Somebody's not playing fair. Ask to speak to this guy's wife about her being okay with him playing on his own. If he balks, your suspicions will be confirmed. The fact that he and your wife are discussing her being out of town worries me more than a little. If the wifey is ok with his going solo, why does he need her to be out of town? Plus the little bit of chat:
The Guy (9:51:51 PM): well I meant the last time me and you did it with out him
What the hell is 'it'? Were you aware of any 'it' going on without you? I'm not trying to inflame anything, but I'm just pointing out the little red flags that I see going up.
If this was happening in my own relationship and it was my husband doing the chatting with another woman (who was married but it was 'ok'), I'd be asking him what his intentions were. Are you seriously interested in this woman? If you are, and if you feel that she can treat you better than I can, then by all means make a choice! Just realize that by making her a priority of over me, you are choosing your infatuation with her over the love I'm offering you. I won't stand in the way of his happiness and he is bound here only by his own choosing, but I'd make sure he knew just what he was risking losing before he left for some woman who won't treat him right. I wouldn't be angry that he'd choose someone else over me if it would make him truly a happier, more fulfilled person; I'd be really angry that he'd choose a selfish twit with no integrity over me. That's just a poor decision, plain and simple.
Ok, getting a little carried away here Anyway, this is just what I would do if it was my and my husband's problem. Nobody has to follow suit.