Separate play dates...what do you do?

[sexcupid]

Ok, Jeff finally had his first 'alone' playtime this evening. It was with the lady I posted about in a previous thread (I think it was entitled 'feeling like a hypocrite').

Now, going in I was kinda miffed. They set their meet up time for around 7pm tonight. That is what I consider prime 'date' time that we could have been doing something (and usually are). But ok. (When I was setting up an 'alone' playdate it was during a time when we would not be together...and he had asked me to cancel a previously planned meeting because it cut into our 'together' time...so it kind of miffed me that he would arrange/agree to her suggested time. Anyway, back to the original thought.)

I probably did not act like the most mature human being about it...not that I threw a hissy fit or anything. What I mean by that, once I left home today I didn't want to come back until he was gone and I really didn't feel like talking to him either. But I'm also a 'brooder' by nature and didn't want to sit at home brooding about it all day long...so I wanted to keep myself busy to keep from doing just that.

Part of it, I had to leave because I had a class to go to. But normally I would just come back home. Instead I went to the library at school. I took my laptop with me to be able to play on the 'net (something I also do not normally do). I also had some homework type things with me that I planned on doing (the library is open 24 hours)...however around 4 the librarian said they were closing at 5 b/c of some water issue. No biggie.

I ate breakfast late and didn't have lunch so I was starving. Went to eat and did some reading. Text messaged Jeff to see if he could check movie showtimes...and went to see a movie. Left there and went straight to the gym where I called my kids and a friend to catch up on some gossip about some former co-workers (can we say cheater drama? wife causing a scene at the office...bye bye jobs). Went and sweated in the sauna for 20 minutes.

By this time it was around 830pm. I sent Jeff a text to see if he had an ETA for home. We had some go back and forth and he finally gets home around 930pm. So from the time he left home to drive there and get back it was around 3 1/2 hours.

So now that you have my detailed day....what length of time do you consider 'acceptable' for a separate playdate? Are there any activities that you do to keep busy (see previous 'brooding' statement)? Any other suggestions/ideas?

TIA,

[TNT]

Originally Posted by sexcupid

So now that you have my detailed day....what length of time do you consider 'acceptable' for a separate playdate? Are there any activities that you do to keep busy (see previous 'brooding' statement)? Any other suggestions/ideas?

It would seem to us that a minimum of 2-3 hours (possibly more) of actual play time would be needed, not including travel time. When we meet couples/singles for play it can last anywhere from 2 hours on up, so if we were to play separately it would be the same.

Keeping busy...masturbate and think about what was happening and more importantly what was going to happen once the one who was playing alone got home

Not sure what other suggestions/ideas you are looking for...we get the feeling from your post that you are not comfortable with him playing alone. You took no joy in your partners playtime and spent the whole day basically pouting. If you aren't/can't enjoy the fact that your partner is playing alone as much as he is, then you really shouldn't be playing separately.

Your partner playing alone has to be just as much fun for you as it is for them or problems will arise.

TNT

[rpu3]

Maria:

My spouse and I both play alone, so here are our thoughts:

I don't know what thoughts to give you because personally I feel like I'm missing "the rest of the story", as Paul Harvey would say. Mainly, what occurred when Jeff returned home? Did you talk? Did the brooding continue? Were you relieved? Was there any disagreement?

The reason I ask is because of the back and forth statement you made regarding texting about the ETA. I had read your post to The Spousal Unit, and he just flat out said that he would have been peeved if I had been texting or calling during his play time regarding an ETA.

He doesn't know exactly how long he might be playing and he would be rather concerned about the entire situation if I'm asking him to provide an ETA in the middle of his meeting. We would have discussed a possible ETA before he'd walked out the door, with the caveat that it could be subject to change, and if it's going to be significantly different, he will call me. I know when he's meeting up with his friend, I know he'll text me when he's done. I know a general range of time that he may be gone or may be occupied. I'm not calling or texting unless there was an emergency or he was way over what we anticipated. Yes, I'm going to call if it's hours past the expected time - even I'm not THAT detached.

The Spousal Unit also said that if I had done that, it could have very well have just killed whatever fun he'd been having. But at the same time, given if it was the first play alone time, he'd try to chill on the annoyance factor and come home and work with me to figure out what was going on that would cause me to contact him and ask for ETAs in the middle of his meeting. If it happened a second time, it would be clear there were issues.

