Playing or Swinging Separately - What are your thoughts?

[lovinher]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

Lovinher is right... there are lots of couples who have no desire at all to play separately, and as he said, it depends on why you got into swinging in the first place. It seems to me that the ones who have no desire at all to play separately find the togetherness to be as much of a motivation in swinging as having sexual variety, or even more, and has nothing to do with their level of trust.

I wouldn't say one or the other preference is better or somehow more evolved. It's all about what each couple wants. It's amazing to me the different things that different people and couples find erotic. Such variety in what turns everyone on.

Mr. Fuse and I really like swinging together and seeing each other turned on and in action. But we also really like to experience sexual variety as a pleasure all its own, that can stand alone apart from the excitement of seeing each other play and experiencing it together. We plain old get excited over other people, and enjoy concentrating on our sex partners alone as well as in foursomes or moresomes.

I am sorry if my last post came off as putting other peoples' tastes down; that was not my intention. Vive la difference.

I didn't think you put anybody down at all. I certainly didn't take it that way and your fist paragraph conveyed my point much better than I did. But there are those who seem to think that couples like us have trust/jealousy/control issues which simply isn't true..at least not in our case.
I don't restrict my wife's freedom or control her and I can say the same for her. It just so happens we agree on what we want and it works for us. I can honestly say I have absolutely no desire to fuck another woman without her there-despite evolution, society or any so called religious brainwashing (never went to church).

I guess you could call us monogamous swingers.

[sahajacpl]

Great thoughts from all of you. We too, as a matter of fact, prefer to play together on every occasion we can. There is nothing more erotic and satisfying than to watch the wife/hubby or S.O., play with his/her swap mate in every erotic way possible and then have intercourse with him/her to orgasm. Watching your life mate having erotic fun followed by a mind-blowing orgasm is the height of vicarious pleasure.

The separate play for us is reserved only for those rare occasions when one of us is away for some period of time. We then allow ourselves to have sensuous/sexual fun with another partner, preselected most times, sometimes not, which does include engaging in pleasurable foreplay followed by copulation for intercourse. Full disclosure of the social and sexual escapade is a sine' quo non when playing separately. That's our basic rule for separate play.We agree with Julie that complete communication is the key. Secondly, full trust in the potential sex partner is a must. If there is the slightest doubt about safety, trustworthiness and integrity of the of the other individual you plan to have sex with, then don't do it, period.

The greatest pleasure is to hear all and every detail of the her/his solo sexual adventure after the event, on the phone or in person. And at times, an element of surprise in setting up the randezvous for sexual congress does excite both of us.

[PB&J]

Originally Posted by sahajacpl

The greatest pleasure is to hear all and every detail of the her/his solo sexual adventure after the event, on the phone or in person.

For us, that's not a part of it. Although PB does like to get some pics sent his way in the heat of the moment, we don't do post-game summaries. It's enough to know the other person had a good time, and then leave the rest to our imaginations.

[couplers]

Well put, PB&J, hubby has no need for post-game summaries although after returning he always asks how I am doing, did I have fun, etc. and accepts whether I have little to say, or go on and on about emotional things or talk about just the sex. When hubby, Red and I are together fo a rare MFM, hubby is very observant to how I respond to physical and verbal stimulus and asks if I would like for him to do things that I enjoy doing with Red. And for the two things I have told him that I don't want to do with him, which are yell out "this is your pussy, take it whenever you want it" thing (my game with Red since we started), and anal (hubby is too big around), he is fine with. His sensitivity to what I like makes him not only a great husband, but also an excellent sex partner.


I, on the other hand, like to watch hubby with another woman whenever circumstances allow.

[CXXC]

Originally Posted by couplers

Well put, PB&J, hubby has no need for post-game summaries although after returning he always asks how I am doing, did I have fun, etc. and accepts whether I have little to say, or go on and on about emotional things or talk about just the sex. When hubby, Red and I are together fo a rare MFM, hubby is very observant to how I respond to physical and verbal stimulus and asks if I would like for him to do things that I enjoy doing with Red. And for the two things I have told him that I don't want to do with him, which are yell out "this is your pussy, take it whenever you want it" thing (my game with Red since we started), and anal (hubby is too big around), he is fine with. His sensitivity to what I like makes him not only a great husband, but also an excellent sex partner.


I, on the other hand, like to watch hubby with another woman whenever circumstances allow.

Couplers
Mrs. CXXC and I enjoy the "Post Game" reports as they heighten the flames a bit more when we have our re-connect sex after each encounter.

I must say, I do like what you have said here. It fits very well with what she and I do with regards to other playmates. I learn from the MFM situations and even ask about the activities she enjoys while playing solo. If I can do ANYTHING to make OUR love making better, I WILL LEARN HOW!

She too enjoys watching me please and be pleased by another woman! AINT IT GREAT????

[fun4Ds]

We never have played separate. All who have met us know that, without a doubt.

Just to add our viewpoint though. We always had people (regular playmates) ask.

Mrsfuns was usually a requested birthday gift (FMF) perhaps, or occasionally she might be at someones house without me, socializing. Not that there was any sneakiness involved.... More like a check again thing. I've had it happen as well, when she was not with our friends at the time and I too declined...

Once is one thing, but when it would happen the third time ?

We always looked at it like sometimes people evolve to that point, but if we clearly new a couple always played together, we wouldn't ask for a threesome without their partner there.

Can't really answer for them as to why ? We always just kinda laughed and shrugged it off, no biggie.

But still, we never got it. I mean they always looked at it like....

Well, we have all fucked before so now solo is OK, right ?

;

[M1F2KTJ]

I might have missed it here since this is an excellent source for this kind of thing but have you considered polyamory?

