Overnight wife swapping

[asncpl]

We were given an interesting proposition from one of our long-time swinger partners. They wanted to know if we want to trade partners for a full night. Basically we would meet up for dinner and we would go home with each other's wives, have fun, and switch back next morning. This is not a situation where one partner goes off to swing and the other sits at home.

We have been swinging with this couple for a long time, both same room and separate room, and we trust this couple to be respectful and courteous. But while my husband and I have done separate room swap, we were always under one roof when it comes to swinging, and have never swung separately. My husband wants to give it a go but he lets me have the final say. I am not a jealous type (at least it hasn't come up so far) and I think I am ok with it. I am certainly curious about it and even a bit turned on by the whole thing.

I am wondering if anyone here has this experience, or is there something I haven't considered, whether sexually or emotionally? Anything to watch out for in this type of situation?

[Alura]

I don't see much of a difference between separate rooms and separate houses. If all y'all are on the same page and have no fear of communication, why not?

We used to do something similar with our Playcouples. We'd have "date night." Mr. Playcouple would pick up Laura and I his wife. We'd go out to dinner (at different restaurants) and a movie (or whatever), returning to the wives' homes for sex. Of course, that was never voiced; the idea was for the men to "seduce" the women. The husbands never spent the night, though. I think we were too anxious to enjoy the love making experience that always came with our own wives after playing.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes!

Alura

[The Fuse]

Have you spent the night in separate rooms with your play partners, but in the same house? That might be a good way to start. That way if everyone has the emotional security of their own spouse right down the hall, and you all have breakfast together.

The one thing I can say with certainty is that staying the whole night with someone encourages bonding. This is not to be taken lightly, in my opinion. It is very intimate to sleep the whole night with someone, wake up with them when you're at your most vulnerable and relaxed, and dealing with each other's morning breath and other things you share with your spouse. It's intimate but in a different way than sex. It breaks down barriers sex doesn't.

My advice is to think about it carefully, decide if you're comfortable with that. If so, think about starting by spending the night with each others' spouses in the same house. Mr. Fuse and I used to do this regularly with one couple. We never felt the need to switch houses for a night. For a long time, we enjoyed this very very much. It was great.

What to watch out for: one or more people start to feel uncomfortable and wish to go back to their own spouse. Or... one pair is way more comfortable than the other pair.

Good luck! Let us know what you decide.

[lustylearning]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

The one thing I can say with certainty is that staying the whole night with someone encourages bonding.

This is it in a nutshell. So consider your choice carefully.

[Newpants]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

The one thing I can say with certainty is that staying the whole night with someone encourages bonding.

We are a same-room couple so you will have to take this with a big grain of salt.

Since this is a long time, established swinging relationship the chances are that a one time all night swap probably won't cause any immediate harm.

However, I do agree with The Fuse, but what is more concerning to me about all night house swaps is not only that it 'can' encourage bonding but more important is that I think the reason people want to do this is because they 'WANT' to experience bonding and want to seek a deeper relationship and a deeper level of intimacy. They are actually seeking it out and people usually find what they seek.

What I think is important here is what are people's motivations for doing this? Is it just to try something new and different or is it because they are lacking intimacy and bonding in their own relationship and now they are seeking a substitute?

I am not saying that is necessarily all bad, but I am saying I think it is important to found out everyone's motivations for doing this and determining if you want to deal with the fallout of their motivations or not.

This kind of thing does work for some couples and they do it with some degree of regularity without any ill effects. However of all the couples we have known over the last several years that have split up almost all of them were dating/playing individually in this manner before they split.

We can all make chicken/egg arguements here in whether they were on their way to splitting in the first place but we have seen this way too many times not to see that there is some form of correlation.

My advice is to look into their motivations for wanting to go to this level and determine if you are ok with this. If they are looking for some deeper intimacy that is lacking in their relationship do you want to be the ones to fill that void. Also take a hard look into your own motivations and determine if this something that you think is a positive thing or potentially a detriment down the road.

If you are going to try it at least keep your eyes wide open and listen to your gut.

[lovinher]

Is your husband and the other wife more into each other than you and her husband? Who asked for or is encouraging the subject, the husband or wife? Does one bring it up more than the other?

[VanHlebar]

While this has been on our fantasy list for many years, we have only had one couple that we actually came close to even doing it with. We never got to experience it for many reasons, but I think if we ever do get to ours will be a lot more like Alura's. We might do either a combined dinner date, then head out seperately to a bar/movie whatever and then back to a different house for the sex. Afterwards though I am sure we would be heading back to our own homes so that we could be with our partners for the remainder of the evening.

For me I have always enjoyed going back to Mrs Van after playing and it didn't matter what time it was that we finally made it home. I like this idea a lot and I also like the idea of working up slowly to it. The spending the night but all under the same roof it a great idea and allows you to still have emotional security if it is required by anyone during the evening.

-Van

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by Newpants

We are a same-room couple so you will have to take this with a big grain of salt.

Since this is a long time, established swinging relationship the chances are that a one time all night swap probably won't cause any immediate harm.

However, I do agree with The Fuse, but what is more concerning to me about all night house swaps is not only that it 'can' encourage bonding but more important is that I think the reason people want to do this is because they 'WANT' to experience bonding and want to seek a deeper relationship and a deeper level of intimacy. They are actually seeking it out and people usually find what they seek.

What I think is important here is what are people's motivations for doing this? Is it just to try something new and different or is it because they are lacking intimacy and bonding in their own relationship and now they are seeking a substitute?

