Living with our friends.

08-26-2009, 02:14 AM

Hi, this is our first post. So sorry if this isnt the right place to do it. We are new to swinging and have only done it a few times now. We are very quickly becoming close friends with our new swinging friends.

We are talking about living together. Now, we arent making any plans to do this as of yet, its just food for thought. But it is something that we are all (all four of us) are keen on. It wouldnt happen for at least another year.

I just thought this might be an interesting topic to talk about.

We asked ourselves different questions of "rules" if we all lived together. Like where would we live, how would we divide up the rent, SEX? what are the rules for sex. Can we sleep with the other persons partner? all that stuff.

We have discussed it and mentioned it to our friends (about the "rules") and we are confortable with it all so far.

Just curious if anyone other couples are living with their swinging friends and what sort of arrangements do you have.

(also, having trouble registering. Im using a hotmail account but it says that Gmail is banned. Does that include hotmail too?)

TheLorax · 08-26-2009, 07:27 AM

This one you need to take very slowly and cautiously. It's more potential problems than simply combining households with one other person (or in my case, two). Not only is there the whole emotional relationship, then there's the issues of running a household.

For the record, I am not against the idea, my experience is that multiple adult households can be a great way to live, and it can confer substantial economies of scale savings, and having multiple incomes can help when one person loses a job, and can just be plain fun and fulfilling. But they do take a lot more work than living with just one other person. The four of you should sit down over the course of several months and discuss those rules and responsibilities and expectations. Then take some of them and practice them beforehand. It's much easier to feel you can get along when you are on vacation together and sharing a room, or are guests in each others houses. A whole lot different when you are trying to get someone to hold up their end of the chores.

The Fuse · 08-26-2009, 07:45 AM

Hello, and welcome. I hope you register so you can add to your own thread.

This thread seems more suited to the Poly forum than the one it is presently in.

My husband and I have done this. Although our two-couple relationship didn't last, the actual day-to-day living together was absolutely wonderful. We were amazed that between the four of us, the integration of all our daily habits and goings-on was pretty seamless. It helped that our friends moved into our home, so there was no question about whose household rules would prevail if there were a conflict. But there never was one. We were all just considerate toward each other. Our relationship ended for deeper reasons, but running the household was easy. I think we were lucky, though. I would have expected that there would have been some bumps. Someone walks on the carpet in dirty shoes, someone uses too much hot water, those kinds of things. They never happened in our case.

I think it's good that your "moving in party" wouldn't be for another year. A lot can happen in a year. Perhaps one couple could spend a few days at a time with the other, so you can get a little preview? And the rules about who sleeps where, and when, should come as a result of discussion between everyone.

***JustAskJulie*** · 08-26-2009, 09:16 AM

Hotmail is not banned. You should be able to register with a Hotmail email address. If it comes up and says your email is banned there may be another reason your email is banned. There are a lot of domains, words, & phrases that are common to spammers and the list is a mile long, so without knowing your email address I can't look into it further.

If it doesn't tell you your email address is banned, then there's another reason you aren't getting through on the registration and it should tell you what that is when you attempt to register - the most common reason is failing to fill out a required piece of the registration info.

LagniappeDC · 08-26-2009, 12:25 PM

We'll start by saying that, like Julie, we aren't against the idea but would also say approach with caution -- especially since you are new to swinging. Sometimes swinging can be a bit like dating, you meet a new couple and everything is awesome. Great friends, great sex, flirting, anticipation, etc. After a few dates, for one reason or another things fizzle. Life just gets in the way. It's easy to let those things go since we are only dating.

Sharing a household adds many layers of complications. Even great marriages are tested by the day to day challenges of work, bills, kids, dishes, etc. The fact that you have a year gives you plenty of time to explore and test. Perhaps spend a week or two together and see how that goes.

Good luck

mixtupcpl · 08-26-2009, 12:47 PM

Not much to add other than I agree with Fuse that this scenario is more suited to the poly forum.

Not trying to be a forum stickler at all, I just think it is likely to get more feedback from folks with first hand experience over there.

rpu3 · 08-26-2009, 01:10 PM

The OP put their post in this forum. Perhaps they meant to post in Poly. Perhaps they wanted the post here. Perhaps the OP can come by and give more feedback before a mod (myself included) moves the post.