He does not text or call while I'm meeting a friend. We've discussed the potential ETA, I'd call if it went longer, and I call or text once I'm on my way home. I've spent a weekend with a friend in a non-vanilla sense, and all that meant is that I called more often just to talk and let him know what was going one, what I'd be doing that evening, and that I was okay and when I'd likely call next. He, in these instances, just goes about his business as usual. He's usually so buried in work that it's a good time and reason to try to get stuff done.

Okay, those are his thoughts. Here are mine - how do you feel now? What's going on now? Do you think it's actually going to be a matter of having to distract yourself and find things to do in the future? Or that you are going to brood the next time? I don't know if I have much actually advice, per se, because neither one of us tries to distract ourselves when the other was gone. We end up just doing our usual things or doing things we might not otherwise do - but it's not as a distraction. I know I've gone to the library or done my usual volunteer work, or just surfed the net like any other night. Or I've done a happy hour with work friends.

I guess I/we personally just don't see it as trying to distract ourselves. The first time he played alone I might have arranged a to do list to occupy myself, but I know I found that unnecessary once it was said and done. I was fine with him seeing his friend. It's business as usual to some extent, no matter if the other is seeing someone else.

If it continues to come down to you have to line up "distractions" all the time as opposed to happily going about your business with seeing your friends, or going to a show, etc., maybe a reevaluation is in order.

So, now that it's said and done, what are your thoughts and evaluations now?

[oncewere]

What to do while he's gone? Arrange a date with your friend.

[willyoats]

I play separately about 6 times a year with an old swinging friend. Last time we were together from 10:15 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. Did hot tubbing, lunch, massage, love making, relaxing, and saying goodbye.

My wife was out playing tennis, having lunch and playing bridge with the girls all of that time. She well understands my affection and attraction for this other woman.

At other times, we have had between 2 and 4 hours together. On time, after love making, my wife joined us for lunch and a boat ride.

This may be more like an affair that my wife knows about than like swinging, but we all get along just fine.

That's the important part: that we all feel comfortable with the situation. If there are doubts, talk it out or stop the extra sex until you resolve the problem.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by TNT

Not sure what other suggestions/ideas you are looking for...we get the feeling from your post that you are not comfortable with him playing alone. If you aren't/can't enjoy the fact that your partner is playing alone as much as he is, then you really shouldn't be playing separately.

I was not entirely comfortable with the person he was playing with, not necessarily him actually playing alone. I referenced another thread where I had talked about him potentially playing with this particular playmate...I just don't know how to link to it.

To give a brief synopsis of the other thread: she was someone he casually dated before we got together, basically because the search for SF to play with can be long and arduous, he knew from various comments and things that she had said over the years that she would be open to playing with him again. So he contacted her to see if that was something she was open to.

The whole of my conflict with/about this partner is manyfold:
1. previous dating relationship
2. while he was just looking for a good time, she was/is on a husband hunt and stated she had feelings for him at one point (I know that may not be relevant for a play situation, but sometimes feelings can be rekindled or come crashing down on you regardless).
3. and perhaps this is the biggest one for me: we've talked about previous partners/experiences. And he talked about her...and to hear him describe it, the few times they had sex wasn't great, possibly mediocre at best. Now, I figure part of that is 'try to build up my new playtoy's (me) ego, etc' But these types of comments kept coming even after we were together for a while.

So while they had a short bit of history, I guess a good part of my confusion (for lack of a better term) is if the sex wasn't that good...besides the convienence factor (knowing the person is a willing partner, not having to take time to try to find one), why would you want to revisit that partner? Maybe I'm different, but the partner's I would be willing to give a call to aren't the ones I though 'meh...I could take it or leave it' about.

You took no joy in your partners playtime and spent the whole day basically pouting.

I prefer 'mentally disengaging'. lmao To an extent I do this when we go out to play together, put myself in a diferent mind frame. He was aware that my not coming home/making errands to keep myself busy was part of that and he seemed ok with it. When I had my alone time, his coping mechanism was to help set things up. We all do it differently. But rpu asked some good questions here, so maybe my answers to that will help clarify the situation a bit more?

Originally Posted by rpu3

Mainly, what occurred when Jeff returned home? Did you talk? Did the brooding continue? Were you relieved? Was there any disagreement?

Maybe 'brooding' wasn't the best word to use, just the most descriptive. I've an 'over thinker' and tend to dwell on a subject, tear it apart, look from it at different angles, etc. So in trying to book my schedule to keep me busy, it generally keeps me from doing that. I didn't want to be sitting at home counting down the minutes that he was gone and obsessing over 'Wonder what he's doing to her now?' or more likely where these two are concerned, 'Are they actually playing yet...if he just sits there and they bullshit for 3 hours...'.

