Percentage of open relationships in swinging?

[Tybee Swing]

It's our perception that most couples in the Lifestyle are the sort that are always together when engaging in play, whether in the same room, or not. They are in the same situation at the same time with the same couple/partner, even if there's a little separation between them, to some degree (perhaps a different room). In other words, we believe that there are quite a few more couples in the Lifestyle not in "open" relationships, than are.

What do you think? In your experiences, what would you guess the percentage would be of open relationships in the Lifestyle, vs. couples that play together or relatively together? My rough guess: 80% together, 20% open?

By the way, we're a couple that play together. A large part of our pleasure is in seeing the other be pleasured.

[CB_n_Red]

I wouldn't call ours an open relationship (we both always retain the power of veto over whatever we do) but both of us have played separately at times, always with couples (or parts of couples) we already know well and trust. By some people's defintion we might have an open relationship but it doesn't feel like that to us.

CB

[sexyshelby]

I think this depends on your definition of open marriage. A lot of people would consdier all swingers to be in open relationships because they have sex outside their marriage. Others, and I'm guessing most swingers, would think that open marriage implies secondary relationships, not just sex.

~SS

[Sweet_Candy]

Originally Posted by sexyshelby

I think this depends on your definition of open marriage. A lot of people would consdier all swingers to be in open relationships because they have sex outside their marriage. Others, and I'm guessing most swingers, would think that open marriage implies secondary relationships, not just sex.

~SS

Our take on this as well.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by sexyshelby

I think this depends on your definition of open marriage. A lot of people would consdier all swingers to be in open relationships because they have sex outside their marriage. Others, and I'm guessing most swingers, would think that open marriage implies secondary relationships, not just sex.

~SS

In our personal experience, we've met some people who play completely separately at times, though not necessarily in outside "relationships" - but rather, playing at on-premise clubs on nights that the hubby was away, meeting up with people separately just for fun, things like that.

Since we've met a few like this even from almost the time we first started, we thought it was somewhat common in the Lifestyle. I interpreted their way of doing this as being "open", apart from one another. Their partner was aware of what they were doing (no cheating).

[Lovinlife59912]

I wouldn't call ours an open relationship (we both always retain the power of veto over whatever we do) but both of us have played separately at times, always with couples (or parts of couples) we already know well and trust. By some people's defintion we might have an open relationship but it doesn't feel like that to us.

Being a newbie at all of this, why would you play alone? What is your partner getting out of it? I can understand maybe one having sex while the other watches because they are getting the enjoyment of seeing the other pleased but just to go by yourself and have sex with someone seems different. Hopefully this doesn't sound judgemental I'm just curious.

[sereneiders]

I gess swingers would define "open marriage" to those where one spouse is able to engage in a sexual relationship with other people without requiring the consent or the knowledge from the other.

We consider ourselves swingers (even when we engaged in polyamoral relationships) without the requirements you gave as an example (same place, same time). Ther requirement would be to know beforehand the situation and a previous agreenment about that.

[CB_n_Red]

Originally Posted by Lovinlife59912

Being a newbie at all of this, why would you play alone? What is your partner getting out of it? I can understand maybe one having sex while the other watches because they are getting the enjoyment of seeing the other pleased but just to go by yourself and have sex with someone seems different. Hopefully this doesn't sound judgemental I'm just curious.

No worries! We don't feel judged!

There have been occasions when one of us couldn't make it (work or extended family commitments) to our usual weekend retreat. Not a problem for us if the other still goes and plays. It works fine for us anyway and it does add to the variety.

CB

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by Lovinlife59912

Being a newbie at all of this, why would you play alone? What is your partner getting out of it? I can understand maybe one having sex while the other watches because they are getting the enjoyment of seeing the other pleased but just to go by yourself and have sex with someone seems different. Hopefully this doesn't sound judgemental I'm just curious.

Well, if my wife were playing with someone else on her own (with my knowledge and aproval), I get satisfaction from knowing she's enjoying that. And vice versa.

