Lessons from the dark side

[GeorgeofJungle]

My wife and I have started our swing life by her swinging separately (so far anyway). I've read many of the threads about the risks, rewards and such.

Well, since all of you have shared I'd like to at least pass on a few tidbits that I've learned.

For one...life without jealousy is a great thing. My wife has opened up to me about things that I thought we would never talk about because she has no reason to fear my jealousy.

Two...don't ever let your wife think that, just because you let her play alone...you don't want her. I make sure that I let her know that I still love being with her and still want her in my life...not because I have to...but because it's the truth.

Three...swinging separately WILL put your marriage under a magnifying glass. I've read many posts here about orgasms, oxytocin bonding and the like...but the situation that we had the most trouble with wasn't about sex, it was about attention. This particular playmate liked to give my wife alot of attention, he sometimes would meet without having sex, they liked to talk to each other...to the point where his spouse got uncomfortable... My wife and I talked alot about this...and I have to admit...I spend so much time taking care of "business" that I don't just take time to be with her...just for the sake of being with her. I'm grateful for the realization...just wish I had figured it out without the "help".

Four...having your wife come home, get in bed, start making out with you...turn around on all fours and say "punish me, I've been bad" is...well...umm...quite a freakin thrill.

We don't have the answers, we don't pretend we do...and we're evolving as we go...but thanks for your previous advice and hope that someone finds our experience useful.

George

[sweet_tna]

Glad to hear you've found what seems to be working for ya'll. Keep that communication flowing back and forth, continue to put each other first, and enjoy!

=)

[GeorgeofJungle]

As it turns out, with us, the only prospective partner that has really panned out is a single guy that my wife met on Swing Lifestyle from not too far away. He's a nice guy...which makes me wonder why he doesn't have a steady girl/wife of his own. He's just very "busininesslike" as my wife says. He had a previous girlfriend that was in the lifestyle, so he knows what it's about.

Single guys take note...if you want to get anywhere with a swinging couple...be a freakin gentleman! When my wife is on Swing Lifestyle, if the first words are "how big are your tits" or "I'd like to fuck you"...well you better get used to rosie palm and her five sisters :-)

My wife had a couple of previous solo encounters with him; and we all agreed that an MFM would be fun.

We paid for the room, he came for the fun.

And it was.

He was a gentleman, my wife was good to him (didn't treat him like a servant). When he was in the "drivers seat", she paid attention to him; when I was in the "drivers seat" she paid attention to me. When we were both working her over...well she worked doubletime to try to engage us...which I now realize IS NOT AN EASY THING TO DO :-)

After she cried uncle and called it to a stop, we all talked a little while, exchanged pleasantries and went our separate ways.

Gotta say I enjoyed the thrill of doing something with my wife that...if you had asked us in high school...I would have given about a 0.0000001% chance of happening in our lifetimes. Maybe she would have given it a higher chance :-)

Although...after all of these years, was is a little hard to learn how to make love to half of my wife at a time and with another guy present. It brings up a little bit of performance anxiety, homophobia...shyness. When I focused on her and what she was doing to me (while other stuff was going on), then I was fine. The other stuff, is a distraction to me...but a pleasure to her...I just needed to keep that sorted out.

I'd like to say that I dont really kiss and tell...so I'm sorry not to provide "gory details"...but hopefully I've laid down a trail of bread crumbs that someone else could follow for their own adventure...then you wouldn't need my gory details...as you would have your own :-)