Honestly, I was a bit conflicted when he was on the way home. I was relieved, but then didn't want to see him. It was really confusing. We talked, but not about his playtime. He came home, picked me up and we went some where so he could eat. Played some pinball, came home. He watched TV, I played on the SB. He needed the computer, I went to watch TV. He came in to watch TV with me. Same sort of thing we do pretty much every evening.

I had read your post to The Spousal Unit, and he just flat out said that he would have been peeved if I had been texting or calling during his play time regarding an ETA. The Spousal Unit also said that if I had done that, it could have very well have just killed whatever fun he'd been having. But at the same time, given if it was the first play alone time, he'd try to chill on the annoyance factor

Well, I didn't want to call because his ring tone is rather annoying. However, he had previously told me that he was figuring on around 2 hours, INCLUDING drive time. It was around 2.5 hours when I sent the message. His text tone isn't very loud and I figured he would reply when he could. So if they were in the middle of something, then that isn't as intrusive/interrupting as an actual call (and it's not like he would have the phone right there with him). If they were still playing it's not like I would have expected him to stop what they were doing and reply.

As it was I did get a fairly immediate reply saying they were finished. Again, I wasn't expecting an immediate reply, just a response when he was able to.

Okay, those are his thoughts. Here are mine - how do you feel now? What's going on now? Do you think it's actually going to be a matter of having to distract yourself and find things to do in the future? Or that you are going to brood the next time?

I am still a bit conflicted about it. I think that for the most part it would be a matter of having to keep myself busy during a future playtime. Many of the things I did yesterday were part of my normal routine (except for the library and going to a movie...school, gym, eating, homework are everyday things), so it was just a matter of putting in a few extra 'busy' items. There were some movies I wanted to see, so I went to see one....and I needed time to digest dinner before going to the gym.

So, now that it's said and done, what are your thoughts and evaluations now?

I'm still processing. I mean, the nosy part of me wants him to tell me the details. But he's not a good detail person to my satisfaction at times, so I don't want it to seem like I'm giving him the third degree or being accusatory. But on the other side, I really don't care to know the details.

Thanks for the feedback, very thought provoking and it gives me some new angles to approach the situation.

[iapr]

My thoughts are a little more along the lines of rpu3's but while she was trying to be tactfull and sensitive I am going to just come out and say what my thoughts are.

I think this whole thread does not have a single thing to do with date times and ETAs and distractions during the day. I think on a basic level you are not ready for separate play dates and what you are experiencing is just good old fashioned discomfort with the whole thing.

There is nothing wrong with that and it is ok to feel uneasy about your partner speading some quality time with someone else. I would not even consider having mrs iapr going out on a date with someone else, nor would I consider going on a private date with someone else. If she is wanting to go out on the town and get some schlong at the end of the night I want it to with ME and I make no bones about that what so ever. Likewise if I am feeling a little randie and wanting some adventure at the end of the night it is her legs I want over my shoulders as the sweat is dripping off my nose.

The way I see the true barometer of successfull swinging is how you feel at any given time either before, during or after an encounter. If throughout that whole process you are feeling alive and turbo-charged and you can't wait to tear into your partner then things are going as they should.

If on the other hand you are feeling uneasy and jittery and looking at your watch while looking for "disctractions" to get your mind off of it then it is time to go back to the drawing board and see if this is the course you really should be taking.

If you are texting him an hour and a half later asking him is he has pulled out yet this really isn't for you. The man was out of the house for all of 3.5 hrs and it has caused you this much grief. Heck when we have a couples date we barely finished desert at the restaurant at the 3.5 hr mark.

I wanna know what kind of woman it is he is seeing if she is expected to be done with him after an hour and half and he is texting back and forth with his wife and he is on his way home after a few hours. If I were her I would be running for the hills. I really doubt if you will have to worry about him ever going out with her again.

I'm not getting down on you. In fact I am on your side here and in doing that I have to say to be true to yourself and if this separate date thing is casuing you any form of angst DON'T DO IT!! IF you want his time and attentions to be spent with you just say so and be ok with that.

[iapr]

Originally Posted by sexcupid

I was not entirely comfortable with the person he was playing with, not necessarily him actually playing alone. I referenced another thread where I had talked about him potentially playing with this particular playmate...I just don't know how to link to it.

