Incapacitated Partner

[CanadianCouple]

Many couples within the swinging lifestyle are adament about always swinging together, no exceptions. In fact, we're one of them.

However, if one partner were to become physically incapable of having sex, due to illness, paralysis etc., would that partner give their spouse permission to seek physical gratification outside the marriage, provided it was done discreetly?

We've discussed it here, and the answer is yes. Just wondered how others who never seperate felt about it.

Dan

[frisson]

Many couples within the swinging lifestyle are adament about always swinging together, no exceptions. In fact, we're one of them.

However, if one partner were to become physically incapable of having sex, due to illness, paralysis etc., would that partner give their spouse permission to seek physical gratification outside the marriage, provided it was done discreetly?

Dan

We've already said on another thread that we are both free to pursue outside contacts, so in our case the answer is yes.

It requires a great level of trust in the relationship, and a letting-go of control. That might be even more the case in the situation you describe. It would truly be a heroic act of love on the part of the incapacitated mate, whose only "perq" in the situation is knowing that his/her mate is still able to find sexual pleasure without guilt.

[NCcouple]

I guess to go along with that question I would have to ask this- how would your partner feel about having sex if you were unable? YOu always hear about someone dying and the other swears of love forever or something along those lines (everyone groan now). I'm sure the desire to have sex is still there just as strong, but unless you are truly in a situation like that I think it would be hard to answer. But I do agree that it would really take a special kind of relationship to pull it off. You would think that at some point the one going without would start to feel some sort of resentment. I guess this could be filed under "Things that make you go 'hmmmmmmm'"

[Mmmm...inNC]

The movie Lady Chatterly's lover deals with the subject of a disabled spouse who is encourages the other to take on a lover, it is poignant and erotic story.

Mmmm...

[jowdal]

It is true that you would have to encounter the situation before you could truly know what your response would be.

My spouse had a heart attack at age 37, I was 27. His medication had a side effect, trouble getting and maintaining an erection. That was 14 years ago, he no longer takes the medication, but the damage was already done. (He can't take Viagra, it could kill him instantly.)

We have a really "good" friend in another state aware of our situation. My husband actually encouraged me to have sex with this other man. I eventually did, but not before a lot of conversations between my spouse and I. Sometimes hubby participates, other times he watches, and still other times he sends me on my merry way and tells me to enjoy.

This has worked for us for many years, but I don't know how well it would work for someone else. Most of all it takes a deep love, committment and understanding from both partners.

My suggestion is to talk about the possiblities now. That "someday" just might be tomorrow.

[OhioCouple]

This has worked for us for many years, but I don't know how well it would work for someone else. Most of all it takes a deep love, committment and understanding from both partners.

In 1972 my mother had a stroke at the age of 38 and was not expected to live. After 2 years of rehabilitation, she learned to walk with a cane and leg brace. Her mental capcity is pretty good although the process of the brain sending messages to the mouth and body are not. Needless to say she became sexually inactive at 38.

My dad at some point (don't really recall when we first found out) had taken on a "female friend". She drove some sort of car called a Rabbit...could have been a VW? Anyway, we dubbed her as "Bunny" which is how we would refer to her in a joking manner. We only learned her name about 10 years ago.

Anne has provided emotional support among other things I am sure for over 20 years. (She lost her husband due to a heart attack over 30 years ago.

We recently learned that our mother knows about Anne, and her words which I quote... "I am glad Dad has someone to talk to...but he always comes home to me".

Perhaps they have talked about it...not really a subject you bring up with your parents!, but it has worked for them for over 20 years and continues to work, and they are still totally committed to each other.

L The Female Half

[OhioCouple]

Sorry Dan,

Forgot to add that yes, we would certainly allow each other to seek outside gratification should one of us be incapacitated due to illness beyond our control.

L The Female Half

[JustAskJulie]

anyone want to add their thoughts here? How would you feel if you were inacapicitated? Would you want your partner to continue swinging alone? Would you want to continue swinging if your partner could no longer join you?

[mokytag02]

We talked about it and we started this together and if we can't do it together then we don't do it period. That's just our 2 cents worth. Each couple would have to do what works for them but this is our take.

[yawanna]

No way. And I've known couples who have faced this. No way.

[wrnakedru]

No way, no how, nyuh-uh, absolutely, positively, without a doubt NOT.

This is only viable for us because of the US part. The US part is what stands.

Can recognize and allow that all have to come to their own decision.

This is ours.

[roggiesgirl]

Tough question! But I'd have to say no. Just like it was stated.. this whole situation is for US... if there isn't an "us", there isn't a lifestyle.

Good question.. really makes you think!

[Den2u]

I would have to say that if I were incapacitated, I would want my wife to feel free to seek sexual gratification from someone else! Her happiness is my main concern, and great sex is a part of that happiness.

[Roxysbayou]

I think that if he were to become diabled in some way, that I personally could not do it. I think that the guilt would be to much for me, and I have to much respect for him to do that. But if it were me who could not perform, I think that I would have to seriously consider allowing him to have some type of affair. I don't know, its a tough question. One I hope that we never have to face.

[Sparkysweet]

Well, this one's a bit close to home. Ms Sparky suffers from Multiple Schlerosis - and we have discussed in some detail.

We have both experienced guilt and remorse (before we started this direction) in the past. In fact for a period of time every time (we counted)...for about 20 times we had sex & she orgasmed (visualize mind blowing)....she also experienced some type of episode, or seizure that would just about freak out most people. Imagine my guilt of knowing what was coming in pursuit of my pleasure....and hers in worrying about staying sexually satisfying.....Yet we persevered and finally said "screw it", we're going to live life to the fullest. MOstly she just gets to orgasm for 30 min's instead or starts orgasming at the slightest hint of the erotic. So other than that and a great parking :A), Overall, we're blessed as much as cursed....our life has changed for the better in many ways, and our relationship and honest communication is simply unbelievable. We each found new life friend with each other and our slow intro into the lifestyle has been unbelievable...better each step. As for sexual needs, when/if we're affected, we'll work thru ensuring needs are met whatever happens. Now as for swinging. First we're up front with others - no prob yet. We also have to work around syhmptoms...and finally if she becomes incapacitated and unable to adjust or enjoy....I'd simply lose interest in the lifestyle as all my pleasure and fantasies are derived from rocking her world....Sex with someone might be there and she'd want that, but it would pale in comparson to what we're getting out of each new experience to share with each other for now. If you really love your partner the way most profess, I'd think that the experience would lose a lot of its energy...