Personally, I know that while some of my open marriage stuff could look poly to others, I operate as an open marriage first and foremost and would be more inclined to open topics in the Open forum and wouldn't want my post moved to poly necessarily.

To the OP: What would you label this relationsip at this point? Poly? Open Marriage? I have a few links/resources available, but a few are geared towards the open marriage side, and the other set of rules/agreement resources are on the poly side of the fence. So, before just throwing out random advice, how do you see this particular relationship, from the quickie label perspective?

BabyBlue · 08-26-2009, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rpu3

The OP put their post in this forum. Perhaps they meant to post in Poly. Perhaps they wanted the post here. Perhaps the OP can come by and give more feedback before a mod (myself included) moves the post.

Personally, I know that while some of my open marriage stuff could look poly to others, I operate as an open marriage first and foremost and would be more inclined to open topics in the Open forum and wouldn't want my post moved to poly necessarily.

To the OP: What would you label this relationsip at this point? Poly? Open Marriage? I have a few links/resources available, but a few are geared towards the open marriage side, and the other set of rules/agreement resources are on the poly side of the fence. So, before just throwing out random advice, how do you see this particular relationship, from the quickie label perspective?

Hi,
We are new here. I would like to keep this thread going too. If possible..
I know how you feel. We have a open marriage here too sort of? lol... Hard to explain I guess. We have done the swinging thing years ago. We were looking for a more permanent thing, not a thing that Swingers seem to think. Their thinking is a bit different in some ways I think. Polys too.
We are not a jealous couple. I have no problem at all with my hubby having another woman around here. I do visit a friend of my own sometimes and I would love for a woman to be here with my hubby too, I don't want him to feel alone, doing household things, talking, everyday things. I like him to have a person to talk to also as well as me, and as well as maybe the intimate things too. It's HARD finding a woman that would feel like this?? We have searched off and on some. But its not a MUST have, but it would sure be very nice to have. You know the old elusive female thing you go through as a swinger.
Our intentions are not based on a sexual relationship, but as a friendly friend , living relationship, if that makes sense. Her things would be hers.
Times are getting harder for people. Especially a woman by herself. I know, I have been there a long time ago. I know how it feels. Money wise too, it is so very hard to exist, pay bills, pay rent.
Plus I know..meeting a decent couple that aren't controlling or pushy and a sex maniac (like some swingers do sometimes, I know that feeling..) are also hard to find, from a womans viewpoint. We don't like that at all, and would never do that to a person. They have a personality too. They have a life. We don't want to squash that. It's what makes a person different and special in this world.
In our case, we would be looking for a person who loves being out in the country. Gardening, shopping, cooking.......whatever they really like to do.
It's ok with us. We do have a limit on if they are a wild partier..we wouldn't want drugs or drunks coming here. We live a basically quiet life and love to go places occasionally. The woman could even go on trips with my hubby and ENJOY herself. No problems there, I am NOT a jealous type. I know that sounds hard to believe. But ask anyone that really knows me..

I don't really know where to look for that type of person. But I sure wish I could find her !! It gets frustrating to try and look. There's a lot of people who do not understand this type of thinking. ( especially in Arkansas, lol...)
I hope one day to find this woman! Who knows......

Thanks for listening to my thoughts. Any suggestions would really be appreciated.....
BabyBlue

BabyBlue · 08-26-2009, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loves it all

Hi, this is our first post. So sorry if this isnt the right place to do it. We are new to swinging and have only done it a few times now. We are very quickly becoming close friends with our new swinging friends.

We are talking about living together. Now, we arent making any plans to do this as of yet, its just food for thought. But it is something that we are all (all four of us) are keen on. It wouldnt happen for at least another year.

I just thought this might be an interesting topic to talk about.

We asked ourselves different questions of "rules" if we all lived together. Like where would we live, how would we divide up the rent, SEX? what are the rules for sex. Can we sleep with the other persons partner? all that stuff.

We have discussed it and mentioned it to our friends (about the "rules") and we are confortable with it all so far.

Just curious if anyone other couples are living with their swinging friends and what sort of arrangements do you have.

(also, having trouble registering. Im using a hotmail account but it says that Gmail is banned. Does that include hotmail too?)

