First time solo coming up

[Rackir]

Originally Posted by Additude

Thanks for writing that. I think it perfectly summizes the entire venue from a male perspective.
It was great to read....even though I guess I am nuts...

Thats pretty much how I feel too. Your writing captured my feelings the first time my wife played without me almost to the T, especially the wrestling with emotions that arnt what you want and can justify logiclly. Thank you for posting this!

[Additude]

I went thru Naval Boot Camp.

This is true. However a watered down depiction of my personal memories of it.

I actually thought I was going to die in that fire....I was the nozzel man on a 6 man hose team heading into a huge concrete bunker that had a sunken floor filled with diesel fuel covered with a grated walkway. They set that diesel fuel on fire and the whole inside of that building was aflame and 4 hose teams went in from 4 sides to put it out. We literally had to proceed by walking over the fire, putting it out as we went.

One of the instructions I remember the most was that if the nozzel man got killed or incapacitated, it was the second man on the hose that took his position and so on.....fun? Maybe if your like the 3rd man down the hose....

To this day I maintain 5 or 6 fire extinguishers in my home, I have 4 extinguishers in each of my stores.....

[mwp]

Originally Posted by mixtupcpl

Im late to this party, but it was worth a bump! Thats a great piece of writing and I guess I too am nuts, b/c I read it eagerly right through!

I had to quote this bit though... Is this all actually true? That is just completely badass Is that sunken ship drill Navy? Thats hardcore.

Thanks for the compliments (and to Rackir too!).

Yes, the USN has a damage control school (or at least did) at the Norfolk Naval Base. There's lots of simulators around the navy. This one had a nearly pool sized "ship" in an olympic size swimming pool as one of the simulators. Your group's job was to get onboard, familiarize yourself with the "ship", where damage control lockers were, materials, etc. Once that was done, you're back up on deck to begin the exercise. They then begin to intentionally sink the ship. Your group's job is to stop it from reaching the bottom of the pool.

I found video on the net from a similar simulator, but it doesn't show what I experience. In the simulations I went through, only emergency lighting was available. It's more realistic, and certainly adds to the environmental complexity.

The U.S. military (and many advanced militaries around the world) routinely train in scenarios as close to the real thing as possible without getting people hurt in the process. The closer to the the real thing the training is, the more likely you are to be successful when it's not a drill.

Additude noted the fire he went through as part of his training. I did something similar a number of times. It's not easy, and you have to trust the people you are working with. Yes, it's a controlled burn, but it's not enough to know that in the back of your head there's someone to bail you out because it's a simulation. When you're faced with fire, your brain doesn't tend to think of such things. Instead, it thinks "CRAP! FIRE! RUN!" and then "Wait a minute, we're going IN there? YOU'RE NUTS!" They do the simulators because when you're at sea on a ship, you can't call 911. You ARE 911. If you don't save the ship and your shipmates, no one will.

I've wondered before if the people who run the simulators are volunteers who checked the box marked "I'm a sadistic bastard who likes seeing people suffer". The tear gas one especially was a real pain in the everywhere.

-MWP

[mwp]

I don't post here much. Sorry for not updating things as we've gone along.

Relative to this thread, my wife and I are probably going to try her playing solo again (and VERY likely with Dave). We've had a number of discussions about it recently. Neither of us felt the first time was as good as it could have been. But we ascribed a lot of that to first time jitters. I certainly had a lot of them.

When not confronted with the situation right up front (her being gone to play solo), I very much want her to have a man on the side (if that is what she wants, and she does). I absolutely do not view myself as a cuckold, and neither does she. We're just working to have a situation where she is happy as a clam in mud in terms of her swing/sex life. I know, and have expressed, that with additional times that she plays solo, I'll feel increasingly more comfortable.

