Incapacitated Partner

[CB_n_Red]

It's close to home here as well. I have psoriatic arthritis which will eventually put me in a wheelchair. Probably won't happen soon, so our discussions on what happens when have been pretty general and inconclusive. I wouldn't want Red to stop having her fun though!

CB

[mrs good times]

If I were incapacitated I would want Mr. to find someone to enjoy sex with. I think sex is an essential need for most and I would want him to be happy and satisfied. I can image the frustration of day to day living with someone with a disability and the care they require so why not allow my partner the pleasure of sex. I love him and trust him so I would want to give him as much happiness as I possibley could.

[MrsBliss]

I would give my husband the opportunity to have sex with someone else. I love him, trust him and I know I have to offer more to him than just sex.

I am not sure if I myself would find any need to have sex with someone else. I honestly don't think he would want me to ahve sex with someone else, but I am not sure.

[tazzie_n_truck]

If something were to happen to one of us where we were unable to have sex, we would want the other to be happy, and yes sex would be something that would be included in that happiness. Granted yes it is a very touchy subject. But this is something we have both talked about alot, and we agreed we would want each other to be happy.

[willyoats]

Two anecdotes:

When my wife went through menopause, there was a while when she could not tolerate penetration. For a couple of years she was OK with my having intercourse with other women. Finally she got the hormones straightened out and we went back to our old happy lovemaking.

Once at a house party, I met a woman who didn't want to play with anybody because she was recovering from a recent mastectomy. With her permission, her husband was off with as many other women as would have him. I sat and chatted with her for a long time and discovered that she was a truly delightful creature who was (in my opinion) unnecessarily shy about what she thought was her "disfigurement." After a while, I convinced her that it wouldn't bother me a bit, and we got a room. She still didn't want intercourse, and the area where the breast had been removed was still very tender. Nevertheless, we had a really delightful time schmoozing and cuddling and playing with each other. She had given her husband permission to play alone because she thought she was incapacitated. She finally gave herself permission to play in spite of her perceived incapacity. I will be forever greatful that she did. She was so sweet.

[athenagirl]

Originally Posted by willyoats

Two anecdotes:

When my wife went through menopause, there was a while when she could not tolerate penetration. For a couple of years she was OK with my having intercourse with other women. Finally she got the hormones straightened out and we went back to our old happy lovemaking.

Once at a house party, I met a woman who didn't want to play with anybody because she was recovering from a recent mastectomy. With her permission, her husband was off with as many other women as would have him. I sat and chatted with her for a long time and discovered that she was a truly delightful creature who was (in my opinion) unnecessarily shy about what she thought was her "disfigurement." After a while, I convinced her that it wouldn't bother me a bit, and we got a room. She still didn't want intercourse, and the area where the breast had been removed was still very tender. Nevertheless, we had a really delightful time schmoozing and cuddling and playing with each other. She had given her husband permission to play alone because she thought she was incapacitated. She finally gave herself permission to play in spite of her perceived incapacity. I will be forever greatful that she did. She was so sweet.

Awww... you are so sweet. What a lucky woman who got to play with you.
Athenagirl

[IvoryTowers]

Originally Posted by willyoats

Two anecdotes:

When my wife went through menopause, there was a while when she could not tolerate penetration. For a couple of years she was OK with my having intercourse with other women. Finally she got the hormones straightened out and we went back to our old happy lovemaking.

Once at a house party, I met a woman who didn't want to play with anybody because she was recovering from a recent mastectomy. With her permission, her husband was off with as many other women as would have him. I sat and chatted with her for a long time and discovered that she was a truly delightful creature who was (in my opinion) unnecessarily shy about what she thought was her "disfigurement." After a while, I convinced her that it wouldn't bother me a bit, and we got a room. She still didn't want intercourse, and the area where the breast had been removed was still very tender. Nevertheless, we had a really delightful time schmoozing and cuddling and playing with each other. She had given her husband permission to play alone because she thought she was incapacitated. She finally gave herself permission to play in spite of her perceived incapacity. I will be forever greatful that she did. She was so sweet.

That second story is amazingly sweet! How kind and loving of you to take the time to make her feel sexy and wanted!

We haven't faced this issue, so this is theoretical, but we have talked about it and our answer is YES OF COURSE! Swinging is something we do together to enhance our lives and our relationship, true. But sex is a wonderful and important part of life and we wouldn't want to deny each other that if one of us was incapacitated.

[ncmd_couple]

Originally Posted by willyoats

Two anecdotes:

When my wife went through menopause, there was a while when she could not tolerate penetration. For a couple of years she was OK with my having intercourse with other women. Finally she got the hormones straightened out and we went back to our old happy lovemaking.

Once at a house party, I met a woman who didn't want to play with anybody because she was recovering from a recent mastectomy. With her permission, her husband was off with as many other women as would have him. I sat and chatted with her for a long time and discovered that she was a truly delightful creature who was (in my opinion) unnecessarily shy about what she thought was her "disfigurement." After a while, I convinced her that it wouldn't bother me a bit, and we got a room. She still didn't want intercourse, and the area where the breast had been removed was still very tender. Nevertheless, we had a really delightful time schmoozing and cuddling and playing with each other. She had given her husband permission to play alone because she thought she was incapacitated. She finally gave herself permission to play in spite of her perceived incapacity. I will be forever greatful that she did. She was so sweet.

