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Linde

Am I becoming her cuckold?

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My wife and I have enjoyed swinging for 10 years now, but lately, things seem to be changing. These changes are troubling to me. I think I'm gradually being made into a cuckold.

 

Let me explain. My wife Lynn is not so interested in having sex with me. She SAYS sex with me is great, but she seldom orgasms unless I eat her out. When I try to seduce her, she has excuses to avoid having sex with me. But when she is with other guys, she can just about always orgasm.

 

The other night I asked if she wanted to get frisky with me. She said, "We're going out with Amelie and Jacque tomorrow night. I don't want you to get me sore tonight." I said that it sounded like she was saving her pussy for Jacque! She told me to stop being silly.

 

When we got together with Amelie and Jacque, she had at least 8 or 9 very strong orgasms. He ate her and she came. Her fucked her and she came. He fingered her and she came. He fucked her again and she came. When they took a break, I came over to play a little with Lynn's sloppy pussy. I'm very sure she "tsked" subtly as if to say please don't bother. I didn't feel at all welcome. We have always interacted together when playing with others, but I definitely got the feeling she preferred I leave her alone. When we discussed this later she said she was just tired. Of course not tired enough to stop fucking Jacque doggy style then reverse cowgirl, cumming several more times.

 

This kind of scenario has happened several times in the past few months. She cums like mad when she fucks other guys, and claims that it hurts when I fuck her. Now, keep in mind that I'm not certainly not more well endowed than these guys. On the contrary, I'm not very large. So would it be uncomfortable when I fuck her? I suspect it psychological. I believe she is so much more excited with other guys that she loosens up (both figuratively and literally). With me, sex seems to be an obligation or duty. Her real sexual pleasure comes from getting slammed by these men. She has never complained that it hurts when they fuck her. I am the only person that causes her discomfort, no matter how well lubricated she might be.

 

When I try to talk about this with her, she says I'm crazy. She that maybe the shape of my penis causes the pain. Honestly, my dick is very normal, slightly upturned, but not unusual in any way. She has taken in guys bigger, fatter, longer, and even with more curve than my cock. But no one else causes her discomfort...only my cock. No matter how gentle or careful I am, she'll make noises of discomfort. I've asked, "Are you OK?" And she'll say, "I'm OK, just finish."

 

Just finish? Hell, I'm trying to give her pleasure, to make her cum. No matter what I do, my cock is incapable of making her cum. I seem to be the only guy who can't make her cum.

 

I don't like being a cuckold. But I think that is exactly what's going on here. Not blatant humiliation, but it seems like she is passive- aggressively immasculating me either consciously or subconsciously.

 

I know many of you are going to suggest that we talk about it. Believe me, I've tried. She says she likes sex with me, but it is SO apparent that she is not enjoying it.

 

What the hell is happening here? Any ideas?

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:redflag:

 

Warning, this is NOT good. Listen to Sunbuckus.

 

 

Just a thought. When with another couple, blind fold her and take turns with her without her knowing it is you (let her think it's just the other guy). Sounds like she is more interested in other men than you (the excitement and/or NRE).

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STOP immediately...

 

Myself and Mr G have a stop, start swing (hobby) and it's a good thing!! We know couples that live the lifestyle 24/7 but for some couples it doesn't have to be like that. If you eat the same sandwich day in day out then its easy to imagine that eating a different filling is more desirable than the norm but taking time out together is what keeps it exciting and thrillig for us and keeps us 'on the same page'. The times when we actually stop and reconnect because there has been stress/ issues/ busy lives/ or just a disconnect are what keeps the intimacy between us. It's not the be all and end all when you take time out, in fact it's the opposite.

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Relationships--especially marriages--change with time. That is part of the joy--and also part of the challenge--of married life. Sex is and remains part of that relationship--a big part for so many of us--that when changes come it destabilizes everyone's world. That destabilization can be wonderful or terrifying depending on the direction of change.

 

Your SLS profile gives additional information, namely your ages. This is a time in life that marital--and yes sexual--roles change. How people see their spouses can change as well.

 

The most important questions probably address the non-sexual domains of your marriage. Put differently, swinging tends to expose fault lines in relationships. Your depression over how she seems to perceive you as a man--and as her man--is understandable. Her happiness is most important to you, yet you sense she is getting that happiness from others far more than from you.

