Fair or selfish?

[swvacouplelookn]

Just to update this situation, wife and I have talked about this quite a bit. Posting this thread ended up being a fabulous idea! She knows that I am not alone in wanting to have the most available options possible. And, she has agreed that the principle of trusting me to manage time, discretion and emotions are still the same as in any other play situations. So, she said she wouldn't worry about how far someone lives from us or her lifestyle status as long as I am in an enjoyable and responsible setting. I questioned her to make sure she is agreeing to this because it makes it better for us in the long run rather than just "caving in" to my desires. She is doing it for the right reasons.

In the meantime she has a date scheduled for today. We'll have to post a follow up to let you know how that goes if anyone is interested.

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by swvacouplelookn

So, she said she wouldn't worry about how far someone lives from us or her lifestyle status as long as I am in an enjoyable and responsible setting.

My wife and I talked about the scenario you find yourself in last night. When I bring up threads from here, I usually lay out what was posted and say "what do you think". She immediately agreed with your wife in that playing with non-lifestylers is a non-starter.

I think you need to be careful here. Very careful. A non-lifestyler may not really understand what is going on and why it is going on.

Originally Posted by swvacouplelookn

In the meantime she has a date scheduled for today. We'll have to post a follow up to let you know how that goes if anyone is interested.

Absolutely! Let us know all the details Here's hoping she has a GREAT time! (and you too!)

[swvacouplelookn]

Yeah, I'm totally understanding of the potential perils with non lifestylers. But, I also am a good manager and excellent communicator. I think that puts me ahead of the curve a bit, because I know enough to take charge of a situation (which is really what I meant about my responsibility in earlier posts) and can communicate well enought to make sure she understands up front (and continues to understand as the situation progresses).

All that being said, yes I would prefer to find someone in the lifestyle. I haven't given up on that at all, but it's much easier for me to meet and talk to single women most likely to be outside the lifestyle than to do all the traveling that might be required otherwise. Travel = time away from my wife and kids, so I would only want to travel if I knew something good was going to happen! LOL

[JM153]

I am glad y'all have worked it out, but I will add my two cents. As a man, I would prefer a woman in the Lifestyle, because it would be easier to deal with her. And maybe it is just my part of the country, but I have run into several women who will play alone, particularly after they have played as a couple. I would certainly recommend you look hard at lifestyle women before you go to a single. Good Luck!

[swvacouplelookn]

Originally Posted by JM153

I am glad y'all have worked it out, but I will add my two cents. As a man, I would prefer a woman in the Lifestyle, because it would be easier to deal with her. And maybe it is just my part of the country, but I have run into several women who will play alone, particularly after they have played as a couple. I would certainly recommend you look hard at lifestyle women before you go to a single. Good Luck!

Yeah, I'll definitely prefer someone already in this stuff if I find a good match there. I just don't want it to be my only avenue. We'll see how it goes!

[swvacouplelookn]

Well it's been a good while since I posted this thread. I thought I'd update it. We have both since had a separate playdate, and all in all things went well for both of us. We both enjoyed our encounters. Having experienced it now and having all that discussion that led up to it, the funny thing is we both realized separate play was more of a curiosity for us. It ended up being one of those things that was better in fantasy land than in reality. There was something missing for us without each other present. So, we'll take our one separate experience each and wrap it up with fond memories while we continue to enjoy life's guilty pleasures together.

[pxjcp]

Fair or selfish

Close swinging friends of ours.. The husband spoke to both of us.

If the husband allows his wife to play with a single man, feels ok about it, no issues at all.. when the husbands ask lets find a female for him to play with alone and the wife notes,, heck no...I can't imagine you with another women alone. Interesting, is this wife selfish or is the wife fearful her husband will like the idea...

[GoNatural]

Originally Posted by swvacouplelookn

While not necessarily true in all cases, I feel the same way you do about it. For the most part the only way I'm going to find a single woman I would want to play with (and I am picky LOL) is to find one NOT in the lifestyle.

I agree, there are lots of opportunities with women that do not consider themselves to be in the lifestyle. My best friend and his wife have an open relationship, and they also have threesomes once in a while, but they do not consider themselves to be in the lifestlye, or to be swingers.

I don't think that you are wrong for the way you feel.

If I were in such a situation, I'd let my partner play, even though I could not, but I'm a fan of the hotwife lifestyle, so having a partner that likes other men is a BIG turn-on for me.

I would also discuss the issues about local women, and non-lifestylers. I would not keep going after the same woman, just to help the situation. I would try to come to an agreement on the adjustment of the rules, then seek a new local playmate.

UPDATE: I see that your situation has been ironed out nicely! Congratulations!