Swing together or separate issues

[BoxerCouple]

My wife and I have been married for less than 5 years. In that time we have had swinging experiences with one couple that was in the same room. This was about 3 years ago. We loved it and involved full swap and girl on girl.

Now I personally would like to swing together, in the same room either MFM or MFMF.

However, she would like to swing with a male, separately without me there, and tell me about it later. We are at a standstill. This is a male she has known for over 10 years. Although it turns me on to talk about it while we are in bed together, it still kinda makes me nervous. Can I get any thoughts??

[SW_PA_Couple]

Until a came to the part where I read that she has known this guy for ten years, I was all ready to say, hey, you ought to let her do it. I only know what is on the surface -- what you have presented here -- but doing it with someone whom she has known for ten years makes it sound like something more than casual and, consequently, having the potential for trouble.

How long have you known the guy and how much do you know about him?

[sweet_tna]

Hmmm . . . In what capacity have you known this guy? If he's an ex or a coworker, I'd suggest you look elsewhere for that solo experience. If he's an old friend, would it be worth the potential risk to the friendship to approach him about this? And is she only wanting to play solo with this guy, or is it the idea in and of itself that appeals to her? Is it this guy in particular that gives you pause, or the idea of her playing without you?

Fantasies are great, but there is a huge difference between fantasy and reality. Only you and your wife can decide whether this is one of those fantasies that should be realized. I hope I've given you some things to think about. If you have the answers to the questions I've asked, I could perhaps give you a little more specific advice.

Best of luck to you,

=)

[N&G]

Originally Posted by BoxerCouple

Now I personally would like to swing together, in the same room either MFM or MFMF.

However, she would like to swing with a male, separately without me there, and tell me about it later. We are at a standstill. This is a male she has known for over 10 years. Although it turns me on to talk about it while we are in bed together, it still kinda makes me nervous. Can I get any thoughts??

You say that you want to swing together but she wants to play alone so what is there for you other than a fantasy that probably won't last long. Are you allowed to play alone or is it going to be one sided? I am suspicious when someone wants to play alone and already has the partner picked out. Maybe she already knows her friend a lot better than you think.

If both of you are not on the same page it is a recipe for trouble and I would not be agreeable to it but that's just my opinion.

[slevin]

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

Hmmm . . . In what capacity have you known this guy? If he's an ex or a coworker, I'd suggest you look elsewhere for that solo experience. If he's an old friend, would it be worth the potential risk to the friendship to approach him about this? And is she only wanting to play solo with this guy, or is it the idea in and of itself that appeals to her? Is it this guy in particular that gives you pause, or the idea of her playing without you?

Fantasies are great, but there is a huge difference between fantasy and reality. Only you and your wife can decide whether this is one of those fantasies that should be realized. I hope I've given you some things to think about. If you have the answers to the questions I've asked, I could perhaps give you a little more specific advice.

Best of luck to you,

=)

That is a great point and I am curious about what both of you are thinking. I am curious what she would say if you told her:

"I am excited for you to go play solo, but I am uncomfortable with you doing that with this guy. Why don't we try and find someone else online that you're attracted to and see how it goes?"

If she tries to talk you into her seeing this old friend, or gets pissed at you, or drops the idea altogether then I'd be worried. If your communication is very good and you know she'll tell you the truth then you can ask her outright rather than the subtle way I've posed here. From your perspective though, are you comfortable with her playing alone in general? Is it just this one guy that concerns you (as sweet wondered)?

[BoxerCouple]

Well, the guy she knows is a past b/f from high school. She has probably only seen him 4 times in the last 10 years...but is highly attracted to him. She has stated numerous times to me that she becomes more attracted to guys when she knows them, not just a dinner and drinks sort of thing. We talked about it a lot over the past week and she would like to try oral only with him, but no sex. Thoughts?

[Coupleerotic22]

Originally Posted by BoxerCouple

Well, the guy she knows is a past b/f from high school. She has probably only seen him 4 times in the last 10 years...but is highly attracted to him. She has stated numerous times to me that she becomes more attracted to guys when she knows them, not just a dinner and drinks sort of thing. We talked about it a lot over the past week and she would like to try oral only with him, but no sex. Thoughts?

Red flags, flares, warning sirens. An ex seems like a really bad idea.

My wife has told me she would enjoy seeing me with one ex in particular and I no longer have any emotional ties to her (the ex that is), but even with that, it just seems like there would be too much potential for problems, so I nixed the idea.

Swinging with someone that you once had strong emotional bond with seems like a recipe for disaster. Even if you are completely convinced your wife could do it without getting emotionally involved, you cannot tell about him. And the fact she wants to do it AND alone just makes it that much more likely she could already have an emotional bond.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by BoxerCouple

Well, the guy she knows is a past b/f from high school. She has probably only seen him 4 times in the last 10 years...but is highly attracted to him. She has stated numerous times to me that she becomes more attracted to guys when she knows them, not just a dinner and drinks sort of thing. We talked about it a lot over the past week and she would like to try oral only with him, but no sex. Thoughts?

