Wife playing alone and I'm not sure I'm ok with it

[NewAndScared]

You still have not told us how you feel.

1. Horrible churning in the pit of your stomach and dizzyness.

2. Excited but feeling ashamed.

3. Used and tired.

4. Excited but left out.

?????????????????

[nexteltx]

Honestly...I do feel excited but that flickers out when I think that she may not be doing that to excite me...I'm almost absolutly sure she is doing this as a kind of excitement and for her to feel desired...I feel kinda worthless when I ask her to spend time with me...I feel that maybe I've created this monster, by bringing it up...I would feel better if I knew for certain this was something for us, not a game for her...She said she was going to take pictures...I told her to do it here so I could do the whole "closet" thing she said no...I just have a sneaking suspision that if I let her go thinking that it still is for us...I think it'll backfire something fierce...

I do appreciate all your time...I do need all the help and informatiion I can get...

One other thing...why is it that my wife with someone would interest me...what the f' is that about...

[nexteltx]

Does the pictures thing...make it for us...?

[EvilMJ]

Talk about total non communication!! Guess what you aren't swinging! Your wife is going out and having a great time without you, and then telling you about it after the fact as if that is her little get out of jail free card.

I say this time and time again, swinging is about BOTH Of you having fun, if you are not having fun, then why are you doing it!!!!

To me swinging is something that we do together, there are no long conversations with someone else in the wee hours of the morning, there are no 'dates', there are no suprise blow jobs.

You need to sit your wife down and talk to her. Tell her what you want and don't want. If you don't want her to go it alone, then tell her so, set out the ground rules. If she cannot accept you playing as a couple, then you shouldn't play at all..remember your marriage should always come first.

[NewAndScared]

I will let someone else answer the why you want someone else with your wife.

You seem to keep trying to justify her actions by assuming that you caused them. You have been manipulated into a position of submission. You have already began to doubt your worth to her and feeling sexually inferior. This is not healthy for you. You will start to become depressed and soon angry. I fear if a resolution is not found soon, we will be reading about you in the newspaper for harming her or her new “friends”.

[TeamSoBe]

Originally Posted by nexteltx

I just have a sneaking suspision that if I let her go thinking that it still is for us...I think it'll backfire something fierce...

Yes. Promote that feeling from a sinking suspicion to a confirmed likelihood. If she really is under the impression that it's exciting you and it really isn't then yes it really will backfire and it won't necessarily be her fault when that happens.

Originally Posted by nexteltx

One other thing...why is it that my wife with someone would interest me...what the f' is that about...

There's nothing wrong with that. I love my wife and I love watching my wife fuck. I love thinking about other guys wanting her. All of that is normal enough and it can be a fun and positive thing if you go about it carefully. You are so very not alone in having those feelings and there's nothing wrong with them.

[nexteltx]

Well swingers we aren't....the thing is it doesn't interest me in playing with another woman....I mean I would if she wanted that, but for me I like to see my wife be sexual....She knows this we've talked about it a million times about mfm's n' whatnot....


I'm sorry I know I must be confusing the hell outta all of you...AAAHHH

[CandPinSA]

Originally Posted by nexteltx

One other thing...why is it that my wife with someone would interest me...what the f' is that about...

Well, I don't know how to answer that for you... but for me, to be honest with you, first let me say.... neither of us are in the least willing to do anything without the other there... For me there's some safety reason for that... My wife is a very small woman (only 5') and very petite.... a midget could overpower her easily. Second we won't play alone because we agree that this for our mutual enjoyment, so if it's mutual, it needs to be done together (mutually)

As for him being with my wife (although the 3rd is primarily for me, being bi and all), I do get enjoyment from the thought of seeing her with another guy.... the reason, for me at lease, is that as I do love her with all my heart, I TRULY get very excited and happy seeing her getting all the pleasure she can... and she feels the same for me. One of the most exciting and erotic things for me is knowing how turned on she is. I love to see the one I love truly totally horney. And if a 3rd can do that for both of us... all the better. However, in your case, HE'S NOT A 3RD.... he's "the other man"... and you're not there.

