Swinging Separately

[EvilMJ]

Another board member got me thinking about this subject, and after a bit of back and forth converastion between us (you know who you are ), I thought I would throw this out to the board.

I think one of the hardest things to do in swinging is find a couple that you are both compatable with. I know we have run into a multitude of situations/complications as to why one of us, or both of us do not click with a prospective couple.

It seems that the general consenus is that people generally feel that swinging separately is not a good thing, or something that people would not want to do.
We have swung separately and made it work for us, now i realize that this is not going to work for everyone. But has anyone ever considered this an option? And how have you dealt with the complication of finding a compatible couple?

I would be interested in how others have handled this....let me peek into your brains a bit.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

let me peek into your brains a bit.

There's not a thing in there for you to see...it's empty

We have discussed playing separately and I have on two occasions. Both times I knew that Ted would be around in a very short time and it was with a friend we have known for 20 years. Although it was a very good time, what I found for myself was that I missed having Ted there.

Now at house parties and socials, we do play quite a bit separately...which neither of us have a problem with, and enjoy as once we find each other in the crowd again, we're smiling and asking...So, what you been doing?

But due to the limited amount of time that we have with each other, one of us going out by ourselves is not appealing to either of us at this time. That's not to say that this won't change sometime in the future. If we have learned one thing in swinging, it's never say never .

It does take a very strong couple to be able to play separately and still keep the couple mentality...if you play separately and it's still about the couple then things should go fine and be very fun in the process.

Teresa

[BorisNatasha]

While Natasha and I have discussed just about everything you can do as a swinger, this is one of the few things we have pretty much ruled out. It seems to defeat the purpose of what we are trying to accomplish by swinging.

That said, as newbs who have yet to even go near the swingset we realize our feedback is not particularly valuable in this case.

Boris

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by BorisNatasha

That said, as newbs who have yet to even go near the swingset we realize our feedback is not particularly valuable in this case.

Boris

Everyone's input is valuable to me. This is how we started out as well, deciding not to swing separately..and yet we have changed that rule. Now this not to say we ONLY swing separately, but it is something that we have encorporated due to the problems in finding compatable couples.

[Miss_Piggy]

K and I have no problem with playing solo. In fact, I'd say that it makes up about half of the swinging-type play that we do. I dont' really know why it works for us but it does. I seem to recal that when we first discussed it we both said it was something we weren't interested in. But I don't think we'd actualyl thought about it. We just said we didn't want to try it beause we figured that's just not something people do. It's cheating. But the more we talked the more we realised that we couldn't really think of a reason why we shouldn't do it other than that people say you shouldn't. Following other people's ideas of right and wrong hadn't been too beneficial in the past so we just decided to go for it.

[curiousduo30]

Being fairly new ourselves we had agreed through some pretty deep conversations of the subject, that we would also not be comfortable swinging seperately.
However, we were just recently discussing the whole FMF and FMM situations and agreed that if we were totally comfortable with another couple together in all ways, that we would definitely consider a you scratch my back type of situation.
But again, this is still a "what if" situation for us at this point. I guess you could say we are open to suggestion when it comes to this. Since neither of us would ever swing with someone the other found to be threatening (for whatever reason) and that we both trusted, I think we definitely would give it a try.
But right now, we are still in the stage of exploring together...although, like TNT so eloquently stated, I, too have learned to never say never....lol

[bear_and_babe]

Great timing on this question! Bear went to a house party last night without me (I was sick) and by the time he got home, I was very upset. I even told him it was ok to go. But the more I thought about it I felt that swinging solo was not for us. In the past I have played with a swing partner solo, with Bear's knowledge, and I was ok with it until about a week later. To me it just felt like an affair, and that is not what we are into.

When we were in an exclusive relationship with another couple, we did play solo. The other guy and I would stay home and play an Bear and the other woman would go to a movie or whatnot. We felt ok with that.

When we go to the club or house parties, we do play separate, it is too hard to have everyone click to play with couples. But we don't feel that we are really playing "solo" in that case. We are still in the same building, we came together and we leave together.

I guess it comes down to what works for one couple may not work for another. We just have to do what we are comfortable with and right now swinging solo is not in our comfort zone.

[HornyCouple]

We agree with TNT. We can deal with playing separately on rare occasions due to circumstances but would not seek it out continually. We have had several MFM and on many occasions she has started play w/o me but i was very close by and would be joining shortly.
If we were both at a party and it happened that would be ok but again we are both close by and will enjoy hearing about the others fun.

[imsnowman]

Originally Posted by bear_and_babe

Great timing on this question! Bear went to a house party last night without me (I was sick) and by the time he got home, I was very upset. I even told him it was ok to go. But the more I thought about it I felt that swinging solo was not for us. In the past I have played with a swing partner solo, with Bear's knowledge, and I was ok with it until about a week later. To me it just felt like an affair, and that is not what we are into.

