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  1. #1
    Here to Stay mikeswinger56's Avatar
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    Default Not without me.

    How many couples cringe at the idea of seperate swinging.?

  2. #2
    BnD
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    Default Re: Not without me.

    Doris here.

    We thought we would until we tried it. I think with the right couple for your first time, having the ability to focus on your play partner can be a wonderful experience. That said, Boris and I love our pile of bodies. :-)

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Not without me.

    I don't particularly cringe at the prospect of a separate room swap, but that may be because I'm poly (open to other relationships outside of my marriage) and not jealous at all (I don't need to watch my wife with someone else to assuage fear).

    That being said, because my wife and I haven't swapped at all and are exploring together, we both agree that we'd prefer to be together if it does happen—a shared experience does a great deal to reduce complications afterward. Unless I care very deeply about the person I'm playing with, I expect most of my pleasure would come from watching my wife enjoy herself, making a same-room swap an ideal situation. I don't think I'd even necessarily have to be involved to feel good about it. Such is the power of compersion, I suppose.

  4. #4
    Swingers Board Addict Tia Vampire's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not without me.

    We will not play without each other, but seperate room play is ok with the both of us. Depending on the play partner, I rather play in seperate room. By this I mean, I have a play partner that is into the kinky stuff. When he is at a party, my fiance already know i'm going to want to be with him. He is to rough for my fiance's taste, but don't mind us being together because he know he does it just the way I like. This is someone that my fiance and I both know. It would not be that way with just some random stranger.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Not without me.

    When we started our "rule" was we play together in the same room. After several experiences we were with a new couple that play separately and we gave it a try. Now we will go with either option, depeding on the situation. For me (male half) there are some things about separate rooms that I find better, less distracting especially.

    As far as swinging totally separately we have not ventured in to that. We have discussed it and if the opportunity came up we would be ok with say going to a friend's house party solo. There have been times were we have gone to a meet and greet (with swing friends) on our own, when the other could not make it. Though even in our vanilla life we will do things on our own if only one of us is free.

  6. #6
    two wordsmiths BigNikki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not without me.

    Big Nikki here.

    I see -- John and I both see -- both sides of it. Although we do a lot separately (personal lovers, cruising; also separate activities at a play party) we both feel like we're in it together.

    On an emotional, relationship level, we're joined at the hip, always doing it together.

    If John has an evening out, cruising or meeting with a lover, in a dreamlike way I'm along with him. Think caveman goes out to hunt, cavewoman waits at home but in thought always connected to her man. (John cruises in the evening more than I because I have to work a lot of nights.)

    I'm not sure I'm explaining this well.

    We understand those who won't play separately and I'd even say that in spirit and in heart we are one of you. Be we found a way always feel like we're together in a way that makes it possible to play apart.

    We're joined at the hip, by a very elastic band.

    Does that make any sense? Hope so; otherwise ignore this pose.

    -- Big Nikki
    I'm not orthogonal, but I am oblique

  7. #7
    Swingers Board Addict MsGoneWild's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not without me.

    My fiancee and I swing and are in an open relationship so we have a lot of interesting dynamics going on. We both usually have 1-2 OTHER partners than ourselves.

    However, we are the primary relationship and have rules in place to make sure boundaries are respected, everyone knows whats going on, etc. It has been years in the making and I've never felt more sexually gratified and fulfilled.

    It's not for everyone, it wasn't even for us at first. When we first started swinging we were SAME ROOM only (full swap but same room) and the idea of being separated mortified us. However, over time, it became apparent that either we had wants, thoughts or desires that we couldn't satisfy for each other; ie; he is a bisexual man and no matter how hard I try I don't have a penis, so there was no way he could experience that with me. The real trigger item was BDSM which he was VERY interested in and I wasn't.

    Should my lack of interest in a certain fetish be the end of my partners interest in it? He found a mentor who he loves and trusts and they had a beautiful thing going on (it's on hold because of things going on in her personal life but now we are perusing Kink together, and I'm getting my poor vanilla boyfriend interested in all this stuff as well. I think it's been interesting for him too).

  8. #8
    Just a hick Okie Alura's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not without me.

    We tried separate swinging early in our marriage and discarded the idea as boring. Neither of us found it "thrilling." From that time on we played together or not at all.

    We considered "separate rooms" to be playing together since we were both doing it at the same time.

    Alura
    "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it."
    —Will Rogers

  9. #9
    Swap Meet Enthusiast Dont.Stop's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not without me.

    After doing both, we are moving back toward same room. When the trust is right we will do separate, but we did get into this to watch each other give and receive pleasure.

    And it's awful tough to do that four way play when there is a wall between the couples.
    You say "oral fixation" like it's a bad thing!