To give a brief synopsis of the other thread: she was someone he casually dated before we got together, basically because the search for SF to play with can be long and arduous, he knew from various comments and things that she had said over the years that she would be open to playing with him again. So he contacted her to see if that was something she was open to.

The whole of my conflict with/about this partner is manyfold:
1. previous dating relationship
2. while he was just looking for a good time, she was/is on a husband hunt and stated she had feelings for him at one point (I know that may not be relevant for a play situation, but sometimes feelings can be rekindled or come crashing down on you regardless).
3. and perhaps this is the biggest one for me: we've talked about previous partners/experiences. And he talked about her...and to hear him describe it, the few times they had sex wasn't great, possibly mediocre at best. Now, I figure part of that is 'try to build up my new playtoy's (me) ego, etc' But these types of comments kept coming even after we were together for a while.

So while they had a short bit of history, I guess a good part of my confusion (for lack of a better term) is if the sex wasn't that good...besides the convienence factor (knowing the person is a willing partner, not having to take time to try to find one), why would you want to revisit that partner? Maybe I'm different, but the partner's I would be willing to give a call to aren't the ones I though 'meh...I could take it or leave it' about.



I prefer 'mentally disengaging'. lmao To an extent I do this when we go out to play together, put myself in a diferent mind frame. He was aware that my not coming home/making errands to keep myself busy was part of that and he seemed ok with it. When I had my alone time, his coping mechanism was to help set things up. We all do it differently. But rpu asked some good questions here, so maybe my answers to that will help clarify the situation a bit more?



Maybe 'brooding' wasn't the best word to use, just the most descriptive. I've an 'over thinker' and tend to dwell on a subject, tear it apart, look from it at different angles, etc. So in trying to book my schedule to keep me busy, it generally keeps me from doing that. I didn't want to be sitting at home counting down the minutes that he was gone and obsessing over 'Wonder what he's doing to her now?' or more likely where these two are concerned, 'Are they actually playing yet...if he just sits there and they bullshit for 3 hours...'.

Honestly, I was a bit conflicted when he was on the way home. I was relieved, but then didn't want to see him. It was really confusing. We talked, but not about his playtime. He came home, picked me up and we went some where so he could eat. Played some pinball, came home. He watched TV, I played on the SB. He needed the computer, I went to watch TV. He came in to watch TV with me. Same sort of thing we do pretty much every evening.



Well, I didn't want to call because his ring tone is rather annoying. However, he had previously told me that he was figuring on around 2 hours, INCLUDING drive time. It was around 2.5 hours when I sent the message. His text tone isn't very loud and I figured he would reply when he could. So if they were in the middle of something, then that isn't as intrusive/interrupting as an actual call (and it's not like he would have the phone right there with him). If they were still playing it's not like I would have expected him to stop what they were doing and reply.

As it was I did get a fairly immediate reply saying they were finished. Again, I wasn't expecting an immediate reply, just a response when he was able to.



I am still a bit conflicted about it. I think that for the most part it would be a matter of having to keep myself busy during a future playtime. Many of the things I did yesterday were part of my normal routine (except for the library and going to a movie...school, gym, eating, homework are everyday things), so it was just a matter of putting in a few extra 'busy' items. There were some movies I wanted to see, so I went to see one....and I needed time to digest dinner before going to the gym.



I'm still processing. I mean, the nosy part of me wants him to tell me the details. But he's not a good detail person to my satisfaction at times, so I don't want it to seem like I'm giving him the third degree or being accusatory. But on the other side, I really don't care to know the details.

Thanks for the feedback, very thought provoking and it gives me some new angles to approach the situation.

We were posting at the same time and I did not see this when I posted my first message. My thoughts after reading this however are exactly the same as before. If something is giving you an "ick" factor you should not not be going down that road.

You can "what if?" and "yeah but" that concept all you want but in the end if something is giving you the queasys you shouldn't be doing it.

Let's assume that nothing bad happened on the night in question and that no nightmare scenarios actually occured. So what? if it is causing any distress and you don't have to do it, then why do it at all? Life has enough things that cause problems and distress that you have no control over why add to any of that with stuff you don't have to do and in the end probably don't realy want to do any way?

If I were to ask mrs iapr if I could go out privately with an old flame she would flash me "the look" and that whole conversation would be done in a nano second without a single word being spoken and the same would be true if she ran into an old boyfriend.

Happy relationships are built on doing things that make people feel good about themselves, each other and the relationship. Things that cause distress and angst are the things that are of detriment to the relationship. As I said from the begining, if it gives you an ick factor, don't go there.

