Interesting Article

[mixtupcpl]

Mrs was reading this article about a segment on Oprah - wives and "the other woman" brought together. I noticed a little subheading on the teaser for the article: "Are open marriages better?"

Doesnt exactly break new ground, but very even handed:

Liberated in Love: Can Open Marriage Work? - MSN Relationships - article

Also didnt know that bit about Tilda Swinton.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Good article. Thanks for bringing it here. I landed on this part: But are open marriages happy? We all know about spiking divorce rates in the '70s and the crazy ice storm that was marriage at that time. In 1972, there was a best-selling book, Open Marriage, that asked, "Is it the 'unfaithful' human being who is the failure, or is it the standard itself?" But its co-author Nena O'Neill recanted several years later, writing that fidelity was central to marriage.

Not all cultures carry the same concepts of marriage that Western culture carries and they work just fine. But since I was raised and am immersed in Western culture and its concepts of romantic love and life-long, one-on-one interdependancy, I too feel fidelity is central. Or I feel, at least, that I would be putting myself at risk of developing a relationship that would break me away from the one I now cherish. Perhaps other people are stronger and can manage it.

[mixtupcpl]

Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple

Not all cultures carry the same concepts of marriage that Western culture carries and they work just fine. But since I was raised and am immersed in Western culture and its concepts of romantic love and life-long, one-on-one interdependancy, I too feel fidelity is central. Or I feel, at least, that I would be putting myself at risk of developing a relationship that would break me away from the one I now cherish. Perhaps other people are stronger and can manage it.

I agree for me personally. Mrs., on the other hand, is better able to compartmentalize and over the years had one attachment that for a time put us very much in a "hierarchy" situation and came very close to a poly arrangement. But our marriage (her primary relationship) was never threatened. The shared history we have, our child, the unconventional nature of the relationship, and my awesomeness (j/k! or AM I? ) make our primary relationship unassailable.

I'm sure the folks in the poly forum would suggest that it is possible for some folks to actually have a multi way "marriage". Possibly even all equal?

I often wonder if at least some of it isnt wired into the DNA (or perhaps is a developmental anomoly). I guess the "nature" vs "nurture" question is just as valid with sexuality and emotion as with any other human behavior.