Your relationship is not secure if the thought has entered your mind. Just be honest with each other and let each other play alone. Fucking and love are two totally different things. Your wife or husband saying "i love you" just after cumming with someone means " I loved fucking you" not that "I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you"

Loving fucking makes it possible for a man and wife to share each other while still committing to loving someone, as in their wife or husband, exclusively as in a marriage.

[todesireu]

We play together but would not turn down someone who wanted to play solo with us.

[couplers]

CXXC - Both sides of the swinging experience are, without a doubt, Great! As I said in one of my first-ever posts, the turning point for me was when overcame my jealousies and selfish attitude and allowed hubby to swing. It was one of those "face your fears" kind of moments. Now seeing hubby enjoy another woman is wonderful; it makes me love, desire and enjoy him all the more.

M1F2KTJ - If your comment was directed toward me, I do indeed consider myself poly, although it all developed without that in mind. As I have discussed elsewhere, Red (my bf) took my cherry, I have been with him ever since, and I have genuine affection toward each other. We say that we love each other (both during sex and not) in front of my husband. Red is monogamous with me and we have all arranged our lives to stay together.

[CXXC]

Originally Posted by couplers

CXXC - Both sides of the swinging experience are, without a doubt, Great! As I said in one of my first-ever posts, the turning point for me was when overcame my jealousies and selfish attitude and allowed hubby to swing. It was one of those "face your fears" kind of moments. Now seeing hubby enjoy another woman is wonderful; it makes me love, desire and enjoy him all the more.

Our history in the Lifestyle is backwards form most. We started out playing solo and eventually worked our way into the couple/couple play. Today, we will do both as our schedules permit.

I personally enjoy couple/couple play more than solo these days. I can honestly say, I never did feel the slightest pang of jealousy while Mrs. CXXC was out on a date. When the opportunities for us to play as a couple became available, my thoughts and feelings were all about passion and excitement.

For me, seeing and hearing Mrs. CXXC being pleased by another is an absolutely erotic experience. When she is with her male or female partner, I am awash with more love and happiness for her than the moments before. There is something aobut her being HAPPY that makes my world complete!

Each time we connect after we have shared the bodies of strangers, we feel a great surge of love and desire for one another. When we return from our solo engagements, we share the smallest details with each other and fall passionately into each others arms for a good bout of love making!

I know this all sounds like a hallmark card, but it is the truth! My one failure in our marriage and our relationship is that I cannot love her more today than I will tomorrow. I simply fall sort when the scales are measure the next day!

Surely, the ability to play solo is not for everyone. However, for Mrs. CXXC and myself, it provides us with the ability to enjoy the lifestyle where our schedules would not otherwise permit. As I travel quite a bit, she is left to an empty house often. Why not fill it from time to time with some fun and excitment?

[Expulsion]

Well since I'm single right now, obviously I would have to go about it solo.

The once or twice I experienced it we played together with another couple, but we never really discussed doing it on our own when we were together. I wouldn't have had a problem with it at all, I'm very much polyamorous. I guess we'll see about my future partners!

Though I think it would be more fun together. I have always loved watching an SO play with someone else. It's just so hot!

[mandlori]

At first it was only swinging when we were together, but times change and I guess I became more comfortable with seeing my wife with another guy. A few years ago when I was on a 2 week business trip, with Valentine's Day being in the middle, I got really turned on my the thought of her having sex with someone while I was gone. Every day when I would call I would talk to her I would tell her about it, and how much I wanted to do it. She always responded that she would think about it. The day after Valentine's when I called her I asked if she got laid last night. My jaw dropped when she said she did. A guy with whom we had met before to see if we were interested in having a mfm 3some happened to call that evening and asked if she would meet him for a drink. Knowing how I had been after her, she decided to do that and see where it would lead. She told me later it first led to her agreeing to giving him a blow job in the car, but that got them heated up so they got in the back seat for some sex. After his first cum (she said she came several times), they decided it would be nice to find a more comfortable place for sex so they drove to our place and spent a few more hours playing. Hearing her tell me about it was about the hottest I have ever been. Since then she has had sex with one of our playmates whenever I have been gone on extended business trips. I enjoy getting the play by play report afterward. The only problem I have is I can't get her to call when they are doing it - some kind of a hangup she has about that. She has only done that once, when a friend of hers was over and I was supposed to be home from work. She called to tell me that he was there, she was on top, and if I didn't hurry home I was going to miss all the fun. Needless to say I was home as quickly as I could make it.

[sahajacpl]

Originally Posted by mandlori

At first it was only swinging when we were together, but times change and I guess I became more comfortable with seeing my wife with another guy.

Makes a lot of sense for couples to swing, play and have sexual intercourse with another partner separately when both are in a trusting and loving relationship. Our experience is that it simply adds to each other's pleasure to know about and hear that she or he fucked someone else and had a great time. And this freedom to act and have sex with another partner is particularly important when both cannot swing together due to travel or scheduling problems.

[ArkansasFunOnes]

We would never play separately. It's just something that doesn't interest us. We've actually had a few occasions where just one or the other has played with another couple or another single, but still the other one is always there.

For us part of the fun is the voyeurism and exhibitionism involved.

[Adam-n-Eve]

Originally Posted by lovinher

I guess it depends on why you got into swinging in the first place. This is something we wanted to do together. Of course I want her to have a mind blowing good time and she feels the same. But we want to have that great time with each other. Contrary to what many swingers think (including on this board) it has absolutely nothing to do with trust or jelousy. It's just that neither of us wants to play alone. Simple as that.

I have to disagree with the idea that how we first approach swinging is how we end up swinging in the long-run. We've grown into playing separately. We no intentions to do so when we started, but as we got more comfortable with the lifestyle we eventually decided there wasn't much of a difference between playing together and playing alone. Actually, the experience itself is very different, but the concept is the same. To us.