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Mainecouple01

Why am I ok with hubby being with some women but not others?

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My husband and I have been in the lifestyle for about 2 years now. We have enjoyed numerous experiences with couples that have been very enjoyable for all (and a few we'd rather forget, but that's typical I'd imagine!).

 

I have okayed hubby to meet with individual women solo a few times as well.

 

I am the first to admit that I am picky - whether couples or singles. This has caused some tension a few times as my husband doesn't understand why I sometimes veto his solo women choices. And it's not even that I have a specific reason - usually just an uneasy feeling. But there are others that I am okay with and there's no unease in my part.

 

Anyone else have the same thing? Just gut-feelings? Jealousy? Something else?

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Welcome to the forum, Mainecouple01! As for your unease, it could just be a sixth sense of something not being quite right with those certain women. If you feel like it's a gut feeling, it's happening for a reason and it's good that you listen to it.

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Anyone else have the same thing? Just gut-feelings? Jealousy? Something else?

 

I once walked out of a rather fun party for no reason but my gut feeling that I should. I say trust your instincts. They are there for a reason.

 

If you want a bigger answer, remember that your brain is observing and analyzing tons of complex data every second without you being consciously aware of it. They say that catching a ball in flight involves preforming a so much hideously complex math that, if we had to think about it, most of us would never be able to do at all much less do it in the fraction of a second we need to catch the ball. But we do it anyway. By the same token, your brain is observing and analyzing these women and reaching conclusions about them, almost instantly and without conscious thought. If you took the time to "do the math" you would get the same result. It would just take longer and be a lot harder. So, again I say, trust your instincts.

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If you are going to error in judgement, if you are not sure that you want to do this or that, error on not doing. You can always go back and do later.

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Anyone else have the same thing? Just gut-feelings? Jealousy? Something else?

 

I don't think there's a thing in the world wrong with what you've described.

 

Reversing the situation for us, I can say there are many guys I have no problem with Mrs two4you playing with. Then there are others that I'd think twice about. Then there is the category of men I label as "Aw hells no!".

 

Mrs. two4you has a similar list for me as well.

 

The reason for our quick veto? "Because". :)

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It took some time and effort for my wife and I to develop and agree upon a policy of "don't ask me to explain." We realized that if either of us asked the question, it would too often degrade into an argument. No longer is this an impediment to our having fun.

 

WELCOME to Swingersboard.

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That's called the "veto card" and sometimes it's just a feeling or perhaps intuition. Go with it.

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I think it just boils down to you have to like the other person. As we all know with our everyday lives, you can be ok with someone without really liking (or disliking) them, say a coworker you'll grab lunch with, but not someone who is really more than just an acquaintance. The other women you are referring to, you may be ok with without really liking them.

 

Speaking personally, we always say we don't own each other. But, that doesn't mean we don't want what we think is best for each other, and a potential playmate for them that you are just lukewarm on doesn't make the best for each other cut.

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Maybe it's because you feel they are threatening to your relationship? Or because you feel they are not respectful of it? Or because you're afraid your hubby may fall in love? Or it's because you just don't like them and you don't want hubby to be pleasuring somebody you can't stand for whatever reason...? Or...

 

I could go on more but bottom line is your intuition is telling you "don't do it" and I think you should listen. Women have this gift of foreseeing or feeling what's going down or what's about to happen based on minuscule, obscure, and often unrelated data. Nine times out of 10, I wish I had that ability or that I listened to my "gut feeling".

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'They' say that swinging can put a spark in to your relationship but it can also burn your house down! That intuition, suspicion, threat, instinct or something that just doesn't smell right is fire prevention. No explanations needed. Your marriage. Your husband. your house. your rules. And make no apologies for it. Don't judge yourself to harshly for it either. If you dwell on it and pick yourself apart trying to understand why you feel what you feel or see what you see you will drive yourself mad. Saying no doesn't make you weak.

 

On the other hand you may want to delve deeper with your husband and talk about why you say no. If you are good communicators and understanding towards each other then it can make you feel better and set some boundaries that might bring you closer together. It totally depends on how vulnerable you want. It's easy sharing fantasies and desires more so than talking about what you're not ok with. We call it being 'The Freak'.

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It's all about preferences. Some people are more promiscuous than others. No one wants to be with a person or people who will be with anyone and everyone. Some people leave out of the bedroom with a couple or single than hunt for another couple or single to be with. No one wants to feel like a bed notch. It can be a number of reasons you feel comfortable with some women and not with others. Go with your gut and intuition.

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It has to be gut instinct... We are in the same situation and I trust my wife's instincts with some she does not want me to play solo and with others she is happy to let me play....let's be honest the women's intuition have to work better than the guys because at the time we are thinking with the wrong head...lol

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We think a woman's intuition is the best guide in this situation. Some women she (my wife), would not like me to touch with a ten foot long pole, (or dick). Others, she is perfectly OK with me socializing with and fucking.

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