Played alone, now the other female wants an apology because I didn't know their rules

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

Hi Y'all,
Here we go again. I went to a party Saturday night. Laurie couldn't be with me. She had family obligations out of state. With both our schedules being so busy this is a problem we have faced before. If one of us can't be home for the party weekend, AND it's an crowd we know and trust, AND we both agree before hand, then we're free to go have fun. Having satisfied those requirements I went by myself.
At the party was a couple we've known since we've been in the lifestyle. I've never had the chance to play with the lady. She's had some nusance health troubles and hasn't gotten naked at a party in a long time. Her husband has taken Laurie up to a play room a time or two though. I didn't go up there with them. They were within earshot and I trusted him so I didn't feel the need to supervise.
As Saturday evening got going really good I went upstairs with her, her husband, and another lady. It started with the two girls playing and us guys taking pictures. (Great pics by the way.)
After a while the other guy put the camera away and started playing with the other lady. I got busy with the other guys wife. She didn't object. She made happy noises as it was going on. She cheerfully co-operated with my requests to change positions and such. It seemed to me that everybody was having a good time.
I get a call from the guy today telling me that I need to apologise to her. She is upset. They have a rule that they only play with couples and since Laurie wasn't there that means I was a single and therefore out of bounds.
I AM going to apologise to her. If she's not happy about what happened then I'm not happy about it either. This is supposed to be fun, not upsetting.
I mentioned to the husband that if she'd given even the slightest sign that she wasn't happy with the situation I would have stopped immediatly. I'm no rapist. A woman does not even need to tell me no. An apethetic responce will send me looking for someone who is more interested in my attention.
He said she wont say no, It's his job to enforce their agreed upon rules.
I'm completely at a loss as to how I was supposed to know that she was not ok with this. I have considered them friends for a while. We've spent time with them in a non-sexual context. While I was laid up from my big surgery she was one of the internet chat buddies who kept me company. We've joked about me dragging her off into the bushes.
I've even played with her in a soft swing kind of way from time to time. It never went any further than that untill Saturday because of external circumstances. The first time I was recovering from major abdominal surgery and wasn't capable of anything vigorous. The second time we were about to have intercourse but someone came into the playroom that Laurie found so objectionable that she threw me the "We're leaving NOW" hand signal.
Am I missing some warning sign that I should have seen? Is this odd? Can I expect this sort of drama on a regular basis? Laurie and I both just want to have fun but lately we feel like we're trapped in a soap opera.
My first reaction to how to deal with this is to give her the apoligy she wants and be politely distant toward them in the future. Decline all invitations to spend time with either of them be it in a sexual or non-sexual context. I just don't want to do something like that out of ill temper over it though.
What do you think?

[spectraschain]

OK, short & sweet...

This is her issue, dude. Beat yourself up all you want.

[TNT]

Ummm, sorry but we don't see what you have to apologize for.

We assume you were invited to go up-stairs with them and that they knew your wife was not with you that night.

No one is a mind reader. If the lady didn't want your attentions she should have said so...or at the very least given her husband their secret sign and had him say something.

Apologize if you feel you must, but we don't see what you would be apologizing for.


TNT

[spectraschain]

Can I expect this sort of drama on a regular basis? Laurie and I both just want to have fun but lately we feel like we're trapped in a soap opera.

Naw...don't expect this kind of thing...
Only a fool would suggest drama won't be encountered in this pursuit...Ya know....issuses will be encountered...this woman has some...

What we do, listen up 'cause we've devised this plan after careful consideration,
we run like the wind & we don't look back...

[good times]

I have to go with the flow here, I don't see that you have anything to apologize for either, I know I wouldn't. In fact, I would have told the guy as much, issues on their part don't make a problem on my part. Furthermore, if he was supposed to be the one that was responsible for stopping it (a stupid arrangement, in my opinion), he should be the one apologizing to his wife, not you.

[CoupleReady2]

I totally agree with the other posts..It's her issue not yours. Good luck.

[Additude]

Ah yes, to apologize or not to apologize, das iz de question...

So you say "Apologize" and then keep your distance from them or "Do Not Apologize" and do what? The same thing?, keep your distance from them?

Some people can't see the forest for the trees. If they feel they can expect you to apologize for what I consider entrapment by them then I think you need to keep your distance from them.

Whats it going to be next time? Which rule of theirs will YOU break next that you have no knowledge of? You didn't wear a condum? You kissed her on the lips? You spanked her butt?

