Young Couple Swinging Separately

[Xellos]

statistics have nothing to do with it.

[TNT]

Welcome to the Board Monolith & Luxuria

First let me say I applaud both of you for taking the time to come here and learn all you can about this lifestyle. I wish there had been a place like this when Ted and I started on this wonderful adventure. However, that was well over 20 years ago and there was no such thing as the World Wide Web.

Hopefully a little background on our life will help you as well as others understand that age has nothing to do with maturity level or the ability to truly know your own heart and what you want from life.

I was 15 and Ted was 17 when we married and as of this past Friday, that was 22 years ago. So... Botcpl, you now know a couple who was married young and who are still very much in love and still extremely happily married. We had our very first swinging experience when we had been married a little over a year. No problems whatsoever occurred for us and it definitely was not because we needed any kind of spicing up of our sex life. It was a curiosity we both had and wanted to fulfill.

Hopefully you will take what we have to say as sound advice from someone who has been there, done that, not as someone who is preaching to you. We know it makes it extremely hard to listen to advice when all you are getting is negative advice, trust me, we had plenty of that in our early years. Although we can understand where Botcpl was coming from, being parents of children that are your age, we do feel he was a little harsh and judgmental, which we will try not to be.

The only concerns we have for you two are the fact that you are wanting to play alone. This can be dangerous no matter how old or how long you have been married. The fact is that when one goes out, one remains behind and sometimes resentments can build. In your original post Monolith, you stated that you wanted to get to know the person you were going to have sex with. On one level this is fine, but the more time you take to get to know this other person, the more time you are taking away from you wife. Again, statistics are not infallible but most of the couples we have known that played alone have either had to stop because of problems in their relationship or have split up.

Our recommendations would be that if you two want to explore this then do it together. If you are set on playing alone and want to get to know the person you are going to play with, we highly suggest that you spend the “getting to know process” together. Inevitably the person you are playing alone with will begin to have expectations, especially if they don’t understand the situation.

Just like everyone else you two will have to find your own road as there are many different ways to explore this kind of activity.

We wish you two luck,

Teresa & Ted

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by TNT

Our recommendations would be that if you two want to explore this then do it together. If you are set on playing alone and want to get to know the person you are going to play with, we highly suggest that you spend the “getting to know process” together. Inevitably the person you are playing alone with will begin to have expectations, especially if they don’t understand the situation.

Just like everyone else you two will have to find your own road as there are many different ways to explore this kind of activity.

We wish you two luck,

Teresa & Ted

I am so glad you guys posted to this thread... I thought I was going to have chase you two down and have you come here, cuz all I could think about while reading this was how I did know someone who married even younger than Monolith and Luxuria and started swinging young and are still very happy... in fact of all the swinging couples I've ever met, one of the happiest (at least from what I've seen).

So if you take no one else's advice here please listen to TnT, and if you want I'm sure they wouldn't mind if you even talked to them privately to get more insight.

From all that I have read I do have to agree that you really should work on getting to know people together. Make friends that you both know and trust that you can enjoy either together or seperately.

Luxuria, I have been where you are, I have always been a very sexual person who wants to take advantage of opportunities as they present themselves. I don't think there's anythign wrong with that so long as you guys always keep each other first and keep those lines of communication open. But do make sure that you are each other's #1 priority and that before anything else you spend time together and make each other happy.

I do hope that overall you will find the people here to be very helpful and that you will stick around and continue to ask questions and grow together. I think you will find that for the most part we would rather ask questions and get the whole picture than jump to conclusions and give an answer before we have all the facts. THis may put some people off as they feel like they aren't getting the answers right away, but I know that most of us would rather give good advice based on the full picture (or as much as we can get) than bad advice on part of the story. So with that in mind we thank you for coming back and filling in the details.... too often that doesn't happen and we are left wondering just what is the rest of the story.

I hope you will both find this to be a comfortable environment in which to research this lifestyle and ask any questions you may have.

[TNT]

Thanks for the beautiful compliment Julie, and we don't mind being contacted privately at all.

TNT

[Spoomonkey]

TnT

Not only was that so much better than I could have said it, it was incredibly encouraging to read.

I was married at eighteen and am unfortunately a statistic. Of course, I was a "baby having a baby" and was no more in love than I was in control of the situation. It is true that statistics give us a good idea of how things may turn out, but there are plenty of folks who don't fit into any generalizations...

Thanks for making that point so perfectly. Any happy marriage is cause to celebrate!

