Wifey thinks it's my turn

[New2swinging225]

Hi guys, this is my first post... be gentle

Quite a few months back, my wife went out with a friend to go clubbing, and bring a guy back to a hotel room with them. All was arranged before hand between the three of us, and as we had never done anything like this before, I asked her friend (whom we had had threesomes with before) to protect my wife, and bring the guy back together. Though it didn't happen as I had suggested, our friend kept my wife safe, and found her a fun playmate for the night, both kept me in the loop via texts, and a fun time was had by all... I must have cum three or four times just wondering what they were doing at any given time!

Months have gone by, and I suggested to my wife that she go out and do it again, but she is quite addament that it is my turn for a one night stand. Though I have no problem with this in theory, here is my concern:
I was no good at picking up women before I was married, and now that I have'nt been trying to score in over five years (except in swinging environments), I am wondering where to start. Where is the best place to pick up a woman for a one night stand? Do I wear my wedding band, or take it off? What else do I need to consider? Help? Anyone?

[two4youinswva]

It is going to be a challenge for you as a male going solo, no matter your pickup talents. That's just the way it is.

I think that staying honest is the only way to go. So, don't remove your ring. If you are asked about it, tell the truth. It is going to freak out some folks, as they can't wrap their head around an open marriage situation. As far as how to work it as a single man, I'm afraid I am not much help with this. We work as a team, and rely on each other to make a connection.

Can I ask you why the two of you are going to regular clubs, and not a swing club? Looking at the club listings on here, there appears to be an active club in Calgary, with a nice website, and an event this coming weekend. Calgary Adult Playground Club
I'd think the two of you would be more successful in this venue.

Good luck!

[Pleasure King]

I have a similar situation with my girlfriend wanting me to have my turn. We go to a club each week where she normally plays with a number of men with me present and enjoying every minute of it. She wants the roles reversed to have a FMF or more for me. Even in a swing club I suck at picking up women. Being a soft-spoken introverted male only accentuates my difficulty. I'm cordial and pleasant to all I meet but I don't seem to have that certain something that makes a woman/couple view me as a fun play partner. Sorry that I don't have any advice to give. Just know that you're not alone in your development in the lifestyle.

[funat40]

We're in sort of the same situation as well. All I can say is: best of luck! It is SO much easier for women in the lifestyle than it is for men. There's no comparison. At all.

I sucked at picking up women as a single guy, and it's not like I've had a lot of practice over the past 20 years, so whatever "skills" I ever owned in that area have only further eroded since then!

Re. the wedding ring question, there is a very interesting thread somewhere on this board that debates whether married guys playing separately are better off wearing the ring and "pretending" to be cheating on their wives. The consensus seems to be that women prefer married men who are cheating to those who are in open marriages.

[New2swinging225]

"Can I ask you why the two of you are going to regular clubs, and not a swing club?"
( GRRRRRR, I can't figure out this quote thing!!!!!!!!!!!)

We actually are members of Calgary Adult Playground Club, but this is an experience that seems like it suits a regular club more than our swinging hang out. I think my wife almost thinks of this as a game in being successful in picking up a stranger, though I think the odds are stacked in her favour. It seems like it would be cheating to go to CAPC with this ( in the game, not my wife )

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by New2swinging225

"Can I ask you why the two of you are going to regular clubs, and not a swing club?"
( GRRRRRR, I can't figure out this quote thing!!!!!!!!!!!)

When you do figure it out, you get a free month's membership to swingersboard.
There's a couple ways to do it. The easiest is to click on the "QUOTE" button at the bottom left of each post, then trim out the parts you don't want quoted.

We actually are members of Calgary Adult Playground Club, but this is an experience that seems like it suits a regular club more than our swinging hang out. I think my wife almost thinks of this as a game in being successful in picking up a stranger, though I think the odds are stacked in her favour. It seems like it would be cheating to go to CAPC with this ( in the game, not my wife )

Gotcha. I see where you're coming from. Thanks for the clarification.

[Edison Carter]

Susan here:

If a woman yells out loud in a bar," I'm married and who wants to take me to a hotel and fuck me ?" there will be a stampede.

If a man yells out loud in a bar,"I'm married and who wants to come to my hotel room and fuck ?" you will hear crickets.

[RDfnd]

Although we might like to oblige, as men we just can't compete in that way. Seems to be common knowledge. Makes me wonder why some women would even raise the issue. There might be some other issues at work here.

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by Edison Carter

Susan here:

If a woman yells out loud in a bar," I'm married and who wants to take me to a hotel and fuck me ?" there will be a stampede.

If a man yells out loud in a bar,"I'm married and who wants to come to my hotel room and fuck ?" you will hear crickets.

Truer words were never written

There is one element to the OP, that has been escaping the topics folks..

Guys, if you were out at a club or bar, or pub or hell a supermarket, and had a chance to go back to a HOTEL room with TWO women, would you refuse?

