Playing Alone With Other Men

[wildwife1010]

We have been swinging for about two years now. My husband wants me to go out with this guy who has been flirting with me at work. He says the only rule is that I have to tell him everything that happens. Do you think I should do this or not?C

[b_and_sc]

That all depends...on a LOT of things...


do you and your dh have an 'open marriage' as well as swinging?

do you WANT to go out with this guy?

is he pushing you to go out with this guy so he has an excuse to go out by himself?

you have LOTS to talk about before you make a move like this....


b

[twoloves]

Everyone is different and while this may work for you and your husband it didn't work for myself and my wife. Although, initially, it was a heckuva lot of fun .

When she went out I was charged with sexual tension (good) and anxiety (bad). We screwed like rabbits when she came back.

Then I went out and had fun with my friend. No problem.

Then she went out and became more emotionally involved than me. It has taken a long time and a very heavy toll on our relationship to get back on track.

My advice is to keep it a fantasy. Stick to swinging together and/or threesomes with hubby present or close by.

Jest my 2 sense. soapbox

[wrnakedru]

I think that it begins to be difficult to view your activity as something you are doing together if/when you begin doing things apart from one another.

And try as you might, it will be difficult to convey "everything" that happens when you are apart. Especially the 'nuance' of a relationship that develops with the third party - which happens to some degree despite your intentions to the contrary.

Perhaps his desire to hear tales of separate activity could be satisfied by some separate room swinging. That would keep the accompanying time shared, prior to the actual act. And lessen the chance for the activity you describe to become divisive rather than a shared experience.

There may be some this has worked for, but I believe it is dangerous grounds to tread if you value the marriage relationship first and foremost. It becomes 'dating' and that is not a good thing, in my opinion.

One thing we have decided is whatever happens it will ALWAYS be together.

The most important part of swinging for us is that it is something we share together.

If we go out seperately or not in the same room than we are not together and not sharing the experience.

[good times]

Dito for us, although, we tried something similar to what wildwife1010 described once and while it seemed like a good idea ahead of time, when she was actually doing it the wait and worry was excruciating for me, so we decided then and there we would always play together in the future and that has been one of the best decisions we ever made.

R

[Alura]

Originally posted by wildwife1010
My husband wants me to go out with this guy who has been flirting with me at work.

This part concerns me. In addition to the problems it could cause at work, (even if nothing more than gossip) if you decide to end the relationship, it may not be comfortable seeing the other guy every day. Have you considered that it could cause you to have to find another job?

We once made the agreement that we could each have sex with our high school sweethearts, should the opportunity occur, because neither of us had done it back then. It caused us no problems. In fact it was fun because we plotted the "seductions" together over a period of months. Both live a long away, too, which made it easier.

We even had "code names" for the "operations." When my tryst happened, Mrs. Alura prepared us a "Hotel Kit" containing a scented candle, a bottle of wine & glasses, body oil, and some minor goodies. It was great fun. Unfortunately, she wasn't so successful. Her reunion comes up next year, though.

As long as the most important thing in both of your lives is the two of you, you can probably pull it off, laughing all the way to your "Swing Scrapbook." But pick somebody away from work.

Mr. Alura

[Spoomonkey]

Alura

I really liked reading about your "high school sweetheart" fantasies. It sounds like the perfect combination of sweet and heat.

I'm also glad you caught the work connection. That is true. We have a rule that we wouldn't play with anyone at work - though I suspect that is another one of our rules that would bend wildly if faced with the right circumstance - and, yes, Me and the missus have talked about a couple of "circumstances" that we get to work with on a daily basis. Her circumstance is tall and dark, mine looks an awful lot like Agent Scully from the X-files...

I've always been interested in trying this (Mrs. Spoo on a date alone), though I don't really think Mrs. Spoomonkey (who is shopping right now, so I can't get her input) would ever go for it. It has a lot of potential for some great anticipation - and a very fiery "welcome home." The farthest we have ever gone in that direction was me walking out of the room while Mrs Spoomonkey entertained a single male. Weird how that would be a turn on...

Likely that it will not happen - but you just never know. It is sobering to read accounts from those who have done it. There is a lot more to think about than just a fantasy. Reality is much more complicated.

Spoomonkey

[SluttyWife]

I agree with twoloves about keeping this a fantasy. Who wants to pee in your own pool anyway?

If I may suggest spicing up your workdays abit by making this a hot and heavy office flirtation? Dress to the nines and flirt like mad. Talk to hubby about it and you may find yourself bringing all this exxciting energy home.

If the temptations are too great, plaster hubby's pics everywhere (your desk, wallet, a pic of the two of you on the office bulletin board if they allow personal stuff), have him phone more often and send you flowers every Friday. It always helps to schedule a nooner every now and then. You won't want to make this fantasy a reality once you realise it no longer will be.

With that in mind and hubby so hot to you, have fun!

Slutty Wife

[Brit_Pair]

Originally posted by wrnakedru
I think that it begins to be difficult to view your activity as something you are doing together if/when you begin doing things apart from one another.

<snip>

There may be some this has worked for, but I believe it is dangerous grounds to tread if you value the marriage relationship first and foremost. It becomes 'dating' and that is not a good thing, in my opinion.

Dito

(Couldn't have put it better, hence the use of the lazy man's smilie.)

[sexypairca]

I believe that this would be living dangerously especially when a coworker is involved as Alura pointed out. This type of arrangement does work for some and can be very exciting when it doesn't cause harm to the primary relationship. Unfortunately it is difficult to tell in advance whether it will end up being a point of contention in your marriage. Some things you just can't take back, even if they were a mistake. Tread carefully and have fun in whatever you choose to do.

Annette

[Vjklander]

Sounds like a story out of Penthouse Letters. The bottom line is to do what you all want to do and feel confortable with. There are only a couple of people I will let mrsVjk play with alone, and they are long time friends. There are just too many bad things that can happen for a woman playing alone. But that's us.
J

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Spoomonkey
It is sobering to read accounts from those who have done it. There is a lot more to think about than just a fantasy. Reality is much more complicated.

This sums it up. Read the experiences and thoughts of others. From there you should be able to determine if this is something right for you.

I especially agree with Vjklander....there are too many bad things that can happen to a woman playing alone, even in the world of single dating, swinging not considered.

[TNT]

I agree with most everything in the posts already made, especially the fact that you should never mix work with pleasure, what you husband is wanting you to do is really not as uncommon as one might think.

Although it is not considered "swinging" in the general definition of the word (couples who play together) there is a subculture of playing that is know as "Hot Wives". There are swingers who do play like this but most in this kind of playing only want the wife to go out and have sex while the husband stays at home and waits for her to get home to tell him everything that happened.

Definitely not everyones cup of tea but it seems to work for those who are into it. If you want more information on this type of playing you can find it

here .

Like Vjklander said, as well as others there are just to many bad things that can happen to a woman playing alone. It's definitely not something I want to do or would even feel comfortable doing but...the fantasy is nice to play around with

Teresa

[lcjtsd]

As we have four kids at home it is not always possible for the both of us to get out together. Because of this, I have no problem with the Mrs. going out and having some fun. The anticipation of her coming home after she's had some wild sex with someone else is what I find fantastic. She also video tapes the whole thing for us to watch later and next thing I know, we end up doing the nasty until morning.

I know this is not for everyone but when you have kids at home you have to get a bit creative sometimes. Believe me, she doesn't mind having 6 - 8 orgasms in one night.