I suspect that there are very few kids who really know if they are swingers or not. I think dealing with the realities of realtionships needs to come first, but obviously there are couples that can handle it, simply because they are more mature than I was at eighteen... Then again, there are probably many folks who are more mature than I am now at 34 (only one more month of being able to say that, so I will take full advantage.)

Monolith, Luxuria (& the "myterious" Xellos) I certainly hope that what you have is a incredible as what TnT has - and even what Mrs Spoomonkey and I have now - regardless of what you choose to do sexually.

I ditto the remark about playing together... We can say from experience that regardless of how many happy, down-to-earth folks you meet in the lifestyle, there are plenty of creeps who would love to have what you have Monolith - a woman who is sexually liberated and hungry. And Luxuria, there are women out there that may very well try to take advantage of finding a man who is loving, open, non-jealous, etc. Just be careful... The water is deeper than you think...



Spoomonkey

Just wanted to add that the Mr and I were also married in our teens and are celebrating a decade of marital bliss.

I wanted to add that not only has our marriage gotten better over the years but so has the sex!!

[Alura]

Mrs. Alura and I weren't married young but a couple we played with were teens when they married. We were the second sex partner for each of them. We played for several years. She is now a physician and he's a welder. They're great people and hopelessly in love with each other.

We add our vote to the others who say, "Give up the separate stuff and play together." It's a lot more fun and a whole lot safer. The last thing, literally, y'all need, is someone who might fall in love and think, "If I can't have him/her, nobody can!"

Mr. Alura

[Monolith]

Originally posted by Alura
The last thing, literally, y'all need, is someone who might fall in love and think, "If I can't have him/her, nobody can!"

oh wow.. what a scary thougt!
at first Mono wasnt even sure that he wanted to be with anyone other than me, but he still understood my desires and supported me whole heartedly, now that he sees how great it has been ... he is starting to check out possibilities for himself. We were discussing today if it would be odd to swing together... but I dont think that it would.. It turns me on thinking of him with another woman. (or man even though he isnt into that.. )
when we were first together he had a hard time with letting go all the thought that had been put in his head about sex.. it was hard for him to not feel dirty.. and hard for him to express the things he wanted.. but we worked through that...
I on the other hand was always very sexual... I remember "playing" with the girls in my neighborhood before I was ever told anything at all about sex. I never had the "oh sex and masterbation is bad, im going to go to hell" train of thought... and it has made me very open to all of this.
for him sex was about guilt and the only times (at first) that he felt good about sex was when we were going slowly and were very emotional about it. (he has come a long long way. Im so proud)
I think that when we are ready we will definately swing together.. but I wasnt going to push him to do anything that he wasnt ready to do.

I thank All of you for your comments and stories.
I think we're here to stay :p
Luxuria

[Vjklander]

Welcome Lux and Mono
We got married at 19 too and are still together 26 years later. Even though EVERYONE including the United States Air Force tried to break us up. As far as seeing others, we separate Love from Lust. As long as you both are happy with what you are doing and talking with each other about it ... fine. If you want to take it to another level, go for it.
Don't worry, be happy.
J

[Xellos]

haha I'm mysterious eh?
Yeah I'm only a friend, what Botcpl really got on my nerves though and i had to express myself.
I'm not a swinger :P

[SexhoundDog]

Mr. & Mrs. Monolith,
I found this a very interesting post for several reasons. One, I remember being 19 very well even tho it's been a number of years ago. Two, I have children your ages now, who I'm sure are just beginning to explore their sexuality in full swing. You seem like a couple of pretty mature young folks.

I've been reading this board with interest for long enough to know that people like Ted & Teresa (TNT), Julie, the Aluras, and most recently, Mr. Spoomonkey, offer very good advice while not being judgemental. In fact, I think I posted something the other day about TNT being the wisest folks on the board. Hopefully I'm offending nobody else by saying that, not meaning to!

Anyway, back to the point. They all suggest you should play together and I couldn't agree more. It seems so much more erotic to watch your spouses and to be watched by each other as you satisfy others as well as getting satified sexually. If you want to play alone in other rooms, fine, but be together. I also have concerns about Mrs. Monolith running into some abusive asshole and Mr. Monolith not being there to protect her. We all know this can happen, and it's a big concern I'd have. Also, let's face it. A hot blooded 19 year old female will get laid ANYTIME she wishes, and even if the male is a young Brad Pitt, the same doesn't hold true for men. Although you two handle the Mrs. having more sexual experience just fine, believe me, if you don't do it together, I think the gap will widen further, which doesn't appear to be what you're shooting for.

Just be careful out there, as the Sarge on Hill Street Blues used to say. You've got a lot to live for with each other. And, I think you'd have a lot more fun doing it together anyway.