Sounds like you have a nice situation there......let me know how it works out. We would also love that too.
Yes, you do need to cover every aspect of that. One of our problems were that the other half of the couple tend to get jealous. Least it was with a couple we were friends with. They got wish-washy. Then they got jealous, even thought there was nothing to be jealous over. It's amazing ...
Sometimes it is just easier to have one or the other, a male......or a female.... unless you can REALLY find a non-jealous couple that are easy going. It's like finding a rare diamond.

***JustAskJulie*** · 08-26-2009, 02:33 PM

For me personally, I wouldn't want to live with more people. Living with one person is sometimes more than enough. And I wouldn't even do that short of having a marriage contract in place (which really in most states gets in put in place if you live together anyway).

Unless you are looking at a truely poly situation, I'd say treat it as you would any roommate situation. Look at whose house it is, assuming there's an owner among you, or whose name the lease is in. Then go from there. That person (or those person's if more than one) are the ones ultimately responsible for how things go. They are ultimately responsible for paying the mortgage or the rent. Same with whose name is on the utilities, etc. There has to be a lot of trust in place to even consider it.

And then what happens if things go bad? What happens if someone can't pay their share? What happens if you no longer like the situation you are in. If you are the owner, you may be forced to go through eviction proceedings to get rid of them. Make sure everything is written out in a clear contract so that you are in agreement as to what happens if things don't go well.

mixtupcpl · 08-26-2009, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rpu3

Personally, I know that while some of my open marriage stuff could look poly to others, I operate as an open marriage first and foremost and would be more inclined to open topics in the Open forum and wouldn't want my post moved to poly necessarily.

Excellent point and agree totally (I can see how some of our stuff would definitely be considered "poly")...

Just to clarify, I wasnt thinking so much along the lines of the labels, just from a practical standpoint I think the folks that regularly check in on the poly forum might have more practical experience on the day to day logistics of this kind of arrangement (the ups and downs of 3+ people sharing a home, things to watch for, etc)

At the very least, Id advise the OP to do some reading/researching on the threads over there. Very interesting stuff...

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08-26-2009, 02:14 AM	#1 (permalink)
Loves it all Guest Posts: n/a	Living with our friends. Hi, this is our first post. So sorry if this isnt the right place to do it. We are new to swinging and have only done it a few times now. We are very quickly becoming close friends with our new swinging friends. We are talking about living together. Now, we arent making any plans to do this as of yet, its just food for thought. But it is something that we are all (all four of us) are keen on. It wouldnt happen for at least another year. I just thought this might be an interesting topic to talk about. We asked ourselves different questions of "rules" if we all lived together. Like where would we live, how would we divide up the rent, SEX? what are the rules for sex. Can we sleep with the other persons partner? all that stuff. We have discussed it and mentioned it to our friends (about the "rules") and we are confortable with it all so far. Just curious if anyone other couples are living with their swinging friends and what sort of arrangements do you have. (also, having trouble registering. Im using a hotmail account but it says that Gmail is banned. Does that include hotmail too?)
Loves it all Guest Posts: n/a

08-26-2009, 07:27 AM	#2 (permalink)
TheLorax Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 191 Location: Bedford, Indiana Status: Triad	Re: Living with our friends. This one you need to take very slowly and cautiously. It's more potential problems than simply combining households with one other person (or in my case, two). Not only is there the whole emotional relationship, then there's the issues of running a household. For the record, I am not against the idea, my experience is that multiple adult households can be a great way to live, and it can confer substantial economies of scale savings, and having multiple incomes can help when one person loses a job, and can just be plain fun and fulfilling. But they do take a lot more work than living with just one other person. The four of you should sit down over the course of several months and discuss those rules and responsibilities and expectations. Then take some of them and practice them beforehand. It's much easier to feel you can get along when you are on vacation together and sharing a room, or are guests in each others houses. A whole lot different when you are trying to get someone to hold up their end of the chores.