C

[NewAndScared]

[quote=nexteltx]Well swingers we aren't....the thing is it doesn't interest me in playing with another woman....I mean I would if she wanted that, but for me I like to see my wife be sexual....She knows this we've talked about it a million times about mfm's n' whatnot....


I'm sorry I know I must be confusing the hell outta all of you...AAAHHH[/QUOTE

This is also an issue because of your age. You both too young. She wants to see what she missed out on. She has already run you over. Let me see if I can peg this.

She does not work or works and hourly part-time job. You work a 30K or less wage but work very hard. You are 5'8" and a little skinny. She is 5'6ish and a little heavy. She tells you when and if you go out with your friends. When she is out having her fun, you are watching the kids.......

Am I close?

[nexteltx]

I'm 25 she's 23....

[nexteltx]

Shit...! So you got me pegged...Can I curse in this forum...I'm on the verge of breaking some kinda forum rules...

So I guess the answers here in front of me...But somehow possibly couldn't this be not as bad as it seems, or I think, or you all think...

[NewAndScared]

Originally Posted by nexteltx

Shit...! So you got me pegged...Can I curse in this forum...I'm on the verge of breaking some kinda forum rules...

So I guess the answers here in front of me...But somehow possibly couldn't this be not as bad as it seems, or I think, or you all think...

I would bet at your age this is unrecoverable. You feel used and ashamed now but rightfully excited. This will turn into anger and resentment as time goes on. You will start to look for your own “friends”. This will only confuse you more because of your since of loyalty and morality. Soon the bitter fights start and she is spending more and more time away from the home. I wish I had better news but I have seen this played out many times. There are a few optimists on this site that will try to tell you that she will move away from this faze of her life. The problem is that the damage to you is already done.

[TeamSoBe]

Originally Posted by nexteltx

But somehow possibly couldn't this be not as bad as it seems, or I think, or you all think...

You never did say clearly even to us that you want her to stop. I continue to think that it means that you don't want her to stop.

You also aren't really insisting on being there, which I'm taking to mean that you enjoy the idea of her doing something away from you and then hearing about the details later.

MAN can I really really relate to that. When I was about your age my girlfriend and I lived in different zip codes and we had the same thing going on. We gave each other control by mentioning it in advance and asking permission, then we would do things separately, then the minute after it happened we'd write these long, detailed erotic stories and email them and then talk on the phone about it. It was really damned hot and we both enjoyed it. There was a time when only she was getting any and there was a time when only I was getting any, and it was all fun.

We communicated with each other a lot more clearly than the two of you. That's the part that I would suggest changing. Also stop feeling bad for enjoying everything that's happening, it's perfectly natural. There is no reason for you to feel confused about the fact that you're into it. Stop wasting time on that part of what you're feeling.

[nexteltx]

This is a confusing event for me...I like the idea of it...When it's for us, for our shits and giggles so to say...I don't like the fact that she's spending so much time into the personal side, while ignoring me it makes me feel like she considers it a relationship or some kind of attachment...

I will say that so far she has been brutally honest...I say this for the fact that I check her cell phone and computer conversations...I cannot however vouch for her telephone conversations being I'm usually at work or asleep...

And as much as I don't want to when I hear the details I won't lie it does excite me a little...Even though this isn't the exact kind of situation I had in mind and had told her about...The trouble for me is that I'm not sure this is pure sexual...If it were I wouldn't be here right now looking for advice...I'm not sure that this is for us, even though she always insists that it is...

I can't test the waters anymore...I can't hold off any longer, some action or inaction is nesscary before Saturday...I need to know what her reasons she has for this and what her objective is...

Do the pictures mean she's doing it for us...
or
Does her seemingly nonstop personal interaction with him mean it's something more...

[NewAndScared]

Last time.....If this is a troll it is a very good one. Surrender

She has a relationship with this guy. I would be more worried about what you don't know about.......