colors in life.... Actually, she keeps me out of the Grey area :) I think I am doing a lousy job of saying how this is about us.... together on almost everything. At least sexually. If we are not together, then we get together. With good communication.

 

My husband has never said "No, I don't want to consider this, period." If he had, we would not still be thinking of this lifestyle. He has instead expressed his concerns about the situation in light of our current situation and before the affair, when we spoke of it, he was still very reserved. I understand that there are details that are unknown to everyone, and I will not bring them up but the fact is, we want to stay married to each other. When this affair happened (over for nearly a year now btw), we both had the choice to leave and start a life without each other. Fortunately, we have weathered the rough storms so far and there is no one I would rather fall asleep beside. I have always wanted to push the outer limits of my sexuality, it is an important part of who I am. He is reserved but kinky none the less, just not as open about it as I am, so it is hard for him to take action.
You guys sound like you are doing a great job putting things back together. Actually thats admirable in this day of divorces.... You should be proud of that !

 

Anyways, we are monogamous, we are truthful and honest, and we are deteremined to make our marriage a strong one. When the time is right, for us both, then we will consider swinging. In the mean time, we will learn about the lifestyle and address some issues and sticking points we have.
Thats a whole new chapter in life..... Swinging. Take your time there is allot to discover about each other. Leave your past problem to the council you have had or are receiving.Get closure, Then consider swinging!!! You will find out why.... If you don't !

 

One being that we will start this off with a FMF adventure. The sticking point is that he says I have "had mine" already and now it's his turn. I agree... and I disagree too. I am not attracted to females, shrug, I have had the opportunity and I'm just not interested so it will be strange to do this for my husband. I want him to enjoy himself and feel confident about everything so I am absolutely willing to try it. On the other hand, it give's me the impression that he will go along with this only so that he can "get revenge" of a sort. That is obviously something we still need to talk about further about until we understand and accept where the other is on the issue.
I don't know how to say this lightly. But here is a good example and Ill be straight up.... Tell a possible playmate this in person and they are going to run from you like the plague. I mean come on. What the hell is someone like us going to think ? With that getting to know you story ? We would be thinking hello, DRAMA. We play with single playmates as well. We don't want to know about their ex's either when we are getting naked :eek: Its about US and Them.... Not their past partners. Do you think we got here with Mrs.fun thinking the thoughts you are having ? She or I got this or that first ? We hope the other always gets to be first, or even gets it better. I think you are missing something great about this lifestyle....

 

We've discussed the option of soft swap, to ease into things. Or maybe we could have someone watch us, or us watch someone else?? There are allot of avenues to explore and I know that he is the one that I want to have beside me when we go forward.
You should be beside each other.... completely. Things are amazing beyond dreams or sex with anyone if you go forward together :). You have allot to learn...

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Mr.W2S, I just want to first welcome you to the Swingers Board. Its good to hear from you :). I noticed you say you have regrets about not doing things in your past. No guts ? Why ? While you were married ?

 

 

no.. not while i was married... the things i regret not doing range from.. turning down a cute girl who asked me out for coffee, because i was dating someone else(not seriously, just dating) ...to leaving a very hot party i was at where i'm sure many fun things happened to give a friend a ride home... to not kissing one certain girl when i was a teenager...

 

i have always been kind of shy and nervous especially around women... mrs. w2s is helping me to be a little more brave in these respects... and i hope that i am helping here to also take things at a slightly slower pace... we are a good match for each other...

 

also... i am not going along with this for 'revenge' ... the fact of the affair does still bother me... and there are some inadequacy type of feelings happening... but we are talking on a daily basis about these things... i know it is important to her to be able to express these feeling she has... and she realises the importance of my feelings... we are going forward in our relationship together... we've been through far too much to let this stumbling block trip us up... thank you all again for your knowledge and wisdom...

 

:)

 

mr. w2s

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no.. not while i was married... the things i regret not doing range from.. turning down a cute girl who asked me out for coffee, because i was dating someone else(not seriously, just dating) ...to leaving a very hot party i was at where i'm sure many fun things happened to give a friend a ride home... to not kissing one certain girl when i was a teenager...
Oh boy, couldn't I share some mind with ya on those thoughts :rolleyes: especially if we only knew then what we know now. Thats what I think about those kind of past miss encounters. I probably wouldn't have been very good though. Not like now, not that I'm great. But I just feel like there have been some really cool women through swinging that brought out and did away with my inhibitions... Like swinging with Mrs.fun was actually my experience in life that took away (after a few failed attempts) those sexual things, I held in.

 

i have always been kind of shy and nervous especially around women... Mrs. w2s is helping me to be a little more brave in these respects... and i hope that i am helping here to also take things at a slightly slower pace... we are a good match for each other...
Yea, I agree. You guys just may be a great match for each other. Hopefully in each others arms.... a perfect match. You have to learn to accept that some times its about being.... side by side. Lovers in life and as friends for support.

 

also... i am not going along with this for 'revenge' ... the fact of the affair does still bother me... and there are some inadequacy type of feelings happening... but we are talking on a daily basis about these things... i know it is important to her to be able to express these feeling she has... and she realises the importance of my feelings... we are going forward in our relationship together... we've been through far too much to let this stumbling block trip us up... thank you all again for your knowledge and wisdom...
Its not that we have so much wisdom... We just live life. Take time and work on the things that need repaired.... let go of things that need left in the past. I know I was harsh about people in the lifestyle not wanting to hear about things that have been a mistake from your past... But I hope you see what I was saying. We all have drama somewhere in life. We meet people in this swinging life and things are different.... Its about these new sexual partners and even friends we like to keep it about the here and now.... Us :)

 

We can only wish and hope for your new beginning.

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