Wife too busy with other guys to pay me attention

[arbbwcouple]

Well i been havung this problem and it is my spouse does not pay any attention to me she talks to guys who outclass me and it makes me feel like nothing at all and i pine just for a few mins of her time . in whitch i either do not get or we get into a argument she is really harsh on me alot also. i had stated i wanted out of the lifestyle b/c i find myself alone alot on weekends and it is really getting to the point the nerve pills are not working and find myself in a emotional wreck . cannot focus on jobs or anything else . it is hurting so bad but we just moved to a place where i know nobody for emotional support I go online to find wemen to be with but thats not worked at all . what should i do i just want happiness . and my wife to notice me she sneaks off to talk to a ex boyfriend and here i am alone . it is hurting so bad i ready to throw in the towel and give up on everything b/c my heart is so broken.

[Amanda69]

Time for a down to earth conversation with your wife and possibly an attempt at a marriage counsellor.

[intuition897]

Swinging/the lifestyle = a lifestyle where a couple willingly and lovingly allows their partner to be sexually non-exclusive, and enjoy the sharing of this resultant experience with one another. It is meant to be beneficial to a relationship, promote intimacy, and never harmful, in which case the activity should be stopped immediartely. It is for solid, functional, highly honest and communicative couples only, and not for troubled relationships.

What you're talking about is a cuckold relationship. If you get off on being emotionally abused by your wife, then have at it. I personally don't understand it. Swinging does not require that participants be medicated to anaesthetize themselves enough to share their partners. It doesn't require swinging separately so as to avoid the pain of seeing your partner having sex with someone else. And no one should be getting a fairer deal than the other. It's supposed to be an absolutely equal arrangement.

My advice: if you think what you're doing is swinging, quit. Find yourselves a good marriage counsellor and work out whatever itis that makes you both think this is necessary to "fix" your relationship.

[Tia Vampire]

Just don't go out and do anything crazy , we would love to hear from you again and to find out if you and your wife found piece and happiness. I do agree w/ Amanda. You guys may want to sit down and talk about your feelings w/ an open mind and try to be as truthful as possible. She may understand how you are feeling and may have some input of her own. Stick in there i'm sure you guys will work through it.
My fiance feels the same way you do. He is not as social as i am and that might be a big part of your problem. Plus the swing house that we frequent, he says that he is not attracted to the couples that we encounter and he can not get into it. Me on the other hand feel safer there, because it is an older crowd and i feel they have thier shit together, not like some of the other places we have been and it seem so disorganized and the people are rude and don't give you your privatecy. Maybe these are somr of the things that bother you too. Just like i said, talk to her and if you need a professonal, get some counsiling.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by arbbwcouple

Well i been havung this problem and it is my spouse does not pay any attention to me she talks to guys who outclass me and it makes me feel like nothing at all and i pine just for a few mins of her time . in whitch i either do not get or we get into a argument she is really harsh on me alot also. i had stated i wanted out of the lifestyle b/c i find myself alone alot on weekends and it is really getting to the point the nerve pills are not working and find myself in a emotional wreck . cannot focus on jobs or anything else . it is hurting so bad but we just moved to a place where i know nobody for emotional support I go online to find wemen to be with but thats not worked at all . what should i do i just want happiness . and my wife to notice me she sneaks off to talk to a ex boyfriend and here i am alone . it is hurting so bad i ready to throw in the towel and give up on everything b/c my heart is so broken.

Okay, you two need to go to counseling. You do NOT need to be swinging right now. I have to tell you, get into some sort of marital counseling. The one thing swingers dislike is drama. Please don't attempt to think that swinging will heal the wounds in your marriage, because it won't. Swinging is for secure, stable couples that are in love with each other. My advice to you is to get into counseling with your wife. Best of luck to you.

[arbbwcouple]

I believe the problem really is that ( well i found out tonight ) is that her schooling is taking up so much of our time and we never spend time togeter unless we are swinging and it has been taking its toll also being in a open marrage we have these guys calling and IM ing all the time and some couples that want to play with just with my wife and it it is really upsetting me . this was not what we had planned when we got into this at all .
And it is not a cuckold thing ( In fact never done it .) I am upset b/c i get left out of alot of things and need to know what to do to get involved i have read all sorts of things on swinging and since we first started a few months ago i have been more and more cautious b/c of some major mistakes we both have made .
For example if someone ask about our problems i do not tell now b/c it has landed us in alot of hot water and there are ppl out there that feed off others problems and use it to their advantage. maybe i am going overboard but i am more cautious than my spouce. but it took me learning the hard way to learn.
And another thing i hear ppl say no dramma but what nobody tells you is how easy to get sucked into the dramma pool without even knowing it.
But the Ex B/F thing was a rule we came up with that she broke among with others we set up for ourselfs that recently have backlashed in her face in the worst way and now instead of being sad (Without sounding cocky) i can say I told her so. I believe i needed a few days to step back and look at the whole picture In fact i could use a few weeks to really look at it . I guess thats the only way to learn is trial and error .

