Couples who swing separately

[JustAskJulie]

Ok, MichiganCouple's question in the single male forum brought another question to my mind so I thought I'd post it here.

There's a lot of talk about how people won't swing with someone who is married but playing alone. What about a swinging couple who swings seperately as well as together.

If you know the couple and know that both are ok with each other playing seperately, would you then play with them (assuming you are willing to do 3somes at all)? Or would you still rather have a straight up single person with no attachments?

[OhioCouple]

We actually discussed this topic a couple of months ago. The couples we play with all live a minimum of 1 1/2 hours to 6 hours away, and one even lives in Florida. Due to business, sometimes they are in town alone or one of us are in their area alone. As we know both partners fairly well, we decided that it would not cause a problem for either of us to meet with them alone. The reasoning for this is that we already know them, we know they are a couple and we know that everyone is aware of it. Our number one rule tho is that we must make the other aware of it before hand and then share the details afterwards. We have not yet played singly with any of them, but we needed to address it as several times one of us have been in the area near to our friends or them to us. The most we have done so far is to meet and have lunch or dinner.

In our eyes this is not cheating when all parties are aware and involved. As for just playing singly with someone that neither of you know very well because you want to...that just isn't our cup of tea.

Lori

[Alura]

In our eyes this is not cheating when all parties are aware and involved. As for just playing singly with someone that neither of you know very well because you want to...that just isn't our cup of tea.

Lori

Lori, you are so wise! We can tell; we almost always agree with you.

Once the wife of a couple we were playing with was in Europe on business. She called from London to tell us she had just talked with her husband who was supremely horny and suggested we might invite him over for a threesome. Her only requirement was that she receive similar treatment when she returned home. He came over the next day and Mrs. Alura had the time of her life! We had no qualms about it since all knew and noone was being "cheated." The requested "similar treatment" turned out to be Mr. & Mrs. Alura in a threesome with her. He enjoyed watching and, of course, it all ended up in a foursome. Wonderful experience for all!

Alura

[ September 05, 2002, 04:39 PM: Message edited by: Alura ]

[JustAskJulie]

Ok, so take the same situation and say that you hadn't played with the couple previously as a couple, but you did know them and knew that they were willing to swing seperately.

Is knowing them well the key here?

I just posted a story in the stories section called "Liberated Christians". If you were in that situation where you had friends who were non-swingers and one of them could not have sex for whatever reason and they gave you the go-ahead to play with their mate without them. Would you?

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:
Ok, so take the same situation and say that you hadn't played with the couple previously as a couple, but you did know them and knew that they were willing to swing seperately.

Is knowing them well the key here?

I just posted a story in the stories section called "Liberated Christians". If you were in that situation where you had friends who were non-swingers and one of them could not have sex for whatever reason and they gave you the go-ahead to play with their mate without them. Would you

For us knowing them well is the key here.

I think tho I can speak for both of us that the answer to your second question would be no, based on the scenario that you presented.

~Number one they are non-swingers. I don't know how others feel about this, but for us there are many emotional issues involved other than just sex, and without that understanding of what all is involved it could lead to trouble for the other couple. I think what I am trying to say is they wouldn't have the "green light" to handle the emotions that may follow.

~Number two...Although it may be a very loving gesture for one partner to give them the go ahead to participate in sexual activity outside of their relationship, whatever the reason may be, it would be more loving on the part of the spouse to refuse to do so. Commitment between couples in my opinion is first and foremost.

My husband is 15 years my senior. Should something happen that he could no longer participate in sexual activity and he encouraged me to seek sexual pleasure with others, I just flat out wouldn't do it. I didn't marry him for sex, I married him because I love his total being. Sex is a benefit to our relationship not the most critical part. Quite frankly the toy stores can provide what ever accessories you might need.

Lori

[Alura]

I just posted a story in the stories section called "Liberated Christians". If you were in that situation where you had friends who were non-swingers and one of them could not have sex for whatever reason and they gave you the go-ahead to play with their mate without them. Would you?

