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nicecouple57

A sort of strange entry into the lifestyle . . .

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OK, here's the story thus far; for reference sake, we are total noobs and have never so much as held hands in a romantic way with anyone since the day we met, 10 years ago.

 

My wife confessed about 1.5 months ago she had an infidelity fantasy, but wasn't about to go behind my back, which of course I appreciated. We talked a lot and ended up on various sites to test the waters. We sent out tons of e-mails and only got one real response, which I was happy about as they were a young, good looking couple. We made a dinner date.

 

In the interim, my wife went home (out of state) for a few days and, with my permission, went on a date with an old acquaintance she was always curious about. Short story, she had fun but nothing happened (he tried to kiss her but she declined). A few days later, she told me she sort of regretted chickening out.

 

We then went on our dinner date and the female and I hit it off right away. My wife and the male had, according to me wife, insufficient chemistry. She texted for a while to see if an attraction would build, but no go. The female and I text all the time in a very friendly way and have great chemistry. My wife gave me permission to pursue anything I wanted / could with the female on my own

 

So, my wife is going back home for a few days this weekend and I told her if she wanted to give it another go with her friend she could, and she is very excited about it and is planning on being open to anything up to and including sex. Today, I hear from the female that she and her partner talked it over and he is ok with her and I having sex so long as he is in the next room for safety reasons (although I am totally harmless, he doesn't know that). Although I can foresee it being somewhat-to-very awkward / surreal to say hello, go in the next room, bang his fiancee and then maybe catch some TV, I respect his concerns and want everyone to be comfortable.

 

Meanwhile, my wife has a date set with her at home buddy.

 

Is this all insane, especially for rank newcomers? Thanks for your advice. To allay any "your wife is testing the waters with another guy because she's obviously unhappy," we are totally 100% couldn't be more stable and in love, just a couple of sex crazed lunatics looking for fun. Thanks!

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It sounds like the original intention is for your wife to pursue an extramarital affair to fulfill a fantasy and that the third party would most likely be an old acquaintance. We didn't understand why the other couple was still in the picture if her and the other man didn't hit it off (very common, by the way).

 

Beyond that, it sounds like everything is on track if she set another date with the old acquaintance? We'd be happy to offer any feedback or advice if we can give any, but had trouble understanding what you were asking :)

 

If its 'is this all insane', we didn't think so. In my experience, nearly every man we've come across is very much into seeing or hearing about their wives fucking another man.

 

*there are two recent threads kind of along this line if you're interested, please see below.

 

https://www.swingersboard.com/forums/topic/45914-am-i-normal-for-being-excited-my-wife-has-her-own-lover/

https://www.swingersboard.com/forums/topic/45798-how-many-men-dont-find-it-arousing-to-watch-your-woman-have-sex/

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I don't think it's insane at all, but you're definitely jumping into the deep end. That means your communication and trust have to be stellar. So, go ahead and be sex crazed lunatics - and talk about everything together. ;)

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Hey, this is not different than going to a party and hitting if off with spouses of two different couples. It's common that that not all four spouses connect when two couples get together.

 

The only thing I see as a potential for trouble is the old friend of your wife not knowing of the arrangement.

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We are all different and we all have different approaches to situations and what works for one may not be suitable for another.

 

To me it sounds like you have already done your due diligence and are comfortable with what you are doing. You seem to have a plan and are aware of your surroundings. Your approach is reminiscent of experienced swingers, so all the advice I will offer you is approach with caution. Be prepared for any contingencies and consequences.

 

Keep us informed, I'd like to know how things progress.

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Well, I appreciate the input and support, I knew after much reading on the forum and podcast listening we're going about this in a way even some experienced swingers won't, which was of some concern, but as stated by you guys, we have indeed talked this over ad nauseum and are both on the same page. I will definitely keep updating, it's an interesting situation for us, to say the least.

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we're going about this in a way even some experienced swingers won't, which was of some concern

 

I think you're hitting about 9.9/10 on the swinger scale already. But if you're both comfortable and the opportunities have presented themselves I would go for it.

 

I'd be interested in the updates too.

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I think you're hitting about 9.9/10 on the swinger scale already.

 

How do you mean? I guess I'm curious what brings us up to a 9.9 prior to any physical contact. Thanks!

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Swinging generally starts out as a do together type of activity and (for some not all) gradual turns into separate play in some form or other.

 

You are starting out with separate partners, separate ocassions even separate towns. You can't take swinging much further than that.

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Swinging generally starts out as a do together type of activity and (for some not all) gradual turns into separate play in some form or other.