 

These are tough moments in any relationship. They can also be transformative and in a very positive way. You are feeling--and we are using this word deliberately--vulnerable. Have a look at some of Brene' Browns work on vulnerability. https://brenebrown.com/ The conversation you might need to have with yourself and your spouse is not about sex but rather about deeper emotions that are really hard to talk about. We see this challenge about talking about these deeper emotions commonly in clinical practice. Our point is that others have been down this road, there is help, and you are not alone.

 

Not saying that you have any of the following, but situations such as you are describing can lead to feelings of worthlessness, anxiety about being marginalized, and fears of abandonment. If these are in your deep thoughts, it can be very very tough to acknowledge them. Those emotions will terrify anyone--male or female, adult or child. It takes a fair bit of courage to get these feelings into the open first in your own mind and then in conversation--this is the vulnerability piece--but is nevertheless foundational to moving forward.

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She gets sore having sex with you. I think that's the first thing I would want to learn more about. Is sex with the others she picks not leaving her sore?

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To be clear, she says it hurts when I enter her. She has not had pain with anyone else that I know of.

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To be clear, she says it hurts when I enter her. She has not had pain with anyone else that I know of.

 

Is size an issue? Or are you bent to one side or up or down in a major way?

 

I think that pain needs to be addressed so you at least know if there is anything that can be done about it or not.

 

If not, you two need to work out ways to enjoy each other. I know as I'm getting older, I'm finding a lot of sizes hurt. It's vaginal atrophy and it has changed a lot of how I play.

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First, we feel for you, Linde. We think the advice given above, taking a break, is the best answer for a start. Furthermore, rather than focusing on what is went wrong, the focus should be where you go from where you are currently at (uncomfortable/no sex between yourselves, seeming to have no connection) to how to rekindle what you once had.

 

Communication is always key, you must get past the quick answers she's provided. The comment "When I try to talk about this with her, she says I'm crazy. She that maybe the shape of my penis causes the pain." would seem to us something that would be said to quickly end a conversation without really discussing what the underlying issue truly is. Hopefully you will be able to have the kind of meaningful dialog that will give you much more insight to what is really creating the situation you describe, rather than the inferred 'you're wrong and I don't want to talk about it' your original post seems to indicate.

 

If and when she is receptive, explaining your feelings and observations when you both are relaxed and not in the heat of the moment could provide the best answer that you are looking for. May you find the strength in your relationship to resolve the underlying issues, and begin to enjoy each other again.

 

Finally, we wish you the best possible outcome, whatever that may be.

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Sorry. This does not sound good at all. Unfortunately, if she won't talk about it, there is nothing you can do.

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All great advice above, but here is a good question from MsDiscover: what about Amelie? We read about you, your wife and him. But did you had sex too and was that ok for MsLinde? Or is there something on your side of the (swing)relationship that bothers her or makes her seeing you differently and act differently toward you?

 

MrDiscover

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I'm not really sure what MrDiscover means exactly. I don't think she has any issues when she sees me with other women. The story I posted happened a long time ago, when we first got into the lifestyle.

 

She and I have discussed my concerns. She says that the general atmosphere at parties and on 2 couple dates is the reason she gets so excited...more excited then when we are home alone in our oun home. The newness, and being away from home make it easier for her to "cut loose." I do tend to believe her about this since she is always hotter for me away or on vacation than at home. We think the issue of my cock hurting her is about her levels of excitement. The more excited she is, the wetter, relaxed and receptive she and her vagina are. When she not "feeling" it, or fucking just to make me feel good, it is more likely to hurt.

 

She acknowledged that having other women around who also enjoy sex makes it easier to enjoy herself. When I said something like, "But why does it always seem that you have better sex with other guys than with me?" She answered with a very valid point. "Oh come on, it's better for you too isn't it?"

 

Well, she does have a point. We've been together for a long time. We know a lot of tricks and ploys, have used clothing and toys, but really, we got into the lifestyle to spice up our sex and that is exactly what it has done.

 

So, I'm committed to "get over myself" and admit that she has better sex with others than with me. I enjoy sex more when we are with other people, too. Lately, nothing turns me on more than watching her get fucked and then going in for "sloppy seconds." Last time, the guy said, "I got her ready for you. I should charge you for the lube I left in her." I came within seconds. Maybe I kinda do have a little cuckold fantasy in me.