I believe your question have less to do "what each one gets out of it", and more with the subjective perception of risk each spouse would have in such an scenario. You may agree with me, theoretically, that it would be nice to allow your husband to enjoy soemthing without you being there. And for sure he does enjoy thins unrelated to sex (e.g. playing poker one evening at a week with his dudes... you hardly would even want to be there, watching, but there isn't anything able to risk your marriage there). The problem come from the uncertanity of what's going on "behind your back", from the control you'd be giving up.

I think it is a matter of confidence and trust, at these points where we lack confidence and trust, we have "to be there" to regain control of the situation, should something goes "wrong".

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by sereneiders

I think it is a matter of confidence and trust, at these points where we lack confidence and trust, we have "to be there" to regain control of the situation, should something goes "wrong".

In our case, we feel it's a matter of the turn-on factor of watching each other doing the things we do with other people. This is our #1 reason why we do same-room. We've discovered early on that we don't like to have our line of vision broken, for this reason - we love to see each other being turned-on by others. I think for some people (like us), it's just a matter of personal preference and what aspect of the scenario is the main turn-on for us.

Oh, and I totally believe in poker nights. My H often has two of those a week, when he's in a tournament. LOL

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

In our case, we feel it's a matter of the turn-on factor of watching each other doing the things we do with other people.

I appologize, I didn't meant to say that the ONLY motivation would be the one I posted, it just fit the explanation I was doing regarding the opposite question, why people would play in different rooms, once already understanding why they want to play in the same room.

If you feel it's also fun to play separately, and you don't feel there could be any potential threat for your marriage if you do so, then... why not?

Of course, it's a matter of personal taste.

[LOL_OMG]

Tybee I would agree with you here. We do this for each other and together. Maybe we could be told afterwards what it was like, but we wouldn't be there for the music, the smells, the hearing the moans...whatever. We both like seeing the flirtatious looks, the soft touches in conversations, it's a whole adventure that we share together. For us it wouldn't work to do the open "sure, go have sex hunny".

Mrs

[WesternSwing]

I think there is a definite difference in "open relationships" and "swinging". Open relationships elude to a situation where you have a primary significant other, but you act single and date as such. To me, swinging is more what you described, Tybee Swing, couples that engage in sex with others, with each other or sometimes playing alone, but always all activities are "with each other" if you know what I mean.

Mrs. WS has played alone on several occasions, and I hope she will in the future too. But the difference between this and an open relationship is she is not "dating" these other people. They meet, have sex, and she comes home, and I usually set-up the whole thing. When she gets home we have great sex together! It is more for US than it is for just HER. Make sense? To me an open relationship is more for the benefit of the individual rather than the couple.

Mr. WS

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by Lovinlife59912

Being a newbie at all of this, why would you play alone? What is your partner getting out of it? I can understand maybe one having sex while the other watches because they are getting the enjoyment of seeing the other pleased but just to go by yourself and have sex with someone seems different. Hopefully this doesn't sound judgemental I'm just curious.

There are times that it's just fun. When Mrs. WS and I play together allot of the time I find myself watching her get her groove on (which I love to do) and I find myself short-changing my partner. Playing alone, even in just seperate rooms, allows you to pay 100% attention to my partner.

What does me or Mrs. WS get out of it when either plays alone... satisfaction of the other having a great time without worrying about the other. Last weekend we were at a house party and Mrs. WS suggested I go play with a couple since this woman's fantasy was a MFM and she'd never had one. She also didn't feel much like playing that night. So she "loaned" me out for the occasion. There have also been parties we've been to when the foursome thing just isn't going to happen but one o f Mrs. WS's favorite playmates is there, so I sit and socialize while they take some time together. It makes me feel good.

Mr. WS

[Spoomonkey]

I think this board is slanted towards couples who play together (my perception anyway) but there are certainly couples who play apart comfortably.

Our experience is that it is probably more 60% play together, 40% play seperately on occassion. Mostly, in our experience, it is women who will play alone without men involved that accounts for probably half of the "playing alone" that we have seen.

We play together and only together. Playing apart would not be nearly as much fun for us. I love watching Mrs Spoo play and that energizes me to play harder - which I think benefits my playmate. Mrs Spoo likes watching me - which energizes her...

This can go on until someone gets hurt if we're not careful

Spoomonkey