 

You are starting out with separate partners, separate ocassions even separate towns. You can't take swinging much further than that.

 

I see what you mean, my concern is specifically that, that we're signing up for calculus before we take algebra, but I think - and hope - it will all end well and lead to a great time for years to come. Frankly, it is downright hard to even get people to respond to e-mails on SLS. My wife tells me we should try a different couple as she's not opposed to "normal", same room swinging, just wasn't into the guy, and I tell her it's not for lack of trying that we haven't found anyone else. Based on photos / profile descriptions, the people we consider good prospects never respond. The ones who write us we wouldn't consider for one reason or another, but we always write back and say thanks but no thanks. I would think living in a major city, one of the more sexualized ones at that, finding dates would be easier. Many of the couples who have reached out to us are just sort of skeezy.

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Finding a perfect foursome is extremely hard. Thus the gradual transition (for some) to playing with a separate partner where you find them rather than worrying about finding two compatable partners.

 

You're starting at the end of the journey rather than the beginning thus the 9.9 :-)

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I see nothing wrong with starting your lifestyle play the way you are describing, as long as you are wanting to go to swinging 9.9 before swinging 1.0, and not doing it for simple convenience.

 

There a certainly ways to meet couples for same room soft or full swap but it takes a lot of work and you will likely meet few couples you do not click with before you meet a couple that works for you both. I do think the risk in proceeding who you are is that you will get into a situation where it is easier for your wife to find partners than you and this could breed resentment. In my experience, it is easier for women to find men to have unattached sex with than it is for men to find women

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We didn't build up to solo play until over a year after we got into the lifestyle. Even then our first experience was her going solo with my best friend (who she had already played with a lot), so there was already a lot of trust established there. Maybe I missed something (I admittedly "skim" sometimes) but do you know this guy that she will be with? Ever met him? That along with him not knowing/understanding the situation (which someone else mentioned) would be my only two concerns I guess. If the two of you have complete open and honest communication I'm sure it could work out. It certainly sounds hot to us. If it were us though, my wife would be sure to provide pictures for me to help "relive" things as she tells me all about what happened. Of course, if this guy doesn't know the arrangement that could be tricky.

 

Either way, good luck. I'm curious to see how it works out!

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Some people are more comfortable in one on one situations as we as a couple are, so go for it, but please, please be totally open and honest with each other and tell each other everything. We get off on each other's details of meetings. Good luck and have fun.

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I think you're communication and ease of getting into things is very good. Just because you guys didn't go into swinging in the traditional (haha i said traditional) waltz does not mean it will not work out for the two of you. Your communication and honesty seems very strong. Keep is up.

As far as meeting couples have you tried checking out some local meet and greets and or clubs or house parties? We admit the email sls thing can be tedious-- but there can be issues with meeting in other venues too. All in all though, it is a fun trip! Enjoy! Keep us posted!

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Well, she's on her trip now, and last night and this morning before she left I was feeling some jealousy and conflicted and unfortunately acted a little pissy about the whole thing, but when she left I pretty much got over it, I think it was the anticipation of it all. She is inviting him over to "hang out" and "watch a movie" in about 1.5 hours after she's done with family stuff. It's actually kind of a slow burn for her trip because of feminine troubles the action has to be waist up, which will give us both a good dry (literally) run to see how we react. She should be over her troubles by Saturday, her last night there, so it will be a pretty insane build up on Saturday all day waiting, should she decide to go for it.

 

We exchanged a pretty heated (in a good sense) string of texts about tonight about half an hour ago, I'm actually getting pretty excited for her. I was also feeling a little weird because the girl I had been chatting with had seemingly cooled a little, but after some texting with her today she affirmed she's all in, just wants to give it a few days to make sure her SO is totally ok with it. It makes me feel a lot better, strangely, that if it doesn't work out between me and her it won't be from her lack of desire, it will be because her SO was uncomfortable . . . I'll take that. I hope it does work out, she's really attractive and a lot of fun to talk to on top of that, would be a great start for me in the lifestyle! 9 years my junior, hot as hell and an excellent conversationalist.

 

I will continue to update.

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As long as you both remember that sex is sex and you can separate it from your relationship/love then it doesn't matter where you start. Good old fashioned honest communication is the answer, as so many have said before me. Sex is not meant to be a hang up in your relationship, it is meant to be enjoyed and savored no matter how you choose to pursue it. Giving and receiving sexual pleasure is a beautiful thing. Being able to share that with someone who loves and acknowledges your enjoyment is magnificent.

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