I am not saying that is necessarily all bad, but I am saying I think it is important to found out everyone's motivations for doing this and determining if you want to deal with the fallout of their motivations or not.

This kind of thing does work for some couples and they do it with some degree of regularity without any ill effects. However of all the couples we have known over the last several years that have split up almost all of them were dating/playing individually in this manner before they split.

We can all make chicken/egg arguements here in whether they were on their way to splitting in the first place but we have seen this way too many times not to see that there is some form of correlation.

My advice is to look into their motivations for wanting to go to this level and determine if you are ok with this. If they are looking for some deeper intimacy that is lacking in their relationship do you want to be the ones to fill that void. Also take a hard look into your own motivations and determine if this something that you think is a positive thing or potentially a detriment down the road.

If you are going to try it at least keep your eyes wide open and listen to your gut.

If we assume they might be wanting this because they don't have enough intimacy, then do you think they swing in the first place because of a lack of sex? I think for many couples, it's about the added intimacy rather than filling a void, just like swinging is about additional sex and variety. It is important to make sure your friends are in a secure relationship, but I'm general i think people just like this because it's fun.

[Alura]

We certainly never felt the need for more intimacy with other couples. We were friends, liked each other a lot, but never even toyed with the idea of developing stronger intimacy with them.

On the contrary, it was merely a way of reliving "dating" as it had been when we were single.

A variation was to meet the other couple outside a restaurant, exchange partners, and approach the Hostess as if we didn't know each other. Laura would have dinner with Mr. Playmate, and I with Mrs. Playmate. The fun part was that we could watch our mates out of the corners of our eyes.

We began this game with the idea that it was a first date. A lot of the conversation was learning about each other. "Where did you grow up? How many kids in the family?" Of course, the prospect of getting laid on a "first date" made it even more exciting.

I remember one evening, after leaving the restaurant, we happened to stop behind Mr. Playmate's pickup truck at a red light. The way he and Laura were making out, easily viewable through the rear window, made it plain they had no intention of going anywhere but bed. We did the same and had a lot to talk about when I got home later! I'm sure our Playcouple did, too.

Laura told me later that when the light changed, she said "How about if we forget the movie and go to my place and fuck?"

To us, the best part of swinging was sharing the experience. This was merely a different way of sharing. We didn't take it very seriously. It was only a game.

Alura

[Newpants]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

If we assume they might be wanting this because they don't have enough intimacy, then do you think they swing in the first place because of a lack of sex? I think for many couples, it's about the added intimacy rather than filling a void, just like swinging is about additional sex and variety. It is important to make sure your friends are in a secure relationship, but I'm general i think people just like this because it's fun.

So would that be like a vanilla looking at us same-room swinging and saying that something must be missing in our marriage and that we are sure to self-destruct since we are swinging??? If that is what you are getting at, I get your point.

I guess I see things like separate dating and house swaps etc as a higher level of swinging and one a little higher risk. Maybe I'm wrong and maybe I'm right about that but even so I still think my concerns and advice are valid.

Let's say it is a 'higher level' of swinging (if there is such a thing), would it still not be valid advice to suggest that people closely examine their rationale for going to a higher level as well as to examine the rationale of their potential playmates?

I'll put it this way, if someone was considering going from monogamous vanilla life to starting to explore same-room swinging, my advice to them might be worded a little differently but my message would be essentially the same. Keep your eyes open, follow your gut and examine your motivations as well as the motivations of your potential playmates. If something seems wrong, it probably is.

[Edison Carter]

Susan here-- It can take sex to a level of greater emotional engagement. This would seem to lend itself to polyamory.

Ed and I did this twice with the same couple. We still Play with them, yet we realized that solo overnights were creating an emotional bond on a level we did not want to deal with. They also realized the same thing. I have my source for love, I married him.

[PB&J]

We played a couple of times with another couple where the husband told me that he wanted to do this... he went as far as saying that he liked the idea of pretending to be married to the other woman for the duration of the swap. That wasn't fun and games, that was creepy. We don't play with them any more, because that sort of vibe really bothered me. However, if it was just for a fun romp, I can see that it could work with the right couple.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

The one thing I can say with certainty is that staying the whole night with someone encourages bonding.

I came here to say that.

It might be just fine, but there are a lot of 'what ifs' involved too. When swinging is no longer an 'us' thing but a 'I' thing, weird things CAN happen. Not saying they will, but just something to think about.

[SecretAsianMan]

I definately gotta agree with the previous posters about "bonding" with those folks as you spend the night together...

But if what you're looking for is more of a polyamorous "relationship" with this other couple -- then that's cool. If you're just looking for a casual encounter with them with only a casual "friend"-like connection - this can get tricky

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by asncpl

. . . I am wondering if anyone here has this experience, or is there something I haven't considered, whether sexually or emotionally? Anything to watch out for in this type of situation?

My wife and I do something almost the same as the overnight swap you are considering. One or the other of us will take an afternoon off to have play time with the husband or wife of a couple whom we more typically meet two-on-two. On just one occasion we did an overnight swap. Will probably do again if the opportunity presents.

Neither of us have felt the kind of "bonding" that some of the other members describe. No more bonding, in any case, than happens quite naturally when you look into a play partners smiling eyes while you are belly-to-belly. Trust your instincts on this one. If you are earnestly able to say to yourself both before and after, this is just for fun, you'll be OK.

~Michael