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Just a couple of thoughts...First, I wonder if she really is enjoying herself as much as you perceive. I know that I make more of a "show" when swinging than when I am with my mate. The sounds and joys you her could be some over-acting to her super sexy situation.

 

Second, you shouldn't have to "get over yourself". Your sex life together should be at least as fulfilling as sex with others. Many swingers will say that their own sex life has increased in both satisfaction and intimacy because of swinging. Sure, there's the whole excitement factor of swinging, but coming back together sexually after an experience is hot as hell.

 

Have you considered bringing your wife here to see what you've written and the forum responses?

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Well, they say the biggest sex organ is between our ears not our legs ... attitude is everything when it comes to enjoying sex.

 

Sometimes it is difficult to get a partner to "open up" and tell you what's really the issue.

 

Could it be that you're into a "routine"? Routine sex is predictable sex ... doing the same thing the same way every time, and it can get boring.

If you are truly hurting her, are you spending enough time on foreplay to get her well lubricated? If she's not getting lubricated (not getting foreplay or not getting turned on by your style), that truly could be an issue. Plus, remember, its not nearly as hard to get excited and turned on with NEW partners, so you need to be providing her something special.

 

As a couple, do you have other issues going on ... family, finances, differences of opinion in doing something, etc?

 

Is she seeing one person more than anyone else, or staying gone from home for unaccounted hours at a time? Could she be romantically involved with someone else? This is more likely to happen if you allow her to swing alone ... go on dates, etc. Often happens when trust & honesty aren't the foundation of the marriage ... and it is a game changer.

 

Could it be that SHE is having more sex and sexual partners than you, and you're a bit jealous of her?

 

Hope the two of you can resolve the issue. Maybe it is time the two of you take a break ... hiatus ... and focus on reestablishing your relationship. It is hard to do with other people around as distraction.

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On 2/7/2015 at 7:53 AM, Linde said:

I'm not really sure what MrDiscover means exactly. I don't think she has any issues when she sees me with other women. The story I posted happened a long time ago, when we first got into the lifestyle.

 

She and I have discussed my concerns. She says that the general atmosphere at parties and on 2 couple dates is the reason she gets so excited...more excited then when we are home alone in our oun home. The newness, and being away from home make it easier for her to "cut loose." I do tend to believe her about this since she is always hotter for me away or on vacation than at home. We think the issue of my cock hurting her is about her levels of excitement. The more excited she is, the wetter, relaxed and receptive she and her vagina are. When she not "feeling" it, or fucking just to make me feel good, it is more likely to hurt.

 

She acknowledged that having other women around who also enjoy sex makes it easier to enjoy herself. When I said something like, "But why does it always seem that you have better sex with other guys than with me?" She answered with a very valid point. "Oh come on, it's better for you too isn't it?"

 

Well, she does have a point. We've been together for a long time. We know a lot of tricks and ploys, have used clothing and toys, but really, we got into the lifestyle to spice up our sex and that is exactly what it has done.

 

So, I'm committed to "get over myself" and admit that she has better sex with others than with me. I enjoy sex more when we are with other people, too. Lately, nothing turns me on more than watching her get fucked and then going in for "sloppy seconds." Last time, the guy said, "I got her ready for you. I should charge you for the lube I left in her." I came within seconds. Maybe I kinda do have a little cuckold fantasy in me.

I don’t understand why men just lose their balls.

 

When she said well you having fun too after he asked her why are you having more fun with men than you are with me. My answer to her would’ve been, I bet those other wives are having a lot more sex than we are and I bet you do not turning down your husband saying that they are sore all the time. And I bet that their husbands are not being turned down all the time by their wives and telling their husbands I don’t want to do nothing with you because we got a date tomorrow because I want to save my pussy for them..

 

dude you were absolutely correct when you thought, she is saving her pussy for another dude and she doesn’t want to be sore. It had nothing to do with her being sore in everything to do that she did not want to have sex with you, the husband that is taking care of her, but she wanted to save it for the other guy to pound her with a larger cock. I’m sorry but I shit would end it right then. That date would have been canceled immediately. I bet you she would’ve jumped in the bed with you So she would’ve been able to go on a date with that other couple

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