Wife Wants To Roll Solo...Now What....

[wrnakedru]

I, for one, am in hopes Mr. Twoloves is still around - at least reading the board from time to time. Because I am curious how this situation has worked out for him and his mate.

Can't help but feel that since it has been so long since we heard from him that perhaps they are not together any more. Or if they are, that they have decided that 'swinging' was not working out for them.

Another one of these frustrating areas of huge discussion but we never get to hear what happens to the folks involved in the initial post.head bang

[twoloves]

Hello again. And thanks for all of your thoughtful replies. I haven't responded on this thread because my wife would rather that we don't air our 'dirty laundry', so to speak.

Where we stand now. After I told my attorney to file and began to move out of our bedroom to a downstairs bedroom she finally came around. However, it came down to either I let her do this guy every few months or we get out of the LS. I think that is unreasonable. I still haven't gotten together with my 'friend'. That is over. Whether this marriage is over or not is still up in the air. She is looking at June or July as another 'get together' with this person. It won't be a group thing, I said that was out and she finally agreed. It will be a one on one somewhere, if it goes at all. As the time gets closer my anxiety goes up.

I agree with all of the advice of the above. I can't believe that my wife would hang on to this guy so tenaciously. I'm not telling her that she can't screw someone else. I'm just saying that we went to far by each of us going solo, now let's stick to couples.

Thanks for you insights.

Mr 2luvs.

[willisensei]

I think if you want to continue to swing, you should acquiesce i.e suck it up.
If you're really not worried about losing her and she enjoys the meetings then if I were you I would work on my own attitude. Marriage is compromise and you don't always get what you want. I think that most guys would agree with me when I say that in this lifestyle you really have to keep the women happy. I'm not saying you're not entitled to your feelings, its just that she is entitled to her feelings too. And...If you give yourself a chance you might find that you can take enjoyment by seeing her enjoy herself. In our own experience some of the hottest/most fun sex we ever have is when she returns from a solo date with a guy or couple.

[HotCoupleGnS]

I totally disagree with willisenei! Marriage is about compromise. But that goes both ways! If something one person is doing is making someone uncomfortable they shouldn't have to compromise to that. Even if he trusta her. If they were to compromise, it should be more on her part. If she is that desperate to fuck other people, then the compromise is that they do it with couples. I am sorry but if someone is that hard set on fucking this one person & not allowing hubby to join or anythign like thta I feel that there are more issues there. Your gut feeling is always right. If you feel bad about something, there probably is something to feel bad about. Never compromise yourself! Always trust yourself!

[sensuality]

It seems like your wife is in a bit of denial...your relationship should come first and it's not.That being said,she definitely has an emotional attachment to this other dude.Bottom line:If one spouse has a problem...those feelings should be respected and taken into consideration.You went into this lifestlye as a couple,-a united front- so to speak...that's the way it should stay.If you absolutely could not handle her flying solo...she should've stopped doing it! It's the whole temptation thing, and forbidden fruit is always the sweetest, yada yada! We wish you lots of luck!!

[MIbbwcpl]

I'm sorry to see that things went this way for you. The same thing happened to some friends of mine. They had an open marriage-had being the operative word. She was with some other guy for years, he never said a word even though he didn't like it. He starting screwing some other chick, she told him no from the get go-he didn't listen. They are now divorced.

[stoutgatte]

Just saw the date on the last post from mr twoloves, guess my story will have to serve as a warning for others on here...

Hi... We're very new to swinging, but my wife had an affair about a year ago. It started out in the same way, solo play (she asked if it was ok and I said yes), a lot of attention from the guy, etc, etc...

I eventually did just what he did, say I'm not happy, u have to stop... She said, "I'm not stopping and that's that." The whole time claiming it's just fun and sex and definitely nothing more... So this went on a while and the more I tried to get her out of this guy the hotter she was for him. Eventually it came to the point where we decided to get divorced. Two days later she was in a car accident that forced me to take care of her for 6 weeks. During this time we slowly grew back together, to the point where we started councelling and sorted out the issues...

My advice would have been... Move out. Get her to realise the issue at hand, she's NOT just having fun and a bit of sex with this guy, it's a relationship and one that she's willing to hold onto regardless of your marraige. But at the same time, check what the relationship with this guy is giving her, and replace it with attention in those areas from yourself... Conflicting advice? Definitely...

It is possible to work through it, difficult, and expect to be way more unhappy before getting happy again... Sad mr twoloves won't see this...

[lycioos]

Dito Wow this was excellent.

I would have to say, your definetly at a point where you need to STOP swinging and get out of the lifestyle and safe your marriage while you still can. IF you even can.
If she's willing to give you up for a little "fun." Stoutgate is right, then it's a relationship. It's more than fun. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Their are places out there that will offer help and counciling at a low cost or some even free. CALL AROUND!!! It's worth it. Take what ever money you would have spent on swinging, condoms, wine, candles, clothing, toys, whatever and invest it in your marriage. Yep, I sound radically, but marriage is the biggest and most important investment you will ever make in your life. Remember the part "till death do you part." That's radical.

[Additude]

I would say your mistake was not agreeing to rules of engagement that you both should have made.

My wife and I have been discussing this, her doing a solo thing, and so far we have agreed on:
1. That she has to let me know and I have to know or have met the guy. No Cheating.
2. I get to pamper her before she leaves. I shave her pussy, I give her a bath, manicure, choose her outfit, etc.
3. No overnights. Just go-fuck-return (3 hrs max time, but this might extend farther out, just a comfort feeling right now for me and includes the drive)
4. I know where she is going to fuck, hotel, his place, etc.(This may change as my comfort level increses) and she has to leave her cell phone on and answer if I call. I worry about her safety.
5. She cannot clean up after fucking or when she leaves. She has to leave his cum in her pussy and the smell of their sex on and in her (This was actually her idea)
6. When she gets home she has to give me a detailed account of exactly what happened, this was also her idea.
7. She has to fuck me when she gets home (Also her idea).