08-26-2009, 07:45 AM	#3 (permalink)
The Fuse Way too opinionated Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 1,826 Location: Southeastern Virginia Status: Single Female Swing Lifestyle Name:The_Fuse	Re: Living with our friends. Hello, and welcome. I hope you register so you can add to your own thread. This thread seems more suited to the Poly forum than the one it is presently in. My husband and I have done this. Although our two-couple relationship didn't last, the actual day-to-day living together was absolutely wonderful. We were amazed that between the four of us, the integration of all our daily habits and goings-on was pretty seamless. It helped that our friends moved into our home, so there was no question about whose household rules would prevail if there were a conflict. But there never was one. We were all just considerate toward each other. Our relationship ended for deeper reasons, but running the household was easy. I think we were lucky, though. I would have expected that there would have been some bumps. Someone walks on the carpet in dirty shoes, someone uses too much hot water, those kinds of things. They never happened in our case. I think it's good that your "moving in party" wouldn't be for another year. A lot can happen in a year. Perhaps one couple could spend a few days at a time with the other, so you can get a little preview? And the rules about who sleeps where, and when, should come as a result of discussion between everyone.
	__________________ Through every dead and living thing, Time runs, like a fuse. -- Jackson Browne

08-26-2009, 09:16 AM	#4 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,288 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	Re: Living with our friends. Hotmail is not banned. You should be able to register with a Hotmail email address. If it comes up and says your email is banned there may be another reason your email is banned. There are a lot of domains, words, & phrases that are common to spammers and the list is a mile long, so without knowing your email address I can't look into it further. If it doesn't tell you your email address is banned, then there's another reason you aren't getting through on the registration and it should tell you what that is when you attempt to register - the most common reason is failing to fill out a required piece of the registration info.
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

08-26-2009, 12:25 PM	#5 (permalink)
LagniappeDC Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 203 Location: Washington DC Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:lagniappeDC	Re: Living with our friends. We'll start by saying that, like Julie, we aren't against the idea but would also say approach with caution -- especially since you are new to swinging. Sometimes swinging can be a bit like dating, you meet a new couple and everything is awesome. Great friends, great sex, flirting, anticipation, etc. After a few dates, for one reason or another things fizzle. Life just gets in the way. It's easy to let those things go since we are only dating. Sharing a household adds many layers of complications. Even great marriages are tested by the day to day challenges of work, bills, kids, dishes, etc. The fact that you have a year gives you plenty of time to explore and test. Perhaps spend a week or two together and see how that goes. Good luck

08-26-2009, 12:47 PM	#6 (permalink)
mixtupcpl Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 321 Location: Pennsylvania Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:mixtupcpl	Re: Living with our friends. Not much to add other than I agree with Fuse that this scenario is more suited to the poly forum. Not trying to be a forum stickler at all, I just think it is likely to get more feedback from folks with first hand experience over there.

08-26-2009, 01:10 PM	#7 (permalink)
rpu3 Doing it our way... Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 3,273 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female Swing Lifestyle Name:rpu3	Re: Living with our friends. The OP put their post in this forum. Perhaps they meant to post in Poly. Perhaps they wanted the post here. Perhaps the OP can come by and give more feedback before a mod (myself included) moves the post. Personally, I know that while some of my open marriage stuff could look poly to others, I operate as an open marriage first and foremost and would be more inclined to open topics in the Open forum and wouldn't want my post moved to poly necessarily. To the OP: What would you label this relationsip at this point? Poly? Open Marriage? I have a few links/resources available, but a few are geared towards the open marriage side, and the other set of rules/agreement resources are on the poly side of the fence. So, before just throwing out random advice, how do you see this particular relationship, from the quickie label perspective?
	__________________ I'll give up my bad habits as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available. A. Brilliant

08-26-2009, 02:33 PM	#10 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,288 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	Re: Living with our friends. For me personally, I wouldn't want to live with more people. Living with one person is sometimes more than enough. And I wouldn't even do that short of having a marriage contract in place (which really in most states gets in put in place if you live together anyway). Unless you are looking at a truely poly situation, I'd say treat it as you would any roommate situation. Look at whose house it is, assuming there's an owner among you, or whose name the lease is in. Then go from there. That person (or those person's if more than one) are the ones ultimately responsible for how things go. They are ultimately responsible for paying the mortgage or the rent. Same with whose name is on the utilities, etc. There has to be a lot of trust in place to even consider it. And then what happens if things go bad? What happens if someone can't pay their share? What happens if you no longer like the situation you are in. If you are the owner, you may be forced to go through eviction proceedings to get rid of them. Make sure everything is written out in a clear contract so that you are in agreement as to what happens if things don't go well.

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