We would probably discuss the proposal with all four people's input and make a decision together. We would feel much better about the situation if all four were present for the playing, even if only three played.

Alura

[Fox n Hound]

We are willing to swing as seperate couples but only if both couples are doing it at the very same time. This would only be done with a couple we are established with.
We would not want one another teaming up with the other couple at different times. It is about equal satisfaction to all concerned with no one being left out. <img border="0" alt="[Kissing]" title="" src="graemlins/kissing.gif" />
Fox N Hound

[Alura]

Okay, Julie, we read the story. We like to think we are a caring couple and, therefore, would be hard-pressed to deny the couple's request even though it would normally break some rules of ours. The key is the depth of the friendship.

We are left wondering, though, why the two who were left out could not have played orally or at least have kissed and petted. We have the impression that the lady's operation resulted in pain only in intercourse. There are other ways to achieve sexual satisfaction. Perhaps the authors can clarify this...

Alura

[OhioCouple]

Okay everyone, flip through the dictionary to the "I" section, look up ignorant and you will see my picture. I thought this story was posted on a web site that you had come across and not one belonging to this board.

I have read the story. I do agree with Alura, there are so many ways to enjoy sexual intimacy which does not involve actual penetration.

I left the story with the impression that she was somewhat bothered yet relieved that her husband was able to enjoy having sex again. It seems (to me) that she was agreeable to the situation in order to please her husband whom she obviously loves dearly and that no form of sexual contact occurred between her and the other male. The story came across of one in which he comforted her more or less, while sexual activity was in progress between their spouses.

Hopefully the authors will write a follow up in order to help us to fully understand their situation.

Lori

<small>[ September 08, 2002, 10:43 PM: Message edited by: OhioCouple ]</small>

[Quin]

Generally, I will not swing with a member of a couple who is swinging seperately. The major reason is...I'm single. There's a lot of difference between a married male swinger and a married female swinger not married to each other playing around and a married male swinger and a single female swinger playing around. It doesn't matter how grounded the couple is, how much the married couple trust each other, how much communication the couple has...when a single woman, such as myself, enters into a little play with a married male without the wife present, it presents the possibility of opening up many can of worms and I just won't put myself nor any other person in that position to have it come back on me(us).

I have stated this before, there are a few married couples within my circle of swingers that the wife(s) absolutely refuses to allow their husband(s) to play with me in their presence...they damn sure aren't going to be happy if their husband is playing around with me when they aren't around. My being single poses a threat to them. I'm sure in many cases this threat can be justified but in my case, it's not. I don't want their husband and I most certainly don't want the pleasure of washing their husband's dirty drawers. But regardless, they don't see this...they see me as a single, unattached female and I must be like every other single, unattached female...hard up for a *man*, out looking for someone to marry, out on the *prowl*. While I don't agree with their reasons particularly, I can and do respect their decisions.

On the other hand, there are several couples within my circle that would probably have absolutely no problem with me playing around with one or the other mate. With two couples in particular, the wives and I mess around every chance we get...husbands around or gone. And the husbands are fine with this as long as it's video taped or we tell them details. <img border="0" alt="[ROFL]" title="" src="graemlins/rofl.gif" /> I, however, could NOT play around with the husband part of these couples without the wife part around...once again because I'm single. While these particular wives would not have a problem with it, I still won't because it could, once again, open up a few can of worms.

I know that the question posed was geared towards married swinging couples, but I thought I'd throw in my opinion and my own *rules* as a single female within the lifestyle. Hope this all made sense, I'm a bit out of sorts this evening and having a difficult time expressing myself in every way.