So how did you resolve your feelings? How did Bear feel about it after-the-fact?

[Olympus5246]

Originally Posted by bear_and_babe

Great timing on this question!

Being "NEWBIES" to the swinging era, we have discussed this subject and have come to what we think will work for us.

Although it may be, as stated here several times, hard to find a couple that both are confortable with, we feel that starting slow (same room - soft swap) would be best for now. So if it takes a while, then so be it. All good things are worth taking your time with, and what makes one feel confortable has the highest of priorities for us. Maybe down the road, well, who knows what will happen.

I do know that we have both been logging in and reading a lot of things here that we have been able to talk about with each other.

Heck, we even look at couples differently now when out shopping. We wonder how many people we pass everyday have/do/done swinging before/now. Its kinda interesting....off the subject here...sorry.. ...

Thanks for bringing this up ....

Cheer's

M & C

[Dolphins524]

Originally Posted by BorisNatasha

While Natasha and I have discussed just about everything you can do as a swinger, this is one of the few things we have pretty much ruled out. It seems to defeat the purpose of what we are trying to accomplish by swinging.

That said, as newbs who have yet to even go near the swingset we realize our feedback is not particularly valuable in this case.

Boris

Coming from another newbie on the scene, I have to agree w/ you. We want to watch each other as well as experience different, umm, situations together. Never can tell what may happen down the road, though. Mrs. Dolphins said she's not bi, but I'm always gonna be hopeful about that possibility . But just out of the starting gates, separate play is not an option (yet).

[WesternSwing]

You know, EvilMJ, we have recently explored playing solo. For me it is fulfilling Mrs. WS's fantasies of playing alone. I know it can be fun not having to worry if I'm having fun, etc. So I have set-up little "missions" we call them to play with others. And it's hot for me giving her this, and then she calls me the moment she gets in the car and tells me all about it, she comes home to me and we go at it like Mallard ducks in heat.

On my end of it, it has so far had nothing to do with incompatibility between me and the wife of the couple because, well, it seems that in these situations we both think the wife is hot, but the husband is not attractive to Mrs. WS. When she plays alone it is because of the above paragraph.

The idea of me playing alone turns Mrs. WS on. I haven't done it yet, but it will happen when the time is right. It's allot easier to find a guy for Mrs. WS to play solo with then a single girl for me. Mrs. WS has talked to the wife of a couple that I am really attracted to but Mrs. WS is not attracted to her husband. We have been honest with them about this, and he is okay with her playing with me solo (they also play solo on occasion). So we'll see.

Mr. WS

[bear_and_babe]

Originally Posted by imsnowman

So how did you resolve your feelings? How did Bear feel about it after-the-fact?

Like everything that has come up in the lifestyle, we talked about it. Now, I admit that talking at 3AM may not have been the best time to talk! I told Bear how I felt leftout of everything. Even though I was sick and could not go, I still felt leftout. So we decided that neither one of us will go to parties or the club alone.

[montresor]

EvilMJ -- I think it was your saying "Let me peek into your brains a bit" that did it, I now have the tiniest crush on you! Smart women who express themselves imaginatively are sooooo sexy!

Ms P and I did regular MFM threesomes for about 11 years but all the time she met with men on her own; usually had one or two guys she knew and trusted. I was working nights at the time and it was fine with me; we both recognized the practicality of the arrangement, and she was always very turned on to receive me after she'd been resoundingly boffed for an evening. A couple of years ago, she decided that she preferred one-on-one, open-relationship style, so we simply moved to that mode, with a concomitant freedom for me to continue swinging with my play pal Ms F, one on one or in ensemble settings. It seems to work well, though I'm not sure if what Ms P is doing could be called "swinging." If she and I have sex immediately afterward, which is often the case, it feels like a threesome, just done sequentially.

[northindycpl]

Originally Posted by TNT

But due to the limited amount of time that we have with each other, one of us going out by ourselves is not appealing to either of us at this time. That's not to say that this won't change sometime in the future. If we have learned one thing in swinging, it's never say never . Teresa

This is exactly how I feel. Mr. Indy and I get to go out alone maybe once a week and typically it is to the club, where we couple with other couples.

My gut feeling is that I wouldn't like it. Honestly, I would hate knowing that Mr. Indy is out without me somewhere having fun. On the flip side, I went with friends of ours to the club once without him (he was working) and I played with them a bit, and I didn't like the way it felt. I don't think he really liked it either.

What I enjoy the most is the togetherness we have. I mean all my fantasies revolve around him, and if he isn't there, it is just not happening for me.

I will also have to agree with T, I am never going to say never! There may be a magic couple that could change my mind. I think it has a lot to do with who you are with at the time, too.