Husband Suggested Open Marriage

[Michael 12]

I spent 2 yrs in the military stationed not far from Mannheim. Mannheim is close to Heidelbereg, a big city, with lots of nite life.
When I was in Germany, we spent a lot of the time "in the field", which left all the guys who had wives in country wondering what she was doing while he was "playing soldier".
I know first hand that more than a few of these women who made the most of their chance to practice their own brand of "manuvers" (sp.)
Go to Europe, spend as much time as you can sightseeing,keep a positive attitude, feel and act sexy, be prepared to be scoped out and hit on, and make wonderful memories...
-Michael

[Alura]

We're sitting here cheering, "You go, RMS!" But you had it figured out all along!

Mrs. Alura and I met in Germany; both of us were working for the same import/marketing company. We're hoping you won't mind a little bit more advice.

Go to your local library right away and check out a "German on Cassettes" course. You can also buy them at any large book store. The language can be fairly quick to learn because the vocabulary is a lot like English. (Bier = Beer, Licht = Light, Brod = Bread, Milch = Milk, Kaffee = Coffee, Haus = House) If you learn the first tape you'll be able to shop and find your way around. It you learn the course you'll be able to carry on a conversation. Once you've mastered the different sentence structure and learned to mimic the accent of the Germans through practice, people will be asking if you're German. Then when your husband or one of your boyfriends takes you out to dinner, you can translate.

Michael's right. Mannheim is pretty well located. Heidelberg is really nice and not far south is Baden-Baden, the gateway to the Black Forest. There are casinos, spas, lots of fun resort stuff. Farther south is Switzerland. Drive west of Mannheam, through Kaiserslautern, and Paris is just a few hours away. North are Frankfurt and Wiesbaden. Find out if the Balalaika (a bar) is still in business in Frankfurt.

As a woman, you don't have to hide that military haircut, and from your modest description of yourself, you'll be a knockout, real whistle-bait on the bases and an exotic beauty with a wonderful American accent in the Gasthauses. Careful of those Germans who ask you to drink "Schnapps und Bier" with them, though.

If I were a gambling man, RMS, I wouldn't be betting on your husband winning this battle of wits. Keep in touch with the board after you get to the Vaterland. We wanna know how it goes!

Alura

[windsor4fun2]

Since you've already made the decision to go to Germany, stay strong and in control of yourself. The fact that he has told you "this is how it is going to be take it or leave it" raises some doubts in my mind about how sincere he is about wanting to live together "forever".

As the others have said he may have second thoughts once you start playing as well.

Good luck and let us know how things go. We are always here if you need to talk things out.

Jesse

[azwildcat]

well, it sounds like he didn't leave you much of a choice, when he confessed that he was already sleeping with the women he had his eye on and to say "that is how it is going to be take it or leave it" well, it doesn't sound like he cares how you feel about it.

but, i do agree with everybody when they say to fight fire with fire and if he comes to you saying that he doesn't want you doing it, then just tell him that if you could deal with what he's done, then he should deal with it as well.
besides wasn't this all his idea to begin with.

you go get them girl!!!!!!

[rms3p0]

Thanks again for all the info. I've already purchased a German tutorial for my computer, though I haven't used it. Truelly, I am wondering if I'm making the right decision by not just telling him to go fuck off. I really am not sure if i'm strong enough to go through with this, but I don't want to go through life wondering "what if?" Though he keeps reassuring me that he does really love me, he also says he just needs more. He said he needs and is getting something from her that I just can't give him. I asked him to be specific, but he wouldn't. He said I really didn't want to know. My rebuttle; how can I be a better wife if you can't tell me what and where i'm lacking. And don't worry, I'll keep you all posted, as i'm finding strenght from your insight. I will be off line soon they are coming to pack my things (next Thursday). Until then, i'm all ears......