You see, what they don't understand is that THEIR rules are soley for them to follow, their rules ARE meant only for other people to follow if they themselves follow their own rules. If they do not follow or enforce their own rules how can they expect you to abide by them?

I say bail and no apology, other than an apology that includes "I apologize for not knowing your rules in order to avoid this discussion".

[havefuninsun]

I love it when someone demands an apology for something you don't feel like you need to apologize for. This is how I've learned to handle these things.

"I'm sorry if you felt bad. That was not my intension."

You're not apologizing for your action(s), because there is nothing to apologize for in that case, from what you've said. You're not a mind reader, for christ's sake. But, you may feel badly that she feels bad. So if you want to, you can be sorry for that.

Would I play with them again? That's a good question. Y'all need to be upfront with that couple and say, "we enjoy your company, but we just can't deal with mis-communications that someone later has to apologize for. If we're all on the same page, great, let's get naked!" -- I'm with you. Don't want no drama -- no no no no drama drama

[charms123]

So you are not a mind reader? Shame on you Bama!

spectraschain is very insightful... run like the freaking wind away from them. I would say "sorry that 'she' misinterpreted my advances and I hope the two of you accept my most sincere apologies!" And do this at the next party, LIVE BABY! Then simply turn your body and walk away.

If they approach you again simply say "Under the circumstances Bud and Alice, I think I need some time to reflect on this whole situation and I will gladly get back to you both when I am in a better place on this." Smile and go about your "bidness".

Some people just suck! And not in a good way.

M&N

[funcpl4life]

Originally Posted by nice_cpl_n_bama

Her husband has taken Laurie up to a play room a time or two though. I didn't go up there with them. They were within earshot and I trusted him so I didn't feel the need to supervise.

Originally Posted by nice_cpl_n_bama

As Saturday evening got going really good I went upstairs with her, her husband, and another lady.

Originally Posted by nice_cpl_n_bama

After a while the other guy put the camera away and started playing with the other lady.

Originally Posted by nice_cpl_n_bama

They have a rule that they only play with couples and since Laurie wasn't there that means I was a single and therefore out of bounds.

In my little reality, having the SO in the same building does not equal "we only play with couples".

He has played with Laurie without you in the room. They invited you to a playroom. He started playing with a woman without her SO in the room. He didn't stop the play and say, "get the hell out, Laurie isn't in the building." She didn't stop the play either.

Originally Posted by nice_cpl_n_bama

I get a call from the guy today telling me that I need to apologise to her. She is upset.

Originally Posted by nice_cpl_n_bama

He said she wont say no, It's his job to enforce their agreed upon rules.

I am no puh-sy-kik, but I don't think she's the one upset. I think the Mr. was so focused on getting his play on with the other lady that he forgot to be upset about her having a good time. Now that he looks back on it he sees that Mrs. was having a good time right along with him and he's all freaky about it. There's a big difference between "won't say no" and "Yes, Yes, pound me like a cube steak".

I wouldn't apologize for your behavior. I might say, "I'm sorry you feel badly." or "I'm sorry that we won't be able to play anymore." If they give you some line about her being "all sexed up" and you "taking advantage", they could have stopped play at any time. You could have said, "Mi scuzi" and left.

I've been the drama guy before, but I got over it. (S)he or they should too.

Your mileage may vary.
Mr FC4L

[larry818]

It seems folks are quick to blame the lady here, yet this communication came from the man. She may be clueless as to what this nitwit is demanding.

In any case, I would avoid them both and spread the word. Maybe next time these nuts won't just demand an apology and, given the political climate in this country, could lead to Bad Things...

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

Thanks Y'all. Because of scheduling issues the house party group we attend isn't having a June party. we're going to try another local group during that time and if it goes well we may just fade from the scene at the current one. Maybe we'll have better luck elsewhere.

[Cpl2share]

We agree with the rest, kind of. Instead of giving an apology I (Mr. Cpl.) would have demanded an apology for having to listen to such drivel. 1) He has played with your wife before when his wife could not (or would not) play. 2) He was playing with a woman who was not with her hubby. 3) His wife enjoyed what was happening and neither one of them asked for a stop. He has issues with "sharing". Do not apologize, and and if he brings it up again tell him to go away. Just our opinion.

[BiloxiCouple]

Show him this thread.

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

Show him this thread.

Too funny!

Although, We DO use the same name here as on Swing Lifestyle and for all I know they read this board.