Open Relationship VS Swinging Separately

[WesternSwing]

To me "open relationship" is an umbrella term for everything from swinging to hotwife/cuckold, polyamory and everything in between. The relationship is "open" to others, just in different ways.

[Sunswept]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

To me "open relationship" is an umbrella term for everything from swinging to hotwife/cuckold, polyamory and everything in between. The relationship is "open" to others, just in different ways.

Exactly! In it's common use, it is an "umbrella" term, which if you ask me makes it not that useful in communications if you already know your current swing/poly inclinations.

BUT!:

Ya know, there are a few rare couples that use this term literally. They grant each other perfected personal agency. In other words, their respective sex and/or love interests are each others own business. Their commitment to one another is one thing, everything else is another thing. It's not poly, it is more libertarian or libertine than anything I think.

They may share the existence of outside encounters with each other -or not, but it is not expected or required and mostly not done as far as I can tell. We knew two successful couples (both amazing couples BTW, and both 20+years and going last I knew) that did this, even though we could not comprehend how their relationships really worked.

Anyway, if the term "Open Marriage" or "Open Relationship" has an objective and specific meaning, I think it is this more literal one.

[mixtupcpl]

Originally Posted by Sunswept

Ya know, there are a few rare couples that use this term literally. They grant each other perfected personal agency. In other words, their respective sex and/or love interests are each others own business. Their commitment to one another is one thing, everything else is another thing. It's not poly, it is more libertarian or libertine than anything I think.

They may share the existence of outside encounters with each other -or not, but it is not expected or required and mostly not done as far as I can tell. We knew two successful couples (both amazing couples BTW, and both 20+years and going last I knew) that did this, even though we could not comprehend how their relationships really worked.

This describes us actually. And we know some other couples who work the same. We recently sort of ammended our arrangement and added a "must share" clause. We both just felt that it was time for this change. Probably because we recently had our first child. Just for background, we are in our late 30s now and have been together literally since high school. Our arrangement took effect before we were actually married. Its just how we are. I think most people really cannot be wired this way and it is NOT always easy.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by **Macbeth**

Thought I'd post both an update and response in this thread.

Since my last post, we've modified our position, probably to the extent that we won't be frequenting these boards much anymore.

Essentially, we've chosen to go with a poly/open marriage arrangement. This definitely is more in line with our personalities and desires.

The primary difference, in my opinion, between an open relationship and swinging, is that an open relationship may or MAY NOT include sex with other people. In our take on it, it's more of a removing of the societal/ingrained moral restrictions that we've placed on what a relationship outside of our own marriage can be. We're still in the early stages, but my wife has actually struck up a relationship with a mutual friend, other than the one mentioned in my other posts. It was a quick set-up, because when she allowed herself to be aware of her attraction to him and actually discussed it with him when a nearly perfect opportunity arose, he admitted he'd a has a crush on her for months. There's still a lot of discovery to be done in that one, but it's also helped us to truly refine our thoughts and parameters.

We're not doing the polyfidelity thing, but we are allowing ourselves to pursue secondary relationships based on friendship, intimacy, and mutual attraction.

The key to all of this, as with swinging, is communication. We've had some of the most emotionally exhausting conversations of my life over the last few weeks. Physically exhausting too, sometimes, since we're often walking when we talk. We've opened up to each other to a degree we've never done before in fifteen years of marriage, and have become SOOO much closer because of it.

Is this arrangement for everyone? Hell no. It's working for us, but it's a work in progress . . .

http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...-marriage.html

Well goodluck.

I know I didn't give you what you wanted to hear in your thread. Lets home I'm not right this time like I was in the above thread.

[xxxboxy]

OMG! That was like watching an historical movie about a well known disaster...the only people clueless were the characters.

[mixtupcpl]

Originally Posted by xxxboxy

OMG! That was like watching an historical movie about a well known disaster...the only people clueless were the characters.

Great analogy!!! Poor kid That really did end up being a near textbook cautionary tale.

[NCfuncouple98]

Originally Posted by Chicup

http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...-marriage.html

Well goodluck.

I know I didn't give you what you wanted to hear in your thread. Lets home I'm not right this time like I was in the above thread.

Oh no you didn't. Wow, you did. You subjected these poor new people to the thread from hell.....

If you are new, and considering open relationship or open swinging and still think they're the same thing? Read on.......... Then come back and talk to the rest of us.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by NCfuncouple98

Oh no you didn't. Wow, you did. You subjected these poor new people to the thread from hell.....

If you are new, and considering open relationship or open swinging and still think they're the same thing? Read on.......... Then come back and talk to the rest of us.

It should be required reading for anyone who thinks they can bypass the together period and jump right into 'open'.

That thread would make a good Oxygen movie.

[xxxboxy]

Originally Posted by Chicup

It should be required reading for anyone who thinks they can bypass the together period and jump right into 'open'.

That thread would make a good Oxygen movie.

I agree with everything but the Oxygen movie part. If it were an Oxygen movie then there would be a heroine and there just isn't in this sad tale. Everyone lost.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by xxxboxy

I agree with everything but the Oxygen movie part. If it were an Oxygen movie then there would be a heroine and there just isn't in this sad tale. Everyone lost.

True.

Showtime.

Or better yet Skinnamax.