letting the wife fly solo?

[eve99]

Hi all, the wife and I are new to all this and still feeling things out. We have talked and shared fantasies about swapping etc. for well over a year but have only had one experience...we were too intoxicated to remember much so I don't really count that one. The thing that got us started down this road in the first place is that other men wanting/looking at my wife and the fantasy of her pleasing other guys turns me on to no end. I never could understand why I feel this way rather than getting angry like most guys... but there you have it. We have experimented with the idea of her playing alone by her hanging out with guy friends and being flirtatious but nothing ever came of it so we put the idea to rest. By chance she recently came into contact with an old boyfriend and for the last month they have been having some pretty steamy sessions via text/pic messaging. This guy thinks I don't know about any of this, he just flirts with my wife and she tells me about it then we have amazing sex. Next month she is traveling and is going to stay overnight at his place. We are completely honest with each other and she won't do anything without my permission, I am told that he is a major playboy so I'm sure his intentions are for a one night stand. I guess at this point I'm just confused and not sure if letting her play is a good idea or not. Have any of you had experience like this, any advice?

[jdavisauto]

Originally Posted by eve99

Hi all, the wife and I are new to all this and still feeling things out. We have talked and shared fantasies about swapping etc. for well over a year but have only had one experience...we were too intoxicated to remember much so I don't really count that one. The thing that got us started down this road in the first place is that other men wanting/looking at my wife and the fantasy of her pleasing other guys turns me on to no end. I never could understand why I feel this way rather than getting angry like most guys... but there you have it. We have experimented with the idea of her playing alone by her hanging out with guy friends and being flirtatious but nothing ever came of it so we put the idea to rest. By chance she recently came into contact with an old boyfriend and for the last month they have been having some pretty steamy sessions via text/pic messaging. This guy thinks I don't know about any of this, he just flirts with my wife and she tells me about it then we have amazing sex. Next month she is traveling and is going to stay overnight at his place. We are completely honest with each other and she won't do anything without my permission, I am told that he is a major playboy so I'm sure his intentions are for a one night stand. I guess at this point I'm just confused and not sure if letting her play is a good idea or not. Have any of you had experience like this, any advice?

A lot of guys loves watching their wifes fucking other guys. You have what they want and you take it home with you. I like watching my wife with other guys and gals. It's a huge turn on when she is licking some girls pussy has she is getting fucked from behind. We play together and apart. As long as the honestly is there we have no problems. Now with her playing with an old boyfriend, I don't know about that one, playing around with an old boyfriend is kind of dangerous due to some old feelings could seek back up. As swingers we like to keep our sex life as our sex life and our Love life as OUR Love Life.

[beachguyz]

I think this could be a potential problem. How is it that an old boyfriend is in the picture?
Did she contact him? Does she have feelings for him? What about protection?

I think you need to talk about the potential issues so that everyone knows the rules.

Just be careful.

Your wife on her own could this just be cheating?

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by eve99

By chance she recently came into contact with an old boyfriend and for the last month they have been having some pretty steamy sessions via text/pic messaging. This guy thinks I don't know about any of this, he just flirts with my wife and she tells me about it then we have amazing sex. Next month she is traveling and is going to stay overnight at his place. We are completely honest with each other and she won't do anything without my permission, I am told that he is a major playboy so I'm sure his intentions are for a one night stand. I guess at this point I'm just confused and not sure if letting her play is a good idea or not. Have any of you had experience like this, any advice?

I haven't had any experience with what you've described. However, I believe there has been some threads posted by couples who have done (or are thinking about doing) this very thing.

What you have been doing thus far is making this old boyfriend think your wife is cheating on you. Is that a turn on for you? Does it play into the excitement of all this? Does it bother you at all to have men think your wife cheats on you?

Lots of questions, but they are pertinent to your plans for the future.

It sounds like you are interested in a cuckold relationship. There are couples who are into this.

I think you should consider how the exboyfriend may react if he finds out you duped him into thinking your wife is having an affair with him. I don't know that all guys would be too happy about that, but who knows, this is out of my playing field.