Quin
<img border="0" alt="[Smiley_sex]" title="" src="graemlins/smilysex.gif" />

[Mike and Jan]

Great topic and great replies. But one thing I didn't see mentioned was this. If you're into threesomes it's difficult to find a couple who would be compatible. Where the husband and wife are both in the same catagory as you. Even though you and your spouse are very comfortable with what you want in the relationship you usually find a couple where either the wife or the husband is perfect but their spouse is not really in the circle. So, you consider a single person but realize that a single person can have complications too. Such as falling in love with one of you, getting into a monogamous relationship and having guilt feelings about what they did with you, or just blabbing a bit too much to their friends. So, a married couple who have their different agenda's could be the answer. Of course we'd want to make sure they are a married couple and not an untruthful single person..., and we'd want to make really sure that the nonparticipating half was really OK with what we were doing with their spouse. But, still the ideal situation in any swinging situation is when all four people are present, even if not actively participating at all times. Taking turns watching the others is nice on it's own. But, then this does bring up another problem recently posted by Julie. Can they morally masturbate while they watch? LOL! Mike

[Brian and Jo]

We have sometimes swung separately with the other couples who are members of our regular group. For example before I retired I used to travel quite a lot, sometimes for two or three weeks at a time. It was not unusual for Jo to get together with a couple for a threesome while I was away. I would do the same if she was away on business or atending to a family matter. Similarly we have had threesomes with the male or female half of a couple when their other half was away.

Jo and I have also swung separately and singly with other men and women from time to time, usually while we were travelling. We had no problem with any of this because we always followed our ground rule which was to tell each other all the details about our encounters.

[dave_susie2001]

Sex is just sex. It feels good and it’s fun. "Now I don't want to get off on a rant here" but what makes sex between Susie and me so special and intimate is all the rest of the "stuff" that makes up a marriage (or other committed relationship) i.e. trust, respect, commitment and honesty.

We have never swung separately before. We could swing separately and not have any problems with it. But we both get off so much on sharing the experience with each other in person, that we just don’t understand how we could share the same level of intimacy with each other simply by telling one another of the encounter, or even watching a video of it. Something would be missing. I know that I would have a feeling of “missing out” because for me, it’s all about sharing. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with swinging separately. We have had a 3some with another woman, and her husband knew all about it. We had a lot of fun.

When we first started swinging, we had an experience that prompted one of our “early” rules. “Never play with a couple whose relationship is not 100% stable and solid.” We don’t want to be the cause of breaking up someone’s marriage. We would ask all sorts of questions, almost an interview, to make sure that they were committed and not swinging in an attempt to “patch up” a failing marriage. Now that we’re “older” and a little more experienced, we still have that same rule, but we trust people more when they say they are committed. If a couple we were interested in BOTH professed to be OK with swinging alone and were to propose it, our response would be yes and no. Susie and I will still remain together, but if they want a mfm or fmf with us...great. "Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong."

To Ohio Couples response to having sex with another because of health problems with mate. If the mate would enjoy that his wife was having sex with someone would she feel the same way? I personally would love to have my wife enjoy another man and hopefully she will tell me how it was or as things progress, might encourage me to watch. I find it very stimulating.

[OhioCouple]

To Ohio Couples response to having sex with another because of health problems with mate. If the mate would enjoy that his wife was having sex with someone would she feel the same way? I personally would love to have my wife enjoy another man and hopefully she will tell me how it was or as things progress, might encourage me to watch. I find it very stimulating

This is one of those questions that really are based on individual opinions and preferences. My husband and I had one swing alone session with another couple that we had been playing with for some time at a club. This really took an uncomfortable twist for me and has had us be more careful in being assured that the couples we play with are very secure in their own marriages and can separate love/intamacy from sex. We have not played alone since but have opened our minds to a select few should the occasion arise.

We too enjoy watching each other with another and find it highly arousing, but in this particular scenario two people are left out completely. My opinion is based on the fact that this particular couple were non-swingers and the other couple had been courting the idea. Perhaps, we are slower than others when it comes to an understanding of how swinging should work effectively, but it took us years to get to the point that we are now. It was not something that could have happened for us on a weekend whim.

The posted story gives the impression that sex occured out of compassion, not out of one for mutual sexual attraction for all involved. For me that is just a little to intimate. While others may be able to participate in a sexual act for those reasons I find it to be uncomfortable as I am one of those types that likes to see everybody fulfilled that you are with and not have anyone just hanging out on the sidelines.

Lori