[The Fuse]

You are obviously not comfortable with your husband seeing this woman. You may not be comfortable with him seeing any other woman.

So, my advice would be simply not to do it. Find some other way for you both to have fun. Some couples are fine with separate play dates, and some are not. At least one regular poster here has an arrangement where his wife plays alone and he doesn't. This works for them.

I've played alone, and while Mr. Fuse doesn't exactly get off on it, he is happy for my enjoyment of it. He doesn't feel threatened, and he certainly doesn't text me during my dates to ask when I am coming home. He may play alone soon, and I will be positively giggly over it. I want for him to feel the way he'll feel when it happens. But then again, I have no qualms about the lady involved.

In short, you have negative feelings rather than positive ones about this situation. Sounds like a no-brainer to me.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by sexcupid

So now that you have my detailed day....what length of time do you consider 'acceptable' for a separate playdate? Are there any activities that you do to keep busy (see previous 'brooding' statement)? Any other suggestions/ideas?

Your previous thread about this woman can be found here: "Feeling like a hypocrite"

We really don't have any "limits" on solo play. That is determined by how the playdate is set up. It could be hours or a whole weekend - when we travel out of town. A general idea of time is discussed, but that's only so that we can anticipate when to welcome our spouse home with a big hug, kiss, and smile on our face.

We call once we reach our destination, and then again before heading home. Keeping tabs while the other is gone has never been necessary or of interest to us. While one of us is gone the other does anything they normally do, except that we are excited with anticipation about hearing how much fun our partner had while they were gone.

Sexcupid ~

From reading your other thread, I don't think you were comfortable with this woman or your SO seeing her. I don't think you ever will be, so I'd tell your man exactly that and hopefully he'll agree not to see her again and cease communication with her.

Next, figure out if you want solo play as a part of swinging for you and your boyfriend. If you do, be sure you both understand the importance of you being comfortable with the other woman.

Everything you've stated in this thread tells me you have a lot of things to discuss with your SO. I find it very strange that after he returned home from playing with this woman, you didn't even discuss it.

LM

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

You are obviously not comfortable with your husband seeing this woman. You may not be comfortable with him seeing any other woman.

But then again, I have no qualms about the lady involved.

In short, you have negative feelings rather than positive ones about this situation.

I really had to think long and hard before introducing the idea of separate playtime to my SO. We see it in threads here all the time, 'Well I'm ok with doing so and so...but I'm not ok with my partner doing the same thing.' So I really did think about it quite a bit before even bringing the idea to the table.

And in theory, I was ok with him having separate playtime. But it's just this particular person that rubs me the wrong way for some reason. If I imagine the scenario with one of our 'swing friends' it doesn't. I can't quite explain why that makes the difference...but it does.

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Your previous thread about this woman can be found here: "Feeling like a hypocrite"

Sexcupid ~

From reading your other thread, I don't think you were comfortable with this woman or your SO seeing her. I don't think you ever will be, so I'd tell your man exactly that and hopefully he'll agree not to see her again and cease communication with her.

Everything you've stated in this thread tells me you have a lot of things to discuss with your SO. I find it very strange that after he returned home from playing with this woman, you didn't even discuss it.

LM

I agree, I wasn't comfortable with her. They were friends first, then played/dated a bit, then we started seeing each other. They are still friends. I find it unreasonable of me to tell him he can't speak to her anymore.

I honestly just didn't want to talk about it last night. I asked if he had a good time and if he had an orgasm (something that is difficult for him even without a condom at times)...he said he had both and that was the extent of the conversation.

[havefuninsun]

Maria,

Your situation sounds like a similar one to ours. Our "unicorn" is an old playmate of Mr. Fun's. When it was first suggested that we invite her to our activities, I put my foot down. I was not interested in playing with anyone who had any attachments (past or present) to Mr. Fun. So it was dropped.

A year or so later, I met our friend. She is awesome. And, it became clear to me that the has no intention of meddling in our relationship. We're now very good friends. She is awesome, smart, and simply loves a new adventure every once in a while.

The three of us have played three times together. We have had a great time together, and we have even (us girls) had time together before Mr. Fun joined in. I completely trust her.

Mr. Fun recently asked how I would feel if they had a playdate together. We have busy lives; she in particular has a very busy schedule and a lot of personal responsibilities. His thinking was that when the three of us get together, it's a 1/2 day event almost. But how would I feel if that if he and her found an hour or two some day and just they got together.