He may want to continue the "affair" with your wife. How would you handle that?

Maybe you can share why you didn't tell the guy you're open to sharing your wife with him, and that you and your wife do so only with permission and honesty with each other.

Welcome to the Board, btw!

LM

[I & W]

Well now! Your situation describes almost exactly what my wife I went through about 5 years ago. The only thing different, is the part about traveling and spending the night. Also, please don't think or feel strange about yourself because of your turn-ons regarding seeing your wife in action. You are not alone (present writer included).

Now back to your situation......my wife hooked up with an old boyfriend/lover through IM chat. I knew about him, and she did share all that was going on in chat. He too did not know that we were married. We were relatively new to swinging at the time, and she wanted to try being with someone with whom she was familiar than a complete stranger to get her feet wet in the swinging world. So she did. The downside to the entire episode was alluded to in an earlier answer. That was that the guy (a player) wanted more. He wanted to re-kindle their past relationship, and see each other on a regular or semi-regular basis. To both of us, that meant that he wanted her to be his girlfriend again. Not good since we were married. So then she was left to come clean about being married. To that end, and as someone said, honesty is the best policy from the beginning. If your wife's ex-boyfriend cannot enjoy this "gift" that you two are giving on the up and up, then I say that it's not worth it. It may be exciting for you and your wife the first time, but you'd be building upon a lie if it turns into more than a one night stand.

In our case, we (she) came clean with the guy after the one time, and he ran for the hills. They still keep in touch with each other from time to time, but no more. After a time, he did try to "hit" her again, but we've stuck to swinging only with swingers.

My opinion and advice.......keep friends (old or new) out of this part of you lives. There's too much fertile ground for outting, rumors, and innuendos from this type of arrangement. I remember reading a story on this board awhile ago where a "friend" who had the pleasure of a guy's wife, got drunk at a straight party, and announced to all their straight friends that he had fucked his friend's wife. Ouch!

[slevin]

You might find this blog interesting:

http://hotwive.blogspot.com/

It's about a couple who started doing something similar, although not with an ex-boyfriend. The girl got involved with a guy she was interested in and knew socially; he thought she was cheating on her husband. Eventually that lie came back to haunt them and she ended up fulfilling the lie by cheating on her husband after he had asked her to stop seeing the man. Now, obviously this had something to do with their relationship and their specific circumstances. It is so very similar to your situation thought that I thought you might find it an interesting read. They are very open with their story with the good and the bad.

[lovinher]

Where's the honesty when this guy thinks he is going to get something from your wife when you are actually playing with him? You are playing with fire and somebody is going to get burned. We have seen this story many times around here. Take the advice given and heed the cautions given above.

[good times]

I agree with what most of the others have said.

I would ask yourself, is the fulfillment of this sexual fantasy worth losing your wife over?

The reason that question is so important is that, I believe, that is the most likely outcome in the end. Their are so many more reasons this can go wrong than have been presented here so far. Best case scenario, this might work out and fulfill your fantasy. Worst case, the guy may go postal when he finds out he has been used and your wife, or both of you, may end up injured or dead. More likely, it will end up being an ugly situation in between the two extremes that you will both regret for the rest of your lives.

No, this is one of those things that is best left as a fantasy, or a fictitious article in Penthouse letters, in my opinion, the risk just is in no way worth the reward.

[Opportunists]

this is a hot fantasy, no doubt about it...

the old boyfriend and cheating part bothers us a bit.

isn't there a better avenue for her to fulfill this fantasy for you without introducing such a great potential for future trouble

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by good times

I agree with what most of the others have said.

I would ask yourself, is the fulfillment of this sexual fantasy worth losing your wife over?

The reason that question is so important is that, I believe, that is the most likely outcome in the end. Their are so many more reasons this can go wrong than have been presented here so far. Best case scenario, this might work out and fulfill your fantasy. Worst case, the guy may go postal when he finds out he has been used and your wife, or both of you, may end up injured or dead. More likely, it will end up being an ugly situation in between the two extremes that you will both regret for the rest of your lives.