In many ways it's no different than her going out with friend(s) of hers for whatever. It's time not spent with me that makes her happy. Yes, while off not spending time with me in this case she's having sex with someone else. But, she still comes home to me, loves me, wants me, needs me, and has no interest in replacing me. So from a logical perspective, nothing to fear. I can easily wrap my head around that.

Overtime, with her playing solo more often, I do think I'll be more comfortable with it (and she as well). If not, we'll re-evaluate.

If she does play solo again and people are interested, I can update this thread again. Not begging for attention here just not much point in posting a blow by blow if there's no interest.

[NCfuncouple98]

Originally Posted by mwp

If she does play solo again and people are interested, I can update this thread again. Not begging for attention here just not much point in posting a blow by blow if there's no interest.

Definitely come back and post, whether it is good or bad. It's what helps others along when they are facing the same issues.

[Additude]

I'll be waiting....

[mixtupcpl]

Originally Posted by mwp

wants, and she does). I absolutely do not view myself as a cuckold, and neither does she. We're just working to have a situation where she is happy as a clam in mud in terms of her swing/sex life. I know, and have expressed, that with additional times that she plays solo, I'll feel increasingly more comfortable.

This term is really loaded. Don't get hung up on/worry about labels. Not saying you are, but it's interesting you brought that up. The most extreme modern sexuality definition of this term is something you choose to apply to yourself. So no matter what lifestyle you're living, you're not a "cuckold" (as it is currently used in terms of alternative lifestyles) unless that is what you want to be (and to me, this is really a BDSM thing)

Originally Posted by mwp

In many ways it's no different than her going out with friend(s) of hers for whatever. It's time not spent with me that makes her happy. Yes, while off not spending time with me in this case she's having sex with someone else. But, she still comes home to me, loves me, wants me, needs me, and has no interest in replacing me. So from a logical perspective, nothing to fear. I can easily wrap my head around that.

That's a pretty big difference though! Unless she has some wild gal pals Seriously though, I would say just take it slow and keep the lines of communication strong. You don't sound 100% convinced yet (you may be, and I may be reading into this, granted) and if you aren't, there's nothing wrong with that. Just make sure that she is completely onboard with the idea that you need to remain comfortable with this and it has to go at your pace (even if that means a full stop at some point). I think when only one person is out "doing", things can become tricky. It's hard for them to stop (I mean it's a great situation right? no risk all reward )

You guys are experienced so it shouldn't be a problem, but it never hurts to keep talking things through.

[couplers]

Hi, Petra here. Both hubby and I play alone frequently and your post captures my emotions well. Waiting and watching bring out strong, but different responses from me. Waiting starts "What are they doing?" thoughts while watching is a "Look at how much he is enjoying her" feelings. Both are strong, different variations on jealousy that are extremely enjoyable in the way a terrified kid gets off the rollercoaster and says, "Can we do that again." No matter how inadequate, jealous, deprived (as well as turned on, excited, happy) I get, it's always "Can we do that again?"

Hubby on the other hand is so cool about it whether he's there to watch or I spend the night with my bf. For him it's always, "Are you doing OK, was it fun?" If I want to talk about details or not, he's fine with it. I always want details.

[dlflorida]

Really enjoyed reading this thread. My wife and I are new to the LS and I would like to progress to her playing alone. Your perspective has been a lot of help


Thanks

[WonderWhat]

mwp: Excellent set of posts. As I once said to my buddies in group therapy: "It's always nice to know that you're just as crazy as the next guy."

I posted about a week back about the expectations and feelings around my wife's first solo date. It didn't go through, and I'm still not sure if that was good or bad, either. I wasn't as nervous as you, but maybe only because I'm absolutely certain that I would get to know all the details. Don't know really.

Anyway, your stream of consciousness is really in synch with what I've gone through myself, and with other swinger friends I've talked about it with. Interestingly, all of the LS friends that described it the way you did have been solo playing successfully for years now, while the ones that weren't as nervous, or didn't want to admit it, either stopped doing it or tend to have problems doing it.

Thanks for sharing