Played alone, now the other female wants an apology because I didn't know their rules

[DBL D]

I would find it hard not to laugh in his face, or at least stifle a grin.

Pure Bullshit on his & her part. This "she can't say no" stuff. Yes, Goodtimes. The wrong thing is going on here. The OP has nothing to apologize for.

Male D

[JustAskJulie]

This is an old one, but I (evidently) just read it and I'm completely flabbergasted.

You are supposed to apologize because her husband didn't enforce their rules? You were evidently supposed to read her mind and KNOW what their rules were and enforce them yourself? You have nothing to apologize for and I would have let them know that.

It's been a while and I am curious to know what ever became of this, if you did apologize and if you did continue to be friendly with them and/or play.

[VanHlebar]

Julie I am with you here. The other thing that I don't understand, is that this couple already knows both the OP and his wife. Soooooo....they had to know that she wasn't in the building and yet is appears that they asked him to goto the play room.

I agree that he really shouldn't have to apologize and it "sounds" like the classic situation of where it is ok for the husband to play, but not the wife and he is pissed now because his wife played around. Bottom line is if you are going to be in this lifestyle, you need to communicate, not just with your SO but any play partner you might be with.

-Van

[slevin]

I find the demanding of an apology to be the most amusing part of this. If someone did something that upset either my wife or I we'd never demand an apology from them. We'd let them know that something happened we weren't happy with, or comfortable with or whatever and we'd take it from there. If it was really bad we'd just let them know we weren't interested in playing with them anymore and move on.

Demanding an apology; hilarious.

[MrkLin]

Ok, let me get this straight - she invited him upstairs to play, then got upset that his wife wasn't there when she knew all along that his wife wasn't there, and now she wants an apology? In other words, she violated their rule, and she wants him to apologize for it?



Why do some people insist in creating drama where it doesn't exist?

Not only would we not apologize, we'd let the couple know that it's their responsibility to live by their own rules - nobody else's - and that by demonstrating that they can't or won't do that, we're probably less compatible as couples than we originally thought. I'd let them know that we don't appreciate being drawn into their problems, and that we'd appreciate it if they didn't contact us anymore.

[The Fuse]

We have had this kind of thing happen before, where the stated reason for the hard feelings does not make any sense. In those cases, we choose to believe there is another, unsaid reason why the other couple has a problem. In any case, it is on their side and you can't do anything about it. Choose to apologize or not, whatever was bothering them will still bother them.

Sorry this happened to you. It is really frustrating when you thought you were playing nice, and you probably were, and then all of a sudden something is put on you that does not make any sense. Good luck, and I hope if your friendship is worthwhile, that it can be preserved.

[Meetussoon]

We have had a different version of this. We played with a couple on several occasions, during which it was openly discussed that the hubby played alone on the road, and that the wife and I played seperately on occassion as well, when schedules conflicted etc.

On one occassion the other male contacted us about getting together, his wife and kids were travelling. We agreed, and in fact, my wife went over by herself because 1) we knew and trusted them, and 2) I had to work. After they were done, he made the comment to my wife "lets just keep this between us" WTF!! We were pissed, but did not want to start drama, deciding it was their issue. But we stopped seeing them all together. We share mutual friends with them, and on occassion saw them at the swing club and it was always tense. We don't know what he told her, and we decided not to tell her why we had backed off. His dishonesty/fear effected us all.

[Playful1]

This is exactly the sort of thing that gets me so frustrated. Not your actions...you did nothing wrong.

But hers.

I don't get why so many women have these rules and then leave it up to their other half to enforce them. We are not in the middle ages folks, stand up for yourself. It's like at a club where a guy hits on a woman that she doesnt like...instead of saying 'hey, no thanks' she expects her other half to 'save her'. Ugh.

I have a guy who will keep an eye on me during a party BUT, he also expects that i will handle things.

If you don't have the balls to say 'no thanks' you shouldn't be doing this....be you make or female.

[IvoryTowers]

Originally Posted by Playful1

I don't get why so many women have these rules and then leave it up to their other half to enforce them. We are not in the middle ages folks, stand up for yourself. It's like at a club where a guy hits on a woman that she doesnt like...instead of saying 'hey, no thanks' she expects her other half to 'save her'.

Playful, I agree with whoever it was who suggested it was not actually the female half of the couple who was upset. All the communication about the distress came from the man.

It makes a lot more sense to me that the man is upset that his wife played "separately" than that a woman who was quite happy to go off alone with a man to a private room would wake up the next day and feel upset that his wife wasn't in the building.

[jdavisauto]

Well you sound like a very upstanding man for apologising for something that was NOT your fault. They should have made clear to you of their rules and she could have told you no before the play got started or even during the play. It's not like she didn't know what was going on. It seems like the drama is coming from them and not from you and they should be the ones apologising to you.

[mfmyeahbaby]

Don't apologize. dude your my hero

[ClosetSwinger]

I don't see that you did ANYTHING WRONG HERE.

I seewhy they only play with couples but IN THIS scenario HER HUSBAND was not left out. He had a play mate to play with and so did she. What was the problem? If she didn't want to do it she should not have plain and simple. Not your fault AT ALL. If people dont communicate their rules then they can't expect that everyone else knows whta they are.