No, this is one of those things that is best left as a fantasy, or a fictitious article in Penthouse letters, in my opinion, the risk just is in no way worth the reward.

I have to agree with this.

I'm sure this kind of lifestyle can work for a small % of people, I think its really asking for a lot of trouble. Now most vanillas say the same thing about swinging, but the difference is the togetherness aspect in swinging and the solo aspect here. We are at a point in swinging where we can and do play alone with a few couples, but it took a lot of communication and understanding to get to that point, and even now we won't play solo 1-1.

Remember love is a chemical reaction you really can't control. When it happens you might find yourself on the wrong side of the emotional equation with your wife and her ex.

[arvcpl]

There are more red flags here than will be flying at the summer olympics.

It is not usual that you have a fantasy of her being with other guys, heck we all have that to one degree or another. But having her travel and spend the night with an old flame is just asking for trouble.

Everyone else has pointed out the potential pitfalls and problems so I will say to take that all to heart.

What I would like to point out is that you would probably enjoy it more if you were there first hand and involved in it rather than just sitting home while she rekindles her old flame. It is real common for people to want to start out with people they know and already have some kind of rapport with but it is almost always a bad idea.

My advice is to look for actual swingers through normal swinger channels like swinger websites and clubs and parties etc. There are tons of single guys that would love to come service her while you watch and or participate.

Keep your marriage intact and do this as a couple rather than let her go back to the arms of a previous love.

[fun4Ds]

Welcome to the Swingers Board

I was just wondering how you feel about things today. In your last line you stated that you were confused at this time. Honestly, I don't think I understand everything either. So telling ya your wrong wouldn't work without an explanation. I think many have given good advice so far because they offer something to think about. Once again like I always say, this lifestyle brings out how we feel about not only our partners, our relationships.... but ourselves as well.

If you wouldn't mind I hope you come back and offer some insight to some of the already posted questions and thoughts. I've never in my life minded looking at something I don't understand. Thanks for posting here on the board. Your insight might help others some day with this type of alternative lifestyle

[willyoats]

Like some others, it took me a long time to get over the fact that I like to see my wife make love with other men. I stll don't understand it, but I am well past worrying about it. Just enjoy it.

Regarding letting her go solo at the beginning of your swinging experiences, it's laden with possible problems. Generally speaking, swinging for marrieds is a cooperative affair. And it's not usually with old flames where strong emotions can be rekindled.

It was several years into our swinging career before we did it alone, like when I was out of town. By that time, our understanding of swinging and how we reacted to other partners was well established. There was no possibility of anyone else being a threat to our longterm relationship. It was just sex for fun!

Now I am the only one of us who is still having sex outside the marriage (with the full blessing of my wife who knows that other woman well). But it cold not have worked that way at the beginning of our swinging.

[yogee]

Well, I took the advice to the heart. Everyone is waving the Red Flag here . So there are 3 possible troubles, in most incidents:

1. Rekindling of old love
2. Wife can get injured or dead
3. The old love masturbates the story to many "someone elses" because either he is drunk or he found both of us cheated him

What about (1) ? If that happens, my relationship with my wife will be on the verge of obliteration. But if that happens who is cheating ? My Wife of course, right ? We both know about Swinging and honest and she says she has got old love and she feels he is more important than me.

Regarding other scenarios, what if my wife says NO at first but keeps on taking this topic up at other times showing that she still wants to fulfill that fantasy ,from her side.

I am confused on this

P.S. I am not married. I am just thinking of possible problems that can arise as I want to find a wife (single or divorce) already living in Swingers Lifestyle and you people are the helpful advisers on such issues.

[vegaskid]

All the above. If you read the story "Swap Meet", then you *may* be ok; howerer, If it were me, I would be by the wifes side while she is getting laid and maybe at the same time, my thaking care of his wife. There is a movie where in it, she said "Never without my husband". If you're going to have sex with other people, stay together or close by (in same room), Take it from there.