My first reaction? No way. Why? The whole swinging thing is supposed to be an "us" activity, something we do together. How can this be about us if 1/2 of us is not involved? And, I hate to admit it, I felt a bit of jealousy. Was he being so underhanded that he invited this woman to join our activities just so he could eventually see her alone again? (and how ridiculous is that. If he had wanted to see her bad enough, he could have without this elaborate plan). And, I was afraid I'd feel bad about the whole thing, and I didn't want to feel bad and have them feel bad too. So I said I needed to process. (Maria -- so cool to read that you process too ... it's time to think everything through).

And so I've processed all the pros and cons. And I think I can handle it.

Even when he was asking "how would you feel about lending your husband out for a few hours?" he was also saying, and has encouraged in the past, that he would love it if we (she and I) got together for a playdate without him. The thought of me coming home and telling him about a playdate is absolutely HOT to him. He would be more than happy if I had a male friend I could have separate playdates with ... we're working on developing that type of trust with couples so that can happen.

It hasn't happened yet; she's not aware that we've had this discussion (but I think she reads the board, so she may be aware soon -- LOL!!), but I feel like it's something I can enjoy as much as Mr. Fun.

Once it happens though, and if I feel the angst you do Maria, I don't know if I could give my blessing to have it happen again. And if Mr. Fun sensed that I was feeling uncomfortable at all, he wouldn't do it again.

Do you guys ever play as a triad?

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by iapr

I think this whole thread does not have a single thing to do with date times and ETAs and distractions during the day.

Most of my issue here was who the play date was with. Part of it is the time. He doesn't want me scheduling playtime when it would interfere with together time...but he didn't have any qualms about doing the same.

I think on a basic level you are not ready for separate play dates and what you are experiencing is just good old fashioned discomfort with the whole thing.

Agreed.

Heck when we have a couples date we barely finished desert at the restaurant at the 3.5 hr mark.

Putting it nicely it was a playdate. In Jeff's words...it's a booty call. Booty calls by nature to me have one intent...you go, you fuck, you leave. It's not a 'date' and societal niceities are not necessarily observed (ie: conversation and tiptoeing around the fact you are just there to have sex).

I'm not getting down on you. In fact I am on your side here and in doing that I have to say to be true to yourself and if this separate date thing is casuing you any form of angst DON'T DO IT!! IF you want his time and attentions to be spent with you just say so and be ok with that.

I am not offended by anything you've said in either of your posts.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by havefuninsun

My first reaction? No way. Why? The whole swinging thing is supposed to be an "us" activity, something we do together. How can this be about us if 1/2 of us is not involved? And, I hate to admit it, I felt a bit of jealousy. Was he being so underhanded that he invited this woman to join our activities just so he could eventually see her alone again? (and how ridiculous is that. If he had wanted to see her bad enough, he could have without this elaborate plan). And, I was afraid I'd feel bad about the whole thing, and I didn't want to feel bad and have them feel bad too. So I said I needed to process. (Maria -- so cool to read that you process too ... it's time to think everything through).

Do you guys ever play as a triad?

I find nothing wrong with admitting to a bit of jealousy...it takes a big person to do that. Even if vanilla life, it's not cool to admit to being jealous of someone. lol It certainly isn't rational...I had some of the same thoughts of, 'why her? yeah, I know it's pretty much a guaranteed playmate...and no effort for us to have to look for one for you. But still...'

I have to process. Mostly because it helps me feel a little more in control of my reactions to a touchy subject. And it keeps me from making a snap decision and helps me to put things in perspective. Like right now. I've been up for a while, typing my responses and thinking and processing. He is still asleep and we will probably talk when he gets up.

We haven't played as a triad. And even though I am generally uncomfortable with her, the thought did cross my mind to approach her about the idea. Again, for some of the same reasons Jeff broached the topic of doing a separate playtime with her...she's open to non-traditional situations, and she would probably do it. She isn't bi, and I am not interested in that with her. I guess I differ from the general swinger mindset of a FMF requiring FF contact. For the most part, I feel that it is for the guy to just lay back and enjoy the attention...kind of like how most people view a MFM.

Thanks for the feedback!

[VegasLee]

Maria,

I may be misunderstanding but I am trying to figure out where you had any fun with this.

To me, this is all about having fun. Even if it is just Laura playing and me not I still could not do it if I just fret over it while she is playing.

Even alone play can be about both parties in my view but not if it makes someone this upset.