My thoughts include "oral only", if presented as an implied promise or some kind of rule, will only frustrate your wife, the high-school boyfriend and you. I would think that you either trust her doing "the wild thing" with this guy or not. If you have a feeling that you will be "left out", not good. If you gain the feeling that this is something along the road to "the swing lifestyle", than OK.

[jodi]

it sounds like she is very curious about what it would be like to have sex with him again. i have swung seperately with my ex husband. he also did, but he wasn't really into the wife. i was very into the husband. we were new into swinging. i wanted to continue and he didn't. we did stop and i was furious and crying for quite a while.

honestly, i would say wait if you can. another opportunity will surely arise. she is looking out for her own satisfaction which is fine, but where does that leave you? she might not like this if the shoe was on the other foot. e.g. if there was a woman that you've known for a long time and really wanted to have sex with. you have good character i.m.o. for thinking about this tho. good luck.

[Coupleerotic22]

Originally Posted by BoxerCouple

Well, the guy she knows is a past b/f from high school.

For reference:

Top 10 Stupid Things to Do in Swinging

[socolais]

I think most of the guidance you'll get here is that the odds are generally against this working out well in the long run. Only you two have enough details to make a rational decision. It is quite possible this encounter could be a wonderful thing for all three of yall.

You mention restricting the activities to oral only, I'm with SW_PA_Couple, it sounds like you're not really into this. If you do decide to go ahead with this (with whatever restrictions) I suggest that you all three get together and gradually work toward a solution that everyone can be excited about. If you don't have his respect, I think you shouldn't share your wife with him.

[PTTimeDC]

Originally Posted by BoxerCouple

My wife and I have been married for less than 5 years. In that time we have had swinging experiences with one couple that was in the same room. This was about 3 years ago. We loved it and involved full swap and girl on girl.

Now I personally would like to swing together, in the same room either MFM or MFMF.

However, she would like to swing with a male, separately without me there, and tell me about it later. We are at a standstill. This is a male she has known for over 10 years. Although it turns me on to talk about it while we are in bed together, it still kinda makes me nervous. Can I get any thoughts??

If you're not cool with it, DON'T do it. Maybe you two can figure out why you're not comfortable and you two can work together to address that. I, personally think it's hot and want my wife to do it---and she has. It can be very hot when there is trust in the relationship. But it's all about trust, trust, trust.

[PTTimeDC]

Originally Posted by BoxerCouple

Well, the guy she knows is a past b/f from high school. She has probably only seen him 4 times in the last 10 years...but is highly attracted to him. She has stated numerous times to me that she becomes more attracted to guys when she knows them, not just a dinner and drinks sort of thing. We talked about it a lot over the past week and she would like to try oral only with him, but no sex. Thoughts?

My opinion: BAD idea. The fact you're asking others for advice tells me you're not cool with this for some reason---that's your gut talking---follow it.

Plus, a hard cock in her mouth from a guy she's highly attracted to is an easy road towards full-on sex. Are you ready for that contingency?

[MacNfries]

BoxerCouple, its got to work for both of you or not work at all. This goes both ways ... what do you think her opinion would be of you privately seeing old girlfriends? What would she do if an old girlfriend contacted you and wanted to see you, privately? I've never seen sex stop at oral sex when oral sex was applied in the proper way & time. I've landed my share of the ladies that initially didn't want to have sex (intercourse), until I convinced them that I would do oral ONLY ... once they popped a few orgasms, however, they were pulling me on top of 'em.

I'd watch this situation a little more closely. If she's got the desire to see him, however, if you don't let her, she may cuckold you. You know her better than anyone. Do you feel if you tell her NOT to see the guy, she won't? Only problem with her seeing him behind your back is ... if it happens once ... it could become a relationship problem. Sex is fine & good until emotional involvement crops its head up ... good luck. Mac

[Rakesh_Tiku]

Originally Posted by BoxerCouple

My wife and I have been married for less than 5 years. In that time we have had swinging experiences with one couple that was in the same room. This was about 3 years ago. We loved it and involved full swap and girl on girl.

Now I personally would like to swing together, in the same room either MFM or MFMF.

However, she would like to swing with a male, separately without me there, and tell me about it later. We are at a standstill. This is a male she has known for over 10 years. Although it turns me on to talk about it while we are in bed together, it still kinda makes me nervous. Can I get any thoughts??

Namrata (wife) have been married for over a decade and a half. We have always been swing together MFM and MFF. I would find out the reason why she wants to swing alone and with this particular guy. Maybe there is something she likes but is embarrassed about sharing.