I think if you had rules to begin with you would have some ground to stand on. But right now I think you have to Suck It Up or talk to your wife and try to formulate some sort of agreement between you two.

[BodyScape02]

Originally Posted by stoutgatte

Just saw the date on the last post from mr twoloves, guess my story will have to serve as a warning for others on here...


My advice would have been... Move out. Get her to realise the issue at hand, she's NOT just having fun and a bit of sex with this guy, it's a relationship and one that she's willing to hold onto regardless of your marraige. But at the same time, check what the relationship with this guy is giving her, and replace it with attention in those areas from yourself... Conflicting advice? Definitely...

It is possible to work through it, difficult, and expect to be way more unhappy before getting happy again... Sad
mr twoloves won't see this...

Very astute...I think what got him into this was his its good for the gander and denied to the goose attitude...He should have been in tune to her feelings before it ment loosing his wife. I am amazed that she offered to get out of the lifestyle and he is still lamenting not getting to have his. He and her are beyond reason and help. Both are being very self-centered and unless that changes..they can play the blame game all they want...it is a hopeless power struggle. No one wins...everybody looses.

I really don't think mr and mrs two loves made it. I do think thier name is oddly appropriate to the situation. you can't serve two loves(masters) so the saying goes.

I will hold this tale in my memory as a benchmark... I don't think at this time that I will ever be comfortable with the type of single private swing they did. I am just fine with full swap ( provided the other woman's lover is the match of mine , which hasn't happened often) but I think going to meet someone on your own is too much like cheating and just begs for conflict.

I would just not be willing to risk it , after reading all of this. I have one love- D2 that is all I want or need... the rest is just play.

~Cat

[lycioos]

any updates?

[DuncanDoughnut]

I have noticed that mr. two loves is online from time to time. It would be great if he would update us. You do not have to be real specific as you had mentioned that your wife was not overjoyed with you posting and all, but it would be nice if you would let us know if you are still together and if you have gone solo swinging or combo swinging, or did you quit that all together. Thanks.

[twoloves]

Hello,
Mr. Twoloves here. Sorry I haven't given updates. Mrs. T didn't want me to. I'm sorry I couldn't reply. Many of you gave great advice.

It's ironic that my first post was exactly one year ago today. It's ironic because my attorney filed a petition for dissolution today. Very sad.

I have finally had enough. In April when I almost filed but then pulled the petition, thinking that maybe we could finally work things out, I was rewarded with a multitude of lies over the next 3 months. Lies from my wife. She fell under the spell of this married fellow who isn't leaving his wife. He encouraged her deceit. Our 26 yr marriage, a great family, is now in shambles. Destroyed. We are decimated financially if/when this goes through.

At the 11th hour of filing this petition she said it would be over with him. No contact. I don't believe it. Time will tell. Too little, too late. I said I would try for reconciliation over the 90 cooling off period, before the dissolution is final, but that I wasn't pulling the paperwork this time.

She hasn't yet owned her responsibility for the pain and deceit she has wrought. Until she does, until she shows me that she wants ME, loves ME, then I don't think this will work. There has to be remorse, contrition and a willingness to do whatever it takes to get back on track. I'm not unreasonable, but I'm not going to just accept her word for everything anymore. I did that last time and I got screwed.

Needless to say we have dropped the lifestyle for the time being. Possibly forever?

We will know the final outcome to this travesty in 90 days or less.

If there are any lessons in this sad tale it is this: Don't ever go solo. Always play together. It may be separate room but make sure you're under the same roof. If there is any sign of emotional involvement, don't walk, RUN the other way. Always commit to going as slow as the slowest spouse.

Thank you all for your sage and kind advice.

Mr. Twoloves

[stoutgatte]

Thank you for the update Mr. Twoloves...

It seems to me like u have been trying like hell to be able to hang around for a year. I was ready to quit after 6 months. So I'll say good luck, sounds to me like u still have an outside chance if she's asking you to reconsider, and I wish to remind you of the first paragraph you posted...

Solid marriage, coupla decades, middle aged, absolute trust, great communication, swingin' for several years, full swap...not belt notchers but experienced...

The whole reason I started reading this thread, then I read about your problem, and I thought about how much it reminded me of our situation... The problem is getting back the trust, the rest follows by itself. But I think (our experience) is that the way for her to regain your trust is to be excruciatingly honest, ie clear up the past and move on... If she can manage total honesty you have a chance... And 90 days is enough to see a difference, but don't expect to be happy...

[DuncanDoughnut]

I am really, deeply sorry. I can not imagine how difficult that must be.

At the 11th hour of filing this petition she said it would be over with him. No contact. I don't believe it. Time will tell. Too little, too late. I said I would try for reconciliation over the 90 cooling off period, before the dissolution is final, but that I wasn't pulling the paperwork this time.

For whatever it's worth, I do agree with you in Not pulling the paperwork, however, please do take this time and see if she is serious about getting back together. See a councilor. If she goes, that's the first step. Also, like you said "no swinging" right now. It would probably be good to also abstain from sexual contact with each other as well. Right now you need to concintrate on the realationship aspect of the marriage. If it's even possible to do that. Again, I am very, very sorry.