  10. #10
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    Default

    We have a different opinion on this, right now the wife has a boy toy she hooks up with (he is single) and we viewed this as a step into the lifestyle of swinging. We have a lot of interst in going to the next step which will be different room swap as it seems more comfortable to us, then we might explore a same room swap experience.

    It has been somewhat difficult to find a couple that does seperate room, but we are continuing to look.

    Sent from my Droid using Tapatalk

  11. #11
    two wordsmiths BigNikki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not without me.

    Big Nikki here.
    Quote Originally Posted by Alura View Post
    We tried separate swinging early in our marriage and discarded the idea as boring.Alura
    That's the thing right there. Just substitute anything between the words "We tried" and "discarded the idea as boring" and you have one of the essences of swinging.

    One couple's thrill is another's bore. It really doesn't matter what you happen to put in the middle.

    -- Big Nikki
    I'm not orthogonal, but I am oblique

  12. #12
    Swingers Board Addict Coupleerotic22's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not without me.

    When I initially read the post, I read it as swinging separately not separate room.

    We certainly do not cringe at the thought of either swinging separately or separate room. In fact, we do not cringe at much about the lifestyle, we either play that way or we don't, to each his own. The things that make us cringe is when people in the LS so things that give swinging a bad name or when non-swingers go on and on about the vices of swinging and condemn others for their lifestyle.

    As for separate room, we do both based on the other couple. Separate and same room both have advantages and disadvantages, and we enjoy them both.

    The Mrs. played alone when I was sidelined with surgery, and I have a hall pass anytime I want, but it has as yet remained unused. We have certainly considered separate play more frequently based on sitter issues and availability. At parties we also play "uncoupled" simply because we are comfortable with it and it increases the opportunity for play not having to find a four way match.

    The bottom line is that it works for some couples and not for others. If you are comfortable with it, have trust and communications, if safety is not an issue (in a given situation), if you both have fun and it fits your style of play, then go for it. If for what ever reason, it is not your cup of tea, then simply don't do it. Swinging is a wonderfully democratic activity.
    "So let us begin anew - remembering on both sides that civility is not a sign of weakness” JFK

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Not without me.

    Quote Originally Posted by BigNikki View Post
    Big Nikki here.

    I see -- John and I both see -- both sides of it. Although we do a lot separately (personal lovers, cruising; also separate activities at a play party) we both feel like we're in it together.

    On an emotional, relationship level, we're joined at the hip, always doing it together.

    If John has an evening out, cruising or meeting with a lover, in a dreamlike way I'm along with him. Think caveman goes out to hunt, cavewoman waits at home but in thought always connected to her man. (John cruises in the evening more than I because I have to work a lot of nights.)

    I'm not sure I'm explaining this well.

    We understand those who won't play separately and I'd even say that in spirit and in heart we are one of you. Be we found a way always feel like we're together in a way that makes it possible to play apart.

    We're joined at the hip, by a very elastic band.

    Does that make any sense? Hope so; otherwise ignore this pose.

    -- Big Nikki
    Wow. Awesome post. I think this describes my wife and I. Honestly, I can't even imagine going back to "swinging" where we have to go on couples dates and/or find 4 way matches at parties. I would rather be monogamous. Seriously. Don't get me wrong, we love it when we can find another couple where the chemistry is right for everybody, but for use that's really hard to find.

    There is a separate set of challenges that go with separate play. The biggest, I think, is the fact that it will almost always be easier for the wife to play separately. While I can get outside partners if I put in the effort. all my wife has to do is answer 1 out of four emails on OKStupid. This can be frustrating, not because I CAN'T find other partners, but because I have to work harder to find them. Then, once you find them, they go out and find vanilla boyfriends and turn monogamous. Then you gotta start hunting again.

  14. #14
    two wordsmiths BigNikki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not without me.

    Big Nikki here.
    Quote Originally Posted by EaSeCouple View Post
    There is a separate set of challenges that go with separate play.
    There is a separate set of challenges that go with each kind of play. And the biggest challenges go with simply being in the lifestyle; or with just being slutty and still loving your spouse.

    Do you ever envy vanillas? And the simple linearity of their lives?

    Sometimes I look forward to whenever my voracious appetite dies down and I can own more of my time. And own my body too.

    -- Big Nikki
    I'm not orthogonal, but I am oblique

  15. #15
    Just a hick Okie Alura's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not without me.

    By "swinging separately" my mind was on a time when Mrs. Alura met a hot guy and told me she'd like to fuck him. The next time I was out of town on business, she did.

    We hoped it would be hot when she told me about it but she found little noteworthy to tell. It was boring. Another thing that caused us to discard the idea was that he couldn't get his mind around what we were doing, and he didn't want to stop fucking her when she told him it would be that one time only. He wasn't a serious problem, but more than she wanted to deal with.

    Couples were a lot more fun, we found out shortly after that, and talking about the event afterward kept us hot for each other for some time.

    Alura
    "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it."
    —Will Rogers

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