Girlfriend out playing alone

[maldoror]

All,

I/we may post a proper introduction some other time, depending on how things progress. However, I did want to just spend the time to quickly say a quick thank-you to the regular posters on this site for, well, helping me feel a little more secure in things.

I'm currently sitting at home while my girlfriend is out meeting another guy who she's been interested in for a while. I'm not quite sure what they're up to, but have gradually been working on my own trust levels etc.--and with definite benefits to our own sex life etc. It's just one step on a road that may or may not go quite a way, but it's nervewracking nonetheless. And it's very useful to read postings from people on this site who seem otherwise fully 'normal', articulate, intelligent, sensitive people, since I'm sure we all know that the taboos on this kind of behaviour can be difficult to escape, even within our own brains (or stomachs!).

So, while I sit here and wait for her to come home--wish me luck, and thanks again for helping me feel a little less like a fool at home and more like someone looking for a more mature, pragmatic approach to providing happiness to the person he loves, and to himself...

[EvilMJ]

Welcome maldoror,

I was a little confused by your post. Is your girlfriend going to meet this guy as friends or is there something more planned. It sounds to me like you two have not communicated at all about swinging. This is the number one step that has to be done before any activity can take place. It seems to me like you and your girlfriend need to have a heart to heart before you go any futher.

It may also be beneficial to have her visit the board as well, perhaps reading the informaiton together.

Good luck

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by maldoror

I'm currently sitting at home while my girlfriend is out meeting another guy who she's been interested in for a while. I'm not quite sure what they're up to, but have gradually been working on my own trust levels etc.--and with definite benefits to our own sex life etc.

I don't follow you.

Tell me how your girlfriend going out with another guy--without you--who you don't seem to know anything about, nor what they're going to be up to, is typical of how swingers first approach swinging?

Some swinger couples go on playdates alone, but that is not the norm. When they do go this route, it's usually with play partners they know well.

I wonder if what you have here is not swinging, but rather an agreement to allow each other to continue dating other people.

LM

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

I wonder if what you have here is not swinging, but rather an agreement to allow each other to continue dating other people.

LM

'Open Relationship' is the first thought that entered my mind when I read maldoror's post.

There's nothing wrong with having an open relationship, maldoror, if it's an arrangement you and your wife are both comfortable with. Not many of us on the board participate in this type of relationship, so I don't know how much help we'll be... but maybe we can learn from you.

What got you two interested in seeking solo adventures? And will you be going out on excursions alone, without your wife too?

Do you have any plans to have adventures with other likeminded people together?

BTW, Welcome to the board!

[Salacious]

We're on of those "open relationship" couples. When we started dating 14 years ago she was in a relationship with another couple and had a fuck-budy. She didn't want to abandon either relationship so we made a non-monagamy agreement. Works for us. Not like we're on the prowl for someone else all the time, but if the situation arises we're both allowed to take advantage of it. We always keep each other informed of our play dates and with the exception of one time where she met someone new and felt she could trust, I personally know her partners.

We still maintain a very loving and comitted relationship. We just have some other rules.

[DBL D]

Weighing in at just over a post a day, I am not sure I qualify as a regular, but...

If you want to have the kind of relationship where you allow your GF to go out and date others is okay with you, then fine. As long as you are both open about it, I would say go for it.

It's not swinging though.

Are you interested in getting into things yourself?

Male D

[Denver2some]

Welcome, maldoror!

Okay, I'm confused by everyone's replies. When I read maldoror's post I thought "girlfriend playing solo" ... which I would consider swinging.

Perhaps maldoror will come back to this thread, and let us know what he meant. Hope so!

[maldoror]

If there's a communication problem, it's between me and this forum, rather than between me and my girlfriend.

Yes, this is/was an 'open' type of thing. Whether it constitutes 'swinging' is, I suppose, a matter of terminology; at any rate, I don't know of any 'decent' discussion fora for open relationships (at least, none that transcend being mere 'hookup' sites), and from what I've read on this site there is ample discussion of a wide range of different levels of sexual freedom. Personally, I'd consider swinging to be in the same general sphere as an 'open relationship', with, say, 'threesomes' in between and 'orgies' somewhere further out. If the distinction is particularly important to the purists, then forgive me.

But, yes, I might be interested in 'getting into things myself'; but I think that even with all of the communication in the world, these things are nonetheless a little nervewracking and, for me/us, better entered into somewhat gradually. But I do take the point about the way in which many/most on this board define 'swinging', and that's just fine--I suppose my point was that by mature discussion of what are often considered 'taboos' in a mature and enlightened fashion, there is a benefit across the board, both for those who are into full-fledged swinging and for those who aren't at that point as yet. Whether our particular approach is 'how swingers normally approach things' doesn't especially matter to me; in fact, the idea seems strange to me that there should be one 'true path' towards an area of sexuality that many people consider at least unusual.

Cheers,
--m

[maldoror]

...incidentally, I don't usually type as though I were Doctor Evil making little 'quote signs' in the air...

[Vespertine]

The wonderful thing about this board is that the members are so diverse. We can all learn from eachother. Swinger, single, those in an Open relationship... the common ground is that we are all 'open' in exploring our sexuality.

This is a place where we can all share our thoughts, questions and experiences. A place where alternative lifestyles of consenting adults is the common ground.

I, for one, am very glad you've joined us maldoror.


P.S.
I am also a fan of "Dr. Evil".

[Salacious]

Originally Posted by DBL D

Are you interested in getting into things yourself?

Male D

I am not looking. Have been a couple situations where the couple we swing with plays separately and have done separate there. Not our mainstream play, just an occassional extra.

[Salacious]

Maldoror, How have the two of you arrived at this point? Do you have discussion about her adventures when she comes back home? We always talk about it before (she asks if it's ok with me) and after cause I want to know if she had a good time.

We are off into the fringes for this group.

[nashcpl123]

I won't be offering my opinion in this reply, so much as relating our experience with playing alone. We began our swinging career by meeting just couples and everything went swimmingly with that. Neither of us was opposed to playing alone, should the right set of circumstances present themselves...but they did not early on. In September, one of our very good friends had to leave town for a month for business. She hated to leave her s/o alone for that time without anyone to play with, so my wife and I talked about it and we agreed that she would give playing alone with him a try. It went fine and the two of them had fun, but she decided it was not as enjoyable as playing as a couple. However, she still gave me permission to try it should I ever want to. That time came just before this Christmas. A different couple whom we know well had a special request. The hubby in that couple wanted to give his wife a threesome (mfm) as a sort of 'present'. They had never done that before and they asked me to participate. I did so, and enjoyed myself very much...but it was lacking. So, long story not so short...we have decided to just stick with playing together and not play alone anymore. Just one couple's experiences.