[Alura]

Well, RMS, I'm just a hick Okie, but I think going to Europe is the best thing you can do. Your marriage depends on it. If you give up now, your husband will bond with another woman and you'll find yourself divorced immediately upon his return. Patience doesn't seem to be his long suit.

It seems to me your husband steadfastly refuses to communicate with you. It is not your fault he "needs more." That comes from his immaturity. Don't let him browbeat you and don't let him convince you the marriage is failing through your shortcomings. He needs a major dose of "open up, communicate and learn sincerety." Only you can give that to him. The other lady can't! "I'm getting something from her you can't give me..." is just pure, unadulterated horse shit!

Become an independent woman right now! Take care of your life yourself. Become enthusiastic about the "open marriage" idea. Think of how much fun you can have. I envision you seated next to a handsome man on the flight to Frankfurt, pausing to talk to him for several minutes and jotting down his name and "anruf nummer" before passing through customs to meet your waiting husband.

"Who the hell was that?"

"Oh, just a guy I sat next to on the plane. He wants to give me a tour of the area around here." Kiss your husband deeply and tell him how happy your are to see him. Smile and wave "goodbye" to your seat-mate. Watch your husband's face.

I'm pleased you are on your way to learning German. It will make a world of difference in how you enjoy Europe. Don't spend much time on base. Get out into Germany. It will only take a few hours of study to be better at the language than 90% of the GIs, your husband included. Do that before you leave, please!

I can't wait to hear about your first "Open Marriage" affair! Go get 'em, Sexy Lady! flamethrow

Mr. Alura

[rms3p0]

I just figured it out!!!! I just off the phone with my husband, and again, we debated the whole idea. It was kinda funny. I told him I went out dancing on Friday, and got some guy so hard on the dance floor, he couldn't dance with me. I made reference as to how hard his dick was, by way of "it was a slip of the hand." My husband got very defensive.... "why were you touching his dick blah blah" And I reminded him to have an open mind.......

Anyway, back to my thought. My husband and I are basically seperating. He gave me my altamadum (sp) of "accept it or we get a divorce." I'm not ready to get a divorce, but if I don't go to Germany, my marriage is over. My husband is not ready to get divorced, but he needs his own thing right now. He knows that if I don't come over there, our marriage will end. Therefore, our only option is to be roommates. That's what he's asking for. And I just figured it out.

And, with all your help and advice I now know just what I need to do. Look out Europe!!!!flamethrow

[Michael 12]

I wish I was twenty-five years yonuger, and living in Germany.
Give'em Hell Girl!
And enjoy.
-Michael

[windsor4fun2]

It sounds as if your husband needs some growing up to do. Unfortunately going to Germany is probably the only chance you have of saving your marriage. The first thing will to establish some real communication.

Good luck because I feel you will need it.

Jesse

[saranmark]

I think Mr. Alura's ideas are awesome! I just had to laugh at what will have to be the look on your husband's face when you start getting attention from other men-- subtley making sure that he knows about it, of course!

In this case, it is honestly: What is good for the gander, is good for the goose! I can't wait to find out what he does when his whole "open marriage" idea backfires on him!!

PLEASE, please let us know! Keep us up to date on your progress!

SARA

[PrtyinDuo]

Well,first off,the Mrs and I ALLWAYS swing together as a cpl.(thats our preferrence)but know alot of others that have 'agreed'(key word) to swing alone at times also.But as we see it,that was ALL talked about be4 hand and whatever rules they had were 'agreed'(key word again) upon then.Communication and mutual involvment is a main ingrediant in any relationship,and even more so in a swinging lifestyle.If one doesn't feel comfortable with a certain sittuation or the way things are going,then there is going to be at least one person that is not happy.Two if the other is as committted in the relationship as should be.As for 'him' allready screwing the 'one' he picked out w/o your knoweldge and consent before,then that constitutes 'cheating' in our book.Sounds like he made a decission allready for you,and you have two choices.Go and put up with whatever 'he'decides or find someone who will treat you with respect and and include you too in both your lifes choices.Just our 2 cents.