The idea of it being your turn for a one night stand is a great in theory, but reality is, the same as in a swinging situation, Women hold all the cards.. Unless you are smooth, and a Brad Pitt stand in, its not a "sure thing"

Besides which as I was pointing to, Your wife went out with a "wingman"

[Newpants]

Originally Posted by New2swinging225

I was no good at picking up women before I was married, and now that I have'nt been trying to score in over five years (except in swinging environments), I am wondering where to start.

I'd be willing to bet good money most of the guys on this board sucked royally at picking up women in their single days, MYSELF INCLUDED. I have a personal theory that most of the married men in the lifestyle are the stereotypical "nice guys" that didn't hit on women much and often dated women legitimately and married them as opposed to just skirt chasing and picking up women in bars etc.

In other words as counterintuitive as it sounds, the last people to be giving out advice on picking up women is male swingers Seriously, if I were to reenter the dating market or try to pick up chicks on my own, I would fall flat on my face. In a swingers club my wife and I often do fine but on my own, I'd probably get laughed out of a vanilla meet-market bar.

Do you have any vanilla friends that are lady's men or are good pick-up artists? they may be able to show you some of the best places and be a coach for you on how to look and act to pick up chicks.

While it seems wrong in so many ways, I guess I am of the theory that most of the time a guy would be more successfull if he were pretending to be single or even cheating. There was even a post on another thread where someone said that he knew single guys that would buy fake wedding rings in pawn shops because they had better luck pretending to be married cheaters than single guys.

Women get hit on all the time by single guys and cheaters and depending on their mood they will either take them up on the offer or not. But a guy who admits he's married and says his wife is OK with it freaks a lot of people out.

I don't know if that is a sad testimony on the men of the world or the women of the world but it sure doesn't seem right.

[JandT_Elkhart]

It was touched upon 2 posts up... you need a "wingman"... and that person is your wife.

You will increase your chances 500% at least. Go for it!

[Pleasure King]

Originally Posted by JandT_Elkhart

It was touched upon 2 posts up... you need a "wingman"... and that person is your wife.

You will increase your chances 500% at least. Go for it!

Good point. Swinging is supposed to be a team sport; at least in our household it is.

[Mr.GeekChic]

Originally Posted by Newpants

I'd be willing to bet good money most of the guys on this board sucked royally at picking up women in their single days, MYSELF INCLUDED. I have a personal theory that most of the married men in the lifestyle are the stereotypical "nice guys" that didn't hit on women much and often dated women legitimately and married them as opposed to just skirt chasing and picking up women in bars etc.

Maybe it's some kind of karmic reward for being "nice guys"!

I meant that toungue-in-cheek, but I actually think there's some truth to it, too. One of the foundations of successful swinging is a relationship with a solid foundation of trust, which I think would only be helped by being a nice guy. If your wife thinks you might cheat, bye-bye trust...

As for the original post, I'm going to agree with others here and say that you'll probably be much more successful if your wife helps find someone for you. I say this having no actual swinging experience (yet), but just based on what I've read and what I know about human behavior I think if she helped, you would not only have an easier time finding someone, but also probably a better experience, too. You wouldn't have to worry about ring/no ring, what the other woman may be expecting further down the road, etc. Since you're new to swinging, having your wife's assistance may also ease any unexpected jitters that may arise because the person you're playing with would clearly have your wife's official stamp of approval.

Plus, I bet it would be more fun to have your wife as your "wingwoman". I know it would be for me! It's always fun for us when we talk about who we find attractive.

[New2swinging225]

[QUOTE=Mr.GeekChic;415413]Maybe it's some kind of karmic reward for being "nice guys"!

[I think if she helped, you would not only have an easier time finding someone, but also probably a better experience, too. You wouldn't have to worry about ring/no ring, what the other woman may be expecting further down the road, etc. Since you're new to swinging, having your wife's assistance may also ease any unexpected jitters that may arise because the person you're playing with would clearly have your wife's official stamp of approval. ]


Taking my wife as wingwoman kinda defeats the purpose of this experience. Game thing aside, (she has said I can try at our club if I think that it will even the odds), it's really about my experience alone, and her being driven wild all night wondering what we're doing. As far as honesty about wearing the ring, I think I agree with everyone, but telling the woman that it is a swing thing kinda doesn't apply to my way of thinking of it. If I did this with a none swinger, it would be a one night stand with no strings, and that I would be upfront about. Whatever line I use after that, the woman in question would be trying to take home a married man, therefore the morals of telling the truth don't really matter in my mind. She wants to feel desired by a married man in a one night stand, I want an interesting night, and a good story to tell my wife the next day. If the woman knows it's a one nighter, whatever I tell her to get her into bed beyond my initial honesty about the situation between us, is really a little white lie, which can't hurt her. Am I right?

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by New2swinging225

Last edited by New2swinging225 : Yesterday at 10:42 PM. Reason: Still haven't figured out quoting

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