Karma is a powerful thing, and you earned some major points with her. I am so glad that you enjoyed your time with her and helped her feel like a woman again, cared about, touched, cuddled. Good for you!!!!

S

[WeDive]

Originally Posted by CanadianCouple

Many couples within the swinging lifestyle are adament about always swinging together, no exceptions. In fact, we're one of them.

However, if one partner were to become physically incapable of having sex, due to illness, paralysis etc., would that partner give their spouse permission to seek physical gratification outside the marriage, provided it was done discreetly?

We've discussed it here, and the answer is yes. Just wondered how others who never seperate felt about it.

Dan

This is an interesting hypothetical, but no possible way for us to answer it honestly.

Since today we'd be discussing it without the trauma and emotion that would go along with having one of us incapacitated, its not framed in the same decision making environment. Therefore it would be impossible to tell if what we discussed today would be the same when we really went through that scenario.

We know some men that swing without spousal/partner permission (cheat). At least a couple of them have indicated partner incapacitation (due to accident or illness) as the reason. They all have said they wouldn't/couldn't tell their partner because it would crush them emotionally. We know this is not the scenario you are asking about, but it might give a glimpse into the psyche of the incapacitated spouse, in some instances.

That being said, our involvement in the LS and the emphasis we've put on communication because of it could only help us as we navigated through a situation like partner incapacitation.

[LFM2]

Of course Dave and I both discussed this one. We believe we'd both say an emphatic YES to this question. We both got into swinging a few years ago to enhance our already wonderful life, and we both know it's a selfless gift that we gave each other. Why wouldn't we want to still see our partner happy? There would be no reason to take that gift away.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi..._needs.svg.png

When I read this, I thought of Abraham Maslow, who many of you know. He's also my favorite psychologist who has a theory of a "Hierarchy of Needs" (picture is above) in his paper called, "Theory of Human Motivation". He includes sex as a physiological need in this hierarchy. I happen to agree. I think sex is just as important as air, food, sleep, as well as breathing. It's one of the most basic needs we have. It's true that most people can do without sex and they do fine, but who really wants to go without sex? I don't and I know Dave doesn't. It's still a gift that I would bestow upon him and him upon me.

[crazinred]

Well this hits close to home for us also. Male half here I already suffer from ED, Diabetes and Arthritis. So erections are few and far between so with Reds strong sexual desires, I can't come close to fulfilling them. This is how we where able to start this lifestyle. Even with my problems I still have a very strong sex drive. Now I get to enjoy sex with Red while she enjoys it with others. Currently we only play together and really enjoy it. I hope to never be to the point I can't in some way play if its nothing more then with my tongue. With my body slowly giving to the arthritis I keep learning new ways to play. We now are trying the trimix injection to enable myself to get an erection. It works but still not 100% results and sometimes not good effects on myself. As they say erection that last more then 4 hours are not good and they are correct at that.
I have just recently went through hip replacement surgery and after that we started the lifestyle. I am more active now that I am healed but still nowhere near being able to keep up with Red. I really do enjoy seeing her with others both male and female. I do participate as much as I can and hope to for along time yet. As far as her playing alone I am sure it will happen sometime sooner than later but right now we are doing great the way it is. But in the future I still hope to enjoy her even if its no more then hearing about whats she has been doing with others.

[SW_MS_CPL]

Interesting subject, and timely too. I recently was hospitalised for a few days with congestive heart failure. I'm doing much better now, taking my meds, and no, it hasn't affected our sex life yet. In the event that it does eventually, I would have no problem allowing my wife to have "discrete" relationships to fulfil her physical needs. If the situation were reversed, she would allow me to do the same.

Hopefully this is a problem we never have to deal with.

[Cpl2share]

Damned tough question. Kind of. On three occasions Mrs. Cpl has been incapacitated sexually for a period of time (about 9 months each time). The most recent time was after we "got into the LS". That time she did give me permission to go play. I did not play. I felt that it would not be right. On her end of things it was very admirable, but I do still have a hand. From my perspective: We both knew how long (within a couple of weeks) she would be out of commision, I do still have a hand. Would I make the same choice if I did not know how long she would be recovering? Can't say, haven't been there. But I do know this: If it was a permenant loss of one of our organs (vagina or penis) there are still ways to please your partner, and I would make every attempt to continue to please her whenever possible. Barring that, I would send her out to find satisfaction elswhere. I already do that with other things, I don't get jelous if she want to eat at a restaurant instead of havign a PBJ at home.

[Begood03]

I have already told my wife that if anything happened to me to cause me to be incapable of sex, she should find ways to get her needs taken care of. I think it would be selfish to react any other way.

[Zumbudy]

This is one that started a LONG conversation with the Mrs's, she has Ovarian cysts that will "disable" her for 2-3 months at a time sexually. It lead to us deciding that the swinger lifestyle might work for us. When she is able I want her to truly enjoy herself and explore all her fantasies, and when she is out of commission I have the option to satisfy my needs. So far we have had difficulty actually connecting with singles or couples, we live in a more rural area with less opportunities to pursue our pleasures, but just having everything open and having come to an understanding alone has made our relationship that much stronger.