[prettylady]

I can see by your story that you are upset about what you are going through, and rightly so. Please don't do the I told you so to her. Say it to yourself, but that will come back and smack you just as hard as the ex situation did her.
Your tone concerns me. You sound so sad and defeated. You also sound like a fine caring man. Any woman would be lucky to have you at her side.
I hope only the best for you.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[Dooode]

arbbwcouple:

Just by getting the rest of your story, I think that you two need to spend more time with each other and work on solidifying your relationship as a couple, rather than swinging of any sort--even casually. Dump the IM program. Get rid of the distractions, because that's all these IMs are to your relationship: distractions.

It's not all that uncommon that a swinging couple will "take a break" from swinging .. meaning that they spend time with each other FOR each other. That's what I'd suggest you do. Take a break and when you can have time together, go out and do things together as a couple. Forget swinging.

Oh, and by the way: don't forget to buy her some flowers "just because".

[rebelnangel]

sweety,it seems to me that you and your wife need to just spend some time alone.you should talk to her,plan something special.go to dinner or make a romantic dinner at home,get some movies and curl up together on the couch or bed together just watching movies,let whatever else that will happen,happen.....just spend the night alone...and by all means,unplug the phones...... believe me,when my hubby does stuff like that i love it.....

[LOL_OMG]

It sounds to me like you have some serious signs of depression. You said you are on "nerve pills", are they anti-depressants? Right now I would be more concerned with your own health.

[Mrs.PaganLovers]

I agree with everyone here. You need to work on the relationship you two have together, very good idea to get counciling. For us the rule is we never play alone, this is just icing on a very beautiful cake.
I also agree with Pretty Lady in that you sound defeated, please have a heart to heart with your lady and tell her all you are feeling, and take a long break from swinging and work on your relationship with each other.
This lifestyle can ruin a relationship that is not solid. The three most important things in a relationship is trust, respect and communication, if you don't have any of those three things, you should not be swinging.

[Tybee Swing]

There are so many different things going on here.

For one, you said that she's sneaking around seeing an ex-boyfriend. That's not swinging, and not an open relationship, that's cheating.

Most swingers don't practice an "open" relationship, going their own directions with their own separate lovers. Nothing wrong with that if that's what you both really want as a couple, but you're not happy with the open relationship thing at all, so you should end it.

Would you be happy swinging together as a couple, with no side-action stuff (her ex bf), and no open relationship stuff? Or, do you feel like you two need to step back completely and go back to just your own relationship (monogamy)? Do what feels right to you.

Originally Posted by arbbwcouple

I believe the problem really is that ( well i found out tonight ) is that her schooling is taking up so much of our time and we never spend time togeter unless we are swinging and it has been taking its toll also being in a open marrage we have these guys calling and IM ing all the time and some couples that want to play with just with my wife and it it is really upsetting me . this was not what we had planned when we got into this at all .

This would be easy to fix, if you two agree to set aside special time just as a couple on a regular basis. Make this the first priority over swinging (or whatever else with others). In my marriage, if our schedules were so hectic that we had no time for each other, the swinging would be the first thing to go out the window, to make time for "us". We have to satisfy our relationship needs first, before we go to other people sexually. Our relationship comes first, always. It sounds like this is what you really want, too.

Originally Posted by arbbwcouple

I am upset b/c i get left out of alot of things and need to know what to do to get involved i have read all sorts of things on swinging and since we first started a few months ago i have been more and more cautious b/c of some major mistakes we both have made .
For example if someone ask about our problems i do not tell now b/c it has landed us in alot of hot water and there are ppl out there that feed off others problems and use it to their advantage. maybe i am going overboard but i am more cautious than my spouce. but it took me learning the hard way to learn.
And another thing i hear ppl say no dramma but what nobody tells you is how easy to get sucked into the dramma pool without even knowing it.
But the Ex B/F thing was a rule we came up with that she broke among with others we set up for ourselfs that recently have backlashed in her face in the worst way and now instead of being sad (Without sounding cocky) i can say I told her so. I believe i needed a few days to step back and look at the whole picture In fact i could use a few weeks to really look at it . I guess thats the only way to learn is trial and error .

Have you told her these things, that you are feeling left out/left behind in a lot of things, and also that you two had agreed on rules which she's broken? You need to stick up for how you feel and draw some lines. Tell her clearly that these things are NOT okay with you. You two need to renegotiate everything, come to agreements on what you will and won't do.

I think it's very normal for people to make mistakes in the first few months of going in these directions. Maybe some things have been misinterpreted, etc. It's normal (and advised) to be constantly talking about things together along the way, and renegotiating all of it as you go along. All healthy couples do this. Just keep working on it, and see if you two can't come to some agreements and set things straight between you. Best wishes.